vacation

So I'm really excited to go on vacation. I cant' remember the last time I went on vacation. I guess I went to nisswa (20 min. from brainerd.) and stayed with my mom and my sister and smalls once. It was good. Other than that... really can't remember anything. I think my last vacation was in high school when I went to california with my mom, maybe it was florida. Obviously I have a good memory of these things. Oh , i'm an idiot. The last vacation I went on was with my friends on spring break junior year of college. We drove to texas through 'outdoor pursuit.' Then we went to student senate and they funded most of our trip. I believe the total for each person ended up being something like $43.
In summary, I am excited to go to the cayman islands with me mum and sister in february. It should be pretty much amazing. I am bringing 3 outfits. Which are all going to be swimmingsuits followed by some sort of swimmingsuit coverup. Then some running clothes. I could probably fit everything I want to bring in a shopping bag, but that probably wouldnt' look too good at the airport. There are a few things I am concerned about though...
Like they have snorkeling outside the hotel. Which is awesome. PRobably spend most of my time doing that, but.... online at their website, they have pictures of things you can see underwater. It was all good and fine, you know, fish, yellow fish, big fish, squiggly fish, sea turtles.. Then there was a ginormous picture of a barracuda. A barracuda? Um.. isn't the point of this website to try to make people want to come visit your hotel? There wasn't even a warning underneath the picture. Under that picture there was a picture of some coral. Then it said, 'beware of the coral' Apparently the coral can scrape you....
apparently barracudas don't do shit to you ? I'm sorry, but the coral is not going to actively try to take me down and eat my body parts. If I hit the coral it's going to be my own stupid fault. Basically, they are talking about giant muskies, with larger teeth, with bodies of pure muscle and agility. But hey, if you're going to go swimming, watch out for the coral!!
I bet they have to have some foreign guy going around in his boat picking out the dead mangled bodies from the barracudas. Then they can serve us cheaper dinner by using the freshly dead bodies as meat. scary...

ON a different note, I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamed I was at some highschool graduation thing. we were all dressed up in long dresses and or tuxedos and walking up in order to this desk thing where we had to pick up something. Maybe our diplomas. For some reason in this dream, I could not keep my shoes on. I was wearing white socks with my dress heels. Then I couldnt' get the socks off in time for when I was walking up in front of everyone. I finally did and followed the line of people to the desk and then I found out that everyone was paying for something. Not a diploma. I don't remember what it was, but I didn't have any money. Then kathleen ozbun was in front of me and I asked her if we needed it. She said no, but if you wanted it you had to stand in line and pay for it. So then I just walked off onto the side where everyone was done was standing. Afterwards we all went outside. Then I was wearign some shoes that were giving me really bad blisters. Then Brett Mulawka was there... really weird. This kid I was in piano with in 4th grade. Apparently he was now in a wheelchair because he had a tumor in his left tibia, and his dad ( who was an orthopedic surgeon.) found it and had it removed. BUt now he couldnt' walk...? (who knows.) Anyways, we ended up talking for a long time and all of his friends were making fun of us because they thought I had a crush on the kid in the wheelchair. But I did have a crush on the kid in the wheelchair, so I didnt' have any comebacks. Then these puppies got lost and everyone was looking for them, but wheely mcwheelchair and I didn't look for the puppies. We layed in the grass instead, even though I was secretly worried about the puppies, and knew I wsa going to get yelled at for not looking for the puppies. I apparently liked wheelchair mcgee and was going to spend my time with him and his wheelchair.
That's really all that happened in the past 15 hours of my life. Being I slept for the past 13 of them, I didn't really expect much to happen, except for some sweet dreams. Well, gotta get ready for work now, and go buy some chicken noodle soup that I can eat the broth out of. Better keep myself to a tea water broth saltine cracker diet until I'm sure whatever this was is gone. byyee

sick

Sweet day at work today. Wait.. nope. Being it's 8:50 and I've been home for 2 hours. I got to work and got transferred up to 6th floor, (boring ass medical floor...) I didn't even get my own patients. I was the 'help all.' aka, everyone's bitch. This is what I did : answered all the call lights, as in took 5 billion people to the bathroom and wiped them, got everyone fresh ice water,... took blood sugars. I was basically an over-qualified CNA. The whole time I was there I was so tired I felt like I was in an alternate universe. I didn't know why I felt so tired. I found out a bit later. At 6:15 I went to go down to dinner. I was going into the elevator and that's when cute ER boy appeared. Sweet! He was bringing a patient up to the floor, so I help him get the patient settled while everyone else was busy. Then I went back to the elevator with him because I had to go down to 1st floor to go to the cafeteria. Anyways, in the elevator I suddenly felt acutely nauseated. Very acutely. All of the sudden I just said. I think I'm going to throw up. Then the cute Er boy was like, yeah, she did smell kind of funny. (lol.) But then I said, no no, really, I am going to throw up... right now. Good thing I had my tupperware of food with me so I could vomit into it. It was hilarious. I think he thought I was on crack because about 5seconds after I said I feel like i'm going to vomit I vomited. then I just pushed the cover down on the tupperware. He was all, 'um... are you okay? you can lay on the stretcher if you want and i'll bring you to the er...!' once again, hardy har har, hilarious. Except as soon as I was done vomiting I felt very sick again... but not the throw up sick. The other kind of sick. The kind of sick where shit flies out your ass. I obviously didnt' say this. I just said I had to vomit again. (which I also did that.. so it wasn't a total lie..) While the elevator was going down we were both frantically hitting the door open button and different floors, but the elevator door was stuck. nothing was happening. He just kept saying, are you sure you're okay?
Yes. I'm fine. Are you okay? Are you going to throw up from smelling my throw up? At least I'm on my dinner break now so I can so sit in the bathroom and do what I need to do without feeling guilty about not helping people. Maybe I have food poisoning... ?

Then the elevator door finally opened on 1st floor and I ran into the bathroom. Funny. I still dont' even know his name, but he got in pretty close contact with my bodily fluids.
Then I went into the bathroom by the hospital entrance and sat on the toilet while holding the garbage can to vomit into. After about 20 minutes I took the elevator back upstairs and told the charge nurse.
'hey.. sweet news. Just spent the last half an hour forcefully vomiting and diarrhea-ing at the same time. She's like me, so she just looks back at me and goes, awesome. Bet that was a good time. then I said, I think I'm going to go home. And she said she also thinks that is a good idea. So then I came home and until about 15 minutes ago I felt reeeaaalll crappy. Assuming it was food poisoning of some sort. It must have been because i ate cheese last night. ( you know, antibiotic hormone filled cheese... thanks skinny bitches. for making me afraid of meat and dairy products...)
now, I am very tired though. I was going to go to bed early last night but never got around to it because I was too busy watching this amazing movie called 'death proof.' So amazing. I watched teh whole thing 2-3 times, and then the last 1/3 of the movie 5 more times. Mostly because in the last half of the movie these 3 girls that the crazy guy tried to kill go to kill the crazy guy. The best part is when this one girl is like, 'lets go kill this crazy mother f'r' Then she goes and picks up a pipe from the side of the road and gets in the car. Then they find the guy down this dirt road somewhere and they slam their car into him and she runs up and starts beating him with the pipe. Then he drives off, then they chase him down until they crash into his car enough times to knock it over. then they pull him out and punch him a bunch of times saying 'asshole' and 'mother f'er' bitch' etc. until he falls to the ground. hilarious. Most therapeutic movie I have ever seen in my life. You all probably think it sounds sadistic... let me tell you... it's more like amazing. great. sweet. holllllllaaaaaa. I believe my favorite quote from the movie goes somethign like this:

'I don't know what kind of futuristic eutopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.'
'There are other things you can carry other than a gun... pepper spray.'
'Mother f'r try to rape me I don't wanna give him a skin rash, I wanna shut that nigga down!'

Anyways, I recommend the movie. real good. Especially if you have had a bad experience with an evil person before. A+++. Well, gonna go to bed now I think.bye!

......

I guess if a chinese person came here they'd probably think we were all wide eyed freaks. This is a really mean and horrible thing to say, but when I was little I didn't think that their eyes were just like that. I thought that they were trying to see something far away, ( you know.. squinty..) then I realized that I was an idiot. I also remember thinking that the priest in our church was God himself, and one day he shook my hand during the peace and I peed my pants a little. Speaking of peeing, I remember one time in pre-school. This is one of my first memories I think, she was reading us a story on the carpet, our teacher that is, and I raised my hand because i had to pee... REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY BAD. Like to the point of where you are swaying to hold the pee in. And she wouldn't let me go. So I peed on the floor just to spite her. I don't think they even knew it was pee though. Because Everyone was drinking milk and when someone spills milk on the floor they just poured that white powdery stuff on it so it wouldn't mold. (really sanitary. ) she just poured that white stuff on my pee. To this day all those kids are probably sitting on that same rug filled with old milk and pee. Poor little guys. No wonder kids get sick so much. When someone pees on the floor in the hospital I don't just throw some white powder on it and let it chill.
I also remember we did this one test thing, and we were writing out the numbers and letters. It was one of those standardized test things where we all had to go in a corner and fill out our own answers while the teacher read us questions. All I remember from that is that when I was writing the numbers out I got to number 6 and was all... what the hell... that's not right. I kept making it look like a G and confusing myself. I kept erasing and re-writing the stupid 6 until there was a giant hole in the paper. Then I was basically lost for the rest of the test because I didnt' keep going and answering her questions ( you also can't read very well when you're 4) . I spent my time trying to re-write the 6. So my numbers mostly went 1,2,3,4,5, giant hole, 7,8,9,10. Good call wyman. you got 9 right, plus the rest of the test wrong that you didn't answer the questions for. excellent work. I wonder why I wasn't sent to a special school for kids like forrest gump, or down syndromes that pee their pants all the time. Ill have to check with the rents on that one.

races

As I was in st cloud today, you know a real 'diverse' area. Well, compared to brainerd I guess most everything is. Anyways, I noticed today that I can't tell a difference in how other races look. Especially chinese people. If I ever went to china, and talked to 5 people, I would never be able to pick those people out of a crowd... ever. Everyone would be my friend, because I may have met them and just not recognize them. Also the other way around. The chinese/japanese are especially hard because their hair color and eye color is usually all the same too. And their eyes all look the same. Wow, I really am making myself sound like a bitch right now, but it's true. I have nothing against any other race, I just can't tell anyone apart for the life of me. Even black people. Some guy could come up to me and be all like, 'Hi!' then I could be like, 'hi.' He could even say something like, don't you recognize me? I'm Jay z! or Chris brown, or whoever the hell else is a rapper. Then I'd just be all, ' sWEett! I totally recognize you now....'
I supposed after I knew someone for months at a time I would recognize them better... but its' really hard. I think I either need to live in africa or china so I can get used to what other people look like. At first I'm sure it would be basically like every guy was jackie chan, and every girl was the lady from that movie 'crouching tiger hidden dragon.' except they wouldnt' be able to fly around and take huge ginormous leaps over trees and fight people with swords at 5x the normal speed. Well.. maybe they could. Then they would at least be easier to tell apart.
I have more to say but my fingers are moving faster than this keyboard can register them into the computer. So it's really annoying to want to see what I've typed, and then watch the words come up on to the computer seconds later. Kind of makes you feel like you're in an alternate universe. That's all for now. Short blog compared to below. Just can't sleep, and am bored and tired at the same time. Byye!

continuations of s-b's

I've decided today that i'm going to write a letter to the skinny bitches. I'd like to talk to them about animal tested make-up. At least when we tortue our animals in slaughter houses we eat the meat. When we torture animals for makeup/hair product testing, what really is the good in that? Animals get horrible rashes and die from anaphylactic reactions so we can figure out which make-up works best. Real productive great ideas. I'll just make a deal with the models, if they stop using hair products and make-up, I'll become vegan. Also, they have to start shopping at good will, or worse yet... Target. So poor starving children won't be making their clothes. Or have them read this:
A Look at the Dangers of Soy to the Health of Your Thyroid
Health and nutrition magazines tout the benefits of soy as a cure-all for women's health, hormonal problems, cancer prevention, weight loss, and many other problems. The reality, however, is that promotion of soy may be more a matter of business and marketing, rather than recommendations based on sound scientific evidence. Isoflavones, the key components of soy that make them so potent as a posible substitute for hormone replacement, mean that soy products, while touted as foods and nutritional products -- often are used and act as like a hormonal drug. If you have a diagnosed or undiagnosed thyroid problem, or a history of autoimmune disease, overconsumption of soy isoflavones can potentially trigger a thyroid condition. Soy foods can worsen an existing diagnosed thyroid problem in many people. In both cases the symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain, and depression or moodiness are often overlooked and hard to diagnose. A recent study found that as millions of Americans -- perhaps as many as more than 10 million -- have an undiagnosed thyroid condition. The vast majority of thyroid patients are women over 40. This is the same group that, responding to marketing claims that promote soy as helping to prevent breast cancer, reducing the risk of high cholesterol or heart disease, or as a treatment for symptoms of menopause, are turning to soy foods and isoflavone supplements in vast numbers.Here is more information regarding soy and its relationship to the thyroid. FDA's Soy Experts Speak Out Against Soy "there is abundant evidence that some of the isoflavones found in soy, including genistein and equol, a metabolize of daidzen, demonstrate toxicity in estrogen sensitive tissues and in the thyroid. This is true for a number of species, including humans. Additionally, isoflavones are inhibitors of the thyroid peroxidase which makes T3 and T4. Inhibition can be expected to generate thyroid abnormalities, including goiter and autoimmune thyroiditis. There exists a significant body of animal data that demonstrates goitrogenic and even carcinogenic effects of soy products. Moreover, there are significant reports of goitrogenic effects from soy consumption in human infants and adults."
or this:
And, of course, vegetarians are a good market for soy products, because proponents claim it to be an excellent non-meat protein source. Unfortunately, the proponents don’t publicize research like that conducted more than 30 years ago, which found that processing soybeans renders the fragile protein content largely ineffective. A 1971 study published as “Studies on the Processing and Properties of Soymilk” in the J Sci Food Agri, found that in order to neutralize the protease inhibitors (enzymes that inhibit the digestion of protein) in soy, processors of products like soy protein isolate and textured vegetable protein must heat it to very high temperatures under pressure and for considerable time, a process that denatures the protein content. It is also known that these inhibitors may cause pancreatic disorders.
The Gerson Institute, a 30-year-old non-profit organization dedicated to healing and preventing chronic and degenerative diseases through natural therapy involving cleansing and immune system boosting, says that the positive aspects of the soybean are overshadowed by their potential for harm. In his classic book, A Cancer Therapy - Results of 50 Cases, Dr. Max Gerson put soy and soy products on the forbidden list of foods for Gerson Therapy patients. At the time, his greatest concerns were two items: the high oil content of soy and soy products (they can add as much as nine grams of fat per serving) and the rather high rate of allergic reactions to soy.
Soy is thought by some vegans to be a source of Vitamin B12. But there is research to indicate that Vitamin B12 analogs in soy are not absorbed and may actually increase the body’s requirement for the vitamin. Soy also apparently increases the body’s requirement for vitamin D.
Other research has found that high levels of phytic acid in soy reduce assimilation of calcium, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc. The phytic acid is not neutralized by ordinary preparation methods such as soaking, sprouting and long, slow cooking.
You have evidently heard about the research that suggests a link between soy and cancer, especially breast cancer. The cause of this potential problem are isoflavones, also called phytoestrogens because they mimic estrogen. Some studies suggest that high isoflavone levels might increase the risk of cancer, particularly breast cancer, in postmeno- pausal women. Research data, however, are not conclusive, and some studies show just the opposite – under some conditions, soy may help prevent breast cancer.
Recent research at Belfast’s Royal Maternity Hospital indicates that isoflavones decrease the ability of a man’s sperm to fertilize eggs.
Children are at especially great danger from the phytoestrogen in soy-based formula. According to the Washington DC-based Weston A. Price Foundation, there are many adverse effects reported in the scientific literature, including thyroid disorders, asthma, digestive disorders, calcium deficiencies leading to rickets, high manganese levels leading to brain damage and endocrine disruption. A 1986 study in Puerto Rico found that use of soy formula was strongly correlated with premature maturation in girls. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics admits that early exposure to soy through commercial infant formulas may be a leading cause of soy allergies among older children and adults. The Weston A. Price Foundation is investigating instances of serious physical or medical consequences as a result of eating soy and is contemplating providing assistance to those who want to pursue legal action.
John Henkel, a member of FDA’s public affairs staff, says that although the research community has varying degrees of concern about a possible “dark side” to soy consumption, one thread runs consistently through its messages: the need for more research. A number of studies are underway, like a long-term, multi- generational study in rats by FDA’s National Center for Toxicological Research and a long-term follow-up study on the safety of soy infant formula at the National Institutes of Health.
In the meantime, you can save yourself and your family some potential problems by limiting soy use to fermented products like tempeh or miso. (An estimated 70 percent of supermarket products contain soy and it is a component of animal feed.) Fermentation reduces the phytate and antinutrient levels of soybeans, making their nourishment available to the human digestive system. However, make sure you are using products that originate with organic soy beans, since most of the North American soy crop is genetically modified and treated with dangerous chemicals.

So really, in summary everything is poison. Even water. Even bottled water. The air too. All filled with shitty chemicals. We'll all die of cancer from all of these chemicals from whatever it is that we eat, so in summary, Eat whatever you want and try not to be obese, because that just magnifies your risk about 10,000 times of getting disease. sweeeeeeeettt.

skinny bitches

I had my acls course today, (which I passed.. woop woop.) then I went running outside, but made it like 3 miles out and my knee hurt so I had to walk back really slow.. and I got reaaaalllyy cold. I came home and layed in my bed with the hairdryer on and listened to my ipod for 15 minutes. Then I made this banana smoothie thingy. Delicious. Take some milk and like 4 bananas and I found some vanilla frozen yogurt- blue bunny. actually very good. Like it better than real ice cream. probably because so much extra crap is in it. Couple scoops of that, some cinnamon and I added some fiber with these fiber packets I stole from mom's clinic. I am however very gassy right now. I hope that stuff wasn't miralax. crap. These packets were just sitting there in this bag. I couldn't waste them. There are old people e verywhere constipated. I'm not going to sit back and watch these perfectly good fiberous non-thickening powder substances go to waste. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few hours. Then I ate a ginormous bowl of chicken soup that I made. ( I know, look at all this cooking i'm doing!) Then I went to target to buy a really large warm robe being i dont' heat my house past 58 degrees, it gets real chilly after you get out of the shower. If I would have just spent the money heating my house, I could have saved the money on the robe, but I'm an idiot that way. Anyways, back to what I ate today. i just ate a bunch of dark chocolate with mint. frickin delicious. I also ate some more chicken soup a while ago, and for lunch i had a hamburger from the cafeteria and work and I ate 2 apples and this yogurt smoothie thing. Then before that I ate some oatmeal. The reason I am telling you everything I ate is because I just read this book I bought from target that basically says all food that is beef pork chicken fish milk cheese yogurt or eggs is poison. Now I really dont' know what to do. When I saw the book in the store, it's called 'skinny bitch' by the way. It caught my eye as I was searching for something to read, being brainerd doesn't have a barnes and noble that I can sit in and read books for free in, I have to scrounge the shelves of target. PAthetic. Anyways, I read a couple of pages in it, and I read the back and it seemed like it would be a hilarious book. There are these two models that wrote the book, that must have been hypoglycemic when they wrote the book.... because it's ridiculous. But actually, I'm starting to buy into it. Well, now at least I am more aware of what actually goes on in slaughter houses. the book really isn't much about anything except eating slaughtered animals. The first like 15 pages say stuff like, don't drink soda, don't use artificial sweeteners, don't smoke, don't drink, don't use cocaine, don't eat chips, etc. then from then on they started talking about getting rid of meat from the diet. I don't really think meat is disgusting, or at least I didn't really think twice about it until I read this book. I had no idea of all of the antibiotics and steroids and poisons are in meat. If they even are. Maybe these people are on crack, which is entirely possible. I mean, they probably just payed a bunch of nerds to get all this research done, which they would have done. Because lets face it, if you're a model and ask some guy to do something for you, you can consider it done. After readign this book and looking back at my day of eating the only thing I ate that wasn't poison was the apples and oatmeal. Also water. That's it. And possibly the vegetables in the soup, but you know, they were contaminated by the chicken I had put in there.
Basically the book is about 200 pages, 15 pages of dietning advice, and the other 185 are about why you shouldn't eat meat eggs milk etc. Also how the USDA is a caniving horrible system that you can't trust because the people in it are there to get money, which they get by authorizing foods/ promoting them. Even if they are unhealthy. Here are some direct quotes, which are all really disturbing.

'udders, under normal conditions, would supply about ten pounds of milk a day. farmers have their cows producing up to a hundred gallons a day. there is no gentle farmer milking the cow with a bucket between his feet. Cows are milked by machine, metal clamps are attached to the cows' sensitive udders. The udders become sore and infected. pus forms. but the machines keep on milking, sucking the dead white blood cells into the milk. How freaking gross is that? to get rid of all the bacteria and other shit, milk must be pasteurized, but pasteurization destroys beneficials enzymes and makes calcium less available without even killing all the viruses or bacteria, hell, even radioactive particlles are found in milk!'

'stunned or not, cows and hogs are 'strung up' from the ceiling by a chain attatched to their leg(s). In theory, while they dangle there they are supp[osed to be unconscious. But often they are fully conscious, struggling, screaming and fearfully staring at the workers while they have their throats stabbed open. Next they travel along a bleed rail where they should bleed to death. But again, these large, frightened , struggling conscious animals are difficult targets and the 'stickers' (workers who cut their throats) dont' always get a good cut. before cows can bleed to death they are sent on their way to the 'head skinners' where the skin is sliced from their heads while they are still conscious. of course, this is excruciatingly painful, and the cows kick and struggle. To avoid getting injured by the strugglying animals, workers will sometimes sever the spinal cord with a knife blow to the back of the head. This paralyzes the animal below the neck so that the workers are safe. but the cow can still feel their skin being sliced away from their faces. Next their legs and head are shopped off, their entrails removed from their bodies, and then fimally they are split in half. '

'In the book slaughterhouse, gail einsitz, chief investigator for the humane farming association interviewed dozenns of slaughter house workers throughout the country. EVery singly one admitted to abusing animals or neglecting to report those who did. '

this is where it gets gross. There are all of these quotes from slaugherhouse workers.

'I seen them take those stunners, they're about as long as a yard stick-and shove it up the hog's ass...They do it with cows, too...and in their ears, their eyes, down their throat, They'll be squealing and they'll just shot it right down there.'

'If you have one ( a hog) that refuses to move you take a meathole and hook it into his bunghole (anus). You're dragging these hogs alive, and a lot of times the meat hook rips out of the bunghole. i've seen hams, thighs completely ripped open, intestines coming out. If the hog collapses at the beginning of the chute you shove the hook through their cheek, or in their mouth, or the roof of their mouth, and they're still alive.'

'pigs will come up and nuzzle you like a puppy. Two minutes later you have to kill them, beat them to death with a pipe.'


'sometimes I grab a hog by the ear and stick it right through the eye. I'm not just taking it's eye out, i'll go al the way up through the hilt, right up through the brain and wiggle the knife.'

'you go in hard, push hard, blow the windpipe, make it drown in it's own blood. split it's nose. A live hog would be running around in the pit, it would look up at me and i'd be sticking, id just cut it's eye out while it was sitting there, and the hog would just scream.'

'i've seen live animals shackled, hoisted, suck and skinned . too many to count. too many to remember. its' just a process that's continually there. i've seen shackled beef looking around before they've been stuck. I've seen hogs that are supposedly dead and gleeding get up after they've been stuck, then they are in the scalding tubs trying to swim.They hit the scalding tank and then start screaming and kicking. sometimes they thrash so much they kick water out of the tank. sooner or later they drown. There's a rotating arm that pushes them under, no chance for them to get out. I'm not sure if they burn to death before they drown, but it takes them a couple of minutes to stop thrashing. '

'i've drug cows till their bones start breaking ,while they were still alive. bringin them around the corner and they get stuck up in teh doorway, just pull them till their hide be ripped, till the blood just drip on the steel and concrete, breaking their legs, and the cow will be crying with it's tongue stuck out. They just pull him till his neck pop.

Then they talk about how all of these slaughter houses are in such crappy conditions and they animals have to all be on antibiotics so they won't die, and all the chemicals and crap they have to use to kill the viruses and other stuff that is living in the meat. There's also this other disgusting quote.

'accordign to the congressional testimony of one former perdue worker, the poultry plants are filthy. She said there were flies, rats and 5 inch long cockroaches covering the walls and floors. Believe it or not, it gets worse, "after they are hung, sometimes the chickens fall off into the drain that runs down the middle of the line. This is where roaches, intestines, diseased parts, fecal contamination and blood are washed down. Workers vomit in to the drain, emplyees are constantly chewing and spitting snuff and tobacco on the floor , sometimes they have to relieve themselves on the floor. The perdue supervisors told us to take the fallen chickens out of the drain and send them down the line.'A usda inspector said 'one time we shined a flashlight into a hole they were crawling in and out, and they were so thick it was like maggots, you couldn't even see the surface.'

another worker said, 'I personally have seen rotten met, you can tell by the odor. Thsi rotten meat is mixed with the fresh meat and is sold for baby food. we are asked to mix it with the fresh food, food and this is the way it is sold. you can see the worms inside the meat.

Then they talk about more depressing things. Like how pigs are much smarter than dogs and three year old humans. Then they talk about all the lawsuits and crap the usda has gotten out of, and how they are conspiring with the farmers to make money. (how do I know the skinny bitches aren't conspiring with the tofu and soy companies? they mention several VERy specific products in their book, and specifically say that Only this product of teh version of fake egg cheese omlet pork loaf is the best. ... ?) They Also let some more depressing knowledge out on how the animals are transported. No water or anything. Then when its' cold their skin sticks to the metal so when they are supposed to come out of the truck they pull the pig and their leg will just stick to the wall because the skin is frozen there, and usually half are dead by the time they get there. If it's hot half the pigs are dead and are rotting in the heat when they open the truck. The book is basically not at all about 'skinny bitches.' I thought it would be a funny book about like ridiculous things. Instead it was a horrible depressing vegan inspiring book. I was so very wrong.

Then I started thinking. not just animal products are contaminated. Everything is contaminated. Vegetables and fruits are not necessarily safe. People use maneur to grow their crops, and often e-coli is found in juice. There are factories and crap that release chemicals into the air and the rain clouds and all of those chemicals fall down in the rain that waters our crops. Animals pee and poop all over the ground that we grow our stuff in. The public water system is filled with antibiotics and other drugs. ( you know, from when nurses pour them down the sink. i don't do that. I throw it in the garbage. Especially if it's like a half a vicodin or something.) I know, don't tell anybody. I'm a bad nurse, but a good environmental friendly nurse. I remember one of my co-workers was trying to put a vicodin down the sink but it wouldn't fit because the sink had holes. I was just like.. umm.. why dont' you just throw that away..
This was her response. " you can't do that!! Someone could just come and eat it out of the garbage.'

Right.

I mean, if I was addicted to morphine, I would definitely go digging through the hospital garbage filled with poop diapers and blood and needles to try to find a vicodin, or possibly some IV morphine someone might have squirted into the garbage. i'll just have to lick ALL of the wet bags to find out which one is the morphine. People are idiots. The problem is not the meat. The problem is that america is filled with obese people who eat waaayy more food than they need to eat. If they didn't need to eat all of this meat and crap all the time, and we didnt' have mcdonalds's to serve them contamined slabs of steroid antibiotics on bread, farmers wouldnt' have to try to mass produce things and keep their animals in such crappy crap conditions. We should just not have farmers at all. Shit. Lets just tear everything down and eat berries and twigs. No body has any more jobs. Nobody watches tv. There is no more type two diabetes. In fact, type one diabetes and other genetic diseases that were fatal would probably just get eliminated. Just because of the simple reason that someone that is dead can't give their genetics to their child. So only genetically healthy people would re-create. then when they died it would be from something that would kill them. There woudl be no medicine and other stuff. We wouldn't be prolonging people's death's until they are 95 , on 35 medications to survive,and can't remember where their left hand is. When you think about it we ar e actually killing ourselves, destroying the earth, making more and more complicated diseases.
It's sad to think about all the crap in slaughterhouses, but it's hard to believe people care more about that than starvign people in africa. They would rather be 'skinny bitches' and buy designer clothing made from starving children in africa who's mother's have aids because their stinky ass crap worthless man whore fathers gave it to them. Now everyone in africa will have to die because the guys just can't keep it in their pants. Stupid assholes. Once again off the topic.
If these two models are so adamant about not eating meat, and feel so bad for these animals, and think that the antibiotics steroids and poisons are contaming society... why did they just write a book about it...? I hate that when people write books about things and do nothing to change it. Maybe they say they're changing things because they're creating awareness. Awareness does nothing. Sweet. I'm totally aware that animals are treated poorly. not only for eating but for testing stupid cosmetics. Once again, if we lived in the stone age, people wouldn't even know what make up was. I mean, shit, nobody would even know if they were ugly because there woudl be no mirrors. I don't know about any of you, I but I could have definitely been perfectly happy without ever looking in a mirror my whole life. Everyone would be so dirty that you couldn't see any faces anyways. With this long 'over one hour it took me to post this blog' I'm going to go to bed. it's not 1am and i planned on going to bed two hours ago. Stupid book. Stupid skinny bitches. why aren't I a dirty meat eating caveman?

clarification

just to clarify, I never re-read anything, so at the end when I said 'he peed the bed.' I'm talking about the patient, not the cute boy. I believe i made it sound like the cute boy had peed the bed and has braces on his legs. (usually the way I like em.) Just kidding. So , when you read the below entry, I am talking about the patient who peed the bed and has braces.

nothing inparticular

It snowed a bunch today. Another 8 inches here. Super awesome. Snow isn't so bad, but the parts that suck about it are the parking lots. Not just any particular parking.lot, all of them . I don't know why, but when it snows people just become ridiculously terrible at parking. It's o-k to part 2 feet next to a car in the snow.. just like it is without the snow. The best is looking around for a spot and you find one that's not quite wide enough, because some asshole took up 10 feet to park in. Just because you can't see the lines doesn't mean you can park anywhere. If that was the case I would park directly in front of the door, and if I got towed I would just say I couldn't see the lines.
I also hate it when people are ridiculously cautious in the snow. For example, this morning when I left my apartment for acls training, it had just started snowing. There was maybe a half an inch of snow covering the roads. I was behind this lady driving a van. The only thing worse is driving behind some really old lady who isn't e ven tall enough to see out the windows and is just kind of veering around in the lane/s. That's cool too. But hey, she's 95 and a raisin, she has an excuse. 35 year old women driving vans dont' have an excuse to suck at driving. This lady was going 21 mph on a paved road. Um... what's wrong with you? The road is still black. You could easily double your speed right now. Then she stopped for a stop sign a block in advance. Then when I wanted to turn right in the right lane, she took up both lanes. Once again, no brains. Because there are no lines means you can drive wherever the hell you want to. It's funny how I remember what happened with the van lady and I can't remember the difference between adenosine and atropine. Let me tell you.. it's a BIG difference. It's things like that that I need to remember, especially when someone's dying. That's key.
Some exciting news, Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than red wine and green tea! Amazing. What I dont' understand is how massive amounts of these aren't good for y ou.. well, excluding tea. But even tea stains your teeth. If massive amounts were good I'd get trashed with red wine everynight and eat a pound of dark chocolate. If a little is good... why not lots? How come it doesn't get even better with more..?
What else happened the past couple days. Oh yes, work was kind of interesting... and awkward. I don't really like working weekends because there are no tests that can really get done because nobody else works on the weekends except doctors, nurses and the lab. So basically, if someone has a heart attack on friday after 5pm, they just chill until they can get all their tests done on monday morning. So, in summary, any patient you have for the weekends stays for the weekend. So if you have crappy annoying patients you know you will see them the next day... and the day after that... and the day after that too until they go home. This one particular 96 year old raisin lady got on my nerves. At first she was cute.... that faded away rather quickly. She never really opened her eyes, except for when I asked her to, then she opened one, halfway, for about 3 seconds. Anyways, this was our conversation, ever 5-7 minutes, for 8.5 hours. for three days in a row.

Her: 'uggh what is this box?'
Thats your heart monitor. you can just let that sit in your pocket there.. where it is.'
'ugghh.. I think i'm choking.'
hmmm... nope. That's your oxygen cord, I'll loosen it more for you.'
'I just can't seem to get comfortable here.' (squirming around aimlessly.) What is this box?
That's your heart monitor.
'What is this.. It's choking me.'
That's your oxygen. it helps you breathe.
(this same conversation x5.)

Then, after she squirmed around so much she would make herself short of breath.
her: 'I just cant' seem to catch my breath.'
I would then check her o2 sats.
'Well, you're 97%, why dont' you try breathing through your nose. The oxygen is in your nose, and when you breathe through your mouth it doesn't help as much.'
(Then she would continue breathing through her mouth and squirming around.This scenario would then happen 5-7 times.)

her: 'I just can't seem to get comfortable. Something is choking me. '

OH MY GOD. IT's YOUR OXYGEN. THAT BOX IS YOUR TELEMETRY. BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE.

Then she would not understand anything that you said to her.
'what am i eating here?
-it looks like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.'
'i dont' remember ordering this.
-you did.
'oh okay. I remember I got a menu, but I thought it was for tomorrow.'
-you did. That was yesterday.
'but I dont' know what I'm eating. What is this?'
'meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Do you like that?
'yes, but i'm not very hungry.'
-there is a menu here. this is for tomorrow's meals. I'll help you fill it out.
'Why did they bring me this if I haven't even ordered on the menu yet?'
-this menu is for TOMORROW. the food you will get TOMORROW.

several conversations like this. Several. She had a bed alarm on because she was too crazy to use the call light. She knew she was supposed to, but wouldnt' do it. So every 5 seconds her alarm would be beeping because she would be worried about something.

'What am I doing here? '
'You had some shortness of breath at home and they brought you in.''
'Well how come a doctor isn't seeign me?'
they are. They just saw you an h our ago and will see you tomorrow morning.
'well what am i supposed to do until then?' (this was at 2 am.)
'Rest.'
'you mean i'm just supposed to lay here?'
'Yes. Unless you would like to sit up in the chair for a while.'
'Well, what is the plan here?

etc. etc. etc. Usually I think it's funny, and I did for the first couple hours of friday... but then saturday sunday and monday just got old. Really old.
There was also a lady with schizophrenia in for respiratory failure. That was also interesting. She kept asking for stuff from the psych unit like color crayons and stuff, and she was 55. She had a huge breakdown at 10 pm, and I sat in her room with her and she talked to me for an hour and 40 minutes about her childhood. Which was all really sad and depressing. No wonder she had schizo. She had like 4 different dads, which 3 of them sexually assaulted her, her mom was crazy, and also knew about the sexual assaulting and was glad it was happening to her ( the daughter) instead of herself. Mostly because her dad/s were drunken asshole mcgees. her brother set her room on fire twice then burnt the house down, she ran away from home to stay at this one family's house but the family she was staying with the son there assaulted her too. Then she had a brigade of shitty boyfriends, much like my previous one. I never really know what to say to people, except I could relate to some of the crap she was talking about. So there was some comic relief, like when we decided we were going to take a plyers and rip off our boyfriends wangs. That was cool. It kind of just makes you think about why people go crazy and or are crazy.

What else. I made some soup today. Chicken soup. It's pretty... good./ok. There really is nothign else. I take my acls test tomorrow. Hopefully I'll pass that stuff. I also have a new motivation to go to work. There is a cute boy that works in the ER. He also works evenings and brings up admits to the floors. I don't know what he is.. probably an emt. They usually get stuck doing things like that. the nice thing about living in smalls towns is that everyone knows eachother. AFter he brings my patients up, they usually tell me some random fact about him. So far I know that his dad is a doctor at the hospital, his brother is a priest, he graduated high school with one of my co -workers, (whom I went to college with), his name is matt, his family has a dog, he has another brother and an older sister, and lives in a house next to denise, one of the nurses on 2nd floor. Sweet. Maybe the next time I see him I'll ask him how his priest brother is. That should creep him out. Until then, at least when I get admits I have something forward to look forward too. I don't really care if I talk to him that much, I could just sit there and look at his face for a couple minutes. that's good enough. Last time an admit came up, he peed the bed and he helped me get his pants and braces and shoes off, and he handed me gloves so I wouldnt' get pee all over my hands. How thoughtful. That's all I got. Bye!

angry

Hello everyone! I happened to be particularily angry today. The only thing that really makes me angry in fact is my old boyfriend. He makes me so angry I have to try to think of things that are funny to try to counteract the angryness. And lets face it, nothing is funnier than a fat person who carries all of their fat in one certain spot.
For example, what M. Boom just reminded me of, the fupa. Camel toe. The ginormous giner. I think it's hilarious when the person is slightly overweight, but for some reason the main storage area of their fat is their vagina. not even the vagina, the labias. Huge labias. hahaha. So funny. Sometimes I wonder, Is it just a fat lob over the gina? (Pronounced like va -'gina') by the way, never name your kid gina. She 's doomed for failure if you do. kind of like if you name your boy Larry he will probably end up with schizophrenia. Anyways, is it a fat lob over the vagina? Like just a roll? Or are some people's labias really THAT big? I wonder if there is a guiness book of world records for the biggest labias. If so, I bet that lady smells really bad. Especially between the labias. When really fat people come to the hospital, they can't reach to wipe themselves. So, Really fat people with huge gina's probably smell like a tuna factory on an especially hot humid day in alabama. Okay, that's gross. Changing the subject.
I got a bunch of phone calls today. Really random ones, and a bunch of messages. I thought I was really popular until I realized the only people that called me were:
-the cardiologist (2x)
-crazy old boyfriend leaving a threat message
-the blood bank lady

pbbbbbbbbb....... I also saw this girl I haven't seen from high school. which was also really really awkward and long.
Then I went to work because I thought I was supposed to work, but when I got there I realized I looked at the wrong day on the schedule and was actually off. That's the 2nd time that's happened. Idiot. So I went to starbucks to study some ACLS. Which I desperately needed to do. After studying that I went to target to pick up some cards for people. I would tell you what the cards said, but the people that are getting them are probably reading this, and then it would spoil the surprise. I did, however, get one for the cardiologist. He went to a lot of extra work calling this place a bunch of times to get my heart readings and crap, and spent about half an hour in the room with me, and then called my phone to update me on what was going on. In summary, he just did a bunch of nice things.
I was going to get him a thank you card, but I hate getting thank you cards. As this one guy says, What the hell do you write on the inside? (see front?) So I ended up getting a holiday greetings card thing and just writing thank you in that. I thought it would be funny to put some jokes on the card like , 'the worst time to have a heart attack is probably during a game of charades.. or a game of fake heart attack, followed by naps' I didn't do that though. I thought he would get creeped out.
The point of all this is that today I realized my true calling in life. I need to write greeting cards. That would be amazing. There should be greeting cards for every occassion. Wouldn't it be cool if you needed to break up with someone and all you had to do was go to the store and pick up a 'we need to break up ' card. It could be funny too. It could have a picture of a really fat guy and a little coat and just say, 'we just don't fit together.' Then there could be hate cards. Like a card that on the front says. 'I hate you.' and on the inside it just says, 'seriously. '
Or cards for a new haircut, ' The front could have some attractive person on it and the inside could say. 'Nice haircut. You look like a new person. I mean, not that you were ugly before. ...'
Or just cards that are just weird. You could put a mirror on the front of the card, and on the inside it could say. here comes a winner. I'm looking forward to my new career. Awesome

mr. moe

so much for confidentiality. REally screwed that up right away, you know, with the title. I also had a patient today. Mr Wiener. Not kidding. It was his real name. His first name was terrible too, something like cyril or cyvil. Worse yet, his name matched his personality pretty well. But back to mr moe. He had come in the night before with CHF exacerbation. Which basically means there is a bunch of fluid in your lungs that needs to come out. This guy is a little bit inappropriate. For a reason unbeknown to me, when people come into the hospital, they no longer have to:
1. Do anything for themselves. The patient no longer can change the channel on the tv with the remote, or even hold a glass up to drink out of. ( This includes everyone, family members etc. Such as, if the patient states they are 'too warm' and there is family in the room, the family will come and get you and tell you they are too warm. That way you can walk down the hallway and take one of their blankets off. )

2. Have any social tact. Whatsoever. If you feel like talking to me about how your daughter's husband is a worthless terd and his parents' should have raised a pig instead of him, because at least they could have had something to eat out of it.' Or, about how stretched out your 2nd wife's vagina was. Anything goes at St. Joes.

The patient I had, Mr moe, wasn't so bad with number one.... so you can guess what kind of a person he was. Usually the social tact somehow ends up getting into sexual conversation. This guy was 87, and used to be a trucker. Every time I came into the room he had a new comment about someone, or some joke that I didn't understand and laughed about anyways, a comment about his own wang, someone else's wang, and usually threw the same 4 jokes around casually. Of course, he didnt' remember that he had already told me these jokes. When people get that old it's kind of like their brain decides they can only say 40 different sentences. So they just randomly choose from their sentence bank and say whatever that sentence is. Even if it has no relevance to the situation at all. Such as this comment.
'Did that tylenol help your back pain?"
'No. That didn't do shit."
'Well, would you like to try something else for it?"
"You know what would really help my back right now... sex"

Right.... did you seriously just say that? Because it's hilarious. I dont' even care to tell you that it's inappropriate because it's hilarious. Who says that? I can just imagine some business people at work.
'Gosh dave, you really look tired today."
'yeah, I am, I just really need some sex right now.'

Or, some people at dinner.

"Do you like peas Jean? Or would you rather have some broccoli?"
"You know what I need right now.. SEx."

I mean, it's a pretty common thing to say ... to someone you dont' know at all.. but hey. It's the hospital, so its' now a.o.k. that you said that.

I came into his room about a half hour later and that's when he was asking me if i've ever heard of 'flavored tampons' Um.. no. I haven't. I really can't think of a use for flavored tampons. Did you mean flavored condoms.?
'no. I'm Mr. Kotex. I'm talking about flavored tampons.'

Okay. so when are you supposed to taste them? After you bleed all over them.. or before? Because really, I'm confused and would like to know. I mean, all these years have gone by, and I've just been wasting them by using regular tampons.

He said a bunch of other stuff, but I only remembered those two. It's funny how I remember that stuff, but I don't remember what their lungs sounded like. Whatever. Probably crackles.
I also had another patient who was insane, but this guy had alzheimers. People with alzheimers are pretty cool... unless they have what I like to call 'angry alzheimers.' The people who aren't pleasently confused. The are pissed and confused. I was lucky enough to have an angry alzheimers. Which wouldn't be so bad if I could just let him wander around and do whatever the hell he wanted to do. But he wasn't just angry, he also was very unstable. Which is a bad combination. So every time he leans to the side or falls, (which happened once.. i'm a bad nurse. ) he swears a whole bunch. Then bangs his walker into the ground. This guy has a pretty ridiculous face. If Jack frost was an old man, and could have a face, it would have been his. His hair was all fluffly/curly but shorter, and he was half bald. and also had a beard and a mustashe and the rest of his face was slightly hairly anyways. His eyebrows were also large and his eyes seemed too small for his face and were really light blue. He was also really pale. So basically it looked like he was really cold, angry, and had grown a large beard to shield his from the north wind. Even though he lives in a home and is never outside. That's just what I thought of him.
there were only 2 things that made him content enough not to swear or hit anyone. Those two things are walking and eating ice cream. So what do I do? i walk him 5 times. (loonng walks) and feed him 6 different things of ice cream. Everyone kept asking what the heck I did to him because he was being so quiet. It's because he's eating. Whatever, if he dies of a heart attack before the alzheimers get him, it'll probably be good. Or just throw a lipitor into his pile of pills to lower his cholesterol. I'm a super compassionate nurse. and person.

After working with so many alzheimers patients I thought of a sweet home where they could live. So many people like to just wander around, they could hook them up to vests and put them on tie outs. either outside, or in the hallways. the tie-outs could have special sensors so when they start falling the cord stays tight so they just are standing and swinging around being held up by the tie out. Then people could have bed alarms that dont' ring, they talk and say. Hello ____, you are in the hospital, or whatever nursing home because you have an infection. etc.. Please stay seated and a nurse will be with you shortly. I should probably stop writing this down and start building my own nursing home. And it won't have a stupid name like, sunset ridge, or whispering pines, or some other tree/nature name. It will be called something cool like 'You Wish you lived here" Or "This place is tight" Either would be prime. Bye!

I suck

That's exactly what my dishwasher should be saying right now. Because it does. You know, I never have in my life ever seen a good dishwasher. I used mine for the first time today, I put a good amount of soap in and put it on the heavy duty setting. An hour later I went to go take the dishes out and half of them weren't clean. what a pile. The only way the dishes do get clean, is if first, you wash them off yourself and them put them in. By the time you actually put them in the dishwasher they are pretty much clean. If you just spent the extra 7 seconds washing the dish, there would be no reason to load or unload the dishwasher.
At first, I thought dishwashers would work pretty well. I thought they worked like washing machines. Put the dishes in, shut it, and it fills with water and soap and swirls it around till they're clean, then empties the dirty water, then re-fills with nice rinsing water to rinse. Then last year, my roomate Becca opened the dishwasher in the middle of the cycle. I was all like, 'STOPP!!' but then after she opened it and took out the bowl she wanted and shut the door ( and stopped laughing..) I realized the dishwasher does not actually fill with water. Becca informed me it just sprays the dishes with water.
That's it? It sprays the dishes with water? Where's the friction? How do they get clean? is this a joke!?
In other words, the dishwasher does nothing. People just think it does something because it squirts around really hot water and when they open the door all this steam comes out, so by default they must think the dishes are clean. Wrong. I was real pissed when I emptied mine, then re-washed half of the dishes because the looked exactly the same as when I put them in.
If people bought plastic dishes, they could just put them in the tub and fill the tub with soapy water and then just get a stick and stir them around for a while. Then turn the shower part on and rinse them off. Genius. that is much more effective. Or, if you had plastic dishes you could put them in the washing machine. That would also work much better. What if washing machines were like dish washers? You put your clothes in, and they just get sprayed with hot water? We'd all be walking around with crap dried to our clothes.
Worse yet, what if car washes worked like dishwashers? You pay 8 dollars to have some hot water sprayed on your car. Then streaks are left on the windows when you're done. (Unless you pay the extra money for the whatever it is you pay for to make your glass have no streaks..) We all know what that would be. Shitty. Which is exactly what dishwashers are.
Just thought I'd write about this particular topic, being I was pretty pissed when I opened mine and saw the results. It doesn't even get a satisfactory rating. Boooo.

two days till sarah's birthday, oops i mean three.

what day is it? Anyways, it is in a couple of days, just so you all know. I'm sure she'd appreciate some sweet gifts, like a stethoscope.. or some doctor equipment, or you know, some food. All good ideas. i'd pat myself on the back but then i'd have to lean forward off the couch and try to do it. bad plan.

Anywho, I've been going to this fitness center, it's basically a pile. There are 3 ellipticals, and they aren't even Real ellipticals. they are like the cheap crap imitation ellipticals. then there were 4 treadmills, now there are three because one is 'out of order'. They left a long note on the out of order one. Something like this: "This machine is out of order. It is not a possibility to buy a new one at this time. It is proven that a 'full body' workout is the most effective way to lose weight and stay in shape. Maybe this is a good time for you to change your routine!'



um... what? I'm pretty sure 'out of order' would have done just fine. Then I just got angry. Full body workout? What are you talking about? All you have is these three ellipticals. Change my routine? You change your routine, asshole. Out of order would have worked much better. Or they could just have slipped the machine out the door overnight. Then someone would ask, 'wasn't there another treadmill here? " -um, no... I think you were imagining that.

oh yes, I forgot, there are a bunch of lifting/weight equipment crap in there too. Which is really distracting, because I'll be trying to run, or 'elliptical' and there will be some guy who lifts a weight 8 inches and makes this ridiculously loud groaning noise. Is that really necessary? If it's that heavy that you have to groan, why don't you just switch to a smaller weight? Here, let me just take that large one and give you this 5 pound one. Much easier. When I was in there last night there was just one other guy there... groany mc groanerson. He was around my age I guess, Which when I say that I mean somewhere between 18 and 35, because I can't tell ages.

I don't know why guys have to be so loud to get attention. Like when I'm running and they drive past in their car they rev their engine. I guess in their mind this is what i should think: oooooo.... you have a sweet engine, it's really loud, can i date you? Because that would be amazing, then we could drive around in your car and eat cheetos and rev the engine. Yeessssss.

That I don't mind so much, as long as they have a muffler. It's much worse in the gym. I was on the elliptical. I had made a poor choice, choosing the elliptical right next to the drinking fountain. So this guy would go and lift a weight and make a ridiculously loud groaning noise then make a trip to the drinking fountain. I mean, I can understand, people get thirsty, probably want some water.. but really... after every time you lift a weight? Then he stands 5 feet in front of me and takes his sweatshirt off to reveal... a ginormous blue jersey!! Then he stretches his arms out and turns around and gives me this little nod. Cool. . .Please don't talk to me. But he left to go lift up something else. golden.

The gym is a pile.. until I went downstairs to find.. A DANCING ROOM!!! amazing. no one is ever in it, you know, except from now on it will be me . all the time. Dancing. It will be awkward when people look in and think... mmm. what is that girl doing in there by herself? but hey, it's okay, it's brainerd. People can think i'm weird because i'll move away in 9 months and never see them again. well, hopefully.

i also noticed something really weird today. I think I have too much time to think about things, but the latest random thing I've noticed is how my poop smells. I'm not realizing for the first time that my shit stinks, I'm saying that I notice the particular different smells of the poo that i poo. It could be because I smell several different kinds of peoples poo weekly and have gotten to know the different smells fairly well. Today when I poo'd i thought, wow, that really smells like that one guys poo that used to be in room 3020 with the pacemaker. Or, woah, that is strikingly similar to the poo smell of what's her face who had the amputated leg. I don't think I ever really payed much attention to the smell of poo until I started smelling more often. Sometimes you can even smell a trace of what you ate in your poo. For example, I have noticed that when I eat pizza.. my poo smells faintly of pizza.
One of my coworkers says that when she drinks a lot of coffee her coffee smells like pee. i don't think that's true at all. I have never noticed a difference. Possibly because I drink coffee all the time, so my pee continuously smells like coffee. So many things to think about. Well, I better get back to watching my latest movie. (dodgeball.... amazing.) One of my most favorite parts is when he says: 'we should date, you know, like go out'
(gagging noise..)
-was that a yes?
no actually, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
-you know, in some cultures they only eat vomit. I mean, I've never been there, but i've read about it.. .. in a book!

or when he says. ' here at globo gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness, or necrophiliacs.'

or: hello kate, I didn't realize I was paying you to socialize
- you aren't, i'm off the clock
Well, isn't that convenient for you. and the clock.

I mean, that's just a few things that are said, basically every other sentence is hilarious. Otherwise it wouldnt' keep my attention. Okkaaayy.. that's all bye!

past couple weeks

The past couple weeks have been...pretty okay. I guess just average. I'll just make a list of the stuff that happened.

1. Apparently, my heart races sometimes for no apparent reason, and it's not my thyroid, they checked that. Anywho, I have to wear this super fashionable event monitor. It's not too bad, but there is a record button that you have to push anytime you can tell your heart is beating really fast. I think I have only pushed the button one time that that has happened, otherwise I have recorded about 29 times by accident. Seriously, the record button on this things is the size of a 50 cent piece. It's ginormous. Even if I hit it with my arm by accident, it records, or when i accidentally walk into desks, or walls, or patients, it records. then after it records it makes this awful beeping noise. Patients and or co-workers look at me and are like, .... are you beeping? Yes actually, I am beeping. I have a bomb in my pocket and it's going to explode at any second. Don't tell anyone, it's a secret..

2. Another dissapointment. I decided to try a velveeta macaroni and cheese packet thing. Everyone says they are so good. THEY LIE. It tastes like you cooked some noodles, and then squirted cheez-whiz on them. Then waited until the cheeze whiz melted a little. Delicious? mm.. nope. I'll stick with the kraft macaroni and cheese. That stuff is like 50 cents a box, instead of 1.50. what a waste of a dollar. Although, I ate it anyway, because I'm chubby.

3. The other night I sat on a suturing scissors. It was at one point sitting on top of the couch cushion, but somehow, it sneakily made it's way into the between the cushions part, where it stood straight up. I decided to sit on the couch that night and that's when it drove itself into my right buttcheeck/upper thigh, probably only 3-4 inches. I happened to be talking on the phone at the time, ( you know, just to make the situation a little more awkward.) I thought I had sat down on a fork, and it had embedded itself in, but after I felt around I could feel the two holes on the end of the scissors. damn. It was hard to tell, because you can't really see your own butt. Then I thought about what they teach you, you know, not to pull anything out yourself, and let the doctor do it. I thought about that for awhile, ( and when i say a while i really mean a few seconds, although it did seem like a long time when i was leaning there on the couch trying to figure out a good angle to pull it out at.) then I pulled it out myself, which was also kind of difficult because it was a curved scissors, and I had no idea which way it was curving, once again, because I couldn't see it.
After that happened and I was sitting on a towel and cold pack trying to stop the bleeding, I thought about what really fat people do. I bet some of those 800 pound people have stuff embedded waay into their ass. Or even just stuffed under their folds. Like if they lift up their omentum fold their cell phone would probably fall out. Like, Gosh, I was looking for that! You could be really sneaky if you were that fat. Like going to the movie theatre, you could stick a bunch of snacks inside your fat rolls. Then just pull them out during the movie and save yourself some money. I guess if you were that fat you probably couldn't go to the movies unless you sat on the stair case, which also might be comfortable being you are very well cushioned. Rolling down hills might be really fun if you were that fat too. you can't really feel that well through all the fat, there isn't as many nerve endings, so if there were lots of rocks and stuff it wouldn't matter. Although, they might get embedded in there, which is also dangerous. Maybe I'm thinking about this wrong. I'm thinking about it like you are wearing a giant marshmallow suit. but in most ways, that's a pretty accurate way of seeing it... maybe...???

A couple other things happened this week.. I don't really remember them, but they were probably cool. If you're bored, you should probably do one of these things:
1. Eat some lower sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal. It's flippin delicious. you can also add more cinnamon if you like, being cinnamon helps you lose weight. I was thinking of writing the quaker oat people a thank you letter for making such delicious lower sugar apple cinnamon oatmeal, but they probably wouldn't understand it. it's probably a bunch of mexican slave workers who can't understand english in a factory making oatmeal. So I decided against the letter.
2. Watch elf. It's amazing. Real good. the best part is when he goes into new york and gets hit by a taxi by accident.
3.I have also been watchin a lot of 'ghetto dance movies.' You know, they all have the same plot. Excuse me, same Great plot. Usually something like this, there is a 'pristine' girl, usually into ballet or some other kind of dance, and then this other ghetto troublemaker worthless guy who likes the girl and happens to be really good at hip hop/ghetto dancing. Also, usually that pristine girl's mother and or father is mentioned as 'dead' within the past 4-7 years, and somebody's brother and/or some charachter who is in the movie, but isn't really that important or in one of the main roles, gets shot. (that's when the ghetto guy comes to an understanding of his ghetto life, and that he needs to make something out of himself.) So him and the pristine girl combine their dancing powers and win the competition/show/getting into the 'dance company' or whatever the goal is. they are pretty reliable plots, but for some reason, I like watching them. Maybe while eating some apple cinnamon oatmeal.

That is basically an overview of the past week/s. Hope you are all enjoying your day! bye!

ghetto radio station

Today I had a day off. (i know.. WHATT!?!? SWEET!?!) well, not exactly off, I had 5 hours of education computer crap to go to. Which during I just drew on stuff and made fun of my down syndrome computer that kept shutting itself down. All in all a good time.
Being my day off, I listened to the radio. I know what you're thinking. wyman, you're a loser. well, you're right! I thought it was entertaining. There are a few select radio stations in brainerd. Religious, 2 old country stations, one newer country station, the mpr junk, and a fuzzy ghetto station. the fuzzy ghetto station is usually the most entertaining. I like to guess what the next words will be. Everything is a simple rhyme, usually involving sex, money, booze, dancing at 'da club', sex, or guns,.or sex. All great topics. oh yes, and they usually say their name about 500 times during the song. So if they don't know what to do, they just kind of let the background beat go and say like, 'this is p diddy, p diddy you ready for this.. p diddy. yeahh yeah. p diddy. But back to the rhymes,133
For example, if they say, "Girl you get low...
it's almost a sure thing the next thing will be' somethign something ho'
like, i know you aint no ho. Maybe they could switch it up like, 'give me a good show'
In my spare time, I decided to write my own rap. I'll make sure to give 50 cent or eminem a ring after I've finished all of the editing. (you know, to perfect it.)

Rap-dizzle fo shizzle nizzle .. (edited version)
By; a wyman
Heyyoooooooooooo
It goes a lil' sumthin like dis
money in my pocket
ridin in the lac
I be in the back
stick your fingers in a socket
ya'll can't stop me now
haters

Who's that #*"@(##!)*3?
I got that
you want that
we at the club
rollin on dubs
@#*($"& dancin
bring out the guns
.. attilla the hun...
heyo niggas got shot
wooo boy that @#*("7 hot

This aint no rap song
dis is my life
survivin the streets
get down to dat beat
I'm a real G
disobeyin the law
hear my southern drawl

Throw your hands in the air
I give yo a$$ a stare
It's like dat
A wy in the house , with a bat
hit me. hit me
Y'all can't stop me now.
hhhaaatteeerrsssss.

We do what we do
get down on tha' floor
is that ho on the pole?
drop it down slow
she my main goal
I got what you need
mm mm right baby that's speed

hey shorty go 'head
it's whole wheat bread
mm hmm that's right
a wy a wy. a wy.
Money in my pocket
a wy a wy a wy a wy
Don't stop til the cops come
a wy a wy. a wy.
I like em thick and juicy.
a wy a wy a wy.
she is Wearing dem jeans.
a wy


so that's what I have so far. I also need to think of a refrain. If I can't think of one I'll just say the same phrase over and o ver again like, 'Lets run, have fun, raise hell, it's swell.' I guess really anything would work. Feel free to edit it yourself, I need the advice if I want to go pro-rap-star.

?

So today at work I got floated down to the ER, there was this guy that hadn't pooped for.. oh, I don't know, 10 days or something. Anyways, first I gave him a suppository, no success. Then an enema. Again. nothing. then the doctor comes in and says he wants to try to digitally remove the poo. Um.. okay. that's fine. Except this patient was fairly large, and the doctor couldn't get to the butthole so I had to hold his buttcheeks open. Meanwhile I was just thinking... please don't poo in my face... please don't poo in my face. so the doctor tries for a couple minutes digging around in there. Nothing is really happening, so the doctor goes to get some sort of vaccuum thing, when he comes back, right before he puts it in the guy decides that that's the right moment. And as we all know, enema poo is not solid. not at all solid. it's a stream. a forceful stream of feces spray, that went all over in my hair. Good thing it came out in bursts because that first little burst was not anything as gross as what happened next. All of this liquidy spray was spraying/dribbling out. At a time like that, what the hell do you do? (besides wash your hair..) So I just started laughing. I think the doctor thought it was funny too, and he was also probably glad that he was the one who didnt' get poo'd on. I got to go shower my head in the sink and go home an hour early. (Sweet!) maybe I should get my head pooped on more often.
That was really the most interesting thing that happened today.. I read some stuff about cardiac rhythms.. which was also exciting as all hell. Oh, nope my bad, I can add to the awkwardness. I almost forgot. so on the way home, I'm making a right turn at this stopsign. I made the turn, but apparently I didn't 'stop all the way before I turned' (...weird..) I dont' really plan on stopping all the way when it's midnight and i'm on a residential 4-way in brainerd mn. Anyways, there just happened to be a cop in the area who pulled me over. Not right away though. He waited for about .. mmm... a mile of following me around before he pulled me over. Why do cops do that? Every single time I've been pulled over that's how it's been. So just when you think you're in the clear, you're actually screwed. I'm pretty sure this cop thought I had some sort of psych illness. he pulls me over and my head is dripping wet. I handed him my license. He just asks, ' Do you know why I pulled you ov er? '
Actually no, I was going 34. Was I 4 miles over the speed limit?'
No. At that stop sign back there you didnt' signal.
Oh. I thought I signaled.
No. You didn't. you have to signal.
Well. I see your point. .....
Why is your hair wet?
A patient pooped on my head.
What ? Where do you work?
St. Joe's.
what do you do there?
nurse
Really?
( um no, I was just walking through as a candy striper and some asshole pooped on my head.) Yes. Here's my license.
Do you have insurance?
somewhere. (meanwhile looking.... still lookingg.... stilll.... )
I'll go check this out and come back and see if you've found it by then.
okay.
(still looking.....)
(He comes back...)
Well, I think i'm gonna just let you go.
I FOUND IT!! (hand him the card.)
Um, yeah, actually, this expired in february.
..... oh..
Where do you live?
Oh you know. over in that direction, in green wood. oh crap, nope, fawn.. something apartments.
on cypress?
cypress?
That road, that is right there....
Oh, yup. that's the one. that's where I live.. right there, on that road.. cypress.
Alright well I'll let you go here. Hope your night gets better.
Word.
What was that?
nothing! bye!

Real good times. Lovin life over here. A + all around. Found out I actually work tomorrow too. I was really looking forward to a day off. Too bad.

everyone in the hospital is a baby and should have probably went to a day spa instead of the telemetry unit.

I officially hate everyone. Okay, maybe not hate, but strongly dislike the patients in rooms 19 18, 8 and 6. Here was my report to the charge nurse about what meds I gave the lady in room 8.
"Everything but aspirin.'
yes. REally. EVERYTHING. This is what she thought was wrong with her.
1. MI
2. gallbladder problem
3. hiatal hernia
4. crohn's disease
5. Bleeding ulcers
6. kidney failure
7. Pulmonary emboli
8. TIA

Not kidding. She put her light on every 3 seconds with 'shooting pains'. At one point she was crying smashing her ginormous DDD boobs togethor saying it was the only way to 'stop the pain.' Too bad that morphine maalox tylenol vicodin more morphine toradol or protonix didn't work. Neither did 3 nitros. Well, my bad, the nitro's did 'help' but only bringing her 12/10 pain down to an 8/10. Have I mentioned yet that she was 42? I should have said, here, I'll put an NG tube down your nose and into your stomach and put it on suction. Then I can stick a rectal tube in you to get the gas out. While we're at it i'll put a foley in, what the hell eh? Then I can put in a couple of 14 gauge needles, you know, just incase we need the access. You know what, lets just skip the iv's and go straight to the central line. Why not have a tube going straight into your heart? I mean, it's for the better. i'll also call up RT and we can get you on a ventilator. OOoo... we might as well make you a tracheostomy, that way if you choke on your cheetos we'll have a back up hole. Then I'll just bring the crash cart in here by your door. dont' worry, i'll put the defibrillator pads on now, that way it will save 10 seconds when you actually start h aving your mi. I'll start a nitro drip. Oh yes, and Here's some more maalox, bitch.
Too bad i never did that. One of my other patients had a temp of 103.4. you know, ridiculously high. His 'friend' is in there, not wife, friend. He had 5 blankets on and was pretty much producing more heat than ... something that would be really hot. So I take his blankets off, explaining to his friend the situation. I had already given him tylenol and it didnt' help. (he's pretty much ou t of it by the way..) He was on 3 different IV antibiotics, so all I coudl do really was cool him down. I left the sheet on him and put a cool rag on his forehead and a fan blowing on him on low. I came back in 20 minutes later to see how he was doing and his friend had put all the blankets back on and covered him in pillows. ...
'umm.... why are all of those blankets back on him?'
' he just gets so cold.'
'did he say he was cold? '
'no, b ut in the nursing home he usually is cold.'
'his temp is 103.4... we really need to get his temperature down. The tylenol isn't helping yet, and he's already on antibiotics.. IT's not good for his brain if it gets higher... ''
This is the best part. Then she starts crying that i'm cruel and not taking into account how he feels.
Alright, straight up crazy face, your friend here is hot. REALLY HOT. feel his body. When you put your hand in his armpit it feels like it's in a cauldron. GET IT? I DON't THINK HE IS COLD. Once again,didn't exactly say that. The charge nurse must have heard her ranting and came over and explained again what I had just said. to her. Then she just left crying and shaking her hands saying we were too lazy to call the doctor, and that she'd just have to pray, and 'leave it up to god.'
yes. good idea. I mean, why do we even have hospitals? All nurses like to do is give people ativan until they are too tired and drowsy to move. That way they can just lay in bed all day getting skin ulcers and we can sit around and eat cookies and play games.
After crazy mcgee left, and I could cool down cauldron pits, he woke up and started to try to crawl out of bed. Then his bed alarm was going off every 5 minutes. Which is the highest pitched thing ever. and reeaaallly loud. you could probably stand 1,000 feet away and still hear it. Pretty sure you can. I mean, if you are goign to design a bed alarm, at least make it play something nice. you already know when it goes off you're going to have to try to get someone back into bed, and they will be ornary and confused. you're not looking forward to going into the room, and then having that horrible noise really makes it much worse. Why can't they make bed alarms that play something nice , like 'honey ... da da da da da da... oh suga suga.. da da da da da da.' or somethign funny, like the monster mash. (it's a graveyard smash..)
Anyways, so I go in there because his bed alARM is going off for the thousandth time, and this time there is blood everywhere, because he had been trying to pull out his foley.
dammit joe. I told you not to pull on that string... but you HAd to do it. you HAd to see what would happen. Now look what you've done. Now you're hemoglobin is probably even lower, and i'll have to transfuse you. What a mess you've made. What a mess.
Then another one of my patients, this awkward old sexual man, (the worst kind.) had his glass eye weirdo son in the room. He tried to get me to date his son. Alright, look old frail 'i h ave to empty your urinal every half hour' man, I don't want to date glass eye over here. What if he's coughing and i hit him on the back and his eye pops out? I don't need that in my life. I'm too busy. Sweet.
I'm too tired to remember why i disliked my other patient. Oh yeah, he was very capable of getting up to use the commode, but just kept deciding that he'd go in the bed. He was also very able to get up and walk into the shower to wash himself off, but instead i had to give him about 29 bed baths to wash off all the fecal matter.
All in all, great day. But thanks for the letter gramps! I'll frame the picture!!
word

lazy

Sorry about not writing on this blog for a while. I've just been too lazy to sign on to the internet. Which is pathetic. I look at the laptop on the floor and just think.. do I really want to open you up? and then have to click on the internet and move the mouse around? mmmm... not really. Rather save my energy for sleeping. Which I have been doing quite a lot of the last couple days. I don't know if I'm still sick.. but I will go to bed at about 1am after work, then wake up at like 4 am and 7am ish to get some water or pee or whatever, then the next time I wake up is about 11:30-1:00. I know. Unreal. Literally all I do is work and sleep, which wouldn't be the case if I didnt' sleep for 12 hours. haha. Today at work my eyes were all red and everyone thought I was having an allergic reaction to something I ate. Nope. Just tired! Only got 9 hours of sleep last night instead of my usual 11. Pathetic? Yes. Yes it is. I think i'm going to start setting my alarm clock for 10:30. That'll be good. You all probably think it's pathetic that I have to set my alarm for 10:30. Tha's fine. But really... if you switch the hours around... that's like going to bed at 10 and waking up at 7:30? Yeah.. nevermind. That's still a lot of sleeping.
Nothing really interesting happening here. I think it's getting to the point where nothing surprises me anymore. I could probably walk into a patients room and find shit all over the floor and see them drinking out of the toiilet and just be like, 'so, when did the loose stools start?' and just start listening to their lungs. This one guy who's 90-something won't get out of bed and only lets me turn him slightly onto either side. His urinal has to constantly be in place, and he uses a whole kleenex blox to blot his pee all day long. I'll go into check his urinal every 2 hours or so and turn him and when I empty the urinal there is literally one hundred kleenex in there and a little dribble of pee at the bottom. One of my co-workers was like, 'make sure you wring out the kleenex's so you can get an accurate out put! ' haha. funny. roxanne. although it was. He also likes to have his entire body slathered with vicks vapo -rub before he goes to bed. not kidding. It's hilarious. He always complains that I have to turn him on his side and I told him today we have to turn him so he doesn't get bed sores. Then I added in, 'because I don't think vick's can help those.' and he just looks me straight in the eye and sais, 'helll yes it will.' I think he was confused. mostly because he's confused every 20 minutes. I'll walk in and he will say something like, 'what the hell is happening? Why did this room change? There used to be bricks on these walls and cement floors. What in gods name have you done? ? ' Then you reorient him and 20 minutes later. ' Are we at the hotel?' Real good times. I just empty his kleenex urine and turn him and re-orient him. Alll in all, it's a good time. Wow. I think I just smelled my feet. They smell real bad. Reeeaal bad.
Which reminds me of another funny thing. I went running the other night after work because I had a lot of energy for some reason, then I got back and was too lazy to shower, so I slept on the couch. I woke up in the middle of the night and was like, damn, I shouldn't have left the window open, there must be a skunk outside. Actually turns out my arm was up and I was just smelling my own armpit. then i laughed for a long time , you know, to myself. Pretty cool.
Today at work roxanne asked me what I do in my free time. Well roxanne, that's a very good question. ... .. I pretty much exercise. and sleep. Sometimes I don't have time for exercising because I sleep too long. lol. Wow. My life is pathetic. then she asked me what I do for exercise. Oh you know, pretty much everything imaginable. Run, walk, rollerblade, bike, ski, swim. Oh, well, I do also have a jump-rope and an exercise ball and some resistance bands. I just bought the billy blanks tae-bo/kickboxing series of dvd's. All 6 of them. Great stuff. I also have this really weird Pilates collection from the dollar store. But it's pilates for the 'very advanced' so It's mostly things like lay on your shoulders and stick your legs straight up into the air, then move your arms and legs around in these certain ways without falling over. In basis, I basically end up doing a whole bunch of backwards somersaults. Oh yes, i also like to read books about health, and other nerdy type things like pathophysiology or finance/history. You know. That just about covers it. Wait, wait. I have a fish. One fish. The bottom feeder is still alive in my tank.
Speaking of, I better get going to I can do some stuff. I keep putting off my chores, like.. putting this orange peel in the garbage. Possibly showering. O.k. Good night!

Little Angies

The past couple days that I had off I went to Duluth to see Julia aka, little, aka Sarah/Mike's kid, and also visit some friends I haven't seen in months. It was an all around good time. I went out to Little Angies, a mexican grill/bar place with a couple of friends. We met there around 9:30 and everything was going fine, until about 10:00. That's when two older men wearing suit coats and ties and stuff walked past our table. As it turned out, they were two investment bankers from new york. We found that out after they came to our table and bought us drinks. It's cool. They were 50. One of them was especially creepy and had red hair, ( red hair kind of creeps me out.. ) anyways, he kept making me feel his bicep. Really ... great...... It was fine the first couple of times but he just kept putting it out there. "Yeah.. feel this! " He kept asking me to arm wrestle him. I mean look, 50+ year old new york investment banker, you're obviously going to beat me in this arm wrestle, so lets just save ourselves the trouble, and NOt do this. But he really needed to arm wrestle I guess, so I arm wrestled him. And lost. Weird. I should have been like, 'what's up homey!? lets have a sit up contest, or a sit and reach contest, I 'll kick your ass!' But I didn't. If that wasn't enough he got off on this tangent about how he thinks his daughter (who is my age..) is a lesbian. He doesn't know for sure if she's a lesbian, but she's going to an all girls school.. (So i guess in his mind, she Must be a lesbian.) The best thing he said all night was probably this, "I mean I guess it's kind of like a compliment to me. She sees how great and successful I am, and I like girls, and I think she wants to be like me, and like girl's too." Yes. That's usually why people are lesbians. They want to be like their dad, and like girls. So true.
A bunch of other stuff happened, but I can't type it out because it hurts too much to type. It even hurts to move my eyes around. I got this virus from julia that basically makes you feel like you got beat up by a bunch of gangsters with bats, and run over by a truck, with a soar throat and some breathing troubles and a temp of 103.
I went to Target to get some more tylenol, because I can't stop sweating. Then all my hair sticks to my face because I'm sweaty. So I put this ridiculous looking polka dotted scarf thing on my head. I guess when people saw me they probably thought to themselves, 'mmm... I guess she's going for the cancer patient look today.' Anyways, on my way to target I realized that i really, really needed gas. So I stopped in to the holiday on the way. I was pulling in to one of the gas thingies, when this guy in a truck with a motorhome attatched gave me this look like, 'I was going to go to that gas pump.' I thought I'd be nice and move my car to a different pump, but I guess I wasn't watching very closely ( I take that back, not watching at all because it hurt to turn my head) the point is, I ran into the metal thing on the end of the pump. Not the actual pump itself, but those pointless metal things that look like horseshoes coming out of the cement block. yeah. woops. Definitely wrecked the side of my car, but it's okay, because it was the side that already had a bunch of dents on the back and rust and holes. Now the plastic thing that was on the door is now gone. Oh well. I'm over it.
Getting into minor car accidents like that always makes me think of getting into major ones. I don't really think about dying in a car accident, or the damage that would be done, I always think about the visit to the ER. Not even getting treated in the ER, just the fact that you'd be pretty out of it and they would have to undress you when you got in. What if you decided not to wear underwear that day? Or the ugliest pair of underwear that you own? Or that you hadn't shaved in 3 weeks. Or washed your hair in two days? You know you'd get made fun of while you were unconscious. So if nothing else, my new motivation to look nice is : -just incase I get into a horrible car accident, I will be showered within the past 48 hours, have clean clothes on, cute underwear on, and will have shaved within the past week.
Wow, looking back at that it really makes me sound like a disgusting person. Those requirements are pretty do-able, and I actually have to strive to make them happen. Well, I think I'm going to go watch a movie and eat some more tylenol now. good stuff.

nightmares

I just woke up from a nightmare and am too lazy to go back to sleep. (is that even possible by the way?) that's not what I meant. I got that from megan boom. That used to be her answer to everything. maybe it still is. I remember I used it for my piano teacher once. She wasn't very impressed. 'Annie, I want you to learn up to the next page on this song." -mmmm... that's not going to work out. 'why?' -eh, to lazy. notice now I only said I used it once. I guess I just wanted to see what she'd do. or maybe I really was just too lazy to do it.
you know when you wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and you're all sweaty and disoriented and scared. I thought I'd do something to take my mind off of that, and the commputer was sitting right here....
Anyways, I woke up from this nightmare that I had about nursing. Yeah, I know. Cool. Apparently, I wasn't descriptive enough in my 'nurses notes' about something and the hospital was getting sued. So I was locked in the room with a glass door and a bed and my old english teacher, ryan v. was standing at the door. I kept asking him if I could leave, and he said no. Not until the case is over, and if the hospital gets sued you're fired. Alright, so when you write it out it sounds stupid as hell...
Not to mention nursing notes are also stupid as hell. We already chart on 4 different things on the computer, and 8 different sheets on a clipboard about them each shift, but no, we have to write a note about them too. Which is fine if something bad happens, or out of the ordinary. The problem is you have to write at least one note per shift. So if the patient just slept the whole shift, you still have to write a note about them.. So, unless something is out of the ordinary I usually just write about 3 sentences. Something like, Pt. vitals stable. Denies pain. Resting in bed with eyes closed. Will continue to monitor. ' then sign. Apparently that's not enough. I think I had this nightmare because I was reading some of the other people's notes. They basically re-state everything they have written in other places. Like they will write down the exact vitals, and where their IV is, what's running, etc. It turns out to be a page long ( of you know, the assessment that you've already charted in the computer.)
I think it will be funny when I go back to work on friday, and write a huge story about each of my patients. Or maybe just one. It could be something like this. (Nobody reads these anyways, so it will be like a joke to myself)

10-6-07 2230 Shift
Patient in room 3005 on Telemetry floor in brainerd hospital, MN zip code 56401. Their hair is brown, but not too dark brown, maybe more of a light auburn and of medium thickness. Head is definitely attatched to neck, which seems to also be well attatched to his torso. All of his extremities are also there as well. He has 38 moles, one on the left upper thigh which could possibly be cancerous. Pt has blinked 237 times during shift, at least that RN could count. Patient had no complaints of pain at 1630, 1700, 1804, (etc, i'd write them all out) His lips seemed a bit chapped so i offered some blistex, which he gladly accepted. He applied the chapstick to the top lip first, then the bottom, and slowly pressed his lips together to spread it around evenly. The IV is dripping in. His D 5 1/2 with 20 MeQ of Potassium is inside of a thick clear plastic bag. It is connected to primary plum pump tubing and pumping through a R157 Med plus Pump. It is into one of the veins on his right hand. Kind of a squiggly little vein. It's a blush color, and I think it's safe to assume it's bringing oxygen depleted blood back to the heart. The pump is runnign at 200ml an hour. It is dripping now. now. now. Now. now.. (etc.) Patient wanted a snack at 1626:04, so i brought him some imitation/generic brand chips ahoy cookies. (the blue bag which came pre-.sealed from a factory in louisiana.) I don't think the cookies have 1,000 chips in every bag, but I'm assuming it's close too it, being it's a competing brand. ) I would like to start a new paragraph at this point, but i can't because I can't leave any extra space in the note, otherwise someone who's real sneaky might come in and write something in under my name. Like, 'I then tried to kill the patient ' and I don't want that to happen,, because I could get fired. Oh yes, and it's also not true. So you'll just have to deal with the no physical topic breaks. I would also like to write that the patient is taking a nap in bed. But i can't do that. Because, what if my assumption is wrong? I can only look in the room and see him laying there with his eyes closed and the covers up and listen to his heavily breathing, and write exactly that. Annie Wyman, RN