what day is it? Anyways, it is in a couple of days, just so you all know. I'm sure she'd appreciate some sweet gifts, like a stethoscope.. or some doctor equipment, or you know, some food. All good ideas. i'd pat myself on the back but then i'd have to lean forward off the couch and try to do it. bad plan.
Anywho, I've been going to this fitness center, it's basically a pile. There are 3 ellipticals, and they aren't even Real ellipticals. they are like the cheap crap imitation ellipticals. then there were 4 treadmills, now there are three because one is 'out of order'. They left a long note on the out of order one. Something like this: "This machine is out of order. It is not a possibility to buy a new one at this time. It is proven that a 'full body' workout is the most effective way to lose weight and stay in shape. Maybe this is a good time for you to change your routine!'
um... what? I'm pretty sure 'out of order' would have done just fine. Then I just got angry. Full body workout? What are you talking about? All you have is these three ellipticals. Change my routine? You change your routine, asshole. Out of order would have worked much better. Or they could just have slipped the machine out the door overnight. Then someone would ask, 'wasn't there another treadmill here? " -um, no... I think you were imagining that.
oh yes, I forgot, there are a bunch of lifting/weight equipment crap in there too. Which is really distracting, because I'll be trying to run, or 'elliptical' and there will be some guy who lifts a weight 8 inches and makes this ridiculously loud groaning noise. Is that really necessary? If it's that heavy that you have to groan, why don't you just switch to a smaller weight? Here, let me just take that large one and give you this 5 pound one. Much easier. When I was in there last night there was just one other guy there... groany mc groanerson. He was around my age I guess, Which when I say that I mean somewhere between 18 and 35, because I can't tell ages.
I don't know why guys have to be so loud to get attention. Like when I'm running and they drive past in their car they rev their engine. I guess in their mind this is what i should think: oooooo.... you have a sweet engine, it's really loud, can i date you? Because that would be amazing, then we could drive around in your car and eat cheetos and rev the engine. Yeessssss.
That I don't mind so much, as long as they have a muffler. It's much worse in the gym. I was on the elliptical. I had made a poor choice, choosing the elliptical right next to the drinking fountain. So this guy would go and lift a weight and make a ridiculously loud groaning noise then make a trip to the drinking fountain. I mean, I can understand, people get thirsty, probably want some water.. but really... after every time you lift a weight? Then he stands 5 feet in front of me and takes his sweatshirt off to reveal... a ginormous blue jersey!! Then he stretches his arms out and turns around and gives me this little nod. Cool. . .Please don't talk to me. But he left to go lift up something else. golden.
The gym is a pile.. until I went downstairs to find.. A DANCING ROOM!!! amazing. no one is ever in it, you know, except from now on it will be me . all the time. Dancing. It will be awkward when people look in and think... mmm. what is that girl doing in there by herself? but hey, it's okay, it's brainerd. People can think i'm weird because i'll move away in 9 months and never see them again. well, hopefully.
i also noticed something really weird today. I think I have too much time to think about things, but the latest random thing I've noticed is how my poop smells. I'm not realizing for the first time that my shit stinks, I'm saying that I notice the particular different smells of the poo that i poo. It could be because I smell several different kinds of peoples poo weekly and have gotten to know the different smells fairly well. Today when I poo'd i thought, wow, that really smells like that one guys poo that used to be in room 3020 with the pacemaker. Or, woah, that is strikingly similar to the poo smell of what's her face who had the amputated leg. I don't think I ever really payed much attention to the smell of poo until I started smelling more often. Sometimes you can even smell a trace of what you ate in your poo. For example, I have noticed that when I eat pizza.. my poo smells faintly of pizza.
One of my coworkers says that when she drinks a lot of coffee her coffee smells like pee. i don't think that's true at all. I have never noticed a difference. Possibly because I drink coffee all the time, so my pee continuously smells like coffee. So many things to think about. Well, I better get back to watching my latest movie. (dodgeball.... amazing.) One of my most favorite parts is when he says: 'we should date, you know, like go out'
(gagging noise..)
-was that a yes?
no actually, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
-you know, in some cultures they only eat vomit. I mean, I've never been there, but i've read about it.. .. in a book!
or when he says. ' here at globo gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness, or necrophiliacs.'
or: hello kate, I didn't realize I was paying you to socialize
- you aren't, i'm off the clock
Well, isn't that convenient for you. and the clock.
I mean, that's just a few things that are said, basically every other sentence is hilarious. Otherwise it wouldnt' keep my attention. Okkaaayy.. that's all bye!
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