Wednesday, June 17, 2009

oops

So... Last blog.. MArch 26th. That's pretty good. It's only what, 3 months old? That's only 1/3 of a pregnancy, and I'm sure when you're pregnant the time will just fly by. Especially when you get really fat and bloated and can't see your feet. Don't know why I just randomly said that. I'm not pregnant, nor do I really have any clue what it's like to be pregnant. But I have to write about something on here. I usually just write about what is currently making me angry, so here goes.

Most people in our family know that Dan and Lindsay are getting married on July 4th. I think I asked a billion people at work to switch, and they all declined. Then last week, a girl, we'll call her poop chunk, said she would switch weekends with me for the 4th. She wanted me to work the weekend before the 4th for her, but only if she could get enough hours. You see, I'm part time, so I am a shift short each week of a full time person. So I called everyone that was working that week to see if they would be interested in taking a vacation day and letting me take their hours, which in turn I would give to poop chunk. The staffing whore wouldn't just give poop chunk more hours, even though one guy quit and had hours that schedule. She told me, 'good luck working that out.' Jerk. Go bleach your hair more and eat like 45 more donuts. Anywho, A nice girl that I called said, 'Sure, you can have my day shift on thursday and give it to poop chunk.' I was very excited, so I texted poop chunk and told her that I found her a day shift on thursday to work so she would have enough hours. She said it was okay then, so I went to work on my day off and put the trade slip in. Some time passes. Poop chunk calls me back... 4 DAYS later. That's right. 4 DAYS. She leaves me a message on my phone that sounded disorganized about how this party she was supposed to go to.. somebody's parent's couldn't make it, so the date was changed. RIghhhtt. Date was changed my butt. You just changed your mind. Probably made a date for the 4th of july, because you date 3 different people every week. WAngy. Oh yes, and in this mean time of thinking I would be able to go to the wedding, I told mark and he took off work, and I bought a dress on e bay. PBbbbbbbbbb bbbbbb. I should just go up to her and be like, wow, you look hungry. Do you want this sandwich? It's delicious. Then I'd let her take like 2 bites and be like, mm, I changed my mind. I want that sandwich back. Oh, you're still hungry? Sorry, my parent's were going to bring you some food, but they aren't coming until next week. Can you make it that long?
SPeaking of poop face, she is my facebook friend... and my blog is posted on my facebook profile. I should probably take that off before she finds this and reads it. WHat else. Oh yeah, I signed up for a free personal traning session at Gold's Gym. Amazing. And hilarious. For the first half hour we talked about 'nutrition.' Basically, all this guy did was tell me about the nutritional pyramid, which isn't even a good way to diet. 11 servings of carb a day? I don't think so idiot. Then he proceeded to tell me that if I took a vitamin every day, I would burn an extra 100 calories? What? What if I took 5 vitamins a day? Would I then burn 500 calories a day? Interesting. I didn't ask him that. Then he asked me what I did for exercise. So, I told him. Biking, running, swimming, rollerblading, walking, kayaking.. etc. Then he asked me more specific questions, like how far do I bike? Then I said, about 25 miles. Then, the hilarious part. He estimated my calories burned as 200 calories. lol. lol. Funny. That's funny. Okay Crazy. The calorie counter on my bike tells me it's 625. But I'll say 400 just incase it's wrong. Then he got a stern face and said, ' no, your body gets used to doing this exercise because you've done it before, so you burn less calories doing it.'
WHAT? I'm sure my body gets used to doing the exercise.. its' called being in shape. But that doesn't mean that I only burn 200 calories for every exercise. I thought of a really good comeback for him. But I always think of these things days after I talk to the person. Here's my good comeback.
Okay, so, I've been walking since the age of at least 2, so does that mean my body just got really used to walking so now I burn like 3 calories per mile of walking? Sounds about right. I mean, I walk a lot. Especially at work. So my body must be a flippin walking machine. My body is also used to just regular functioning. I mean, I don't know how many times I've used my sodium ATP pumps... Gosh. Billions of trillions of times. So.. Since I'm so used to this, I must have a really efficient metabolism. I probably only burn 25 calories a day. I guess I'm only allowed 4 grapes and a cracker for my daily allowance of food to cover that.
Then he tried to sell me these supplements that help me burn calories by making me hot. Um, do you understand that I am already hot all the time? I don't want to just be sitting in a chair with beads of sweat running down my face. Well, maybe I do. Then people will be like, woah, what did you do to work out? And I'd be like, oh, I ran like 11 miles and did 7,000 jumping jacks. Because I'm amazing. Except if I'm just sitting and sweating I'll feel like a 400 pound person who just tried to adjust themselves in bed and got really out of breath. Sweet. Alright. I'm gonna try to stay up for another hour now so I can get used to working nights this weekend. Bye

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