I wanted to sleep in today. Like maybe until around this time or later. However, the guy/girl, or whatever it is that lives above me likes to play his death dying angry sounding music real loud at 7:15 am. Which is fine. It also sounds like he is rearranging his room, because all of these other loud noises always happen. Maybe I'll decide to have dance parties by myself when I get home from work around 12:15am.
Well, when he woke me up this morning I couldn't fall back to sleep so I decided to bake a squash. Probably not the most common thing someone does when they can't sleep, but my options are limited here. I had already fed the guppy. It was just a regular green squash. But it took me 20 minutes to cut it open. 20 minutes. That's unreal. That's when I decided it would be sweet to live with hulk hogan. I could just be all, 'hulk, open this' then he'd walk in and be all 'okay.' Then he'd smash it into his head into two perfect halves. He would work pretty well. Although a chinese man with huge sword would also have done the job. Hulk would be more handy in other situations, like, hulk, lift up this fridge.
But then I thought of an even better idea. A ridiculously strong midget. One small enough to fit into a backpack or something, then you could just carry him/her around. Possibly like a midget slave? Then if someone threatened to beat you up, you could just be like 'I dont' think so..' then open the backpack and the ridiculously strong midget slave would beat them up. He could also hide in cool places, like in cupboards and stuff. He would also be really handy at work. I was trying to put a catheter in this lady in the icu and she had so much to hold back. It was also really hard to see even with all the lights on. My arm was actually starting to shake from trying to hold all of her fat back, while keep her labias open at the same time. That's when midget slave could help. He, or she, wouldn't have to be that strong all the time. Like if you're laying in bed, but you're hungry, but you don't want to get up because you're all warm and lazy, you could ask midget slave to whip you up a lil' somethin to eat.
By the way, I hope nobody reads this one.... because it's especially weird.
On a different note, in a diet book I read, Cinnamon is actually a proven spice to help ..what's the word.. I can't think of it, it makes you not hungry. Decrease your appetite. that's what I wanted to say. So start putting it on everything you eat. Or you know, just eat it plain. Whatever floats your boat. Don't think it's a good idea? Well, you can go to hell. I'll be standing outside your hospital room watching you get your triple bypass done while I eat my cinnamon- ham sandwich. Jerk.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Diet books
Lately I've been reading some Diet books for fun, including those books that every food item and how many calories it is. I know, could you read a nerdier thing? Some of the things in it are funny, like a fish taco is 231 calories. Overall the books haven't been too bad, but the thing I've noticied is that every paragraph or so they mention specific foods. For example, they will write, "You will make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. So when you can't resist that bagel smothered in cream cheese, it's okay. As long as you don't eat 10 of them."
It wouldnt' be so bad if they just had a couple of these laiden throughout the book, but they are literally on every page. So basically, all I want to do when I get done reading the book is eat everything they've mentioned. MMM bagels. MMM mozarella sticks. MMM ice cream. Pretty sure when I was done reading the book I actually went to cub foods and bought some bagels and ice cream. Thanks a lot 'YOU, on a diet." For ruining any chances that I had.
How are you supposed to eat less food if you know it's okay to make mistakes? This is how my diet would go, in real life, this is pretty much how it is:
Breakfast: fiber cereal
3 mistakes, -donut, pizza slice, and sugary starbucks coffee
Lunch: Orange, yogurt, 2 mistakes- chocolate chip cookies.
Dinner: pretty much mistakes. But hey, it's cool. I'm still on a diet.
What we really need are anorexics to write diet books. Now that's a good idea.
If anorexics wrote diet books that's when america would start losing weight. 'Look at that bagel. There are 300 calories in there. That's almost 1/10 of a pound. Don't you want to fit into those size 2 pants? WELl.. don't you!? Food is the devil. When you eat you are being weak. WEAK. Make ridiculous rules, (well i guess they wouldn't say ridiculous) Make Rules, like, this week, I'm only going to eat oranges. when you eat the same thing over and over again, your appetite for food decreases. you may start out with 5 oranges a day, but by the end of the week you may only want one, or not any at all because you are so damned sick of oranges. Using foods you detest are also a good idea, like if you hate sushi, tell yourself you can only eat that. It eliminates even the possibility of eating something else. and if you make a mistake, punish yourself. Such as, if you screw up and eat something, then you won't be able to talk to any of your friends that day. All you have to do after that is find yourself a model, For example the late jane fonda, or mary kay during her treatment phase. Find someone who is the ideal size and don't stop until you look exactly like them, or smaller. Oh yes, and one more thing, 74 is the perfect weight. '
Books like that would get me a whole lot farther on the diet plan than 'mistakes mcgee ' book.
A couple of my friends tried weight watchers once. I remember one of them told me a story once. I guess in weight watchers at each weekly meeting they have some sort of speaker come. That week they had this one lady, who basically said, 'People always think they just need to 'try' something, or have a little taste. Soon that little taste becomes and entire piece of cheesecake. All you need to do, is remember how everything tastes. It's so simple. I don't know why people haven't thought of it before. Just tell yourself, I don't need to try that, I can close my eyes and remember how it tastes.'
yes. remember how it tastes. What an excellent suggestion.
However there is a problem with that one as well. What if you don't remember? I mean, I know cheesecake tastes good, but I don't remember Exactly how it tastes. Or hamburgers. They are good too. I don't really remember exactly how they taste either. All I really remember what the taste is, is what I am currently eating, which is usually something... all of the time. Speaking of, I am going to go eat some pudding, being I just finished these crackers.
In conclusion, we need to go to eating disorder rehab centers and interview everyone, have them write down their strategies, or possibly some little secrets. Colace anyone?
It wouldnt' be so bad if they just had a couple of these laiden throughout the book, but they are literally on every page. So basically, all I want to do when I get done reading the book is eat everything they've mentioned. MMM bagels. MMM mozarella sticks. MMM ice cream. Pretty sure when I was done reading the book I actually went to cub foods and bought some bagels and ice cream. Thanks a lot 'YOU, on a diet." For ruining any chances that I had.
How are you supposed to eat less food if you know it's okay to make mistakes? This is how my diet would go, in real life, this is pretty much how it is:
Breakfast: fiber cereal
3 mistakes, -donut, pizza slice, and sugary starbucks coffee
Lunch: Orange, yogurt, 2 mistakes- chocolate chip cookies.
Dinner: pretty much mistakes. But hey, it's cool. I'm still on a diet.
What we really need are anorexics to write diet books. Now that's a good idea.
If anorexics wrote diet books that's when america would start losing weight. 'Look at that bagel. There are 300 calories in there. That's almost 1/10 of a pound. Don't you want to fit into those size 2 pants? WELl.. don't you!? Food is the devil. When you eat you are being weak. WEAK. Make ridiculous rules, (well i guess they wouldn't say ridiculous) Make Rules, like, this week, I'm only going to eat oranges. when you eat the same thing over and over again, your appetite for food decreases. you may start out with 5 oranges a day, but by the end of the week you may only want one, or not any at all because you are so damned sick of oranges. Using foods you detest are also a good idea, like if you hate sushi, tell yourself you can only eat that. It eliminates even the possibility of eating something else. and if you make a mistake, punish yourself. Such as, if you screw up and eat something, then you won't be able to talk to any of your friends that day. All you have to do after that is find yourself a model, For example the late jane fonda, or mary kay during her treatment phase. Find someone who is the ideal size and don't stop until you look exactly like them, or smaller. Oh yes, and one more thing, 74 is the perfect weight. '
Books like that would get me a whole lot farther on the diet plan than 'mistakes mcgee ' book.
A couple of my friends tried weight watchers once. I remember one of them told me a story once. I guess in weight watchers at each weekly meeting they have some sort of speaker come. That week they had this one lady, who basically said, 'People always think they just need to 'try' something, or have a little taste. Soon that little taste becomes and entire piece of cheesecake. All you need to do, is remember how everything tastes. It's so simple. I don't know why people haven't thought of it before. Just tell yourself, I don't need to try that, I can close my eyes and remember how it tastes.'
yes. remember how it tastes. What an excellent suggestion.
However there is a problem with that one as well. What if you don't remember? I mean, I know cheesecake tastes good, but I don't remember Exactly how it tastes. Or hamburgers. They are good too. I don't really remember exactly how they taste either. All I really remember what the taste is, is what I am currently eating, which is usually something... all of the time. Speaking of, I am going to go eat some pudding, being I just finished these crackers.
In conclusion, we need to go to eating disorder rehab centers and interview everyone, have them write down their strategies, or possibly some little secrets. Colace anyone?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
penis blister
So, this one patient today, the same guy I talked about below ( slow face angry 'helpless' swelled up mcgee.) Anywho, he has a penis blister. How in the hell do you get a penis blister? I could understand if you were running for a couple hours.. naked.. you could get possibly a ball blister/chaffing, but this blister was right on top of the penis. It wasn't small either. About the size of a quarter, but a little more oval shaped. Any guys out there who have had, or know of someone who has had a penis blister, please enlighten me on how the devil that happens.
Other than that, nothing super interesting happened today. I cleaned my... oh shit. I just wrote a paragraph and it erased itself. Booo. Well, I took a sleeping pill about 20 minutes ago and now I'm kinda dizzy and can't see, so I guess that means it's time for bed.!! yay!!! Then I can wake up at 8 and drive to st cloud and pick up the rest of my crap and drive back and work. What an exciting day. amazing. Okkaayy.. . this blog was dumb . bye!
Other than that, nothing super interesting happened today. I cleaned my... oh shit. I just wrote a paragraph and it erased itself. Booo. Well, I took a sleeping pill about 20 minutes ago and now I'm kinda dizzy and can't see, so I guess that means it's time for bed.!! yay!!! Then I can wake up at 8 and drive to st cloud and pick up the rest of my crap and drive back and work. What an exciting day. amazing. Okkaayy.. . this blog was dumb . bye!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
work. again.
I would write about something other than work, but nothing is really happening except that. I finally got some sleep last night. A whole lot of sleep. 15 hours to be exact. Damn good thing i work afternoon shifts, because I didn't wake up until 2. Other than that, I went to work. Which sucked. Kim the charge nurse is evil and decided that we didn't need any more people for afternoon shift besides Dave and I. Dave is the charge nurse, and I am the only other nurse, for the whole unti. Good thing we only started out with 7 patients. So I took 5 and dave took 2. Not the safest thing, but whatever. Then we got 4 admits. It pretty much blew. I also threw up for the first time at work. You see gross stuff everyday, but for some reason, this time it got to me. you think I would have thrown up from like pus or sputum chunks, or something actually gross. No. I threw up over somethign pathetic. The most pathetic thing you can throw up over. Poop. For some reason it had a really weird smell. Like carnation milk rotted, sulfur, microwave dinner (with meat), and that smell that when they try to clean the carpet in a down/hallway and it smells like molded ass. Mix all of those togethor in a really thick smell. It's so embarrassing throwing up in front of someone. Especially if you're throwing up because of one of their bodily secretions. So as soon as he stood up off the comode I brought it to the bathroom and turned on the water and threw up in his commode. Which thankfully wasn't much because when there are only 2 nurses you dont' get a dinner break.
i guess that's all I have. I stayed late because 2 more admits came at shift change and I thought I'd help. I know, what a caring person I am.
Oh wait, I am going to vent about this guy that drove me crazy. Every time I came into his room, even if it was to give him ONE pill I'd be in there for 20 minutes. He was so f'ing slow. Even with his talking. Are you comfortable in bed? 10 seconds.... 20 seconds..... 30...... Orville...... ARE you comfortable !? ' mmmmmmm' 10 seconds..... 20...... 'maybe could my head go up higher.' Nope, it's all the way to the top. Would you like some pillows behind your back? Same deal. Until 20 questions and 40 minutes later I could figure out what the hell he wanted. Then I had meds to give him. I'd fill up his water glass, because for some reason he needed a full glass of water to swallow flippin half of a pill. Then I would have to manually put the pill in his mouth, but not all the way, he yelled at me for that. I would have to hold the pill until he could hold it in his two front teeth. Then he'd sit there and breathe loudly for 3 minutes. then Drink some water. Then after he drank the water he'd make all these comments. "son of a bitch' blah blah blah. Move my legs up. I'm cold bring me more warm blankets. Then I was changing a bandage on his foot. Which was literally a scrape. One worthless scrape. One layer of skin. No bleeding no scabs no drainage, no redness. One f'ing scrape under a 2x2. I was taking the tape off and he kept flippin swearing. OUCH . mother @#*"(&@3 shit damn @#*("&#@. Then, I put a new 2x2 with some bacitracin on. @#*("&%@!(#*$&!@#*%&@#($*#%~$(#^& wtf. Then, he was ready to take the other half of his pill. Same thing, put it in his mouth for him. Then I tried to help him with the water, but apparently I moved the water to his face too fast. I hadn't even poured it into his mouth yet. Another festival of swearing. TELL me when you're going to put the water to my mouth. I did tell you. three times. Crazy face. Then he'd make me get him up to go the bathroom.... when he had a foley in. He definitely moved really fast, and I didn't have to lift his 300 pound ass off the bed. Wait... nope. that was a lie.
A bunch of other stuff happened but I'm too tired to write anything down. However I do enjoy working with Dave. He is hilarious, and smart, and not uptight. It's just me and him for saturday and sunday as well. Looking forward to another day with orville the slowest angriest person on earth. Bye!
i guess that's all I have. I stayed late because 2 more admits came at shift change and I thought I'd help. I know, what a caring person I am.
Oh wait, I am going to vent about this guy that drove me crazy. Every time I came into his room, even if it was to give him ONE pill I'd be in there for 20 minutes. He was so f'ing slow. Even with his talking. Are you comfortable in bed? 10 seconds.... 20 seconds..... 30...... Orville...... ARE you comfortable !? ' mmmmmmm' 10 seconds..... 20...... 'maybe could my head go up higher.' Nope, it's all the way to the top. Would you like some pillows behind your back? Same deal. Until 20 questions and 40 minutes later I could figure out what the hell he wanted. Then I had meds to give him. I'd fill up his water glass, because for some reason he needed a full glass of water to swallow flippin half of a pill. Then I would have to manually put the pill in his mouth, but not all the way, he yelled at me for that. I would have to hold the pill until he could hold it in his two front teeth. Then he'd sit there and breathe loudly for 3 minutes. then Drink some water. Then after he drank the water he'd make all these comments. "son of a bitch' blah blah blah. Move my legs up. I'm cold bring me more warm blankets. Then I was changing a bandage on his foot. Which was literally a scrape. One worthless scrape. One layer of skin. No bleeding no scabs no drainage, no redness. One f'ing scrape under a 2x2. I was taking the tape off and he kept flippin swearing. OUCH . mother @#*"(&@3 shit damn @#*("&#@. Then, I put a new 2x2 with some bacitracin on. @#*("&%@!(#*$&!@#*%&@#($*#%~$(#^& wtf. Then, he was ready to take the other half of his pill. Same thing, put it in his mouth for him. Then I tried to help him with the water, but apparently I moved the water to his face too fast. I hadn't even poured it into his mouth yet. Another festival of swearing. TELL me when you're going to put the water to my mouth. I did tell you. three times. Crazy face. Then he'd make me get him up to go the bathroom.... when he had a foley in. He definitely moved really fast, and I didn't have to lift his 300 pound ass off the bed. Wait... nope. that was a lie.
A bunch of other stuff happened but I'm too tired to write anything down. However I do enjoy working with Dave. He is hilarious, and smart, and not uptight. It's just me and him for saturday and sunday as well. Looking forward to another day with orville the slowest angriest person on earth. Bye!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
naylon
I miss Naylon. For those of you who don' t know, she was one of my friends from college. We did a lot of weird stuff togethor. I spent 8.5 hours today listening to this guy and lady talk to me (and a bunch of other people ) about how to talk to people. Not just any people, crazy people. then we did karate moves for an hour or so. Which is also easy to remember. Aim for the crotch. I don't think he actually said anything like that, but it's gotta be true. It would hurt for males anyways. Getting kicked in the vagina would probably hurt too. I don't know for sure because it's never happened to me, but I am guessing it would hurt. Anywho,I obviously didn't pay attention and spent my time doing much more interesting things. Like writing down funny things that happened so I could entertain myself. The time just flew by. Several of the funny things I thought of I guess I might as well write down here so I can look at this later and laugh again. Actually, they aren't that funny. I just think they are because I think things like peeing and pooping are funny. I know, real grown up wyman.
Alright, so Naylon and I used to go for these runs. Not just normal runs. F'ing weird runs. There was a huge forest/valley thing behind St. Scholastica, and during spring when all the snow melted and the entire valley was basically mud paths/giarrdhea swamp pools filled with deer poo. That's where we went running. Running is actually much more fun when the goal is not to run, but to get as dirty as possible.
Well, this one time naylon was running in front of me and she took a step in what seemed like a small puddle but actually went up to her waist. The best part about it was they she just says "oopsie doodle!" Then I tripped on a giant log and started to pee my pants, then she peed her pants cause i was peeing my pants. Then we ran through this huge ass swamp thing. The kind that basically takes all your shoes and socks off because it's pulling so hard and the muck is up to your waist. Plus there is still snow and other stuff so it's cold as shit, but you're laughing so hard it doesn't matter.
I also went show-shoeing with Clint in those same woods and we randomly found a dismantled bloody deer carcus.. but that's a different story.
There was this other time that we hung out, Naylon decided to drive with me to go turn an application for an EMT job about a half hour out of duluth. We passed this little strip mall, actually called the 'adventure mall.' Yes, that's correct. Adventure mall. We went inside and the whole place was filled with shit. Take everything from every garage sale (between 1965-2005) .. There was a bunch of junk, like a porcelain duck holding a watering can, wedding dresses from 1945, Jewelry that they probably stole from people's coffin's, etc. But it was all ridiculously over priced. There was a toy section and a gi-joe was somethign like 27.50. There was this ridiculously old woman that looked like the crazy drug lady from 'requiem for a dream.' She kept getting us to try to try crap on. " Do you girls like 'retro' clothing? " It was all so ridiculous. Then we went back to my car, I got inside and then I heard all of this buzzing. I looked around in the car and there was about 300 bees inside my car. Who the hell knows how they got there. It was the adventure mall. so I ran screaming out of my car bEES BEES BEES!!!! The best part was then naylon was like, whatever annie, they're just bees, you baby. She takes the car keys from me and gets in the car and turns it on and there are just bees f'ing everywhere. She just is shoo-ing them away like she's annoyed with them. Then she drives up next to me and goes, 'hurry up and get in.' Um. are you crazy? there's a billion bees in the car. But I got in anyways. Peer pressure. She always does it to me. There were seriously bees everywhere. i think we ended up opening all the windows and the trunk and driving for a while to let the bees out. Ridiculous. Then we laughed for a long time, especially when i'd open things and there would be a bee inside.
There was also this other funny time that we went to Texas. Basically, the whole trip was hilarious. Especially because naylon and I would take these random paths on the hikes we went on. Which would have been fine in other states. But Texas has cactus's. A whooole lot of cactus's. In fact, every plant that grows in texas is pointy/sharp/stinging. All of the things that fly around in texas sting you/bite you. the only animal you see is this ugly pig looking thing called a javelina. I don't know if I even spelled that right. Anyways, we went waayy off climbing up this mountain of cactus. When we got to the top we were both like, oh devil... I have to poo. So we pooed on top of the cactus mountain. that's not that funny, the funny part was that the night before we had this stuff for dinner called 'darn good chili.' Darn good chili is not good for the digestive tract. It was so funny. I'm pretty sure my poo came out at the speed of light into a pile on a rock, and naylon was like. mother of jesus you pooped a rocket. she was amazed. I remember she said, ' before i could even get my pants down you were already done.' then the other crappy thing about texas is that there are no plants to wipe with. So we decided to use our underwear. (not the first time we've done that.) Then we covered our poo with some rocks and left our underwear on some sticks floating in the breeze. Amazing. Then we had to climb down the mountain of cactus. Also not fun. Rocks and cactus= lots of scrapey bloody stinging. ACtually, that was fun too, because we did it to ourselves. We'd just pick out the cactus stickers and laugh like, woops, there's another little bastard.
Theres some more stories, but I'll save them for later. Maybe I can think of some ones without poop and pee... but I doubt it.
Alright, so Naylon and I used to go for these runs. Not just normal runs. F'ing weird runs. There was a huge forest/valley thing behind St. Scholastica, and during spring when all the snow melted and the entire valley was basically mud paths/giarrdhea swamp pools filled with deer poo. That's where we went running. Running is actually much more fun when the goal is not to run, but to get as dirty as possible.
Well, this one time naylon was running in front of me and she took a step in what seemed like a small puddle but actually went up to her waist. The best part about it was they she just says "oopsie doodle!" Then I tripped on a giant log and started to pee my pants, then she peed her pants cause i was peeing my pants. Then we ran through this huge ass swamp thing. The kind that basically takes all your shoes and socks off because it's pulling so hard and the muck is up to your waist. Plus there is still snow and other stuff so it's cold as shit, but you're laughing so hard it doesn't matter.
I also went show-shoeing with Clint in those same woods and we randomly found a dismantled bloody deer carcus.. but that's a different story.
There was this other time that we hung out, Naylon decided to drive with me to go turn an application for an EMT job about a half hour out of duluth. We passed this little strip mall, actually called the 'adventure mall.' Yes, that's correct. Adventure mall. We went inside and the whole place was filled with shit. Take everything from every garage sale (between 1965-2005) .. There was a bunch of junk, like a porcelain duck holding a watering can, wedding dresses from 1945, Jewelry that they probably stole from people's coffin's, etc. But it was all ridiculously over priced. There was a toy section and a gi-joe was somethign like 27.50. There was this ridiculously old woman that looked like the crazy drug lady from 'requiem for a dream.' She kept getting us to try to try crap on. " Do you girls like 'retro' clothing? " It was all so ridiculous. Then we went back to my car, I got inside and then I heard all of this buzzing. I looked around in the car and there was about 300 bees inside my car. Who the hell knows how they got there. It was the adventure mall. so I ran screaming out of my car bEES BEES BEES!!!! The best part was then naylon was like, whatever annie, they're just bees, you baby. She takes the car keys from me and gets in the car and turns it on and there are just bees f'ing everywhere. She just is shoo-ing them away like she's annoyed with them. Then she drives up next to me and goes, 'hurry up and get in.' Um. are you crazy? there's a billion bees in the car. But I got in anyways. Peer pressure. She always does it to me. There were seriously bees everywhere. i think we ended up opening all the windows and the trunk and driving for a while to let the bees out. Ridiculous. Then we laughed for a long time, especially when i'd open things and there would be a bee inside.
There was also this other funny time that we went to Texas. Basically, the whole trip was hilarious. Especially because naylon and I would take these random paths on the hikes we went on. Which would have been fine in other states. But Texas has cactus's. A whooole lot of cactus's. In fact, every plant that grows in texas is pointy/sharp/stinging. All of the things that fly around in texas sting you/bite you. the only animal you see is this ugly pig looking thing called a javelina. I don't know if I even spelled that right. Anyways, we went waayy off climbing up this mountain of cactus. When we got to the top we were both like, oh devil... I have to poo. So we pooed on top of the cactus mountain. that's not that funny, the funny part was that the night before we had this stuff for dinner called 'darn good chili.' Darn good chili is not good for the digestive tract. It was so funny. I'm pretty sure my poo came out at the speed of light into a pile on a rock, and naylon was like. mother of jesus you pooped a rocket. she was amazed. I remember she said, ' before i could even get my pants down you were already done.' then the other crappy thing about texas is that there are no plants to wipe with. So we decided to use our underwear. (not the first time we've done that.) Then we covered our poo with some rocks and left our underwear on some sticks floating in the breeze. Amazing. Then we had to climb down the mountain of cactus. Also not fun. Rocks and cactus= lots of scrapey bloody stinging. ACtually, that was fun too, because we did it to ourselves. We'd just pick out the cactus stickers and laugh like, woops, there's another little bastard.
Theres some more stories, but I'll save them for later. Maybe I can think of some ones without poop and pee... but I doubt it.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
work
I am tired, so this is probably going to be poorly written. Lets just say I'm glad I have today off. Work has been nuts lately. I think the people in staffing found out that I'm okay with working doubles. So almost every day I have the opportunity to work 2 shifts in a row. Which would be fine, except I can't really sleep during the day. But whatever, I'll make up for it later.
I oriented to the second floor of the hospital yesterday, which is the surgical unit. The really nice thing about it was that I got to work with this british lady. I love her accent. She pretty much could have been yelling at me and it would have been cool. Plus we got to clean out some pretty gross bile/pus/drain wounds, which is always fun. ( I'm not being sarcastic.) I really need to look up a bunch of surgeries and find out what they actually are. Basically my current knowlege is: They had surgery. There is a hole in their abdomen. Sometimes there are drains draining out fluid coming out of smaller holes. Make sure their intestines don't come out... or that they die. I guess that sums up my knowledge of that. When we were re-dressing one lady's hole, I really had no idea what the hell was going on with it. (Besides that she was cut open. ) She had no staples... it was literally just a big slice of meaty cut open skin. Some of it was green skin. Some pink, with some brown stuff oozing around. That's probably a good explanation. Then there were three jp drains coming out of her side. She had a couple of things done... that I cant' remember. They took out some of her large intestines, but then then had to go back in because she had a hole or something that was leaking. ... yeah. That sounds good. I sound super knowledgable.
My point about all of this is that I was glad I was orientating, because I was way too tired to do anything by myself.. aka, might have screwed something up. I also need to learn more. I feel much more comfortable on the telemetry/icu floor. Maybe i'll just go to med school. What else am I going to do with my time ? Sounds good. i'll put it on the list of things to do.
I take that back. I feel much more comfortable on the tele floor until something awkward happens. Which is usually every day. Like yesterday, I was taking care of this guy in a fib with a GI bleed. He was getting a couple of units of blood, and wanted pain meds about every 5 seconds so needless to say, most of my time was spent in his room. He was pretty pleasent. Usually the amount of time you spend in someone's room allows you to talk about normal things .. names, school, family, work, weather.. When you're in the room for 3-4 hours during the shift people must get really comfortable with you so they start talking to you about anything/everything. Which usually for some reason leads to the patient having a cousin/nephew/son/friend/friend's brother's nephhew/the gas station boy etc... that they want you to date.
Most patients just mention it casually, but for some reason the man I took care of was completely set on having me date his son. "You know, he just got out of a relationship with his girlfriend a month of two ago..." "He just likes having nice things and working hard and she didnt' understand that. You seem like you would. You're a nice girl" " He's 23 and works the night shift at walmart. He usually comes i n here after his shift and visits, I'll introduce you."
I never really know what to say back, but I just say something like 'that's okay, you don't have to' or 'actually, if he's your son, and you're only 40 and in the hospital for a week and a half with a GI bleed/afib etc, I don't think I'm interested in those genes." Maybe not that last one, but you get the point. Most people drop that particular topic and move on to somethign else. He didn't.
"No , no, it's no trouble at all. I'll just write your number down on this piece of paper and give it to him. He likes to do fun things. Do you like movies? "
Yeah. Movies are pretty sweet. But it's fine.. really, don't...
"Oh better yet, I'll just have him come in early from work that way you can meet him and set something up."
NO, really. it's Ok.. I probably shouldn't..
"Things happen for a reason you know, it's like a match made in heaven."
right.
The height of awkwardness probably happened when his son actually showed up at 10 to seven in the morning. "Hey steve, this is annie, she's my nurse. Isn't she cute? Except she's not interested in dating." umm...... cool.
The only good thing about the situation was that his son was 5'3 and as wide as my bicep. Not that I'm that picky about looks, but I would just prefer not being able to bench press my boyfriend.
I guess I'll just take the whole situation as a compliment. A 41 year old man thought that I was cute, even though I hadn't showered in a couple of days and was wearing size 2x scrubs. Not bad. Not bad at all.
I oriented to the second floor of the hospital yesterday, which is the surgical unit. The really nice thing about it was that I got to work with this british lady. I love her accent. She pretty much could have been yelling at me and it would have been cool. Plus we got to clean out some pretty gross bile/pus/drain wounds, which is always fun. ( I'm not being sarcastic.) I really need to look up a bunch of surgeries and find out what they actually are. Basically my current knowlege is: They had surgery. There is a hole in their abdomen. Sometimes there are drains draining out fluid coming out of smaller holes. Make sure their intestines don't come out... or that they die. I guess that sums up my knowledge of that. When we were re-dressing one lady's hole, I really had no idea what the hell was going on with it. (Besides that she was cut open. ) She had no staples... it was literally just a big slice of meaty cut open skin. Some of it was green skin. Some pink, with some brown stuff oozing around. That's probably a good explanation. Then there were three jp drains coming out of her side. She had a couple of things done... that I cant' remember. They took out some of her large intestines, but then then had to go back in because she had a hole or something that was leaking. ... yeah. That sounds good. I sound super knowledgable.
My point about all of this is that I was glad I was orientating, because I was way too tired to do anything by myself.. aka, might have screwed something up. I also need to learn more. I feel much more comfortable on the telemetry/icu floor. Maybe i'll just go to med school. What else am I going to do with my time ? Sounds good. i'll put it on the list of things to do.
I take that back. I feel much more comfortable on the tele floor until something awkward happens. Which is usually every day. Like yesterday, I was taking care of this guy in a fib with a GI bleed. He was getting a couple of units of blood, and wanted pain meds about every 5 seconds so needless to say, most of my time was spent in his room. He was pretty pleasent. Usually the amount of time you spend in someone's room allows you to talk about normal things .. names, school, family, work, weather.. When you're in the room for 3-4 hours during the shift people must get really comfortable with you so they start talking to you about anything/everything. Which usually for some reason leads to the patient having a cousin/nephew/son/friend/friend's brother's nephhew/the gas station boy etc... that they want you to date.
Most patients just mention it casually, but for some reason the man I took care of was completely set on having me date his son. "You know, he just got out of a relationship with his girlfriend a month of two ago..." "He just likes having nice things and working hard and she didnt' understand that. You seem like you would. You're a nice girl" " He's 23 and works the night shift at walmart. He usually comes i n here after his shift and visits, I'll introduce you."
I never really know what to say back, but I just say something like 'that's okay, you don't have to' or 'actually, if he's your son, and you're only 40 and in the hospital for a week and a half with a GI bleed/afib etc, I don't think I'm interested in those genes." Maybe not that last one, but you get the point. Most people drop that particular topic and move on to somethign else. He didn't.
"No , no, it's no trouble at all. I'll just write your number down on this piece of paper and give it to him. He likes to do fun things. Do you like movies? "
Yeah. Movies are pretty sweet. But it's fine.. really, don't...
"Oh better yet, I'll just have him come in early from work that way you can meet him and set something up."
NO, really. it's Ok.. I probably shouldn't..
"Things happen for a reason you know, it's like a match made in heaven."
right.
The height of awkwardness probably happened when his son actually showed up at 10 to seven in the morning. "Hey steve, this is annie, she's my nurse. Isn't she cute? Except she's not interested in dating." umm...... cool.
The only good thing about the situation was that his son was 5'3 and as wide as my bicep. Not that I'm that picky about looks, but I would just prefer not being able to bench press my boyfriend.
I guess I'll just take the whole situation as a compliment. A 41 year old man thought that I was cute, even though I hadn't showered in a couple of days and was wearing size 2x scrubs. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Bored
So right now I'm just transferring all of my 874 songs.. individually.. onto my computer. It's been a good hour and a half. I think I have 100 done. I'm glad I'm the only one that reads this blog so nobody else has to know about my pathetic l.ife. haha.
You know how your mind just starts to wonder sometimes? Well, I was kind of thinking about indians.. the cool indians.. from ilke 1650.. or whenver they lived. What did the women do when they had their periods? Can bears really smell menstration? For that matter, what the hell do whales do? They are mammals.. Huge ginormous mammals. What happens when they menstrate? Aren't sharks flippin amazing at smelling blood? Like a drop in ever 50,000 gallons? ( yes, i Do watch the discovery channel..) I'm sure a whale period is a shit ton of blood. enough for about 5 billion gallons. Do sharks just not eat whales? Or do whales just never get the chance to have a period because they just get knocked up again before it can start?
So many questions. So little time. except for right now of course because i am just constantly clicking clicking clicking clicking from file to file. woop woop.
Another random question, still about the indians. I kind of started wondering where they went to the bathroom. Would there be a designated spot? Like the shitting hole? Or does everyone just go wherever they please? If they did that then people would be walking around stepping in eachother's shit. Then they'd swear indian at eachother. Or be like, damnit 'rain in the face' why didn't you shit in the woods?
well well. I better get back to clicking . I'm at least 3 songs behind now.
You know how your mind just starts to wonder sometimes? Well, I was kind of thinking about indians.. the cool indians.. from ilke 1650.. or whenver they lived. What did the women do when they had their periods? Can bears really smell menstration? For that matter, what the hell do whales do? They are mammals.. Huge ginormous mammals. What happens when they menstrate? Aren't sharks flippin amazing at smelling blood? Like a drop in ever 50,000 gallons? ( yes, i Do watch the discovery channel..) I'm sure a whale period is a shit ton of blood. enough for about 5 billion gallons. Do sharks just not eat whales? Or do whales just never get the chance to have a period because they just get knocked up again before it can start?
So many questions. So little time. except for right now of course because i am just constantly clicking clicking clicking clicking from file to file. woop woop.
Another random question, still about the indians. I kind of started wondering where they went to the bathroom. Would there be a designated spot? Like the shitting hole? Or does everyone just go wherever they please? If they did that then people would be walking around stepping in eachother's shit. Then they'd swear indian at eachother. Or be like, damnit 'rain in the face' why didn't you shit in the woods?
well well. I better get back to clicking . I'm at least 3 songs behind now.
computers should die
If there is one thing that really sucks at life it is this computer. It's all like, I can't connect to the internet because something is wrong, wait, I don't think your i pod is connected. Well, pretty sure the internet works on the computer 3 inches away from mine and the ipod definitely IS connected. Straight up idiot hp. Maybe hp stands for ... I can't think of anything cool to fit into that abbreviation. They probably should have called hp's HAP, for huge ass piles, or FU, for the obvious translation.
I looked at some cars today online. Not that I can afford to buy one. I was thinking around a year from now would be a good time. I don't really know what I'm doing though.. and I sure as hell am not going into the car dealership like I did when I walked into best buy to get this computer. Pretty sure I walked in and some techno-genius was like, " so, you're looking at computers. "
-yeah.
"you looking for anything in particular"
-you know.. one that's not squished from being driven over
"what do you use your computer for?"
-typing...?
That would probably be a poor choice. .. walking into the honda dealership.
"Looking for anything inparticular?"
you know, I was just looking at these cars here.
"what type of car were you looking for?"
oh .. one with wheels.. maybe like, a steering wheel. that'd be good.
If I take that approach I'll probably end up with another HP/HAP. Maybe HP makes cars. Then I'll get one of those and put the key in the engine and it'll be all, "key unidentified.' So then after the 57th time trying, it will think for about 20 minutes then a box will pop up that says "program not responding."
Maybe the car will have the same insurance that I got for the computer. aka, 3 years of break/accident insurance. That way you can just push the car off a cliff and get a new one for free. sweet.
I looked at some cars today online. Not that I can afford to buy one. I was thinking around a year from now would be a good time. I don't really know what I'm doing though.. and I sure as hell am not going into the car dealership like I did when I walked into best buy to get this computer. Pretty sure I walked in and some techno-genius was like, " so, you're looking at computers. "
-yeah.
"you looking for anything in particular"
-you know.. one that's not squished from being driven over
"what do you use your computer for?"
-typing...?
That would probably be a poor choice. .. walking into the honda dealership.
"Looking for anything inparticular?"
you know, I was just looking at these cars here.
"what type of car were you looking for?"
oh .. one with wheels.. maybe like, a steering wheel. that'd be good.
If I take that approach I'll probably end up with another HP/HAP. Maybe HP makes cars. Then I'll get one of those and put the key in the engine and it'll be all, "key unidentified.' So then after the 57th time trying, it will think for about 20 minutes then a box will pop up that says "program not responding."
Maybe the car will have the same insurance that I got for the computer. aka, 3 years of break/accident insurance. That way you can just push the car off a cliff and get a new one for free. sweet.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Today
I think I'm the most awkward person on earth. No contest. Anyone reading this is probably finally giving me a standing ovation. "Way to go Annie, it took you this long but at least you Finally figured it out." I think the main problem is that I don't care what people think about me... at all. Which is actually a terrible thing. Some people wish they didn't care so much. A lot of my friends, for example, will dress normally or try to look nice. When really, you might as well just translate nice into uncomfortable. Usually, the nicer something looks the more uncomfortable it is. Which is why I mainly wear things in 1-3x, with elastic waistbands, or just scrubs. Lets just say I'm waiting for the 80's to come back in style. Ginormous sweatshirts and spandex pants. That was a long paragraph about nothing.
Anyways, my point is, is that I don't really think about what other people will think, or the consequences of anything. I feel too comfortable around everyone and treat them like I've known them my whole life. When in reality, it's been about 3 seconds. The only real reason I do anything/say anything/think anything is because it might be funny. Laughing at things is really my only determinant in doing anything.
Sometimes it's fine. Like, when you are on a 1-1 with an alcohol withdrawal patient for 8 hours. ( or any other person that doesn't really know what's going on.) Instead of going crazy watching them for 8 hours you decide to have a little fun with the situation. I started it off by asking a few questions, the conversation went something like this: " Hey Troy! Whatcha doin?"
" @*#&@* trying to get out of bed. Can you get me a knife and cut this?"
(meanwhile he's bouncing all around and sweating trying to unleash his 4 pt restraints)
"Ooo... I don't think so. Sorry. I bet those restraints are really hard to get out of."
"@*#% yeah, they are. Do you have a scissors?"
"No I don't, but I was just wondering, Troy, What's your favorite color?"
(he's all swearing, sweating, squirming around) "It depends..... I guess I like brown, but sometimes I like blue better."
It pretty much turned the 8 hours into a hilarious 8 hours. We played some hang man, flipped through channels. But after his 60 something-ith mg of ativan he decided it was time for a rest.
I don't even know if that's really an appropriate thing to do, but nobody got hurt, and it wasn't awkward because he didn't really even know what was going on.
The times that not caring about what other people think get in the way, are at the following times:
-on a date
-at work
-at school
-Or you know, talking... to anyone. anywhere.
I would really like to continue this long stupid blog, but I think I might go to bed instead. bye!
Anyways, my point is, is that I don't really think about what other people will think, or the consequences of anything. I feel too comfortable around everyone and treat them like I've known them my whole life. When in reality, it's been about 3 seconds. The only real reason I do anything/say anything/think anything is because it might be funny. Laughing at things is really my only determinant in doing anything.
Sometimes it's fine. Like, when you are on a 1-1 with an alcohol withdrawal patient for 8 hours. ( or any other person that doesn't really know what's going on.) Instead of going crazy watching them for 8 hours you decide to have a little fun with the situation. I started it off by asking a few questions, the conversation went something like this: " Hey Troy! Whatcha doin?"
" @*#&@* trying to get out of bed. Can you get me a knife and cut this?"
(meanwhile he's bouncing all around and sweating trying to unleash his 4 pt restraints)
"Ooo... I don't think so. Sorry. I bet those restraints are really hard to get out of."
"@*#% yeah, they are. Do you have a scissors?"
"No I don't, but I was just wondering, Troy, What's your favorite color?"
(he's all swearing, sweating, squirming around) "It depends..... I guess I like brown, but sometimes I like blue better."
It pretty much turned the 8 hours into a hilarious 8 hours. We played some hang man, flipped through channels. But after his 60 something-ith mg of ativan he decided it was time for a rest.
I don't even know if that's really an appropriate thing to do, but nobody got hurt, and it wasn't awkward because he didn't really even know what was going on.
The times that not caring about what other people think get in the way, are at the following times:
-on a date
-at work
-at school
-Or you know, talking... to anyone. anywhere.
I would really like to continue this long stupid blog, but I think I might go to bed instead. bye!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Stuff
Alright, So. Sweet. I have a blog now. My dad has told me he'd give me a dollar for starting one because he wants to read whatever I have to say. Which can't be anything important.. but that's cool, because now I only need nine more cents until I can go to mcdonalds and get an ice cream cone. hell yeah.
I guess I can talk about work, being that's really the only important thing that I do. Nursing. I think I like it.. but I'm not really sure yet. Sometimes it gets old, take vitals, give meds, write stuff down, give more meds, answer call lights, make sure nobody dies, wipe, write stuff down. I think I got the jist of it. What makes work fun is the people you work with. One lady I work with just happens to be hilarious. I can hear her yelling our of other people's rooms. "Don't worry about those loose stools, if they don't stop we'll just stick a plug up there." Except it scares me because she is probably the future me. 40 overweight and divorced. That sounds about right.
My ideal job would probably be writing 3 paragraphs in a paper about nothing. Or just whatever the hell I wanted to write about. Making fun of people would be fun. But in order to write for the public you have to talk about someone that everybody knows. Shit.. That leaves me with 3 people. George Bush, Brittney spears and.. damnit. Just two. So that's out.
It could be fun to write in one of those 'Dear Abby' columns, but then you also have to give people good advice, or something they want to hear.
'Dear Abby, I'm worried that my boyfriend is cheating on me. What should i Do?'
(now she wrote something motivational/moving and shit. It was boring. But this is what I would have written.)
Dear whatever your name is, dump his ass. Move on. A dime a dozen. He'll probably impregnate the other girl he's seeing and add another poor bastard child to this earth. Which when that child grows up will probably follow in his/her parent's footsteps and create another poor bastard child. Of course, instead of having a job all of their descendents will just live offf the government, therby depleting the US social security and welfare accounts. In conclusion, Just be glad you got out when you did. Oh yes, and start putting money in your 401k.
I guess that's all I have for right now. I have to go do other things.. because you know, I'm super busy.
I guess I can talk about work, being that's really the only important thing that I do. Nursing. I think I like it.. but I'm not really sure yet. Sometimes it gets old, take vitals, give meds, write stuff down, give more meds, answer call lights, make sure nobody dies, wipe, write stuff down. I think I got the jist of it. What makes work fun is the people you work with. One lady I work with just happens to be hilarious. I can hear her yelling our of other people's rooms. "Don't worry about those loose stools, if they don't stop we'll just stick a plug up there." Except it scares me because she is probably the future me. 40 overweight and divorced. That sounds about right.
My ideal job would probably be writing 3 paragraphs in a paper about nothing. Or just whatever the hell I wanted to write about. Making fun of people would be fun. But in order to write for the public you have to talk about someone that everybody knows. Shit.. That leaves me with 3 people. George Bush, Brittney spears and.. damnit. Just two. So that's out.
It could be fun to write in one of those 'Dear Abby' columns, but then you also have to give people good advice, or something they want to hear.
'Dear Abby, I'm worried that my boyfriend is cheating on me. What should i Do?'
(now she wrote something motivational/moving and shit. It was boring. But this is what I would have written.)
Dear whatever your name is, dump his ass. Move on. A dime a dozen. He'll probably impregnate the other girl he's seeing and add another poor bastard child to this earth. Which when that child grows up will probably follow in his/her parent's footsteps and create another poor bastard child. Of course, instead of having a job all of their descendents will just live offf the government, therby depleting the US social security and welfare accounts. In conclusion, Just be glad you got out when you did. Oh yes, and start putting money in your 401k.
I guess that's all I have for right now. I have to go do other things.. because you know, I'm super busy.
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