dying

I've been orienting to the ICU for the past couple of days. It's pretty good. I actually get to think a little bit, instead of not thinking.. at all. I really don't understand how people can work on a med surge unit for 20-30 years... or even 2-3 years. Crazies. So boring.
Orientation is pretty fun, but it's like all orientations in St. Joe's. Mmm... we don't have enough staff on ever....and we aren't going to call someone in so they get payed time and a half.... so here are your ICU patients annie! My manager actually gave me the admits. She gave me some guy on a Bi-Pap with a new onset of atrial fibrillation. Sweet. She looks at me and says,' its just like an a -fib patient in tele.' Right kathy. Right. Except they're going to get cardioverted.. and I have no idea how to set that stuff up for the doctor.. nor do I know how to set the controls on the bi pap. (to those who don't know, cardioversion is when you put large conduction pads on a patient and shock them so they go back into a sinus rhythm.) Oh well. Breathing and heart function arent' that important, so if I screw up, it's fine. I guess actually doing it is one way of learning. It's just would be nice to have someone there the 1st time saying... ' this is how you do it.' Instead of me fumbling around with no clue what to do. It was also hilarious because I was putting the pads on the patient, and Dr. Dirks walks in and goes... ' you look really familiar... how do i know you? '
oh yeah, hi dr dirks, I came to see you one time in November or December for SVT.' (supra ventricular tachycardia.) aka, where your heart races for no apparent reason.

Dr dirks: Oh yeah! Hi! How's that goin for ya?

Oh you know.. good.
Then he remembered that my mom was a doctor in st cloud, and that I also liked to run.
amazing. What a good memory. He'll probably forget my name, but if he does I can just be like, 'Hey! Remember me? SVT? ' Then he'll know. Sweet. Good thing he wasn't a gynecologist. That would have been embarassing. Except I've never seen a gyno. It would have been funnier though if I had gone to see a gyno, and he or she walked into the room and said, 'you look familiar.. how do i know you?' then I could say something even more awkward, like, 'Yeah! I came to see you once with those huge pus filled vaginal sores!'
the Dr: 'Oh Yeah!! Vaginal sores!! How are those by the way? Still smelly?'

Amazing.

Today on Orentation I took care of a lady who had pneumonia, an amputation surgery, and lung cancer. She was hilarious. Loved her. We were looking at this card that her granddaughter gave her, and on the front of the card it said her name (spelled wrong of course..) The on the inside it said, (all spelled wrong)

'karen,
I am sorry you had another heart attack. I like you.

Probably the most hilarious card I have ever seen. Then there was a picture of two blobs standing between a bike and all these sticker hearts. Then the lady, (karen was her name,) says, It was a nice effort... but she knows I only have one leg.. how am I supposed to ride that bike?' Hilarious.
Except it's really sad because she's dying. Everytime the doctor comes he tells her she is dying. It's so sad. Plus with me there it makes everything 1000 times more awkward. What the hell do you say to someone who is dying? I remember when I did clinicals on the cancer unit and people were always crying telling me they were dying. that was also horrible, and is also why I don't work on a cancer unit. I like it when people die and are unconcious, and don't know in advance when they are dying. It's real nice that way. This is usually how the conversation goes with a dying person.

Pt: ' I will never be able to leave this hospital.'
Me: 'you wouldn't want to leave right now anyways, it's snowing.'

Yeah. I'm a genius. This dying lady however, is very different from all other dying people that I have seen before. She is hilarious. We pretty much have the same sense of humor so I spent most of the shift in her room with her laughing about stuff, such as the card. Then it took us 15 minutes to get her sitting at the edge of the bed comfortably to eat breakfast and as soon as she takes her first bite x-ray comes in because they needed a chest x-ray. She just looks at them and says,' good timing guys!!' Then we both just started laughing. I would try to titrate her levophed drip to control her blood pressure, and it kept drastically changing, like 60/40 - 120/80.. within 3 minutes. Then she'd look at me and just be like, 'don't worry about it, I'm an extremist!' It was an exceptionally good day, until about 1:30. Then her stupid ass jerk son called her on the phone. I was hanging her potassium drip so I got to listen in for a few minutes. He let her tell him what was going on for about 30 seconds. All she got to say was..'
'yeah.. the doctors told me I have less than 20 percent of my heart function left. '
Then she stopped and listened to her son say something, then she said, ' do you need money?'
Then she started clarifying something like, 'you didnt' get the 5,000 dollars when everyone got it, so you would be getting 20,000 instead of 15,000.'
then there was more silence.
'yeah, I can send you the money. It's not like I'll be able to use it for much longer.'

Horrible. I just wanted to take the phone from her and just be like, would you like anything else you @)*(!)#$&^!)@(#$*!@)*#$%&!*#@($@#)($%!. ooo i guess that last part is a website. What an asshole. His dying amazing hilariously funny nice one leg 80 pound mom is at the hospital and he wont' come visit her, or even let her talk to him and tell him what's going on and get some of her emotions out that she is dying. He just calls to make sure that he will get his money before she dies. Piece of shit asshole dickhead. I hope I see him walking across the road while I'm driving ayesha.She'd take him down. I wouldn't kill him, I'd just do enough to him to paralyze him so he has to lay in bed for years and get bed sores, and think about how much of a wang he is. I guess I don't really know who he is... I hope he wears a shirt that says in really large print.' my mom's name is ___ _____ and I am her asshole son. I want my money.' Maybe also some blinking lights. That'd be good for distance vision.
Well, love to write more, but I gotta go read about concsious sedation. I think I spelled that wrong.. but i'm too lazy to fix it. bye!