past couple weeks

The past couple weeks have been...pretty okay. I guess just average. I'll just make a list of the stuff that happened.

1. Apparently, my heart races sometimes for no apparent reason, and it's not my thyroid, they checked that. Anywho, I have to wear this super fashionable event monitor. It's not too bad, but there is a record button that you have to push anytime you can tell your heart is beating really fast. I think I have only pushed the button one time that that has happened, otherwise I have recorded about 29 times by accident. Seriously, the record button on this things is the size of a 50 cent piece. It's ginormous. Even if I hit it with my arm by accident, it records, or when i accidentally walk into desks, or walls, or patients, it records. then after it records it makes this awful beeping noise. Patients and or co-workers look at me and are like, .... are you beeping? Yes actually, I am beeping. I have a bomb in my pocket and it's going to explode at any second. Don't tell anyone, it's a secret..

2. Another dissapointment. I decided to try a velveeta macaroni and cheese packet thing. Everyone says they are so good. THEY LIE. It tastes like you cooked some noodles, and then squirted cheez-whiz on them. Then waited until the cheeze whiz melted a little. Delicious? mm.. nope. I'll stick with the kraft macaroni and cheese. That stuff is like 50 cents a box, instead of 1.50. what a waste of a dollar. Although, I ate it anyway, because I'm chubby.

3. The other night I sat on a suturing scissors. It was at one point sitting on top of the couch cushion, but somehow, it sneakily made it's way into the between the cushions part, where it stood straight up. I decided to sit on the couch that night and that's when it drove itself into my right buttcheeck/upper thigh, probably only 3-4 inches. I happened to be talking on the phone at the time, ( you know, just to make the situation a little more awkward.) I thought I had sat down on a fork, and it had embedded itself in, but after I felt around I could feel the two holes on the end of the scissors. damn. It was hard to tell, because you can't really see your own butt. Then I thought about what they teach you, you know, not to pull anything out yourself, and let the doctor do it. I thought about that for awhile, ( and when i say a while i really mean a few seconds, although it did seem like a long time when i was leaning there on the couch trying to figure out a good angle to pull it out at.) then I pulled it out myself, which was also kind of difficult because it was a curved scissors, and I had no idea which way it was curving, once again, because I couldn't see it.
After that happened and I was sitting on a towel and cold pack trying to stop the bleeding, I thought about what really fat people do. I bet some of those 800 pound people have stuff embedded waay into their ass. Or even just stuffed under their folds. Like if they lift up their omentum fold their cell phone would probably fall out. Like, Gosh, I was looking for that! You could be really sneaky if you were that fat. Like going to the movie theatre, you could stick a bunch of snacks inside your fat rolls. Then just pull them out during the movie and save yourself some money. I guess if you were that fat you probably couldn't go to the movies unless you sat on the stair case, which also might be comfortable being you are very well cushioned. Rolling down hills might be really fun if you were that fat too. you can't really feel that well through all the fat, there isn't as many nerve endings, so if there were lots of rocks and stuff it wouldn't matter. Although, they might get embedded in there, which is also dangerous. Maybe I'm thinking about this wrong. I'm thinking about it like you are wearing a giant marshmallow suit. but in most ways, that's a pretty accurate way of seeing it... maybe...???

A couple other things happened this week.. I don't really remember them, but they were probably cool. If you're bored, you should probably do one of these things:
1. Eat some lower sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal. It's flippin delicious. you can also add more cinnamon if you like, being cinnamon helps you lose weight. I was thinking of writing the quaker oat people a thank you letter for making such delicious lower sugar apple cinnamon oatmeal, but they probably wouldn't understand it. it's probably a bunch of mexican slave workers who can't understand english in a factory making oatmeal. So I decided against the letter.
2. Watch elf. It's amazing. Real good. the best part is when he goes into new york and gets hit by a taxi by accident.
3.I have also been watchin a lot of 'ghetto dance movies.' You know, they all have the same plot. Excuse me, same Great plot. Usually something like this, there is a 'pristine' girl, usually into ballet or some other kind of dance, and then this other ghetto troublemaker worthless guy who likes the girl and happens to be really good at hip hop/ghetto dancing. Also, usually that pristine girl's mother and or father is mentioned as 'dead' within the past 4-7 years, and somebody's brother and/or some charachter who is in the movie, but isn't really that important or in one of the main roles, gets shot. (that's when the ghetto guy comes to an understanding of his ghetto life, and that he needs to make something out of himself.) So him and the pristine girl combine their dancing powers and win the competition/show/getting into the 'dance company' or whatever the goal is. they are pretty reliable plots, but for some reason, I like watching them. Maybe while eating some apple cinnamon oatmeal.

That is basically an overview of the past week/s. Hope you are all enjoying your day! bye!