Wednesday, September 10, 2008

mrrrraaw

I am tired. So tired. My eyes are burning out of my face. I try to study or read something and it's like all I'm doing is reading it. There is no cognition. Maybe I should just to bed now and wake up at 4 am and study. Today is long. Every day will be long until november... oh ... 15th or so. this is my schedule monday -friday until then



monday: wake up 5:50am

walk to hospital 6:50 am

try to make up some of the time that I will be missing during the time I leave for class.



1:30 leave hospital on bike to make it to class ontime

2-3 class

3:30 get back to hospital.

330-5:30/6 Orientation stuff with the education lady.

(whom I feel sorry for. I'm sure she's on salary and isn't getting paid extra for all this extra time she has to spend with me. I take stuff home, but some stuff I can't. like the Iv poles with stuff...)

6:30 get home. Eat dinner.

7pm-try to gather thoughts. Remember when you sat in the same chair in that orientation room without windows and only getting up to pee and then eat lunch? Remember how your brain is fried when you go to class, and paying attention is 5 million times harder? Remember how you didnt' understand anythign in class but you don't have much time to study if because when you get done with class you will have to go back to work, and then when you leave work you will have more hours of modules to do at home that will take 2-3 hours.



Oh devil. ooohhhh devil. I don't know what we are doing in chemistry now. Somethign about acids and bronstead thingies. I don't know if I spelled that right. But I am really nervous abotu missing class tomorrow. However, this other kid in my lab class... he's nice .. and nerdy. Helps me study. He told me he would take good notes and pay extra attention the days that I can't make it. Apparently his dad is a teacher... so maybe he'll be a good person to study with. So far so good. We got through the assignment and 2 pages of the lab manual.
This is a straight up boring blog. Really boring. I also think think that maybe I just dont' like the whole medical profession. I keep thinking of everything we do that is pointless... and how there are so many protocols for everything. Like, just incase you weren't sure. you could probably look up the protocol for 'how to take a shit.' at the st cloud hospital, and they would have one. Thousands upon thousands of protocols. Maybe I just have a bad attitude. (ding ding ding!!!)
But my bad attitude reveals the truth about the situation. Like today we talked about how to waste all the different drugs and where to put the empty vials or bags etc. Three of the stupid things I learned:

If you have a bag of Morphine, you dump the morphine down the drain, and you can throw away the bag.
However, if the morphine is in a vial, you have to dump the morphine down the drain (witnessed in both cases of course) but then you have to ziplock baggie the morphine vials and put it in the pharmaceutical waste bin.

Makes a lot of sense. IT also makes sense that we pour the morphine down the drain first. If it's pharmaceutical waste... wouldnt' you leave the morphine in the vial and then baggie it and put it in the bin? You do that will all the other meds, like you can't pour insulin or dopamine down the drain.... so why can we dump all our narcotics down the drain? Makes no sense.
Then there is charting about everything. Anything and everything. It's like the nurses just get pooped on. Especially in the ICU. You have to do everything. The doctors have their couple jobs.. see the patient, write orders. The pharmacy bring the drugs. The nurses do EVERYTHING ELSE. (and I mean everything) Like in brainerd if one of the meds werent' correct on the record, the pharmacy would just put a note on it like circle it in red, and write, 'incorrect dosage.' They wouldnt' actually call the doctor themselves. They just circle it and then make you do the actual work. Then nurses have to worry about which tubing and needles to use, and in the new 'needle-less system' which things poke holes in which vials which you can only use certain syringes for. you have to know how to program all the pumps, deal with the family for 12 hours at a time, chart everything that you do.. in 19 different places, get blood sugars, (in the ICU) every 15 minutes, check the md orders online every 30 minutes because physicians can write them from home.. or the office, order all the needed labs, check all the labs, notify the appropriate people for these if they are off, start all the protocols for different things dependign on what your patient is dying of, know how to use the vent, the bed, the tube systems, the med dispensers, give meds like every 20 minutes, bring people to their MRI's.... it never ends. I want to just come to work and use my brain as to what is going on with them, write what I want to do with them, and not have to do all the extra crap. I don't care if I know how to use an IV pump, or do other various tasks. You have to be very organized to be a nurse. I don't know how I do it, because Im not organized at all. People have these neat little pieces of paper they use with graphs and columns labeled with the correct things, like intake/output, vitals etc...
I usually just scatter anything I need to know anywhere on a corner of a sheet of paper or a post it note, which I usually lose halfway through the shift. Which in brainerd, I usually didnt' even need this sheet if I worked in ICU, because I could print out all the vitals from the computer. Which will be in st cloud ICU as well. (good to go)

Lately, intsead of thinking about the actual patient I will be using this tubing on and what they are going through, I am thinking of all of the plastic and meds I am wasting. It kind of makes me sick. Like this person just produced 40 pounds of garbage and waste, adn they aren't even conscious. They really should be dead. They're 92 and in a coma... on a vent.. wasting our medicare dollars. (huge surprise there... probably 70 percent of medicare dollars are wasted dollars) I obviously have no compassion. But really, if you think about it, there is a time and place to die. Dragging out someone's death when they will be brain-dead when you take them off the vent .. I don't see the purpose of the10,000 a day fee of staying in the ICU. Instead you could be buried in like .... a golden casket. Or have somebody make you a sweet diamond grill. (the kind for your mouth)
I guess if you dotn' give a rats ass about the earth you wouldnt' mind being a nurse. When she was talking about where you throw all the crap in orientation I asked if there was a recycling bin. I was actually kind of serious, but everybody thought it was super funny.

Wow, I just re-read that last paragraph. I am a huge jerk. I will have to make sure when I am dying, I have a hilarious advanced directive.
Such as:

If I stop breathing, make sure you keep me on a vent. Forever. Until my heart stops on it's own. I would like all the drips possible to keep my heart going. Whatever it takes. During this period, I would like to have MCHammer playing in the background. Also possibly some backstreet boys. I'll just give you my I tunes library and you can hit the 'shuffle' button. I would also like to be smothered in lotion every 4 hours. Make sure to lube in any areas of friction. Please high-five me QD. I would also like to go horsebackriding. Hopefully by this time vents will be smaller and more portable. I realize if I'm unconscious this will be difficult, but you will have to duct tape me to the horse. (Please prevent any skin breakdown though... I dont' want a rash .. that shit's ugly..) I would also like to watch indiana jones. If my eyelids wont' stay open you'll have to hold them open. .. but blink me at least 3 times a minute. During my long stay at your hospital or long term care facility of vented patients, I would like to have a big pile of puppies come visit me at least once a month. Just throw them on my bed and let them crawl around. I would also like for you to pour chocolate into my mouth. Maybe just swab it in so I don't aspirate. If for some reason, my heat starts giving out, make sure you put me on a emergent transplant list. Thanks.
Sincerely, Annie wyman

Monday, September 8, 2008

everybody is a big pile of poop with mold

Hello.

So I was supposed to study with T-man the other night right? right. WRONG. He called on sunday and said he works till 9 and probably won't make it to the library until after that. I was already at the library learning stuff when he called to say that. I basically live on campus and the hospital and am only home for a few hours to sleep.. or shower. (Not a lot of either of those happening...) Anywho, at 10 pm I was at the library and Tim still hadn't called so I just went home. He never did call back. Good bye Tim. You are no longer on the crush list.
Except for then I went back to class today and he actually had a valid excuse. Kind of valid. He's probably lying. Everyone from now on is probably lying unless proven otherwise. Opposite of our current judicial system. He said in class that somebody stepped on his phone and broke it. I immediately thought he was lying but he looked really embarrassed and even pulled my chair out for me when I got there. ... so he might be telling the truth. It was kind of funny. I walked in (the last one in because I had to bike superfast from orientation to get there... ) I just looked at him, smiled, and he smiled back and pulled my chair out to sit. Then I was just getting my stuff out and I didn't say anything. I could have said,' SO, You're an asshole eh? But I didn't. He just kind of said,.... so.... I was going to call you to study.. and sombody stepped on my phone and broke it..... I was going to say, what phone breaks when you step on it? Surely you don't have a sprint sanyo, because those things are the shit. I have one. My dog even chewed it up and it still works. Every time I drop it I just pop the battery back in and we're good to go. But I didnt' say that either. Sometimes, when you're me for example, saying things is a bad idea. That's why being a nurse in the ICU is so nice. Most of my patients are delirious or unconscious. I don't have to talk to them, well I can, but it doesn't matter what I say at all. I could be like, wow, you sure have got a lot of loose skin terry! And his response is. ____________. Mouth open. Eyes closed. Druely. aka, sweet.
Then when they become concsious or healthy I send them away to someone else. I just roll their bodies around and give them meds. Hollllaaaa. Back to the current story. I was going to bash his face in, but his face looked all distraught and red and like he was about to cry. Maybe it was allergies. I should have just handed him and allegra and been like, suck it up baby. You missed out on a world of knowlegde. My knowledge. That you will never have... unless of course you re-schedule a study time. ... but maybe I won't show up. Maybe someone will steal all my shoes and then I can't leave the house. Maybe I'll just be really hungry and .. not able to make it. Maybe I have a wide set vagina and a heavy flow and I just can't make it.
This is way off the topic, but I'm in the library right now, and there is this chineese kid sitting across from me, but on a different table. And every time I look up, he looks up. But he doesn't look at me, he looks off into the distance with no expression. Super serious face. It makes me want to laugh when he does it, or wave my hand in his line of vision like what the devil are you staring at. I bet he teaches karate and sword..ing. I bet I'm racist.

AFter Tim didnt' show up, I was thinking off all of these funny ideas I had in my head. Like weird pick up lines I could say to him... or anybody who is ridiculously good looking.


I could wrap up a big box and give it to him, and when he opens it there would be a fire extinguisher inside and I'd be like, ' here, put yourself out. HOttie...'

Or I could just stand up and start doing the fire dance around him . For those who dont' know the fire dance it's basically squatting and warming your hands around in a circle. Even I can do it.

Oh my GOD!@!! China just smiled!!!!!!! He is on the phone. I can't hear him . Of course I can't hear him. that wouldnt' make sense. He is about as personable as a wall, a wall that reacts to phone calls, and moves his mouth but is still silent. Nobody probably thinks this is funny. I guess you have to be here. Oh, oh, that was it. It's back to stern stoic face stare into space pondering mcgee. Well. I'm going to go home now. I might just get some ice cream on the way. that would be fan-tastic. Bop.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

his name is Tim!

His name is Tim.

I didn't get to sit by him yesterday because a girl I knew from marching band sat by me. Which was cool too, because it was fun to talk to her about when we twirled flags. I am a nerd.
Then we took our quiz, which I surprisingly understood and was the second person to finish. But then I wanted to borrow the teachers book ( he has the most recent textbook and gives up practice questions...) So I was waiting outside the room for the class to get done so I could go up to his office with him. While I was waiting in the hallway, cute face walked out. It's like I can't look at his face and talk at the same time. It's too distracting. So when he asks me questions I'm like. hubbbllhhaaa juuhahnaaa. That must be asian and spanish mixed togethor. Maybe some arab. (arabian?) This was the conversation: (it was a long one!... as in like at least 40 seconds)

Him: How was that for ya?
me: (thumbs up) I think it went okay, but I kind of panic and do everything really fast, so I guess we'll see.
him: Yeah, I know what you mean. Did you do your homework already?
me: nope. Do you still want to to it togethor?
him: that would be great. What time works for you?
me: ummm....... ... . ? Sunday?
him: okay. Where shoudl we go? The library?
me: sure. Would you rather do it a different day? Is Sunday okay? (Thank god he said a building that I know where it is... I know 3 buildings on campus. library, admission, science building)
him: No, no, Sunday is great. Except I don't even know your name. What's your name?
me: oh yeah, sorry! Annie. (this is where the awkward part was I was really distraught that we were actually going to study togethor and my brain was melting out of my face... and I said,)
What are you?
(then I looked away and said) WHat are you? Did I really just say that?
Him: (laughing) Tim. Nice to meet you. (then we shook hands.. but it was more like a limp embarrased shake on my part because at this point in time I must have been looking at his face, and as I have mentioned before, I cannot do two important things at one time. Like look at a face and talk.)

Then he put my number in his cell phone to call later about when /where we would go, etc...
Then he said to havea good weekend. Then I shit my pants and threw up in the hallway when he left. Not really, but I could have. I probably will now re-thinking the moment in my head. That's all . Bye!

Friday, September 5, 2008

On october 14th, he asked me what day it was....

Today is my official last day of Just school. I start work and school on monday. pooper pants. I have a quiz today in my class as well. We also got this like 6 page assignment yesterday. I'm not used to this kind of school.. where you actually have to think. I'm used to nursing school, where everyone just asks stupid questions and makes comments about things that matter about as much as, shit, i don't know, a banana peel. So what I did in those classes were make extremely detailed schedules about what I should do when I get out of the class. I mean extremely detailed as in by the second/minute. Like, Class gets out 3:50. 3:50:30 pick up backpack and leave class. 3:51:00 walk out door. 3:52:15 walk in the direction of car....


( think you get the point..) I'm not used to coming to class and not being bored out of my mind. I didn't even buy half the books for my nursing career. You just didn't need them. I think I took like 7 different classes on, 'how to talk to people.' What's funny is that most of the kids thought those classes were really hard. Everyone in nursing is super anal and would argue their answers to the death. For example, this is what they would arguein a question:

1.) Mr jones has just died, his wife is crying at the side of the bed. What would you say to her?
(there was usually a funny answer so I would randomly laugh when we took tests.... nobody else must have thought these were funny....)

a.) Did he leave you the house?
b.) I'm so sorry for your loss.
c.) I know EXactly how you feel.

The answer would be b. because you never say you know how they feel. I didnt' buy the book but the teacher said that every 4 seconds in the class. So even when I was doodling and not paying attention, I'd get the right answer. At least 15 questions on each test would have the choice of 'I know how you feel.' And you dont' choose those answers. It's a pretty simple concept. Don't pick the joke answers, and don't pick I know how you feel. Automatic A in the class. However, say there were 130 questions on the test. The people in my class would argue at least half of these. Even if their answer was out of the question. It was like, maybe if I complain enough and try to convince her that my ridiculous answer is the right one, or that part of the question was worded in a weird way, I'll get my one point back. There were so many times I just wanted to stand up and say, ' suck it up bitches, lets move on.' She probably would have docked a point from my test then,,.. and you know, i'd have to argue it.
There were a few hard classes, the more fun classes like fluids and electrolyte balancing... but everyone didnt' get it. So we'd go at snails pace and she'd spend 2 weeks talking about the same concept. So even the hard classes got dummed down. Then I'd get bored with what we were doing in that class as well. So in summary, it's nice to have a class where I dont' get bored because we go at a normal pace and he assumes we aren't all idiots. People don't argue their questions, they just get them wrong and accept it. IT's pretty much amazing. What else is amazing is there is a really cute boy in my class that I just happen to sit next to. Except he's normal, so he probably won't like me back, however the first week of class I couldn't 'remember' how to find out how many valence electrons were in things. So I asked him. Then he said, 'umm... yeah.. I think I remember that. hold on.' Then he was searcing through his notes. Like 2 minutes later he said, ' Okay, I remember now, you do it like this,' And then he showed me how to do it. In 2 different examples. (hollllaaa)
Then the next day I dropped myp en on the floor.... and he picked it up for me. Then I said thanks. He was like,' It's no problem.'

Then the next day I asked him how to do something else and he was pointing at something in my notes and he touched my arm. Then I moved my arm and said, 'sorry' and he said, 'it's okay.'

Then the next day he asked me if I understood the shapes of the molecules and I said,' do you know who you're talking to?' then we both laughed.

then the next day, (yesterday) we got out assignments that were super long. He asked,' Did you do good on the last assignment? you seem to know what you're doing.' and I said, ' I don't know.. we didnt' get them back yet..' Then I said, 'Do you want to work on this one togethor?' And he said,' yeah, that'd be great.'
Yay!!!!!!!! I have a new friend!!!!!! ( a new hot friend) I'll have to ask today when he wants to do the assignment.
All of this reminds me on the stuff from mean girls, (if anyone has ever seen that movie.) I hope he invites me to his halloween party. I don't know any of the 'plastics' so they can't sabotage my plan. schweeeeet. That's all for now. Gonna go learn stuff.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

really?

So we all remember weird face McGee, 'meet me at Kohls in your snow gear.' Right. He's back. Again. Wouldn't you think after that awkward experience, you would just give up and say, maybe she doesn't want to date me... or maybe I shouldn't be so creepy. Nope. His head is an empty room. No wheels turning. The light's out. Knock on his door, but nobody's home. How many more analogies should I use? In summary, he is not smart. If you cannot write a full sentence using correct grammar and spelling... please don't ask to date me. If you have your sister in law call me 50 times ..... please don't ask to date me. I don't care if you're a nice idiot. You're an idiot. A creepy idiot.
I am bringing this all back because I signed on to myspace the other day. I shouldn't have. I never will again. Ever. There was a comment on my wall -from 'jason' the creeper with the stuffed chickens, that said this, 'So, are you moved back to st cloud yet? I think we should go meet up for drinks.' Or something to that extent.

um..... No. I just quick signed off when I saw that. I didn't even respond. I don't know if I should acknowledge that he wrote that, or just pretend like it never happened. Should I sign back on and be like,' ' um.... i would meet you for drinks, except I am really seriously dating someone else seriously. For serious. ' or I could just write something ridiculous on his wall that had nothing to do with anything, like, 'mer-man... mer MAN!!!'
That would be pretty funny. Or I could write back, 'only if we meet at wal-mart in halloween costumes.'
It is truly a physical impossibility that a NORMal... human person could be attracted to me. It's impossible.

That's I guess all for now.

Monday, September 1, 2008

true talents

so my life has been pretty.. mmmm.. Not fun the last few weeks. Moving... moving.. putting away.... chemistry... moving... putting things away very anal retentively thanks to my mother... For example. I bought a chocolate bar... one of those ridiculously good dark chocolate ones that are like 4 dollars and have raspberries and stuff in them. Anyways, I put the thing in the cupboard unopened. The next day my mom came in the living room and yelled at me for putting it away ' incorrectly,' because you see, even though it hadn't been opened yet it needs to be inside a plastic ziplock bag. I dont know why. you can ask her if you want.

What else happened. My mom asked me to go to Penney's for her. She had bought this dress. ( a denim dress... god only knows why.) Anyways, they had forgotten to take the ink tag off. So she called and they said to just bring it in, even though she didn't have the receipt with. They looked up her credit card number or something to prove she bought it, i don' tknow. Anyways, I went in to the young mens department, where I was supposed to ask for april to take the ink tag off. April is the manager. (still... I worked there like 7 years ago..) Anyways, I was at the stupid counter for 20 minutes because they were like. 'what proof do you have that this came from here? What are we supposed to do?'
I just blatently said. ' Seriously, this is a denim dress... a DENIM dress...maybe it's a jumper.. i don't know. Do I look like i would wear a denim dress? Do I look like I would want to steal this denim dress from the clearance rack? I didnt' think so. My mom bought it and got home and the ink tag is still on. She talked to april who said to bring it in and get the ink tag off. ... ..'
finally someone talked to april and april said that my mom had called and to take the tag off.
Unbelievable. The funniest part was that they could actually think that I was sneakily trying to steal the denim jumper. I try to hide my true love for denim jumpers, every time I pass them I have to hold myself back. Most stores know my face by now and have someone follow me around just so I won't steal the denim jumpers and or dresses.

So when I got back from jcpenney's I decided to watch some trash Tv for a little while. I forgot what show I had been watching, some family lifetime movie and the girl made some comment like, 'we a ll have our own talents that god gave us, and we need to share them with everyone.'

Then I started to think. What the hell is my true talent? It sure as hell isn't being compassionate and or organic chemistry. Which means my life is really sucky right now. Because I am a nurse and in organic chemistry. So what if I try to do things my whole life that aren't my true talents? Am I wasting my life? Are you wasting your life? Like how my sister says she would have made a really good HUC/ aka ward clerk, aka, secretary type person for the nurses/doctors. Is she wasting her true talent by being a doctor? I don't think so. But if that is her true talent does that mean she is wasting her true talent by being a doctor?
Then I started thinking, why should I force myself to have a talent that I suck at? Such as organic chemistry. BUt, if I don't take organic chem I will be a nurse forever... and that will be really crappy. Nursing is not my true talent. It's one of those things you are kind of good at and just do because it's easy. Like how some people think math is really easy and are good at it, but they don't like it. Is God going to be mad at me because I'm just doing something random instead of the actual talent that he gave me? (whatever the hell that is....) So, Then I started making a list of things I like to do, and or could have a talent at. That way I won't be wasting my life and my purpose of sharing my talent. Here are some lists of things I am good at:

typing
holding puppies
drinking diet soda
giving high fives
being dirty
knowing the exact amount of calories and serving size of most foods
breaking things/accident prone
being unorganized
being not on time ever
b.s -ing papers/talking/explanations.
and last but not least, attracting weird disgusting foreign nigerian /jamaican men. Probably my only true talent.


Things I like to do: Exercise, any outside activity, thinking about random things, playing piano, writing blogs to make fun of things and people.

Ultimately, everyone should make a list like this for themselves, and then combine the things from the lists to make a job they enjoy, while using their particular talents. So, my jobs could be:

Go outside and break things. I would be REAlly good at that job. I could attract a weird jamaican man and then BS to him that I love him back and then blog about it later. Or I could make appointments to give people high fives, then I could run or bike to meet then, but then I would probably be late/get injured somehow, and miss the high five. damn.

So you see, these are the things I think about instead of organic chemistry. Today a couple of organically chemical things happened. I put a tupperware in the microwave. I was making brownies and there was some dark chocolate in a little tupperware and I decided I would warm it up a little so I coudl more easily dump it on. I put it in for 25 seconds. That was a poor choice. On the 18th second it suddenly exploded. Like actual flames, and a whole lot of smoke and burning smell. My hair actually smells a lot like it when i waft it in front of my face. It's like I went to a campfire where we burned plastic to a smoldering crisp. I wonder what compound I made in that microwave. Sweet.

oh yeah, and while I was at the mall returning a denim jumper, the dog ate a whole cake I had made the day before. Tisk tisk sofenheimer.

I have an organic chemistry lab tomorrow. = Death. We are supposed to get prepared for the lab so we know what we're doing. There are all these terms for devices.... I don't know what the device look like, or how they work, or what it's name is. It's basically like throwing you in a different country and telling you to make something that will take 3 or 4 hours that will take at least 50 different steps. Oh yes, and you also have no idea how to use anything you have .. or what its' called. (basically, like a different language.) REady... MAke some aspirin!!!
I'm pretty tempted to just go buy some aspirin and crush up a little bit and put in in a baggy to bring to lab so when I F it all up I can just pull out my little baggy and be like.. . voila!!! Aspirin!!! Then I will weigh it to approximately the same weight as other people's yields. Hollllaaa.. Except with my luck I'll probably get pulled over and the cop will be like, what's that crushed up white substance in the baggy? Aspirin? Right..
These are the lab instructions in my language
Take one gram of salicylic acid and stir it with your 2.5 mls of acetic anhydride in a mcdoodle bob, using a dippley moodle. Stir for 15 minutes over a flippy mcflapper with the thingy. Then do the vaccum procedure. (I don't know what the vaccum procedure is... so I looked it up)

These are the instructions: (i pretty much started laughing)

Clamp your filatration flask to a ring stand. Connect the filtration flask with a piece of thick tubing to the water trap. Place the filter adapter on the filtration flask. Set the hirsch funnel on teh filter adapter. Turn on the aspirator water faucet. Open the water valve completely to create the best vacuum. Pout your organic solution into the hirsch funnel. Do not overflow the filtration flask. IF you need to empty the filtration flask, go to step 7, 'emptry the filtrate.' and restart.

I will never overflow the filtration flask because I will never be able to start over. Ever.

Tomorrow should be fun.


Shit.