vacation

So I'm really excited to go on vacation. I cant' remember the last time I went on vacation. I guess I went to nisswa (20 min. from brainerd.) and stayed with my mom and my sister and smalls once. It was good. Other than that... really can't remember anything. I think my last vacation was in high school when I went to california with my mom, maybe it was florida. Obviously I have a good memory of these things. Oh , i'm an idiot. The last vacation I went on was with my friends on spring break junior year of college. We drove to texas through 'outdoor pursuit.' Then we went to student senate and they funded most of our trip. I believe the total for each person ended up being something like $43.
In summary, I am excited to go to the cayman islands with me mum and sister in february. It should be pretty much amazing. I am bringing 3 outfits. Which are all going to be swimmingsuits followed by some sort of swimmingsuit coverup. Then some running clothes. I could probably fit everything I want to bring in a shopping bag, but that probably wouldnt' look too good at the airport. There are a few things I am concerned about though...
Like they have snorkeling outside the hotel. Which is awesome. PRobably spend most of my time doing that, but.... online at their website, they have pictures of things you can see underwater. It was all good and fine, you know, fish, yellow fish, big fish, squiggly fish, sea turtles.. Then there was a ginormous picture of a barracuda. A barracuda? Um.. isn't the point of this website to try to make people want to come visit your hotel? There wasn't even a warning underneath the picture. Under that picture there was a picture of some coral. Then it said, 'beware of the coral' Apparently the coral can scrape you....
apparently barracudas don't do shit to you ? I'm sorry, but the coral is not going to actively try to take me down and eat my body parts. If I hit the coral it's going to be my own stupid fault. Basically, they are talking about giant muskies, with larger teeth, with bodies of pure muscle and agility. But hey, if you're going to go swimming, watch out for the coral!!
I bet they have to have some foreign guy going around in his boat picking out the dead mangled bodies from the barracudas. Then they can serve us cheaper dinner by using the freshly dead bodies as meat. scary...

ON a different note, I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamed I was at some highschool graduation thing. we were all dressed up in long dresses and or tuxedos and walking up in order to this desk thing where we had to pick up something. Maybe our diplomas. For some reason in this dream, I could not keep my shoes on. I was wearing white socks with my dress heels. Then I couldnt' get the socks off in time for when I was walking up in front of everyone. I finally did and followed the line of people to the desk and then I found out that everyone was paying for something. Not a diploma. I don't remember what it was, but I didn't have any money. Then kathleen ozbun was in front of me and I asked her if we needed it. She said no, but if you wanted it you had to stand in line and pay for it. So then I just walked off onto the side where everyone was done was standing. Afterwards we all went outside. Then I was wearign some shoes that were giving me really bad blisters. Then Brett Mulawka was there... really weird. This kid I was in piano with in 4th grade. Apparently he was now in a wheelchair because he had a tumor in his left tibia, and his dad ( who was an orthopedic surgeon.) found it and had it removed. BUt now he couldnt' walk...? (who knows.) Anyways, we ended up talking for a long time and all of his friends were making fun of us because they thought I had a crush on the kid in the wheelchair. But I did have a crush on the kid in the wheelchair, so I didnt' have any comebacks. Then these puppies got lost and everyone was looking for them, but wheely mcwheelchair and I didn't look for the puppies. We layed in the grass instead, even though I was secretly worried about the puppies, and knew I wsa going to get yelled at for not looking for the puppies. I apparently liked wheelchair mcgee and was going to spend my time with him and his wheelchair.
That's really all that happened in the past 15 hours of my life. Being I slept for the past 13 of them, I didn't really expect much to happen, except for some sweet dreams. Well, gotta get ready for work now, and go buy some chicken noodle soup that I can eat the broth out of. Better keep myself to a tea water broth saltine cracker diet until I'm sure whatever this was is gone. byyee

sick

Sweet day at work today. Wait.. nope. Being it's 8:50 and I've been home for 2 hours. I got to work and got transferred up to 6th floor, (boring ass medical floor...) I didn't even get my own patients. I was the 'help all.' aka, everyone's bitch. This is what I did : answered all the call lights, as in took 5 billion people to the bathroom and wiped them, got everyone fresh ice water,... took blood sugars. I was basically an over-qualified CNA. The whole time I was there I was so tired I felt like I was in an alternate universe. I didn't know why I felt so tired. I found out a bit later. At 6:15 I went to go down to dinner. I was going into the elevator and that's when cute ER boy appeared. Sweet! He was bringing a patient up to the floor, so I help him get the patient settled while everyone else was busy. Then I went back to the elevator with him because I had to go down to 1st floor to go to the cafeteria. Anyways, in the elevator I suddenly felt acutely nauseated. Very acutely. All of the sudden I just said. I think I'm going to throw up. Then the cute Er boy was like, yeah, she did smell kind of funny. (lol.) But then I said, no no, really, I am going to throw up... right now. Good thing I had my tupperware of food with me so I could vomit into it. It was hilarious. I think he thought I was on crack because about 5seconds after I said I feel like i'm going to vomit I vomited. then I just pushed the cover down on the tupperware. He was all, 'um... are you okay? you can lay on the stretcher if you want and i'll bring you to the er...!' once again, hardy har har, hilarious. Except as soon as I was done vomiting I felt very sick again... but not the throw up sick. The other kind of sick. The kind of sick where shit flies out your ass. I obviously didnt' say this. I just said I had to vomit again. (which I also did that.. so it wasn't a total lie..) While the elevator was going down we were both frantically hitting the door open button and different floors, but the elevator door was stuck. nothing was happening. He just kept saying, are you sure you're okay?
Yes. I'm fine. Are you okay? Are you going to throw up from smelling my throw up? At least I'm on my dinner break now so I can so sit in the bathroom and do what I need to do without feeling guilty about not helping people. Maybe I have food poisoning... ?

Then the elevator door finally opened on 1st floor and I ran into the bathroom. Funny. I still dont' even know his name, but he got in pretty close contact with my bodily fluids.
Then I went into the bathroom by the hospital entrance and sat on the toilet while holding the garbage can to vomit into. After about 20 minutes I took the elevator back upstairs and told the charge nurse.
'hey.. sweet news. Just spent the last half an hour forcefully vomiting and diarrhea-ing at the same time. She's like me, so she just looks back at me and goes, awesome. Bet that was a good time. then I said, I think I'm going to go home. And she said she also thinks that is a good idea. So then I came home and until about 15 minutes ago I felt reeeaaalll crappy. Assuming it was food poisoning of some sort. It must have been because i ate cheese last night. ( you know, antibiotic hormone filled cheese... thanks skinny bitches. for making me afraid of meat and dairy products...)
now, I am very tired though. I was going to go to bed early last night but never got around to it because I was too busy watching this amazing movie called 'death proof.' So amazing. I watched teh whole thing 2-3 times, and then the last 1/3 of the movie 5 more times. Mostly because in the last half of the movie these 3 girls that the crazy guy tried to kill go to kill the crazy guy. The best part is when this one girl is like, 'lets go kill this crazy mother f'r' Then she goes and picks up a pipe from the side of the road and gets in the car. Then they find the guy down this dirt road somewhere and they slam their car into him and she runs up and starts beating him with the pipe. Then he drives off, then they chase him down until they crash into his car enough times to knock it over. then they pull him out and punch him a bunch of times saying 'asshole' and 'mother f'er' bitch' etc. until he falls to the ground. hilarious. Most therapeutic movie I have ever seen in my life. You all probably think it sounds sadistic... let me tell you... it's more like amazing. great. sweet. holllllllaaaaaa. I believe my favorite quote from the movie goes somethign like this:

'I don't know what kind of futuristic eutopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.'
'There are other things you can carry other than a gun... pepper spray.'
'Mother f'r try to rape me I don't wanna give him a skin rash, I wanna shut that nigga down!'

Anyways, I recommend the movie. real good. Especially if you have had a bad experience with an evil person before. A+++. Well, gonna go to bed now I think.bye!

......

I guess if a chinese person came here they'd probably think we were all wide eyed freaks. This is a really mean and horrible thing to say, but when I was little I didn't think that their eyes were just like that. I thought that they were trying to see something far away, ( you know.. squinty..) then I realized that I was an idiot. I also remember thinking that the priest in our church was God himself, and one day he shook my hand during the peace and I peed my pants a little. Speaking of peeing, I remember one time in pre-school. This is one of my first memories I think, she was reading us a story on the carpet, our teacher that is, and I raised my hand because i had to pee... REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY BAD. Like to the point of where you are swaying to hold the pee in. And she wouldn't let me go. So I peed on the floor just to spite her. I don't think they even knew it was pee though. Because Everyone was drinking milk and when someone spills milk on the floor they just poured that white powdery stuff on it so it wouldn't mold. (really sanitary. ) she just poured that white stuff on my pee. To this day all those kids are probably sitting on that same rug filled with old milk and pee. Poor little guys. No wonder kids get sick so much. When someone pees on the floor in the hospital I don't just throw some white powder on it and let it chill.
I also remember we did this one test thing, and we were writing out the numbers and letters. It was one of those standardized test things where we all had to go in a corner and fill out our own answers while the teacher read us questions. All I remember from that is that when I was writing the numbers out I got to number 6 and was all... what the hell... that's not right. I kept making it look like a G and confusing myself. I kept erasing and re-writing the stupid 6 until there was a giant hole in the paper. Then I was basically lost for the rest of the test because I didnt' keep going and answering her questions ( you also can't read very well when you're 4) . I spent my time trying to re-write the 6. So my numbers mostly went 1,2,3,4,5, giant hole, 7,8,9,10. Good call wyman. you got 9 right, plus the rest of the test wrong that you didn't answer the questions for. excellent work. I wonder why I wasn't sent to a special school for kids like forrest gump, or down syndromes that pee their pants all the time. Ill have to check with the rents on that one.

races

As I was in st cloud today, you know a real 'diverse' area. Well, compared to brainerd I guess most everything is. Anyways, I noticed today that I can't tell a difference in how other races look. Especially chinese people. If I ever went to china, and talked to 5 people, I would never be able to pick those people out of a crowd... ever. Everyone would be my friend, because I may have met them and just not recognize them. Also the other way around. The chinese/japanese are especially hard because their hair color and eye color is usually all the same too. And their eyes all look the same. Wow, I really am making myself sound like a bitch right now, but it's true. I have nothing against any other race, I just can't tell anyone apart for the life of me. Even black people. Some guy could come up to me and be all like, 'Hi!' then I could be like, 'hi.' He could even say something like, don't you recognize me? I'm Jay z! or Chris brown, or whoever the hell else is a rapper. Then I'd just be all, ' sWEett! I totally recognize you now....'
I supposed after I knew someone for months at a time I would recognize them better... but its' really hard. I think I either need to live in africa or china so I can get used to what other people look like. At first I'm sure it would be basically like every guy was jackie chan, and every girl was the lady from that movie 'crouching tiger hidden dragon.' except they wouldnt' be able to fly around and take huge ginormous leaps over trees and fight people with swords at 5x the normal speed. Well.. maybe they could. Then they would at least be easier to tell apart.
I have more to say but my fingers are moving faster than this keyboard can register them into the computer. So it's really annoying to want to see what I've typed, and then watch the words come up on to the computer seconds later. Kind of makes you feel like you're in an alternate universe. That's all for now. Short blog compared to below. Just can't sleep, and am bored and tired at the same time. Byye!

continuations of s-b's

I've decided today that i'm going to write a letter to the skinny bitches. I'd like to talk to them about animal tested make-up. At least when we tortue our animals in slaughter houses we eat the meat. When we torture animals for makeup/hair product testing, what really is the good in that? Animals get horrible rashes and die from anaphylactic reactions so we can figure out which make-up works best. Real productive great ideas. I'll just make a deal with the models, if they stop using hair products and make-up, I'll become vegan. Also, they have to start shopping at good will, or worse yet... Target. So poor starving children won't be making their clothes. Or have them read this:
A Look at the Dangers of Soy to the Health of Your Thyroid
Health and nutrition magazines tout the benefits of soy as a cure-all for women's health, hormonal problems, cancer prevention, weight loss, and many other problems. The reality, however, is that promotion of soy may be more a matter of business and marketing, rather than recommendations based on sound scientific evidence. Isoflavones, the key components of soy that make them so potent as a posible substitute for hormone replacement, mean that soy products, while touted as foods and nutritional products -- often are used and act as like a hormonal drug. If you have a diagnosed or undiagnosed thyroid problem, or a history of autoimmune disease, overconsumption of soy isoflavones can potentially trigger a thyroid condition. Soy foods can worsen an existing diagnosed thyroid problem in many people. In both cases the symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain, and depression or moodiness are often overlooked and hard to diagnose. A recent study found that as millions of Americans -- perhaps as many as more than 10 million -- have an undiagnosed thyroid condition. The vast majority of thyroid patients are women over 40. This is the same group that, responding to marketing claims that promote soy as helping to prevent breast cancer, reducing the risk of high cholesterol or heart disease, or as a treatment for symptoms of menopause, are turning to soy foods and isoflavone supplements in vast numbers.Here is more information regarding soy and its relationship to the thyroid. FDA's Soy Experts Speak Out Against Soy "there is abundant evidence that some of the isoflavones found in soy, including genistein and equol, a metabolize of daidzen, demonstrate toxicity in estrogen sensitive tissues and in the thyroid. This is true for a number of species, including humans. Additionally, isoflavones are inhibitors of the thyroid peroxidase which makes T3 and T4. Inhibition can be expected to generate thyroid abnormalities, including goiter and autoimmune thyroiditis. There exists a significant body of animal data that demonstrates goitrogenic and even carcinogenic effects of soy products. Moreover, there are significant reports of goitrogenic effects from soy consumption in human infants and adults."
or this:
And, of course, vegetarians are a good market for soy products, because proponents claim it to be an excellent non-meat protein source. Unfortunately, the proponents don’t publicize research like that conducted more than 30 years ago, which found that processing soybeans renders the fragile protein content largely ineffective. A 1971 study published as “Studies on the Processing and Properties of Soymilk” in the J Sci Food Agri, found that in order to neutralize the protease inhibitors (enzymes that inhibit the digestion of protein) in soy, processors of products like soy protein isolate and textured vegetable protein must heat it to very high temperatures under pressure and for considerable time, a process that denatures the protein content. It is also known that these inhibitors may cause pancreatic disorders.
The Gerson Institute, a 30-year-old non-profit organization dedicated to healing and preventing chronic and degenerative diseases through natural therapy involving cleansing and immune system boosting, says that the positive aspects of the soybean are overshadowed by their potential for harm. In his classic book, A Cancer Therapy - Results of 50 Cases, Dr. Max Gerson put soy and soy products on the forbidden list of foods for Gerson Therapy patients. At the time, his greatest concerns were two items: the high oil content of soy and soy products (they can add as much as nine grams of fat per serving) and the rather high rate of allergic reactions to soy.
Soy is thought by some vegans to be a source of Vitamin B12. But there is research to indicate that Vitamin B12 analogs in soy are not absorbed and may actually increase the body’s requirement for the vitamin. Soy also apparently increases the body’s requirement for vitamin D.
Other research has found that high levels of phytic acid in soy reduce assimilation of calcium, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc. The phytic acid is not neutralized by ordinary preparation methods such as soaking, sprouting and long, slow cooking.
You have evidently heard about the research that suggests a link between soy and cancer, especially breast cancer. The cause of this potential problem are isoflavones, also called phytoestrogens because they mimic estrogen. Some studies suggest that high isoflavone levels might increase the risk of cancer, particularly breast cancer, in postmeno- pausal women. Research data, however, are not conclusive, and some studies show just the opposite – under some conditions, soy may help prevent breast cancer.
Recent research at Belfast’s Royal Maternity Hospital indicates that isoflavones decrease the ability of a man’s sperm to fertilize eggs.
Children are at especially great danger from the phytoestrogen in soy-based formula. According to the Washington DC-based Weston A. Price Foundation, there are many adverse effects reported in the scientific literature, including thyroid disorders, asthma, digestive disorders, calcium deficiencies leading to rickets, high manganese levels leading to brain damage and endocrine disruption. A 1986 study in Puerto Rico found that use of soy formula was strongly correlated with premature maturation in girls. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics admits that early exposure to soy through commercial infant formulas may be a leading cause of soy allergies among older children and adults. The Weston A. Price Foundation is investigating instances of serious physical or medical consequences as a result of eating soy and is contemplating providing assistance to those who want to pursue legal action.
John Henkel, a member of FDA’s public affairs staff, says that although the research community has varying degrees of concern about a possible “dark side” to soy consumption, one thread runs consistently through its messages: the need for more research. A number of studies are underway, like a long-term, multi- generational study in rats by FDA’s National Center for Toxicological Research and a long-term follow-up study on the safety of soy infant formula at the National Institutes of Health.
In the meantime, you can save yourself and your family some potential problems by limiting soy use to fermented products like tempeh or miso. (An estimated 70 percent of supermarket products contain soy and it is a component of animal feed.) Fermentation reduces the phytate and antinutrient levels of soybeans, making their nourishment available to the human digestive system. However, make sure you are using products that originate with organic soy beans, since most of the North American soy crop is genetically modified and treated with dangerous chemicals.

So really, in summary everything is poison. Even water. Even bottled water. The air too. All filled with shitty chemicals. We'll all die of cancer from all of these chemicals from whatever it is that we eat, so in summary, Eat whatever you want and try not to be obese, because that just magnifies your risk about 10,000 times of getting disease. sweeeeeeeettt.

skinny bitches

I had my acls course today, (which I passed.. woop woop.) then I went running outside, but made it like 3 miles out and my knee hurt so I had to walk back really slow.. and I got reaaaalllyy cold. I came home and layed in my bed with the hairdryer on and listened to my ipod for 15 minutes. Then I made this banana smoothie thingy. Delicious. Take some milk and like 4 bananas and I found some vanilla frozen yogurt- blue bunny. actually very good. Like it better than real ice cream. probably because so much extra crap is in it. Couple scoops of that, some cinnamon and I added some fiber with these fiber packets I stole from mom's clinic. I am however very gassy right now. I hope that stuff wasn't miralax. crap. These packets were just sitting there in this bag. I couldn't waste them. There are old people e verywhere constipated. I'm not going to sit back and watch these perfectly good fiberous non-thickening powder substances go to waste. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few hours. Then I ate a ginormous bowl of chicken soup that I made. ( I know, look at all this cooking i'm doing!) Then I went to target to buy a really large warm robe being i dont' heat my house past 58 degrees, it gets real chilly after you get out of the shower. If I would have just spent the money heating my house, I could have saved the money on the robe, but I'm an idiot that way. Anyways, back to what I ate today. i just ate a bunch of dark chocolate with mint. frickin delicious. I also ate some more chicken soup a while ago, and for lunch i had a hamburger from the cafeteria and work and I ate 2 apples and this yogurt smoothie thing. Then before that I ate some oatmeal. The reason I am telling you everything I ate is because I just read this book I bought from target that basically says all food that is beef pork chicken fish milk cheese yogurt or eggs is poison. Now I really dont' know what to do. When I saw the book in the store, it's called 'skinny bitch' by the way. It caught my eye as I was searching for something to read, being brainerd doesn't have a barnes and noble that I can sit in and read books for free in, I have to scrounge the shelves of target. PAthetic. Anyways, I read a couple of pages in it, and I read the back and it seemed like it would be a hilarious book. There are these two models that wrote the book, that must have been hypoglycemic when they wrote the book.... because it's ridiculous. But actually, I'm starting to buy into it. Well, now at least I am more aware of what actually goes on in slaughter houses. the book really isn't much about anything except eating slaughtered animals. The first like 15 pages say stuff like, don't drink soda, don't use artificial sweeteners, don't smoke, don't drink, don't use cocaine, don't eat chips, etc. then from then on they started talking about getting rid of meat from the diet. I don't really think meat is disgusting, or at least I didn't really think twice about it until I read this book. I had no idea of all of the antibiotics and steroids and poisons are in meat. If they even are. Maybe these people are on crack, which is entirely possible. I mean, they probably just payed a bunch of nerds to get all this research done, which they would have done. Because lets face it, if you're a model and ask some guy to do something for you, you can consider it done. After readign this book and looking back at my day of eating the only thing I ate that wasn't poison was the apples and oatmeal. Also water. That's it. And possibly the vegetables in the soup, but you know, they were contaminated by the chicken I had put in there.
Basically the book is about 200 pages, 15 pages of dietning advice, and the other 185 are about why you shouldn't eat meat eggs milk etc. Also how the USDA is a caniving horrible system that you can't trust because the people in it are there to get money, which they get by authorizing foods/ promoting them. Even if they are unhealthy. Here are some direct quotes, which are all really disturbing.

'udders, under normal conditions, would supply about ten pounds of milk a day. farmers have their cows producing up to a hundred gallons a day. there is no gentle farmer milking the cow with a bucket between his feet. Cows are milked by machine, metal clamps are attached to the cows' sensitive udders. The udders become sore and infected. pus forms. but the machines keep on milking, sucking the dead white blood cells into the milk. How freaking gross is that? to get rid of all the bacteria and other shit, milk must be pasteurized, but pasteurization destroys beneficials enzymes and makes calcium less available without even killing all the viruses or bacteria, hell, even radioactive particlles are found in milk!'

'stunned or not, cows and hogs are 'strung up' from the ceiling by a chain attatched to their leg(s). In theory, while they dangle there they are supp[osed to be unconscious. But often they are fully conscious, struggling, screaming and fearfully staring at the workers while they have their throats stabbed open. Next they travel along a bleed rail where they should bleed to death. But again, these large, frightened , struggling conscious animals are difficult targets and the 'stickers' (workers who cut their throats) dont' always get a good cut. before cows can bleed to death they are sent on their way to the 'head skinners' where the skin is sliced from their heads while they are still conscious. of course, this is excruciatingly painful, and the cows kick and struggle. To avoid getting injured by the strugglying animals, workers will sometimes sever the spinal cord with a knife blow to the back of the head. This paralyzes the animal below the neck so that the workers are safe. but the cow can still feel their skin being sliced away from their faces. Next their legs and head are shopped off, their entrails removed from their bodies, and then fimally they are split in half. '

'In the book slaughterhouse, gail einsitz, chief investigator for the humane farming association interviewed dozenns of slaughter house workers throughout the country. EVery singly one admitted to abusing animals or neglecting to report those who did. '

this is where it gets gross. There are all of these quotes from slaugherhouse workers.

'I seen them take those stunners, they're about as long as a yard stick-and shove it up the hog's ass...They do it with cows, too...and in their ears, their eyes, down their throat, They'll be squealing and they'll just shot it right down there.'

'If you have one ( a hog) that refuses to move you take a meathole and hook it into his bunghole (anus). You're dragging these hogs alive, and a lot of times the meat hook rips out of the bunghole. i've seen hams, thighs completely ripped open, intestines coming out. If the hog collapses at the beginning of the chute you shove the hook through their cheek, or in their mouth, or the roof of their mouth, and they're still alive.'

'pigs will come up and nuzzle you like a puppy. Two minutes later you have to kill them, beat them to death with a pipe.'


'sometimes I grab a hog by the ear and stick it right through the eye. I'm not just taking it's eye out, i'll go al the way up through the hilt, right up through the brain and wiggle the knife.'

'you go in hard, push hard, blow the windpipe, make it drown in it's own blood. split it's nose. A live hog would be running around in the pit, it would look up at me and i'd be sticking, id just cut it's eye out while it was sitting there, and the hog would just scream.'

'i've seen live animals shackled, hoisted, suck and skinned . too many to count. too many to remember. its' just a process that's continually there. i've seen shackled beef looking around before they've been stuck. I've seen hogs that are supposedly dead and gleeding get up after they've been stuck, then they are in the scalding tubs trying to swim.They hit the scalding tank and then start screaming and kicking. sometimes they thrash so much they kick water out of the tank. sooner or later they drown. There's a rotating arm that pushes them under, no chance for them to get out. I'm not sure if they burn to death before they drown, but it takes them a couple of minutes to stop thrashing. '

'i've drug cows till their bones start breaking ,while they were still alive. bringin them around the corner and they get stuck up in teh doorway, just pull them till their hide be ripped, till the blood just drip on the steel and concrete, breaking their legs, and the cow will be crying with it's tongue stuck out. They just pull him till his neck pop.

Then they talk about how all of these slaughter houses are in such crappy conditions and they animals have to all be on antibiotics so they won't die, and all the chemicals and crap they have to use to kill the viruses and other stuff that is living in the meat. There's also this other disgusting quote.

'accordign to the congressional testimony of one former perdue worker, the poultry plants are filthy. She said there were flies, rats and 5 inch long cockroaches covering the walls and floors. Believe it or not, it gets worse, "after they are hung, sometimes the chickens fall off into the drain that runs down the middle of the line. This is where roaches, intestines, diseased parts, fecal contamination and blood are washed down. Workers vomit in to the drain, emplyees are constantly chewing and spitting snuff and tobacco on the floor , sometimes they have to relieve themselves on the floor. The perdue supervisors told us to take the fallen chickens out of the drain and send them down the line.'A usda inspector said 'one time we shined a flashlight into a hole they were crawling in and out, and they were so thick it was like maggots, you couldn't even see the surface.'

another worker said, 'I personally have seen rotten met, you can tell by the odor. Thsi rotten meat is mixed with the fresh meat and is sold for baby food. we are asked to mix it with the fresh food, food and this is the way it is sold. you can see the worms inside the meat.

Then they talk about more depressing things. Like how pigs are much smarter than dogs and three year old humans. Then they talk about all the lawsuits and crap the usda has gotten out of, and how they are conspiring with the farmers to make money. (how do I know the skinny bitches aren't conspiring with the tofu and soy companies? they mention several VERy specific products in their book, and specifically say that Only this product of teh version of fake egg cheese omlet pork loaf is the best. ... ?) They Also let some more depressing knowledge out on how the animals are transported. No water or anything. Then when its' cold their skin sticks to the metal so when they are supposed to come out of the truck they pull the pig and their leg will just stick to the wall because the skin is frozen there, and usually half are dead by the time they get there. If it's hot half the pigs are dead and are rotting in the heat when they open the truck. The book is basically not at all about 'skinny bitches.' I thought it would be a funny book about like ridiculous things. Instead it was a horrible depressing vegan inspiring book. I was so very wrong.

Then I started thinking. not just animal products are contaminated. Everything is contaminated. Vegetables and fruits are not necessarily safe. People use maneur to grow their crops, and often e-coli is found in juice. There are factories and crap that release chemicals into the air and the rain clouds and all of those chemicals fall down in the rain that waters our crops. Animals pee and poop all over the ground that we grow our stuff in. The public water system is filled with antibiotics and other drugs. ( you know, from when nurses pour them down the sink. i don't do that. I throw it in the garbage. Especially if it's like a half a vicodin or something.) I know, don't tell anybody. I'm a bad nurse, but a good environmental friendly nurse. I remember one of my co-workers was trying to put a vicodin down the sink but it wouldn't fit because the sink had holes. I was just like.. umm.. why dont' you just throw that away..
This was her response. " you can't do that!! Someone could just come and eat it out of the garbage.'

Right.

I mean, if I was addicted to morphine, I would definitely go digging through the hospital garbage filled with poop diapers and blood and needles to try to find a vicodin, or possibly some IV morphine someone might have squirted into the garbage. i'll just have to lick ALL of the wet bags to find out which one is the morphine. People are idiots. The problem is not the meat. The problem is that america is filled with obese people who eat waaayy more food than they need to eat. If they didn't need to eat all of this meat and crap all the time, and we didnt' have mcdonalds's to serve them contamined slabs of steroid antibiotics on bread, farmers wouldnt' have to try to mass produce things and keep their animals in such crappy crap conditions. We should just not have farmers at all. Shit. Lets just tear everything down and eat berries and twigs. No body has any more jobs. Nobody watches tv. There is no more type two diabetes. In fact, type one diabetes and other genetic diseases that were fatal would probably just get eliminated. Just because of the simple reason that someone that is dead can't give their genetics to their child. So only genetically healthy people would re-create. then when they died it would be from something that would kill them. There woudl be no medicine and other stuff. We wouldn't be prolonging people's death's until they are 95 , on 35 medications to survive,and can't remember where their left hand is. When you think about it we ar e actually killing ourselves, destroying the earth, making more and more complicated diseases.
It's sad to think about all the crap in slaughterhouses, but it's hard to believe people care more about that than starvign people in africa. They would rather be 'skinny bitches' and buy designer clothing made from starving children in africa who's mother's have aids because their stinky ass crap worthless man whore fathers gave it to them. Now everyone in africa will have to die because the guys just can't keep it in their pants. Stupid assholes. Once again off the topic.
If these two models are so adamant about not eating meat, and feel so bad for these animals, and think that the antibiotics steroids and poisons are contaming society... why did they just write a book about it...? I hate that when people write books about things and do nothing to change it. Maybe they say they're changing things because they're creating awareness. Awareness does nothing. Sweet. I'm totally aware that animals are treated poorly. not only for eating but for testing stupid cosmetics. Once again, if we lived in the stone age, people wouldn't even know what make up was. I mean, shit, nobody would even know if they were ugly because there woudl be no mirrors. I don't know about any of you, I but I could have definitely been perfectly happy without ever looking in a mirror my whole life. Everyone would be so dirty that you couldn't see any faces anyways. With this long 'over one hour it took me to post this blog' I'm going to go to bed. it's not 1am and i planned on going to bed two hours ago. Stupid book. Stupid skinny bitches. why aren't I a dirty meat eating caveman?

clarification

just to clarify, I never re-read anything, so at the end when I said 'he peed the bed.' I'm talking about the patient, not the cute boy. I believe i made it sound like the cute boy had peed the bed and has braces on his legs. (usually the way I like em.) Just kidding. So , when you read the below entry, I am talking about the patient who peed the bed and has braces.

nothing inparticular

It snowed a bunch today. Another 8 inches here. Super awesome. Snow isn't so bad, but the parts that suck about it are the parking lots. Not just any particular parking.lot, all of them . I don't know why, but when it snows people just become ridiculously terrible at parking. It's o-k to part 2 feet next to a car in the snow.. just like it is without the snow. The best is looking around for a spot and you find one that's not quite wide enough, because some asshole took up 10 feet to park in. Just because you can't see the lines doesn't mean you can park anywhere. If that was the case I would park directly in front of the door, and if I got towed I would just say I couldn't see the lines.
I also hate it when people are ridiculously cautious in the snow. For example, this morning when I left my apartment for acls training, it had just started snowing. There was maybe a half an inch of snow covering the roads. I was behind this lady driving a van. The only thing worse is driving behind some really old lady who isn't e ven tall enough to see out the windows and is just kind of veering around in the lane/s. That's cool too. But hey, she's 95 and a raisin, she has an excuse. 35 year old women driving vans dont' have an excuse to suck at driving. This lady was going 21 mph on a paved road. Um... what's wrong with you? The road is still black. You could easily double your speed right now. Then she stopped for a stop sign a block in advance. Then when I wanted to turn right in the right lane, she took up both lanes. Once again, no brains. Because there are no lines means you can drive wherever the hell you want to. It's funny how I remember what happened with the van lady and I can't remember the difference between adenosine and atropine. Let me tell you.. it's a BIG difference. It's things like that that I need to remember, especially when someone's dying. That's key.
Some exciting news, Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than red wine and green tea! Amazing. What I dont' understand is how massive amounts of these aren't good for y ou.. well, excluding tea. But even tea stains your teeth. If massive amounts were good I'd get trashed with red wine everynight and eat a pound of dark chocolate. If a little is good... why not lots? How come it doesn't get even better with more..?
What else happened the past couple days. Oh yes, work was kind of interesting... and awkward. I don't really like working weekends because there are no tests that can really get done because nobody else works on the weekends except doctors, nurses and the lab. So basically, if someone has a heart attack on friday after 5pm, they just chill until they can get all their tests done on monday morning. So, in summary, any patient you have for the weekends stays for the weekend. So if you have crappy annoying patients you know you will see them the next day... and the day after that... and the day after that too until they go home. This one particular 96 year old raisin lady got on my nerves. At first she was cute.... that faded away rather quickly. She never really opened her eyes, except for when I asked her to, then she opened one, halfway, for about 3 seconds. Anyways, this was our conversation, ever 5-7 minutes, for 8.5 hours. for three days in a row.

Her: 'uggh what is this box?'
Thats your heart monitor. you can just let that sit in your pocket there.. where it is.'
'ugghh.. I think i'm choking.'
hmmm... nope. That's your oxygen cord, I'll loosen it more for you.'
'I just can't seem to get comfortable here.' (squirming around aimlessly.) What is this box?
That's your heart monitor.
'What is this.. It's choking me.'
That's your oxygen. it helps you breathe.
(this same conversation x5.)

Then, after she squirmed around so much she would make herself short of breath.
her: 'I just cant' seem to catch my breath.'
I would then check her o2 sats.
'Well, you're 97%, why dont' you try breathing through your nose. The oxygen is in your nose, and when you breathe through your mouth it doesn't help as much.'
(Then she would continue breathing through her mouth and squirming around.This scenario would then happen 5-7 times.)

her: 'I just can't seem to get comfortable. Something is choking me. '

OH MY GOD. IT's YOUR OXYGEN. THAT BOX IS YOUR TELEMETRY. BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE.

Then she would not understand anything that you said to her.
'what am i eating here?
-it looks like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.'
'i dont' remember ordering this.
-you did.
'oh okay. I remember I got a menu, but I thought it was for tomorrow.'
-you did. That was yesterday.
'but I dont' know what I'm eating. What is this?'
'meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Do you like that?
'yes, but i'm not very hungry.'
-there is a menu here. this is for tomorrow's meals. I'll help you fill it out.
'Why did they bring me this if I haven't even ordered on the menu yet?'
-this menu is for TOMORROW. the food you will get TOMORROW.

several conversations like this. Several. She had a bed alarm on because she was too crazy to use the call light. She knew she was supposed to, but wouldnt' do it. So every 5 seconds her alarm would be beeping because she would be worried about something.

'What am I doing here? '
'You had some shortness of breath at home and they brought you in.''
'Well how come a doctor isn't seeign me?'
they are. They just saw you an h our ago and will see you tomorrow morning.
'well what am i supposed to do until then?' (this was at 2 am.)
'Rest.'
'you mean i'm just supposed to lay here?'
'Yes. Unless you would like to sit up in the chair for a while.'
'Well, what is the plan here?

etc. etc. etc. Usually I think it's funny, and I did for the first couple hours of friday... but then saturday sunday and monday just got old. Really old.
There was also a lady with schizophrenia in for respiratory failure. That was also interesting. She kept asking for stuff from the psych unit like color crayons and stuff, and she was 55. She had a huge breakdown at 10 pm, and I sat in her room with her and she talked to me for an hour and 40 minutes about her childhood. Which was all really sad and depressing. No wonder she had schizo. She had like 4 different dads, which 3 of them sexually assaulted her, her mom was crazy, and also knew about the sexual assaulting and was glad it was happening to her ( the daughter) instead of herself. Mostly because her dad/s were drunken asshole mcgees. her brother set her room on fire twice then burnt the house down, she ran away from home to stay at this one family's house but the family she was staying with the son there assaulted her too. Then she had a brigade of shitty boyfriends, much like my previous one. I never really know what to say to people, except I could relate to some of the crap she was talking about. So there was some comic relief, like when we decided we were going to take a plyers and rip off our boyfriends wangs. That was cool. It kind of just makes you think about why people go crazy and or are crazy.

What else. I made some soup today. Chicken soup. It's pretty... good./ok. There really is nothign else. I take my acls test tomorrow. Hopefully I'll pass that stuff. I also have a new motivation to go to work. There is a cute boy that works in the ER. He also works evenings and brings up admits to the floors. I don't know what he is.. probably an emt. They usually get stuck doing things like that. the nice thing about living in smalls towns is that everyone knows eachother. AFter he brings my patients up, they usually tell me some random fact about him. So far I know that his dad is a doctor at the hospital, his brother is a priest, he graduated high school with one of my co -workers, (whom I went to college with), his name is matt, his family has a dog, he has another brother and an older sister, and lives in a house next to denise, one of the nurses on 2nd floor. Sweet. Maybe the next time I see him I'll ask him how his priest brother is. That should creep him out. Until then, at least when I get admits I have something forward to look forward too. I don't really care if I talk to him that much, I could just sit there and look at his face for a couple minutes. that's good enough. Last time an admit came up, he peed the bed and he helped me get his pants and braces and shoes off, and he handed me gloves so I wouldnt' get pee all over my hands. How thoughtful. That's all I got. Bye!