yay for blogging

Well, thanks to the stealing bitches, I had to get a new computer. Which I have now, so I can blog anytime I please. Amazing. After they stole my computer and I was at home. (Brainerd home..) I would come home from work and be like... sweet..... what should I do? There are only so many times you can water a cactus and feed a fish. I still haven't boughten a plug/cable for my tv so I can, you know, turn it on and stuff. Whatever. The computer I got is like whitey/slivery. I think I'll name it .... whitey. Mm... maybe more like ... JAmes. that's a good name. He looks like a James. Maybe I'm just tired. Anywho, a whole lot has happened since I last blogged. There were so many times I came home from work and was all, man, I totally wish I could blog right now about what just happened. Now I don't remember what that was I could blog about.
I remember this one guy that I took care of at work was ridiculous. You know you're pathetic when you can't hold up your own urinal. I mean really. How hard is it? He could feed himself, but could not hold up his own urinal. AFter I held it I realized why. His was was tiny shminy. It was actually difficult trying to find it. Plus he was kind of overweight so I had to try to smash the urinal between his legs. Men's fat is funny. It's like when men get fat their fat is really hard, and women fat is really squishy. It's too bad it's not the other way around, that way getting the urinal under this guy wouldn't have been such a challenge.
One time I came into the room. (I came in about every 15 minutes to hold his urinal because had a UTI and apparently needed to pee 3 tablespoons every 10-20 minutes.) Oh sorry, UTI is urinary tract infection. I came in and would try to spread his legs which wouldn't spread, then just try to wedge the urinal into place... which was incredibly difficult because I really couldn't even tell his balls from the wang. It was like his wang retracted into his body and hid. I would get kind of excited that I found it.. but then it would just be his balls. Maybe his was retracted into teh balls part. That would make sense, because usually old man balls are ginormous, and the wangs are almost inexistant. Then he would keep asking.. 'did you find it yet?' How embarassing. For both of us. Then I would be like.. I think I found it, but you're sitting on it. Then he would have to try to lift up his body weight so I could pull the wang out from underneath him. When I finally would get it in place it took him 5-10 minutes to actually start peeing. (you can imagine how much time I spent in his room...) He would be like... maybe if I sit on the edge of the bed I could go then. So I would help him get to the edge of the bed, which also took a considerable amount of time. Then I had to start all over again finding the wang. Then that wouldn't work, and he would have to try to stand to pee. (which he was also NOT good at.) So My legs would start shaking from having to squat so long in an uncomfortable position. Then to make it worse, the guy would just start burping in my face. Continuous burping. I could feel the air from his mouth blowing onto my face. Warm, moist stinkage. So I would try not to breathe right after he burped. But the burps were so thick. It's like they just hung in the air and then he added to the smell every time. Then after he burped 40 times he would be like. 'I think it's coming now.' SWEET. A WESome. I'm super excited for when you finally can pee 3 tablespoons. When he finally peed the pee would just kind of dribble all over the place.
That day stunk. Then the highlight of the day was when he said, 'could you put some lotion on my balls?'
Um. Yeah. I would love to. At least I can find those. Good God. I guess I can understand why his balls would be sore if he continuously was dribbling piss all over them. Too bad. However, I did lotion them up real good.. He even told me I did a good job. I was all like, thanks, I really pride myself in the good job I can do slathering someone's balls with lotion.

So besides that, the lady at work keeps bothering me to date her brother in law. It's even worse now, because he doesn't try to talk to me. She does. She called my phone 7 times in the past 4 days saying, ' Hey annie! You shoudl call me back so I can tell you when and where you're meeting Jason on Friday.'
Right. Before I left on Monday to come home/get a bunch of Air Force stuff done in teh cities and grand forks, she told me that I was supposed to go on a date with him on friday at some place that I had never heard of. Five of my co-workers were standing there looking at me like, 'what the hell is she talking about?' I really didn't know what do say so I just said, um.. okay. I'll see if that works. Then she kept talking but I couldn't really actually listen to anything she was saying because in my mind I was pretending like it wasn't happening. So anywho, while I was gone getting my air-force stuff done she has left all sorts of messages on my phone. They start off nice.. then they get impatient sounding. The last one was something like, ' Hey annie- You really need to call me back so I can tell you what you and Jason are going to do. I hope you're at work today so I can talk to you, because I can't seem to get a hold of you. '

Um.. wtf? If this crazy face 30 year old wants to date me.. why doesn't he call me and say, 'HI. Where do you want to go hang out?' Or you know.. just call my phone. It's like me telling my mom to call a guy that I've never met and leaving him messages like, ' HEy! Annie's really excited to meeet you. she planned something and you need to call me back so I can give you the details.!' Really, really, really, REALLY pathetic. If he didn't sound like a real winner before, he sure does now. I'm going to have to make a shirt for him when I see him next that says, ' Here comes a winner!' or, 'Shield your eyes, or be blinded by my beauty.' Either would be good. I actually don't know really what he looks like because oh, THAT's right.. I have never met him. Awkward. REally awkward. Apparently, our date is tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do. I called marnie back, (crazy work lady.) and left a message on her phone saying that I accidentally left my phone in my car while I was gone and I had just got all her messages now.... and also that maybe it wasn't a good idea because I would be leaving for the air force and I dont' really want to get involved with anyone. Hopefully that will work. But I know it wont. I know she will call back and say,' it's okay, you guys can just hang out as friends.'
No marnie, we can't be friends becaues obviously there is a communication problem. I guess we can be friends through you. I 'll just call you and ask you tell Jason hi from me, and ask him how he is, and you know, every other detail about his life. Then tell him to call you back for me. Thanks, really appreciate it.
Damn. Damn damn damn damn. poopy. Iwould rather get burped on and hold urinals and put catheters in smelly ladies than date him. Boooooo. Boo to dating crazy chicken bringing guy. Somebody call me and tell me what to do. Okay. cool bye!