naylon

I miss Naylon. For those of you who don' t know, she was one of my friends from college. We did a lot of weird stuff togethor. I spent 8.5 hours today listening to this guy and lady talk to me (and a bunch of other people ) about how to talk to people. Not just any people, crazy people. then we did karate moves for an hour or so. Which is also easy to remember. Aim for the crotch. I don't think he actually said anything like that, but it's gotta be true. It would hurt for males anyways. Getting kicked in the vagina would probably hurt too. I don't know for sure because it's never happened to me, but I am guessing it would hurt. Anywho,I obviously didn't pay attention and spent my time doing much more interesting things. Like writing down funny things that happened so I could entertain myself. The time just flew by. Several of the funny things I thought of I guess I might as well write down here so I can look at this later and laugh again. Actually, they aren't that funny. I just think they are because I think things like peeing and pooping are funny. I know, real grown up wyman.

Alright, so Naylon and I used to go for these runs. Not just normal runs. F'ing weird runs. There was a huge forest/valley thing behind St. Scholastica, and during spring when all the snow melted and the entire valley was basically mud paths/giarrdhea swamp pools filled with deer poo. That's where we went running. Running is actually much more fun when the goal is not to run, but to get as dirty as possible.
Well, this one time naylon was running in front of me and she took a step in what seemed like a small puddle but actually went up to her waist. The best part about it was they she just says "oopsie doodle!" Then I tripped on a giant log and started to pee my pants, then she peed her pants cause i was peeing my pants. Then we ran through this huge ass swamp thing. The kind that basically takes all your shoes and socks off because it's pulling so hard and the muck is up to your waist. Plus there is still snow and other stuff so it's cold as shit, but you're laughing so hard it doesn't matter.
I also went show-shoeing with Clint in those same woods and we randomly found a dismantled bloody deer carcus.. but that's a different story.
There was this other time that we hung out, Naylon decided to drive with me to go turn an application for an EMT job about a half hour out of duluth. We passed this little strip mall, actually called the 'adventure mall.' Yes, that's correct. Adventure mall. We went inside and the whole place was filled with shit. Take everything from every garage sale (between 1965-2005) .. There was a bunch of junk, like a porcelain duck holding a watering can, wedding dresses from 1945, Jewelry that they probably stole from people's coffin's, etc. But it was all ridiculously over priced. There was a toy section and a gi-joe was somethign like 27.50. There was this ridiculously old woman that looked like the crazy drug lady from 'requiem for a dream.' She kept getting us to try to try crap on. " Do you girls like 'retro' clothing? " It was all so ridiculous. Then we went back to my car, I got inside and then I heard all of this buzzing. I looked around in the car and there was about 300 bees inside my car. Who the hell knows how they got there. It was the adventure mall. so I ran screaming out of my car bEES BEES BEES!!!! The best part was then naylon was like, whatever annie, they're just bees, you baby. She takes the car keys from me and gets in the car and turns it on and there are just bees f'ing everywhere. She just is shoo-ing them away like she's annoyed with them. Then she drives up next to me and goes, 'hurry up and get in.' Um. are you crazy? there's a billion bees in the car. But I got in anyways. Peer pressure. She always does it to me. There were seriously bees everywhere. i think we ended up opening all the windows and the trunk and driving for a while to let the bees out. Ridiculous. Then we laughed for a long time, especially when i'd open things and there would be a bee inside.
There was also this other funny time that we went to Texas. Basically, the whole trip was hilarious. Especially because naylon and I would take these random paths on the hikes we went on. Which would have been fine in other states. But Texas has cactus's. A whooole lot of cactus's. In fact, every plant that grows in texas is pointy/sharp/stinging. All of the things that fly around in texas sting you/bite you. the only animal you see is this ugly pig looking thing called a javelina. I don't know if I even spelled that right. Anyways, we went waayy off climbing up this mountain of cactus. When we got to the top we were both like, oh devil... I have to poo. So we pooed on top of the cactus mountain. that's not that funny, the funny part was that the night before we had this stuff for dinner called 'darn good chili.' Darn good chili is not good for the digestive tract. It was so funny. I'm pretty sure my poo came out at the speed of light into a pile on a rock, and naylon was like. mother of jesus you pooped a rocket. she was amazed. I remember she said, ' before i could even get my pants down you were already done.' then the other crappy thing about texas is that there are no plants to wipe with. So we decided to use our underwear. (not the first time we've done that.) Then we covered our poo with some rocks and left our underwear on some sticks floating in the breeze. Amazing. Then we had to climb down the mountain of cactus. Also not fun. Rocks and cactus= lots of scrapey bloody stinging. ACtually, that was fun too, because we did it to ourselves. We'd just pick out the cactus stickers and laugh like, woops, there's another little bastard.
Theres some more stories, but I'll save them for later. Maybe I can think of some ones without poop and pee... but I doubt it.