Monday, December 7, 2009

ahhh hhhh sweet

I don't work again until thursday. That is amazing. Super amazing. Not that I hate my job. WEll, that's a lie, not that I REALLLY hate my job, it's just nice to be off. I guess I don't mind taking care of the patients, mostly because 90% of them are intubated. It's just that working with some of my coworkers is ...interesting. I know if it will be a good night or not as soon as I see who I am surrounded by. There are only about ohh... 3-4 people I really can't stand, and I work with about 60 people, so it's a low percentage of crazies. But they are so crazy it's really unbelievable. The four people that come to mind, and I won't use their real names, are: Nit picky nancy, Freak-out fiona, I like to pretend I'm the next jesus, but I'm really just crazy.. girl, and, last but not least, bitchy bertha. I don't know who I dislike working with the least, I guess probably bitch girl, because she is at least smart. This is kind of what their individual personalities are like. ahem;

Nit picky nancy: Nit picky nancy comes to work 20 minutes early and looks over everything she could possibly look over even before she takes report from you. Nit picky nancy has been working here for 35 years. Her sense of humor is that of .. oh, maybe a paper towel. When she has finished looking over EVERYTHING, and I mean, everything, she will come out of the break room ready to get report. (On a side note, for those of you who aren't nurses, the normal person would come to work at the time they are supposed to start, look things over for about 5-10 minutes, and then get a report of what's happening to the patient from the nurse who took care of them. This 'report' time is from 7-7:30.) NAncy get to work at about 6:45 am, comes out of the charge nurse report room at about 7:15 so you can start trying to tell her what happened and why the patient is there. As soon as you even start talking nancy will start interrupting you with things you may have forgotten to do, that only she noticed. Such as, ' I see the tubing change was due on the propofol at 6 am and it hasn't been charted as changed.' Or, 'I noticed that you forgot to chart the 50ml of antibiotic onto the Intake and output sheet, so I had to do it for you.' Gosh, thank you NAncy, You're right. At that time, the patient's lung had collapsed, so we were assisting to put in a chest tube so he wouldn't you know, die, but thank you so much for noticing. I'll chart that tubing change right away. ASshole. I think the day I started there she came up to me and said, ' I don't know if I can handle working here anymore, I keep having to fix other people's mistakes and its' just exhausting.' Poor Nancy. She must be tired.

Freak out Fiona. Freak out Fiona works only night shifts, because she freaks the @&($#% out if 2 things are happening at once. Freak out Fiona pretty much just freaks out. It is a running joke in the ICU to tell Fiona that her patient is in asystole. I think all of the doctors hate her because she will call with pointless information that she is freaking out about, at 3 am. 'He says his leg is hurting ... very badly... and he has never had this pain before. I was going to give him some pain medication, but I thought I'd just call and make sure that that was a good idea. Do you think it's a DVT? Or is it just because he has a fracture? ' It doesn't help that Freak out Fiona has an IQ of about 75. She should have gone to a 'special school', but maybe her mom slept with the principal at the regular school so she could go there. Kind of reminds me of a movie...


Then, for lack of a better name, there's I like to pretend i'm the next Jesus, but I'm really just crazy.. and I am going crazy because I got divorced and now I'm single and 30..girl. She always emails all of the staff asking fo donations to certain charities she is working with, or will just email us motivational quotes. REally stupid ones. The ones that are on the organic tea bags that I have. Like, 'IF you have no fire in yourself, you cannot ignite others.' umm... I don't think that's one. Hold on, let me go to facebook because she has about 65 of them listed on her, 'favorite quotes' section.

'To know where we are going, we have to know where we have been.'

'when everything is going against you, just remember, the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.'

Things like that. Things that make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Things that are in the chicken soup for the soul books that should all be burned.

On a side note, she has also been married before. That in itself is not a bad thing. I know a lot of divorced people. She however, is somewhat obsessive that she has not found another boyfriend yet. She also sent me a quote a while back via email: 'Single people must see themselves through the lens they have, (freedom, opportunity, time, less distraction) Instead of through the lens they don't have. (a mate.)

I'm not sure if she put those parenthesis explanations in there because she thought I wouldn't be able to figure it out, or if that's actually what the quote is. Below the quote was pictures of her lifting up rocks in mexico wearing shirts that say things like, 'I know I'm amazing, it's because I'm a GIRL' With stars and sparkles all over it. Anyways, this girl, she came up to one of the guys who is single in the ICU. He's 30. Normal. Nice. Functional. She directly just asks him if he's gay. Um... no .... actually, I'm not Gay. I'm just single... I didn't believe that that happened until she asked me about 3 months ago...

'Hey annie, I heard you were engaged... can I ask who you are engaged to?
um... my boyfriend. MArk.
'Oh, I was just checking. .. Are you a lesbian?'
Umm... no... I'm engaged.. to my boyfriend.. MArk... he's a boy...
'Oh, okay, I was just checking, because it's okay if you are.'
no.. really. I am not a lesbian. I am engaged to a boy. I like boys.
'No really, because if you are it's okay. It is okay to be a lesbian.'
right.. it is.. but I am not one . REally. not at all. like the boys..
'Okay, because your facebook status says 'it's complicated with tersea newton.'
yeah. its a joke. I don't know how to fix it. It's been like that for years.
'Well, I just wanted you to know that it's okay that you're a lesbian.'
Seriously. I am seriously not a lesbian. For serious.


I didnt' know what to do after that. So first I laughed a lot. Then another girl at work found out that she asked me that and we accidentally bumped our legs when we were sitting and she was like.... heyyy........ what are you doing tomorrow.? It's basically a big running joke now. So you think that pretend divorced Jesus would get the point. But we were sitting in the break room at work with a couple other people. She was staring at my hand. (I don't wear my ring to work because I dont want to lose it there or get poop on it.) I just asked her, 'is there something on my hand?'
'No, it's just I was just noticing that you don't have a ring on.... and you haven't changed your relationship status on facebook.'
I dont' wear my ring to work because I don't want to lose it or get it full of gross stuff. I also dont' know how to change that status thing. BUt really, not a lesbian. REally engaged. Really truly..
'Oh, okay. Yeah, you told me, but I was just checking again. I really want to let you know that it's okay to be what you want to be.'

Okay crazy. Maybe she is a lesbian and hoping that I am one too so we can go do jesus work togethor and get man haircuts and wear cut off jean shorts that are below the knee. I think I'm going to change my facebook profile picture to my engagement ring with a bunch of half naked men in the background.

Then there is bitch girl. She is just exactly what she is. Complains about everything. Now she's pregnant so it's much worse. Her poor poor baby. That's all I have to say about that.

Guess I can go do something productive now. Like.. farmville. Just kidding. But seriously.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

hahahahaha....you lesbo, you. I know the truth. you used to drive a subaru.