well crap

Well, I have more than 7 days since my last post. Crap. Maybe days I work shouldn't count as real days, because they aren't real life days. They are straight up work days that i don't do anything except work or sleep on. bop.





Work was pretty good this past weekend though. By good I mean at some points funny. There is this one guy who works night shifts.. I don't know if he's burnt out or what, but he's hilarious. Kind of in a dangerous way, but I guess nobody got hurt in the end. This is the report he gave to one of my co-workers one day.

' mmm... I don't really know much about this guy... you could probably just read over the doctor's notesand get a good idea.. Oh yeah, and I didn't get around to giving my 6AM meds, so if you could just get those for me that'd be great. Thanks. I'm out.'



I thought that my co-worker was kidding when she told me that. Apparently she wasn't. Because I came to work on sunday morning and the pleasent little lady I had had the day before who was doing fine and I weaned off her dopamine drip now had resps in the 40's (most people are less than 20 per minute...) and her Co2 was 9. This is what the nurse said:



'Yeah, not much has changed. I mean, she started this rapid breathing around 2AM. When I drew her labs her co2 was 9. I didn't call the doctor or anything yet. I figured you could just call them when you got here. Her sats were going down so I put a mask on her and upped her o2 to 10 liters. I wish I could tell you what's going on, but I don't really know. Maybe we just need some more labs. Well, that's about it.'



um... lol.. what? Seriously? It's like he's the most laid back person in the entire universe. He should probably be on the show scrubs. It's like he's on the show in secrecy. Hey- whatever guys... lets get some pizza. I don't know why I said that. Maybe they say that on scrubs a lot.... riiighhht... Put that one in the good story bag.



On another weird note, I had transferred this lady out on friday, and one saturday evening she was back. Bleeding more large amounts of blood in the form of poo. For those of you that don't know, there are very few things that smell quite as bad as bloody poo. For that matter, there are also very few things that Look quite as gross as bloody poo. Sometimes when I have my period and I poop and I look in the toilet I get grossed out. I see pee poop and blood and then I just think, all I need to do now is throw up in there and we'll have all the bodily functions in a pot. Yes, I am weird. Anyways, GI bleeds smell kind of like a poo that has been stirring up inside someone for a long time. Like the poop wanted to come out really bad but it couldn't so it kept gettign older and older and older and thicker and more concentrated. You know how blood has kind of a salty smell? It's kind of like concentrated smell of poo.. with saltiness. and an old basement mold smell. Very intense.

So this lady with the GI bleed was back. She was very entertaining. Her eyes were always slit open. Like she was continually squinting. She forgot everything very easily and her way of getting the nurse was to just say a sentence over and over again with the same monotone voice. EAch time louder than the time before. Just incase nobody heard her. For example:



Nurse.

Nurse.

Nurse.

Nurse.

NURSE.

nURSE i WOULD LIKE a warm blanket please
nurse.. I would like a warm blanket please.
NURSE, HELLO
(always very demanding.. but very polite. weird.)
So after 5 minutes of this somebody would make it into her room and give her a warm blanket. Then she would say the same thing every time . 'Ooh that's heaven.' 'Ohh that's heaven.'
Then 3 minutes later... NUrse..... Nurse...... Nurse... Could you bring me a warm blanket please.... Could you bring me a warm blanket please.
Then she would alternate that with Nurse.. Am I still bleeding?
or.. Nurse.. What's my hemoglobin?
It was even funnier because she had about 75 blankets on her after a few hours. Every now and then , (and when I say now and then.. I mean every 30 minutes...) she would say she had to poo. So you had to pull back the 80 pounds of blankets to get to her. Then roll her on to the bedpan. Very few times she would actually go to the bathroom. BUt one time.. she did. IT was the same old rotted mold blood salt poo smell. But it looked a little different. It was like putty. MArrony brown chunky putty. There are these things on the toilet that flip down and spray when you put the flusher down. Usually once takes care of the poo on the bedpan. But no. I sprayed the sprayer at least 6 times... and the poo would not come off. So I had to go to the heavy duty pan sprayer. It's in the dirty utility room. Nick told me about the dirty pan sprayer. It's for the exceptionally large impossible to clean poo. You put the bedpan in this metal thing. (and by damn sure you make doubly sure it's sealed tight before you flush..... ) Anyhow, i put her pan in the heavy duty pan cleaner and took it out.. and it was still stuck on there like i hadn't even touched it. Then I thought, what the hell, did this lady just shit cement onto this bedpan? Pretty sure she did. Becaues I double gloved my hands and had to manually peel the poo off the pan in chunks. Never had to do that before. BUt it is true, Every day you learn something new in nursing. It is indeed possible to poop out glue, and or caulking solution. She should have sold that stuff to some contractors. You could use it to hold bricks togethor.
It was equally just as hard to peel off her butt. The funny thing is, squinty eyes broke her streak of repetitivity (is that a word?) While I was scrubbing the bloody poop off her butt she just says, 'Hey... do you guys want to hear a dumb joke? It's really dumb, but it's still funny.' Then the 89 year old proceeds to tell me a joke about a guys penis while I'm cleaning up her butt. It's like we were all sitting at a dinner table telling jokes... except... not. Oh nursing. Hilarious.

Oh cute, I just looked up and all the dogs are licking eachother ears out. It's like a circular ear licking train. Gretta is licking the inside of molly's ears, who is licking sofies ears. Who is now trying to lick my face. Oh sofenheimer.