zoolander

Ever since I stepped on my zoolander dvd and broke it I've really been missing it. Even when I look at every day things I am reminded of random quotes from the movie. Like I was eating some cereal for breakfast a couple hours ago and the spoon was just lying there and I thought of:

'How did you know you wanted to be a male model?'
'Well, I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
-a career?
-'yeah, be professionally good looking.

or

Derek, are you worried about hansel?
-Not as much as I'm worried about Grettel.

or

'A male models life is a precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs, and stunning features, doesn't mean that we too, can't not die, in a freak, gasoline fight accident. '

or

'Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose ..or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way? '


Gosh. Love it.

I don't love however, all of the advertisements that pop onto my screen or are on my email. Like hoodia weight loss plan pills. Hoodia probably isn't a plant. It's probably a made up substance. I remember I read about it on this one website because I wanted to see if it was just ground up meth, and or crack. Their description was something like this, (except a whole lot better ...)

"Hoodia is from this one cactus we found and ground up. Tribesman used to use it to stave off hunger on long hunting trips. It's been used by the antiquagoodle.. tribe.. for several centuries, and is ridiculously effective. Now you can try it free for 6 weeks... except this one dollar payment. So it's only a dollar for 6 weeks. Yeah. "

I could make my own weight loss substance. I could go scoop up some ORange fuzz algae by the river, a couple chipmunks, and maybe some herbs, smash it up and bake it. Then put it in a dehydrating machine until it gets real dry, then crush it up some more and pour it into some caplets and be all, ' This is the rare algae which only grows on the remants of the nearly extinct bobble headed gopher. The bobble headed gopher only eats fish from chemical plants, which are filled with weight loss substances like ... chromium .. and Goolia. ( a similar substance to hoodia, but 100x stronger in weight loss effects.) AFter the gopher dies, the chromium and goolia, (which are released through the gopher's hair follicles and skin cells,) are exactly what the Orange Fuzz algae diet consists of. The Orange algae feeds on the chromium and goolia, and turns these substances into what we like to call, lorthub. What we do, is take the orange fuzz algae, and chemically treat it to extract it and amplify the lorthub, which we call, thuborrhea.
What you get, is our 4 week sample of fiborrhea. Thuborrhea speeds up your digestion, up to 7x the normal speed. What does this do to you? A faster metabolism! You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want. We also supply this 4 week sample of depends. If you are unsatisfied with this product, even after the 4 week trial period, just return your packaging for no extra charge.

Obviously, I am in a really weird mood right now. Maybe I'll take the dog for a walk.