Annie's Blog

ahhh hhhh sweet

2009-12-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

I don't work again until thursday. That is amazing. Super amazing. Not that I hate my job. WEll, that's a lie, not that I REALLLY hate my job, it's just nice to be off. I guess I don't mind taking care of the patients, mostly because 90% of them are intubated. It's just that working with some of my coworkers is ...interesting. I know if it will be a good night or not as soon as I see who I am surrounded by. There are only about ohh... 3-4 people I really can't stand, and I work with about 60 people, so it's a low percentage of crazies. But they are so crazy it's really unbelievable. The four people that come to mind, and I won't use their real names, are: Nit picky nancy, Freak-out fiona, I like to pretend I'm the next jesus, but I'm really just crazy.. girl, and, last but not least, bitchy bertha. I don't know who I dislike working with the least, I guess probably bitch girl, because she is at least smart. This is kind of what their individual personalities are like. ahem;

Nit picky nancy: Nit picky nancy comes to work 20 minutes early and looks over everything she could possibly look over even before she takes report from you. Nit picky nancy has been working here for 35 years. Her sense of humor is that of .. oh, maybe a paper towel. When she has finished looking over EVERYTHING, and I mean, everything, she will come out of the break room ready to get report. (On a side note, for those of you who aren't nurses, the normal person would come to work at the time they are supposed to start, look things over for about 5-10 minutes, and then get a report of what's happening to the patient from the nurse who took care of them. This 'report' time is from 7-7:30.) NAncy get to work at about 6:45 am, comes out of the charge nurse report room at about 7:15 so you can start trying to tell her what happened and why the patient is there. As soon as you even start talking nancy will start interrupting you with things you may have forgotten to do, that only she noticed. Such as, ' I see the tubing change was due on the propofol at 6 am and it hasn't been charted as changed.' Or, 'I noticed that you forgot to chart the 50ml of antibiotic onto the Intake and output sheet, so I had to do it for you.' Gosh, thank you NAncy, You're right. At that time, the patient's lung had collapsed, so we were assisting to put in a chest tube so he wouldn't you know, die, but thank you so much for noticing. I'll chart that tubing change right away. ASshole. I think the day I started there she came up to me and said, ' I don't know if I can handle working here anymore, I keep having to fix other people's mistakes and its' just exhausting.' Poor Nancy. She must be tired.

Freak out Fiona. Freak out Fiona works only night shifts, because she freaks the @&($#% out if 2 things are happening at once. Freak out Fiona pretty much just freaks out. It is a running joke in the ICU to tell Fiona that her patient is in asystole. I think all of the doctors hate her because she will call with pointless information that she is freaking out about, at 3 am. 'He says his leg is hurting ... very badly... and he has never had this pain before. I was going to give him some pain medication, but I thought I'd just call and make sure that that was a good idea. Do you think it's a DVT? Or is it just because he has a fracture? ' It doesn't help that Freak out Fiona has an IQ of about 75. She should have gone to a 'special school', but maybe her mom slept with the principal at the regular school so she could go there. Kind of reminds me of a movie...

Then, for lack of a better name, there's I like to pretend i'm the next Jesus, but I'm really just crazy.. and I am going crazy because I got divorced and now I'm single and 30..girl. She always emails all of the staff asking fo donations to certain charities she is working with, or will just email us motivational quotes. REally stupid ones. The ones that are on the organic tea bags that I have. Like, 'IF you have no fire in yourself, you cannot ignite others.' umm... I don't think that's one. Hold on, let me go to facebook because she has about 65 of them listed on her, 'favorite quotes' section.

'To know where we are going, we have to know where we have been.'

'when everything is going against you, just remember, the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.'

Things like that. Things that make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Things that are in the chicken soup for the soul books that should all be burned.

On a side note, she has also been married before. That in itself is not a bad thing. I know a lot of divorced people. She however, is somewhat obsessive that she has not found another boyfriend yet. She also sent me a quote a while back via email: 'Single people must see themselves through the lens they have, (freedom, opportunity, time, less distraction) Instead of through the lens they don't have. (a mate.)

I'm not sure if she put those parenthesis explanations in there because she thought I wouldn't be able to figure it out, or if that's actually what the quote is. Below the quote was pictures of her lifting up rocks in mexico wearing shirts that say things like, 'I know I'm amazing, it's because I'm a GIRL' With stars and sparkles all over it. Anyways, this girl, she came up to one of the guys who is single in the ICU. He's 30. Normal. Nice. Functional. She directly just asks him if he's gay. Um... no .... actually, I'm not Gay. I'm just single... I didn't believe that that happened until she asked me about 3 months ago...

'Hey annie, I heard you were engaged... can I ask who you are engaged to?
um... my boyfriend. MArk.
'Oh, I was just checking. .. Are you a lesbian?'
Umm... no... I'm engaged.. to my boyfriend.. MArk... he's a boy...
'Oh, okay, I was just checking, because it's okay if you are.'
no.. really. I am not a lesbian. I am engaged to a boy. I like boys.
'No really, because if you are it's okay. It is okay to be a lesbian.'
right.. it is.. but I am not one . REally. not at all. like the boys..
'Okay, because your facebook status says 'it's complicated with tersea newton.'
yeah. its a joke. I don't know how to fix it. It's been like that for years.
'Well, I just wanted you to know that it's okay that you're a lesbian.'
Seriously. I am seriously not a lesbian. For serious.

I didnt' know what to do after that. So first I laughed a lot. Then another girl at work found out that she asked me that and we accidentally bumped our legs when we were sitting and she was like.... heyyy........ what are you doing tomorrow.? It's basically a big running joke now. So you think that pretend divorced Jesus would get the point. But we were sitting in the break room at work with a couple other people. She was staring at my hand. (I don't wear my ring to work because I dont want to lose it there or get poop on it.) I just asked her, 'is there something on my hand?'
'No, it's just I was just noticing that you don't have a ring on.... and you haven't changed your relationship status on facebook.'
I dont' wear my ring to work because I don't want to lose it or get it full of gross stuff. I also dont' know how to change that status thing. BUt really, not a lesbian. REally engaged. Really truly..
'Oh, okay. Yeah, you told me, but I was just checking again. I really want to let you know that it's okay to be what you want to be.'

Okay crazy. Maybe she is a lesbian and hoping that I am one too so we can go do jesus work togethor and get man haircuts and wear cut off jean shorts that are below the knee. I think I'm going to change my facebook profile picture to my engagement ring with a bunch of half naked men in the background.

Then there is bitch girl. She is just exactly what she is. Complains about everything. Now she's pregnant so it's much worse. Her poor poor baby. That's all I have to say about that.

Guess I can go do something productive now. Like.. farmville. Just kidding. But seriously.

booooo

2009-10-06T18:01:00.000-07:00

Why do I pick up shifts at work? Only God knows. Usually when I leave I am so glad that I just left and I can relish the amounts of time I have before I have to be back. This lady at work asked me if I would want to work 2 night shifts for her. I wrote her an email that said, ' I will look at the schedule, and if it works out, I'll let you know.' The next day I came to work and the switches were already in my box. She just had a note that said, 'Thanks for switching!' Umm..... what? Yeah. That's like me asking her if I can borrow her credit card. Then before she can tell me no I hand it back to her saying, 'Thanks!' But she's old and she knows my mom so I couldn't be like, ' what up bitch... why did you do that?' Whatever. I guess I need the money anyways if I am planning a wedding. Maybe. My wedding isn't going to be that expensive. Especially if I will have to work more night shifts to pay for it. My IPod can be a DJ...... right? Right. Infact, I think I'm going to go look on my mom's computer and see how many patients we have. If it's not many, I'm just going to request off. Is that lazy of me? PRobably. oops.....

crap

2009-10-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

So .... now I haven't written on this in what... 4 months? Next post will be like 5 months from now then. Ooops. Sorry Craig. You are the only one that reads this anyways, and the least I could do is give you something to do besides watch the golden girls, or kathy griffin. Just kidding, but seriously.
I actually have something to write about besides stupid crap. (I'll write about that too, but after the important real information. ) I am engaged! This is also a late positng. It happened about a month ago. Who knew that I would ever get married. WOAH! AND... I just figured out that I could lift up the keyboard from the table and type with it on my lap! NOt that I'm more excited about that than getting married. At least I am getting married to a cool person. Just ignore all those mean, awful, ... mean... horrible blogs that I wrote earlier. I was still in the bitch stage of liking someone. That usually lasts the first 3 or 4 months. I think I just date a new person so I can tear them apart. Not physically tear them up like freddy crueger, or a lion, just mental anguish, (but I only do it behind their back.) Just another bitchy quality that not most normal people have. So the fact that Mark even made it through those first few months must mean that he is Jesus in human form. I probably shouldn't swear in front of him anymore if that's the case. In summary, he is pretty much amazing, and we are getting married on may 14th. Good summary sentence.
Another funny/awkard thing.. Mark actually read those blogs I wrote about him. Yes. HE READ THEM. All of them. Then he told me he read them. I guess that's when we decided that we liked eachother enough to marry eachother. Is that correct grammer? I used the same word too many times. ANyways, he read the blogs and then said to me, 'You know what would be funny, is if we put those at our wedding reception... I mean, not to creep you out or anything.' Then I said, 'That isn't creepy, I'd marry you.' 3 weeks later, DONE. I kind of wrecked the proposal. We were walking out at St. Johns and stopped by a church that is out on a island out there. We walk out there pretty frequently being Mark likes to do photography in his spare time. I thought we were just going to walk out there like we usually do, take some pictures of the sunset, or some planty/outdoorish things, and then leave. We were sitting by the edge of the water and the sun was going down. It was an average sunset. Just kind of yellowish. So after a while I said we should should get up and get back to the car. Then Mark looked at me and said, ' I think we should wait like 10 more minutes.' And I said, 'Why? Are you going to propose?'

I pretty much wrecked his shining moment. BUt, it was still a surprise because I joked about it for 5 more minutes, so I figured he wouldn't do it then because I wrecked it. But then he did anyways. I still thought he was joking the whole time until he pulled the ring out. Then I was like. What? REally? REally? Okay yeah!' What an idiot thing to say. Oh well. I think my idea of love is really scewed from watching so many disney movies. Like... aren't we supposed to be on a boat right now while my tritan father waves good bye? Or, dancing around in a huge ballroom and my waist is so small that you can fit your thumb and pointer finger around it? ( But he can't squeeze too hard, because he would compress my spine and then I would lose the ability to control my bowel and bladder and shit all over the dance floor.) Disney pretty much gives you unrealistic expectations about love, so anything that happens in real life, you are slightly dissapointed. Not that it wasn't a cool proposal. I thought it was. He could have just eaten like 10 pot pies, but hidden the ring inside the pot pies, and then have thrown them up on my lap, and picked the ring out of the vomit and asked me to marry him, and I still would have said yes. (he's that cool.)
Since Mark read that horrible blog, I should say, those horrible blogs, I will write some nice things that he did. He always tells me that I never write anything nice that he does, so here goes.

One time I was havig a bad day and he brought me flowers and put some ice cream in the fridge but he took a permanent marker and erased all the calories off. It was a good effort, but the carb and fat count were still there and I could figure it out being carbs are 4 calories a piece and fat is 9. But I didn't figure it out. I pretended it was calorie-less. So good job.

I lost my key in deer river this weekend and I texted him and told him I was frustrated and sad and angry that I couldn't find my key. I got back to the cabin in DR and tried to call the hyundai dealership in st cloud so they could make me a key. The guy on the phone just said, 'Let me guess your last name... is it wyman?' Um... what the hell. Do you guys have caller ID? Did I accidentally call Miss cleo? No. It was the hyundai people. Mark had already called them and was bringing the car title over to get a new key made for me and brought it up to DR with him the next day.
When I work day or nigt shifts he watched the dog with me. And when I say watch the dog, I mean take her on 5 walks, buy her new frisbees, special bones, and let her sleep on your lap. SOfie loves him more than me.
WHen I'm angry that I can't fix something that is broken he will drive over and fix it. Like the lawnmower, or my car, etc...
IS that good mark? I'll add more later.
Hmm... what else. I will probably increase my point status at work to .75 from .6. Cool story. Put that one in the good story bag. Well, I think I'm gonna go to bed. I had to do something to try and stay up later because I have to work nights this week again. For the 6th week in a row. Jerks. It's time for night nighting.

oops

2009-06-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

So... Last blog.. MArch 26th. That's pretty good. It's only what, 3 months old? That's only 1/3 of a pregnancy, and I'm sure when you're pregnant the time will just fly by. Especially when you get really fat and bloated and can't see your feet. Don't know why I just randomly said that. I'm not pregnant, nor do I really have any clue what it's like to be pregnant. But I have to write about something on here. I usually just write about what is currently making me angry, so here goes.

Most people in our family know that Dan and Lindsay are getting married on July 4th. I think I asked a billion people at work to switch, and they all declined. Then last week, a girl, we'll call her poop chunk, said she would switch weekends with me for the 4th. She wanted me to work the weekend before the 4th for her, but only if she could get enough hours. You see, I'm part time, so I am a shift short each week of a full time person. So I called everyone that was working that week to see if they would be interested in taking a vacation day and letting me take their hours, which in turn I would give to poop chunk. The staffing whore wouldn't just give poop chunk more hours, even though one guy quit and had hours that schedule. She told me, 'good luck working that out.' Jerk. Go bleach your hair more and eat like 45 more donuts. Anywho, A nice girl that I called said, 'Sure, you can have my day shift on thursday and give it to poop chunk.' I was very excited, so I texted poop chunk and told her that I found her a day shift on thursday to work so she would have enough hours. She said it was okay then, so I went to work on my day off and put the trade slip in. Some time passes. Poop chunk calls me back... 4 DAYS later. That's right. 4 DAYS. She leaves me a message on my phone that sounded disorganized about how this party she was supposed to go to.. somebody's parent's couldn't make it, so the date was changed. RIghhhtt. Date was changed my butt. You just changed your mind. Probably made a date for the 4th of july, because you date 3 different people every week. WAngy. Oh yes, and in this mean time of thinking I would be able to go to the wedding, I told mark and he took off work, and I bought a dress on e bay. PBbbbbbbbbb bbbbbb. I should just go up to her and be like, wow, you look hungry. Do you want this sandwich? It's delicious. Then I'd let her take like 2 bites and be like, mm, I changed my mind. I want that sandwich back. Oh, you're still hungry? Sorry, my parent's were going to bring you some food, but they aren't coming until next week. Can you make it that long?
SPeaking of poop face, she is my facebook friend... and my blog is posted on my facebook profile. I should probably take that off before she finds this and reads it. WHat else. Oh yeah, I signed up for a free personal traning session at Gold's Gym. Amazing. And hilarious. For the first half hour we talked about 'nutrition.' Basically, all this guy did was tell me about the nutritional pyramid, which isn't even a good way to diet. 11 servings of carb a day? I don't think so idiot. Then he proceeded to tell me that if I took a vitamin every day, I would burn an extra 100 calories? What? What if I took 5 vitamins a day? Would I then burn 500 calories a day? Interesting. I didn't ask him that. Then he asked me what I did for exercise. So, I told him. Biking, running, swimming, rollerblading, walking, kayaking.. etc. Then he asked me more specific questions, like how far do I bike? Then I said, about 25 miles. Then, the hilarious part. He estimated my calories burned as 200 calories. lol. lol. Funny. That's funny. Okay Crazy. The calorie counter on my bike tells me it's 625. But I'll say 400 just incase it's wrong. Then he got a stern face and said, ' no, your body gets used to doing this exercise because you've done it before, so you burn less calories doing it.'
WHAT? I'm sure my body gets used to doing the exercise.. its' called being in shape. But that doesn't mean that I only burn 200 calories for every exercise. I thought of a really good comeback for him. But I always think of these things days after I talk to the person. Here's my good comeback.
Okay, so, I've been walking since the age of at least 2, so does that mean my body just got really used to walking so now I burn like 3 calories per mile of walking? Sounds about right. I mean, I walk a lot. Especially at work. So my body must be a flippin walking machine. My body is also used to just regular functioning. I mean, I don't know how many times I've used my sodium ATP pumps... Gosh. Billions of trillions of times. So.. Since I'm so used to this, I must have a really efficient metabolism. I probably only burn 25 calories a day. I guess I'm only allowed 4 grapes and a cracker for my daily allowance of food to cover that.
Then he tried to sell me these supplements that help me burn calories by making me hot. Um, do you understand that I am already hot all the time? I don't want to just be sitting in a chair with beads of sweat running down my face. Well, maybe I do. Then people will be like, woah, what did you do to work out? And I'd be like, oh, I ran like 11 miles and did 7,000 jumping jacks. Because I'm amazing. Except if I'm just sitting and sweating I'll feel like a 400 pound person who just tried to adjust themselves in bed and got really out of breath. Sweet. Alright. I'm gonna try to stay up for another hour now so I can get used to working nights this weekend. Bye

2009-03-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

Ooops... so i havent' written on this in like amonth. Kind of a lot has happened too. Maybe I should just write on this more often. But then it turns out being like a chore... and nobody likes to do chores. Unless they are fun chores, like making cupcakes. Of course, that can be boring too. I went up to Duluth this past weekend and there was a lady at the grocery store decorating cakes all fancy and I stood and watched her with julia to keep her entertained. After julia asked me a hundred and one questions about what and why the lady was doing things, I said to the lady. You must really love your job. I can't imagine a more stress free fun job. Playing with frosting all day long. I think that is my true calling. After I said that the lady looked at me like I had just snorted a few envelopes worth of crack and said. 'No.' Whatever. I don't believe her. I want to own my own coffee shop with lots of cookies and snacks and play the lion king soundtrack and other fun things in the background and decorate cakes and make coffee alllll day long. Fanflippin tastic. Sarah. Read this blog and when you become a doctor save a bunch of money for us and we can do this. I'll just win the lotto maybe. Or marry a guy with end stage renal failure who is a millionaire. Word.
Hm. what else. I decided for a name for my car. La Fonda. Sometimes I call her Jane La Fonda. It's perfect. Exercise/ghetto. I was going to name her shaniqua, but it figured i would wait until I buy a big suv and put rim's on it. Maybe some blue lights, and a chandelier. Yeah. In summary, shaniqua will be my next car's name.
I also went to the cities in the last few weeks. I went to meet up with my old roomates from college and some other college friends. Later on in the night, we decided to go out to a bar. UGggghhhh. I don't know why I hate going to bars. Oh... wait. I do know. It's filled with gross guys between the ages of 21 and .. well, 21 and up. Who have had enough beers and usually aren't afraid to be over-the-top creepy and gross. Wonderful. My friends and I were at this bar in the cities.. I can't remember what it's called. We were all sitting at a table talking/laughing/having fun. Then this random guy came up and started hitting on michelle. But he left after a couple minutes. Then some other guy came... teresa's boyfriends friend from a while back.. or aquaintance. I wasn't really sure. All I know is that I was sitting next to little Katy. Then she got up.. and creeper sat down in her spot. He was so awkward. At first I didnt' even know if he knew corey becuase he wasn't really talking to him. The table we were sitting at was right next to the wall, which had a mirror on it and he would just keep looking into the mirror at himself. Then Little Katy came back and was just standing there with michelle waiting to sit down.. and he wouldn't get up. Then he started talking to me instead of Corey. Wang Wang wang. I don't even remember what we talked about. All I remember is that he smelled like old laundry, hemp, diapers, and a shit ton of cologne. After a while I just started to get angry. He was asking dumb questions like, 'how tall are you.' Then I said. I am a giant. Im almost 5'8. And he replied, Do you wear heels? 'Um, No. I don't.' and he said, 'good.'
what? Good. F U. I can wear heels if I want to. Then his friends kept coming up and they're like, 'hey, you should bring you date with us.'
Excuse me? Date? I've known you for like.. 8 minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. I must have forgotten. When a girl walks into a bar she has to leave her brain at the door. Too bad I left mine in. bitch. Then he kept asking me to go places with him. Like, Do you know where this random place is?

dude. I don't even know how to get back onto 94 from here, so if you could tell me that, it would be great. thanks. You can even come with me. I'll drop you off right b efore the exit. Just kidding. I wouldn't let you in my car.

Then he kept rubbing my back. He would be like, 'um, what were you saying?' and would lean in and rub my back. I wasn't talking. I was just breathing.
Then he said,' I'm not trying to be creepy, I'm just being friendly.'

Um. Stop touching me. I didn't want to take a shower for at least another 2 days, and now I will have to when I get home. Thanks a lot. Way to waste water. Jerk.

Then he tried to have me get up and dance with him. He was literally standing up and pulling my arms up asking me to dance. I was pretty irritated. I just kept saying No. His friends were sitting at the table behind us and I don't know if it was some plan to get me to go with them... I am still pretty confused about the whole thing. Maybe the dancing thing would have worked if we were in a DANCING bar. This was a people sit on chairs and TALK bar. He came up in front of me and tried to pick me up under my arms to get me to go dance with him. His fragranty fragrance of diaper laundry cologne was especially strong at this point in time. It smelled like you were walking past abercrombie and fitch on your left, and a huge pile of moth balls laundry dust poop on your right. Perfect balance. Meanwhile while he is trying to pull me off the table all my friends are just sitting there watching and looking at me like... what the hell is he doing? Becca just grabbed his arm and yelled. 'she has a boyfriend.' He just kept pulling. I was actually laughing because this was so ridicuous, and I kept pulling back. I was stronger than he was.. haha. what up. and I said. You can't move me. I'm bigger thn you. ' That must have done it because he left after that. Then he got his friends from the table next to us. And on the way out he looked at me and said,' nobody likes me.'

Nope. I sure as hell don't. What? Are you trying to make my pity you? You just tried to pull me up and make me dance with you in a non dancing bar. You also touched my back. Asshole.

Now I am irritated. I will have to go release my anger somehow. Except I'm sick. Guess it will be eating an orange. or maybe tea. or I'll throw the dog's squeaky... really fast..ly.. Okay. I have more to write about. Like an alcohol withdrawal guy that I took care of and gave over 200mg of ativan to in a 12 hour shift, who kicked me in the stomach. I will do that later.

new car!!!!

2009-02-20T10:40:00.001-08:00

So. I got a new car!!!! She.. or he.... I have not yet decided is a white hyundai sonata. With a V6 engine. Aka, i can go really fast.. really quickly. I drove around quite a few cars before I finally decided. I was kind of thinking of getting a CRV... but I kept looking behind me and seeing all the space that I don't need. So I went with just a regular car. I really enjoy it. It took a lot of work to find that car. My dad and I decided to take a trip to the cities to look at these 2009 sonatas with 8-12,000 miles on them. I talked to this lady-shaun was her name, and she sent me this long email about how they do a 50 point inspection on all the vehicles and they wash and buff them and give them all oil changes etc etc. First I drove this silvery blue one. Before I get in she goes- 'oh yeah, and the radio is broken in this one. ' Right. Why would you even let people test drive a car if something was obviously wrong with it? Then I drove another one from her and the car's allignment was way off. After we got back from the second test drive my dad said that the car was leaning to the left. Her response was, 'Well, maybe it hasn't gone through it's 50 point inspection yet. I just wanted to say, Yes, but the one with the broken radio had been... ? I bet she just got the inpection papers back and they said, ' Well, 50 people have indeed inspected the radio, and yes, it is broken.' Needless to say, I did not get a car from that dealership.
After I got the car home I was trying to think of a name for it...polly? maybe i'll still keep up with the ghetto names and go with.... shaniqua? better yet..la fonda.. Speaking of weird names, MArks' roomate went on a date with a girl the other day. His roomate is pretty hilarious. But a big talker. If you ask him a question, be prepared for a 20 minute answer. Anyways, the girl he went on a date with- her name was johnalynn. Before I immediately make fun of her before even meeting her, well, I guess it's not that bad. Lets all be liberal for a few minutes and have an open mind that is blinded by happiness and marshmallows. Maybe her parents couldn't decide if it was a girl or boy when she was born, or maybe they couldn't think of a boy or a girl name that they really liked so they picked a bisexual name. They could have picked a name like Jamie or Taylor, and they would have been covered either way. But instead they went with John-a-lynn. It reminds me of that episode of the simpsons when Bart is at a theme park looking at all the name keychains, and finds the name Bort. Then the overhead speaker says, 'attention, attention-we no longer have any 'bort' keychains in stock. We apologize for the inconvenience.'

What else happened... oh yeah. I had a work meeting. Work meetings are much much worse than actually working. How do people have office jobs? Because all that is, is going to meetings. I wonder what office people think when they go to work.

'What should I do today? Maybe I'll check my email. Ooooo, wait, I could stack these papers. Then maybe i'll get some coffee. Woah!! PAper jam in copier 5.. This shit's outta control.'

My work meeting was on tuesday morning, at the ungodly hour of 730 am. Bo0. The first hour and a half was about showing us statistics about the unit. We give all the patient's and families these surveys that ask questions like;

My nurse kept me informed at all times of any changes and I felt well informed throughout my loved ones hospital stay. (please circle) 1 2 3 4 5

or

'My nurse was very patient, respectful and courteous. 1 2 3 4 5

There are about 70 of these questions on 4 different surveys. There is also a survey that other nurses from different units of the hospital can fill out to judge our performance. Our nurse manager painfully went through each and every one. Such as, ' Last month, we scored 90.4% on being polite and coureous, and this month, we scored 89.6%, So, If you guys could just make sure you're being really kind to everyone, that would be great. Thanks.' Then we looked at trends over the past 6-12 months to see that we usually vary by 3-4 percents throughout the month depending on the time of year. Then we read all of the comments out loud. She also read 9 letters written to employees, by other employees. Like a 2 page thank you note to someone she would just read out loud. Apparently, at the St. Cloud hospital, we can't just hand a thank you note to someone the day help us. We have to hand it to the manager, who gives it to this other lady, who gives it to another office lady, (it usually takes 2-3 weeks) then the thank you note appears on the 'thank you note' board in the break room. That way, 3 weeks later, that person will know that they helped you with something... they probably don't remember what, but they totally have a note on the board. Why can't we just post our own notes onto the thank you board? I have no idea. Another person in an office probably wrote a policy on how to write and post thank you notes and you have to follow it or you'll get a verbal warning. I wonder if you disobey the rule several times if they have to fire you for not following company policy.
'what did you get fired for?' ' I wrote too many thank you notes.' Maybe I'll put a thank you note on there without approval just to 'stick it to the man'.
We had these thank you type of notes in brainerd as well. But you could just put your note right on the board. I got a thank you note one time there... it said, 'Annie, thanks for re-stocking the saline syringes and the vomit bags. -Doug, RN.'
I should have taken that with me. I kind of miss brainerd for that reason. Working there was so much more fun/ny. Some days I miss it there... but most of the time not.
Alright. I had better clean something because my mom is home today. And that is important.

well crap

2009-02-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I have more than 7 days since my last post. Crap. Maybe days I work shouldn't count as real days, because they aren't real life days. They are straight up work days that i don't do anything except work or sleep on. bop.

Work was pretty good this past weekend though. By good I mean at some points funny. There is this one guy who works night shifts.. I don't know if he's burnt out or what, but he's hilarious. Kind of in a dangerous way, but I guess nobody got hurt in the end. This is the report he gave to one of my co-workers one day.

' mmm... I don't really know much about this guy... you could probably just read over the doctor's notesand get a good idea.. Oh yeah, and I didn't get around to giving my 6AM meds, so if you could just get those for me that'd be great. Thanks. I'm out.'

I thought that my co-worker was kidding when she told me that. Apparently she wasn't. Because I came to work on sunday morning and the pleasent little lady I had had the day before who was doing fine and I weaned off her dopamine drip now had resps in the 40's (most people are less than 20 per minute...) and her Co2 was 9. This is what the nurse said:

'Yeah, not much has changed. I mean, she started this rapid breathing around 2AM. When I drew her labs her co2 was 9. I didn't call the doctor or anything yet. I figured you could just call them when you got here. Her sats were going down so I put a mask on her and upped her o2 to 10 liters. I wish I could tell you what's going on, but I don't really know. Maybe we just need some more labs. Well, that's about it.'

um... lol.. what? Seriously? It's like he's the most laid back person in the entire universe. He should probably be on the show scrubs. It's like he's on the show in secrecy. Hey- whatever guys... lets get some pizza. I don't know why I said that. Maybe they say that on scrubs a lot.... riiighhht... Put that one in the good story bag.

On another weird note, I had transferred this lady out on friday, and one saturday evening she was back. Bleeding more large amounts of blood in the form of poo. For those of you that don't know, there are very few things that smell quite as bad as bloody poo. For that matter, there are also very few things that Look quite as gross as bloody poo. Sometimes when I have my period and I poop and I look in the toilet I get grossed out. I see pee poop and blood and then I just think, all I need to do now is throw up in there and we'll have all the bodily functions in a pot. Yes, I am weird. Anyways, GI bleeds smell kind of like a poo that has been stirring up inside someone for a long time. Like the poop wanted to come out really bad but it couldn't so it kept gettign older and older and older and thicker and more concentrated. You know how blood has kind of a salty smell? It's kind of like concentrated smell of poo.. with saltiness. and an old basement mold smell. Very intense.

So this lady with the GI bleed was back. She was very entertaining. Her eyes were always slit open. Like she was continually squinting. She forgot everything very easily and her way of getting the nurse was to just say a sentence over and over again with the same monotone voice. EAch time louder than the time before. Just incase nobody heard her. For example:

Nurse.

Nurse.

Nurse.

Nurse.

NURSE.

nURSE i WOULD LIKE a warm blanket please
nurse.. I would like a warm blanket please.
NURSE, HELLO
(always very demanding.. but very polite. weird.)
So after 5 minutes of this somebody would make it into her room and give her a warm blanket. Then she would say the same thing every time . 'Ooh that's heaven.' 'Ohh that's heaven.'
Then 3 minutes later... NUrse..... Nurse...... Nurse... Could you bring me a warm blanket please.... Could you bring me a warm blanket please.
Then she would alternate that with Nurse.. Am I still bleeding?
or.. Nurse.. What's my hemoglobin?
It was even funnier because she had about 75 blankets on her after a few hours. Every now and then , (and when I say now and then.. I mean every 30 minutes...) she would say she had to poo. So you had to pull back the 80 pounds of blankets to get to her. Then roll her on to the bedpan. Very few times she would actually go to the bathroom. BUt one time.. she did. IT was the same old rotted mold blood salt poo smell. But it looked a little different. It was like putty. MArrony brown chunky putty. There are these things on the toilet that flip down and spray when you put the flusher down. Usually once takes care of the poo on the bedpan. But no. I sprayed the sprayer at least 6 times... and the poo would not come off. So I had to go to the heavy duty pan sprayer. It's in the dirty utility room. Nick told me about the dirty pan sprayer. It's for the exceptionally large impossible to clean poo. You put the bedpan in this metal thing. (and by damn sure you make doubly sure it's sealed tight before you flush..... ) Anyhow, i put her pan in the heavy duty pan cleaner and took it out.. and it was still stuck on there like i hadn't even touched it. Then I thought, what the hell, did this lady just shit cement onto this bedpan? Pretty sure she did. Becaues I double gloved my hands and had to manually peel the poo off the pan in chunks. Never had to do that before. BUt it is true, Every day you learn something new in nursing. It is indeed possible to poop out glue, and or caulking solution. She should have sold that stuff to some contractors. You could use it to hold bricks togethor.
It was equally just as hard to peel off her butt. The funny thing is, squinty eyes broke her streak of repetitivity (is that a word?) While I was scrubbing the bloody poop off her butt she just says, 'Hey... do you guys want to hear a dumb joke? It's really dumb, but it's still funny.' Then the 89 year old proceeds to tell me a joke about a guys penis while I'm cleaning up her butt. It's like we were all sitting at a dinner table telling jokes... except... not. Oh nursing. Hilarious.

Oh cute, I just looked up and all the dogs are licking eachother ears out. It's like a circular ear licking train. Gretta is licking the inside of molly's ears, who is licking sofies ears. Who is now trying to lick my face. Oh sofenheimer.

phew

2009-01-21T13:54:00.001-08:00

That was close. Today is a week since the last blog... I almost didn't make it. What has happened.... hmm....

I worked this last weekend and then tested out on a bunch of work stuff. I went out after work with some of my coworkers.. most who were all at least 10 years older than me. One of the guys I work with, Ken, he's about.. oh, 55? 60? Probably one of the coolest people ever. Is everyone who is 60 this awesome? This was his take on men/women.

'Now, women, they are hard to understand. But men? Men are easy. In fact, if you don't 'get' a man, you must be retarted.'

He wasn't even kidding. He just said it so matter of factly, 'if you don't understand a man, you must be retarted.' Could have been in a philosophy book or something. Then what made it even funnier is he asked this girl christina, ' do you 'get' your husband?' and she said, 'I don't think I will ever understand him.' Then ken and i just looked at each other like.... uh oh...
I would like to write more right now but I am going to go take sofie for a walk before she explodes. Ridiculous dog. I'll finish later.....

2009-01-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

This is what my friend found when she came home the other day. That is funny. My parents should think of creative and funny ways to yell at me, besides the traditional 'pick this up... you're a slob... you're lazy... etc. etc. ' If I ever have kids this is what I'm going to do. Much more efficient.

wOah

2009-01-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

This is unbelievable. I am not at school right now. I did not go to genetics or o chem today.... because I am no longer in them!! WEeEEE! I do miss o chem though. Maybe I'll have him email me the homework so I can do it.
What else did I do. I signed up for a triathlon in Grand Rapids on Sugar lake! Can I stay at your cabin overnight Jenny? Being it's 8 minutes away from the starting line? Sarah and I are also going to do a rollerblading marathon in duluth in september. We'll see how that goes. It better not be hilly, or, hopefully there should be free medics at the end of the race. They can pull the rocks and sticks out of my face from all of the falling.
Right now I'm learning about Neuro junk for work, so I can assist doctors to poke holes into peoples skulls' and drain them. I know, it's pretty awesome. Not quite as awesome as draining a huge pus-filled cyst, but I guess some variety is good.
If anyone reading this is good at cars, you should figure out what kind of car I should get. I wanted something that could go into 4 wheel drive if I wanted it to, but most of those kinds of suv type- thingies dont' get as good of gas mileage. Maybe I should just quit thinking about gas mileage and get something that I can fill with tons of stuff. That's probably what I should get. You don't really need a house if you have a big enough car. Well, maybe you do, but my point is you can store everything in your car. Extra pairs of shoes, running shoes and flip flops, a swimsuit, bike, skis, frisbees, room for a dog, a few changes of clothes, some food that doesn't go bad, or food that does go bad.. whatever. It's so much more convenient to just have that stuff with you. That way if you are driving home from work and pass a park and decide you want to go running, you don't have to go home because your change of clothes and shoes are already in the car. So efficient. but then again, I could just get a bike rack and a ski rack and put it on the car. ppbbbbbbbbb. so many decision. I just won't think about it. I don't really, but I thought I would write a blog about it to see if anyone had any ideas. Like if there is a regular sized car that has 4 wheel drive options. hmmm....
Okay, going to learn now. bye!

no more chem

2009-01-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

So, after some thinking, I decided I'm not going to go to med school. I'm not going to take the second half of my chemsitry class. I was going to, just so I could take the whole class instead of half of it. But if I don't go to med school, I won't need it. I have decided to just get my masters in nursing, and then I can go on to either nurse practicioner, nurse anesthetist, or nurse specialist. I will not have to spend every second of my life until i'm 37 at work or school. I will also not spend mainly every second of my life working after I am 37. I can work at get my masters at the same time, and then go to school for 2 years for any one of those 3 things and enjoy my job. Schweet. That's all for now.

Stressed

2009-01-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

uggghhh.. I think I have approximately 1,325 things to do by this next... i don't even know what day. I have to finish the rest of this online learning stuff. Which I have 26 hours left to do. In two weeks. Then, I have to study up all this neuro crap for a work test, and then test out on all the neuro equipment at work. (noo goood...) I have to print out and look up all these lab chemicals before chem starts up again, and look over like 45 equations that i used to have memorized 3 weeks ago. Then I have to do the prelab. Plus work 12 hour shifts on top of this. Then 3 people have called the house within the past day to have me pick up shifts for them. I told this one girl I would work for her on tuesday, just for the first four hours of the shift. I left her a message but she hasn't called me back yet if she wants me to do it... then 2 other people called. But I can't tell them yes or no until she flippin calls me back and tells me what she wants to do. Stupid. If people want you to work for them and you call them leave them a message that you can... they should usually call you back. I bet she just got the message and filled out the trade slip. WElL, that was a good complain.

And for everyone wondering out there.. I tried to break up with Mark. Twice. didnt' work so well. I got really close yesterday. It's funny. Pretty sure i'm the most horrible girlfriend ever. I've said at least 2 times how I am bad at dating and just seem to break up with people for no reason, so you know, if I do that to you, I apologize. I know, I'm romantic. Anyways, he came over and We took the dog for a walk and then went to caribou. I was going to break up on the walk but i didn't want to have to walk back in awkward silence. So we went to caribou and I thought i could just bring it up there. So I did. Except in a really beat-around-the bush sort of way. I tried to make it sound as non-threatening as possible. But then he just looked at me all sullen and said, 'I've kind of just been waiting for you do it.. so whenever. In a month from now, or whenever. Then he looked at me closer and said... or now. I mean whatever you want to do. Then I just felt like a bitch and couldnt' do anything about it. So I just said something like, no no, we don't have to break up. I'm just saying I'm stressed and getting pulled in 4 different directions, so don't be offended when I can't spend a lot of time with you. I think eventually we will just be friends, which will be good. He's nice and trustworthy, and he won't annoy me as a friend. I'll just give it some time, because I won't have time to hang out really, so we will just see eachother at class and it will be fine.

Well, gotta go learn and then go to work in am. Hollllaaaaaa............

Whatever Jenny.

2009-01-03T20:09:00.000-08:00

Hello Aunt Jenny.

I will prove you wrong on your diagnosis of my blogging, 'like 6 times in one day, and then nothing for 4 weeks.' I will try to write at least once a week. Aka, the blogs will all be boring and terrible because nothing at all interesting could possibly happen once a week... but I am a people pleaser. what can I say. Here is something funny I found on facebook. This girl I went to college with.. I didnt' really know her that well, but I was looking at her profile doing my usual once a month random facebook stalk. It was a very worthwhile stalk, because this is what I read. Be prepared to throw up in your mouth a few times, or at least get nauseated. This was her 'about me' section on facebook.

Ahem:

ABOUT ME. Where to start? I consider myself to be a thinker. Whether I am devoting my time to education or exploring the world around me, I find myself addicted to all areas of knowledge. My friendly and outgoing personality makes me pleasant and content most of the time. Despite all of my accomplishments up to this point in my life, I am confident that it is only the beginning. My intellectual curiosities will continue to fuel my quest for new knowledge. I love to laugh (although my humor may need some work) and smiles can always brighten my day. I want "true" happiness in my life (whatever that means), a continued desire to remain successful, and to someday be a loving wife, mother, and outstanding physician....My goals in life are endless!I love being a medical student!! Life is stressful, my classmates are the best, and we are learning the most amazing things!!!!
♥ Summer fun - Thermochemical ablation techniques in a radiology lab and pool manager.

Holy god of all things holy. What??? What!? If I wanted to throw up on a page, that would probably how I would do it. It's like she went to the ER, and they gave her an IV of maple syrup and love. MAybe like, one liter maple syrup with 20mg love. I think she should become a doctor, and then write a bunch of 'chicken soup for the soul books.' I hate those books. When I think of chicken soup for the soul books I think of the land before time. The first one was pretty good,... then they just kept making more and more of them. LAnd before time 2, 3, 4, 5... The next one worse than the previous. I think there is a chicken soup for the soul book for f'ing everything.
'Chicken soup for the single mother's soul.'
'Chicken soup for the american rat terrier lovers' soul.'
'Chicken soup for the reitred type two diabetic with stumps for legs and a HgB AlC of 9's ... soul.'

Who keeps them in business? I suppose whoever they target with their super specific 'soul' type. Maybe I should ask if I can write a book for them. I could think of a lot of creative 2-4 page cheesy ass stories about something really discouraging where the outlook is poor, but then everything turns around in the last few paragraphs. AHhhhhhh dream job.

What else funny, one of my friends said he saw a bumpersticker that said, 'Baggins/Gamgee 08' Now that is funny. Hilarious.

hmm.. that's all. Been sick the last few days. I tried to stay up for more than 7 hours today. I threw up twice.. which is weird because I have a sinus infection with green snot, not a bowel virus. then I called in sick. Shhhh don't tell my mom she'll be mad because she never thinks I'm sick enough to miss work. But she's at the lake. And I'm afraid I will get so tired at 2am that I will kill someone or make a horrible mistake. I would rather call in sick because I am so tired now that my eyes are watering. But shhh.. don't tell her. nobody. not even you dad. hush. Okay. goodnight.

breaktime, except not really

2008-12-24T13:57:00.001-08:00

Who got an A- in organic chem? What?? wHAAttt?? hollllaaaaa.

um yeah. that's basically it. no more news here. Still haven't broken up with Mark. Can't bring myself to do it. Every time I try I have to stop because I feel guilty. I'll have to get really pissed off and do it in the spur of the moment. pbbbbbbbbbb. Maybe I should bring him to the chrismtas family gathering and let everyone tear him apart. Hilarious. I would find that entertaining... Almost as entertaining as this picture
!!!!!!!!

hedgehog pimp

2008-12-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

The hedgehog pimp!! He was on one of my facebook friends's pictures. Um... almost as hilarious as the horse picture. He's got some british money. Maybe he'll go buy some tea with that, and some ho's. I want to get him a grill and some chains. What's even funnier is that one of the comments for this picture was.

-'I used to have a hedgehog named bryce. He died of a stroke though. Sad.'

Umm... what? lol. equally as funny as the picture.

Nothing new here. Just studying... more and more. Re-doing all the homework we got from this class to study for the final. Should be amazing. Should be.. it IS!
oh yes, my newest career idea. ( I know I know, another one. Why am I so indecisive?) I'm actually excited about this one. I could get my nursing masters, and then be a nurse specialist in wound care. I can assist with woundy surgeries, and dress wounds, and put drains on pus..ee things. (You have to be careful when using pus as an adjective.... I have found this out the hard way...) Then suck it out with cool machineries, and I would only have to be in the person's room for however long it took me. I could also set up drainage bags for ostomy poop holes, and teach people how to set up their drainage bags. Schweeeet! Then see infected drainage bag hole ostomies. I think my mouth is watering. Alright, that's all for now. bye!

Frickin hilarious

2008-12-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

This is hilarious. I laughed for like 5 minutes.

lol . lol. lol.

doodily doo

2008-12-08T15:59:00.000-08:00

deedley doodle. I don't want to study anymore. I kind of don't care anymore... except then when I stop studying I think.... maybe I should start studying again. It's a viscious cycle. So Basically I think more about studying then what I am actually studying. That way, when I take the test, I see a problem and say.. oh yeah.. remember when you were daydreaming about austrailia and listening to ingrid michaelson.... yeah... how do I do this again? Crap.

What else. Work was interesting this weekend. I guess it usually is. I don't think I am ever bored there. I dont' know if I really like what I'm doing, but while I'm there I don't have time to think about if I actually enjoy what I'm doing. I'm afraid to even go to the bathroom at times. What if my vent becomes disconnected and the alarm goes off ...and everyone thinks, eh, somebody else will get it. But then when I come back like 2 minutes later after peeing I find my patient all blue and not doing so hot. Sucky. This last weekend I was helping my preceptor get somebody off the commode and into bed, and all the sudden he just started bleeding from his butthole. A WHOLE lot. He passed out while we were helping him back to bed. When we got him back to bed he basically was hemmorhaging out his butthole. Nooooo goooooodd. So I hit the code button because I was closer. that's basically all I did. Then 20 other people showed up in the room and I left because I can't do anything until I'm 'code certified.' Which will be in like a year or two. More like two.

Today I was looking back at my old blog in june about this guy with a testicular sepsis thing, you know, just for fun/laughs. Like how when you write a diary when you're 8 years old and go back to read what you wrote and laugh at how weird it was. Anyways, there was this comment from a random person, who said she was a nurse, and said i made the nursing profession seem very unprofessional and I shouldn't tell stories like this. Well... you didn't have to read it whoever you are. I guess that's all I have to say. Here is the same story I wrote before, re-written so you will like it....

June, 2008
I came to work today. I love being a nurse. I love helping other people and being compassionate towards others in their most extreme time of need. I also love green grass and fresh smelling laundry. I had the privelidge of taking care of a bariatric man today. I also had the wonderful company of his bi-polar wife. It was a very interesting and knowledgeable day which I will never forget. This poor man, with his large girth, could not reach down to wash himself properly. With all of the unhealthy food readily available, it is extremely understandable, and sad, that someone could get to be this size. It is not his fault, it is ours. He was not blessed with any opportunity for education, even with his tuition payed for from the government because of his american indian descent, he was unable to finish school. Therefore he was forced to work at a casino. In this unhealthy dirty environment, he picked up a smoking habit, and aquired testicular septicemia. All I can hope for at this point is that our medicare system, and a caring nursing team can support him through this difficult struggle.

Is that better?

More depressing news, ayesha is dead. My dad brought her to the junkyard while I was at work on saturday. I think she was smoking by the time she got there. ahhh ayesha. My one and only love. You are dead. I don't want to buy a car until I have more money saved up. Do you think if after it snows I could just buy a nice sled, a rope, a long stick and a hot dog and have sofie just take me everywhere?

so irritated

2008-12-03T16:07:00.000-08:00

I am so irritated right now. Why are so many people idiots? Mostly, when I say people, I mean Mark. UGGGHHH.. I just want to shake him until he gets shaken baby syndrome. Maybe then he won't be as dumb. For the past 5 days he has been complaining about being nauseated and bloated. I told him he probably needed to poop and to maybe take some stool softeners and drink lots of water and eat things that are easy to digest. What does he do? Not listen. EVer. He eats jalapeno sandwiches and cookie dough and large chunks of deep fried meat. IDIOT. Then he gets sick again and complains. So I tell him, maybe you should buy some over the counter protonix.. or eat a bunc of tums. OR .... you could go in and see a doctor and have them tell you what's wrong...?? Then he just says, ' no, I'm fine. ' 'What would they do anyways?'
UM... TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU... MAybe, you know, just maybe. Stupid moron face.

Then for the next 30 minutes he complains that he feels nauseated and bloated, and keeps making me think of different things that are wrong with him. I am so irritated. SO irritated. Then he goes on web md and calls me and says that it could be indigestion... or irritable bowel syndrome. RIght. Remember how I already told you similar things? MAybe, you should either take my advice, or go see a doctor... and quit complaining every 5 seconds that you're nauseated.
But then I tell him that and he says, ' no , i'm fine. It's not that bad.'
Dude. If it's not that bad maybe you should shut the hell up and stop talking before I give you shaken baby syndrome.
OR, better yet, maybe you should eat some toast or something, instead of jalapeno chips.... and maybe eat an orange .. instead of a huge chunk of cookie dough. MAybe you're making the problem worse because all you do is complain and do nothing about the problem and you are driving me insane.

AHHh.. felt good to get that out. I plan on breaking up with him either before our final or after. That way I won't have to see him for a month at least which will make things definitely less awkward.

okay. I gotta go study now. That was fun. Bye!

First days alone

2008-11-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

It was my first weekend at work without a preceptor... aka.... Good luck not screwing up annie!! Looking back I did make one mistake. I was transporting this guy out to a medical progressive floor, but first I had to send him to get a V/Q scan. I dont' even really know what that is. Some sort of lung test that tells you if you some sort of ratio about blood flow and airflow. Thank god the patient didnt' ask me what his lung test entailed, because I really didnt' know. I could have made up a magical explanation. That would be funny. It's bad because at work of the first things I think of is, 'wouldn't it be funny if...' because really, i should be thinking, 'what is the correct explanation?' or, 'what should i do to help you?' But the guy was a jerk so I really wanted to just make something up. Like, well first, they use a huge machine to crack your chest open and pour all of this radioactive fluid all over it. Then a gremilin comes out and they put him in there for a while and he looks around and can tell, (because his eyes have x-ray vision,) if you have a PE. I usually am not this mean to people, but I really wanted to be. I mean, its' not my fault that he ate himself into a state of ginormous-osity, and then smoked a whole crapload, had a previous MI, got heart failure and kidney failure and now is an asshole. I would just ask simple questions like, would you like to sit up at the edge of the bed for breakfast?
'GOd DAmmit, I want to sit in the chair, how many times do I have to tell people? But I can't even get into the chair with all of these damn cords all over the place. I need to get the hell out of here.'

Right..(I guess he did answer my question. ' So I'll help you get in the chair then okay? would you like me to use the lift? Or would you like to use your walker?'
Obviously, he chose the lift, aka, no work for him.
So anyways, the doctor came in to see him when he was halfway in the air with the lift and their ass is just hanging out. Usually the most convenient time. That's when the doctor had like 500,000 orders for me to complete, in about 40 minutes. Awesome. That's when he found out he was going to have some , 'lung tests.' We also have these cell phones we carry around. Lots of people call you on these phones. People and doctors that I dont remember their names or ever why they are calling me. Sometimes they just say, 'are you taking care or Mr. So and so? And I say yes, and then they start talking to me about something that I dont' even know is going to happen. In this case, the doctor that had just came in to see the patient left the room, called another doctor on his phone before he wrote any orders in the computer, and then the doctor called me. Ridiculous. But I forgot, I'm a nurse nad have to do approximately 500 things at once. Oh yes, and the whole point of this paragraph, when the transporter came to get the patient we put him in a wheelchair to go down and they wanted him on a stretcher. Whatever. He can stand up and get on the bed when he gets down there.
My other patient down the hall was insane. I guess it wasn't his fault. He was a sicky mc sick. Nobody knew what was wrong with him.. some sort of sepsis from an unknown location. He would just have temps of 104-105. and his blood pressures would go to the crapper. He didnt' respond to anything, except when you touched him he cramped up into a little ball and moaned. That's all he did for 13 hours straight every day that I had him. Flex his arms and legs. Except all the days that I had him I had to bring him 5 billion places, like the mri scanner(that was super fun.... wait... No. ) Especially because you have to change out all your tubing and pumps and monitors to things that have no metal. I didn't even know where the MRI scanner was. To make it worse, the patient didnt' respond to any sort of sedation. Haldol, versed, ativan... did nothing. Nothing. he would lay still if it was completely silent and nobody was touchign him. BUt, you know, a lot of people touched him and it's not quiet in the icu... or in the MRI scanner. He also had to have a lumbar puncture and a picc line placed. No sedation worked for any of that either.
One thing that I think is interesting is that when you go into the mri scanning room with the patient, and the other nurses go back behind the wall/thick window, they ask you if you're pregnant. Because if you're not pregnant, you can't be in there. They dont' care that the mri will do something weird to your body... only the baby inside you. It seems like that for a lot of things. You can take care of this patient with a horribly contagious disease... Unless... you're pregnant. Something else I learned.... I can no longer have 50 bobbypins in my hair when I go to work, because if I have to take someone into the mri scan room you can't have any metal on you because it will fly out into the machine, or make your head vibrate. Thank god I just had a regular pony tail in. phew.

Anyways, I am definitely worn out from work. You wake up at 5:30 in the mornign and don't get home until about 8:30-9, then by the time you shower and eat and crap it's like days you are at work for 13-14 hours. dummmmbbb. Then tonight I work nights, and the next night I work nights. Even though on Fri-Sat-Sun I worked 7A-730p, and now tonight and tomorrow I work 7P-7:30Am. wang tastic. Then I have a Lab on tuesday during the day, which consists of a lab test and huge assignment/report, then on monday after break I have a o-chem test, and then on tuesday after break i have an 0chem lab final. BOooooOooo. Nurse anesthetist is looking better and better..... ppbbbbbbbbbb.

tttiiizziirreedd

2008-11-17T16:00:00.001-08:00

So. since Friday at 8am, I have had....approximately 9 hours of sleep. REal tired. REal. But it's funny because things are much funnier. When you're that tired it's like you're living in a pretend world. I dont' really get stressed out. Like in chemistry if I don't understand, hey, its' okay, because this isn't real chemistry.. this is pretend fuzzy fun world chemistry. ooOOooo. Where right after you went to the class it feels like that class was actually yesterday, or perhaps the day before. awesome.
I don't know what it is lately, but I'm straight up addicted to watching shows with like 600+ pound people. It's unbelievable. Getting that large should get some sort of award. It's not even funny... it's .... unreal. Breathtaking. Like, that pannus of abdominal fat is exquisitely ginormous. It's weird the shapes people's bodies get to when they are like 800 pounds. It's like every part of their body has a torpedo or various sizes coming out of it. If you haven't watched one, I highly recommend it. TLC has some great crap. They wouldn't call it the learning channel otherwise.

Woah hold up.. my dog is trying to chase her tail.... and it was cut off when she was born. Maybe she just is figuring that out now. I bet she's thinking, ' maybe if I turn a little further, dangit, I still can't see it. , now? nope, turn alittle more..'

Anyways, so I was watching a show with this lady who got a bipass done when she was 687 pounds. She was with her 3 helpers and they were trying to get her into the car. I almost peed my pants on this part. Not because she was ginormous, but her exertion and comments sounded just like .. well, someone having an orgasm. lol. Everytime I re-think it imy mind it's funny. If you close your eyes and listen to a really fat person try to transfer themselves it's basically the same sounds. All this really heavy breathing and 'oh my god.' ' i don't think I can do this.' heavy breathing. whining. 'oh god.' heavy breathing, and more whining. 'ohh, lift up my leg!' more really heavy breathing and whining. etc. etc. Then when they sit down, ' oh god, we did it! ' heavy breathing. 'thank you .' lol. I was laughing so hard when I listened to this lady transfer herself into the car. holy god almighty. Hilarious.

what else happened. I can think of a lot of work stuff that was funny, but im too tired to write it right now. If anyone can think of a good excuse of how to break up with mark.. I still haven't done it. That's be great. Thanks. bye!

crap

2008-11-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

Breaking up with people is much harder than I thought.. well.. this time it is. Every time I try to break up with him he does something cute and I just can't bring myself to do it. Like I went to his house this one time to study around 5, and after studying for like an hour and a half I was going to leave and go get food, but instead he made me dinner. I was impressed. Like some chicken thing that you actually have to make. That's a lot of work. If someone was at my house for dinner I'd be like.. ' mmm.... cereal? Toast? What tickles your fancy? We have peanut butter!! What's that? Oh I know I know, you were going to pick cereal until I told you we had peanut butter. Yes, it is delectable.'

Then this other time I went over there because I forgot my lab crap at his house. (big surprise.. I forgot something.) So I ended up spending an hour there because he was playing all these songs on his guitar. He even knew the song that they play on the wedding singer .. you know, the one he sings to her while she's on the plane. It was hilarious, and amazing.

Then the friday before I worked he wanted to hang out and I couldn't think of a reason not too... except that I needed to study before our test. ( I had to work over the weekend and knew I wouldn't get anything done..) So instead of doing something fun with his time, like go to the hockey game with his roomates, he drove to my house and picked me up so we could go to caribout for an hour and I could learn. We didnt' even talk. He read his genetics book and I studied chemistry. Then he brought me back at 10 cause I had to work at 7a the next day. I felt kind of like a jerk, but it was his choice to do that boring boringness. Oh, oh, and the best part is that he went to the bathroom in caribou and came out... and he had wet hands!! HE actually WASHED them! With real soap! I asked. Fan flippin tastic. Oh yeah, and he bought me coffee.
So now I don't know what to do. I'll just have to wait until he annoys me again. I am a jerk. ohhhh well.. I am going to go work out now and then finish working on my online work crap.

get ready for an awkward rest of the year!

2008-11-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my doctor friend from brainerd today who implanted a very logical idea into my head. DO NOT date anyone that you have a class with. Seems simple enough. Why couldn't I just follow this simple rule? ppbbbbbb. Oh well. Maybe he doesn't like me either.... because i'm interrupting his videogame time. I'll just use that excuse. I think we should just be friends, i mean, I have a lot of work to do you know, with class.... and work, and my real job. And it looks like you hav ea whooollee lot of virtual people to kill. So .. get to it! bye!
As long as we're on the topic of videogames, I might as well bash them some more. Videogames are introduced to boys.. at what... age 7? 8? Or before? New rule for all moms- DO NOT let your kids play videogames. Not because of the violence or sedentary lifestyle, but for the simple fact that once they start.. they NEVER stop. never. Ever. And if you ever want your child to date someone, or succeed in life, just don't do it. It's like a cocaine addiction. You just have to do it more and more, and are never satisfied because there is always a 'better game' out there. Girls don't have this problem . You don't give girls a gift, such as a doll, when they are 7-8. We don't keep collecting millions of dolls and play with them all day long. We don't continue to buy more and more expensive dolls, and different outfits for the dolls...and nice houses and cars for the dolls. Then we dont' go buy new carpet for the doll's houses, and yard ornaments. We don't ignore our family and friends because we have to go home and play with our dolls, because 'ken was just going to ask barbie out and then you had to go to work. So now, you have to go back and finish.' Ridiculous. Lots of run on sentences.. sorry about that. I just get enraged and i cant' help it. It's like a flow of angry typing. awesome.

I am going to make a new list of things that a guy has to do if I can even think about dating him. That will take away a chance of me dating someone else stupid. Not that Mark is stupid.. oops. He's just an average guy. Boring, boring... and..... boring. I need to date someone really weird who is funny and likes exercising and is riciculously smart. I'd even date a liberal who had all those qualities... well... maybe not. Someone who was maybe undecided politically. There. I'll take that.

List

1. NOT CRAZY
2. Has never had a felony.
3. REally smart
4. Super interesting
5. hilarious
6. goes to the bathrom in public places, or the woods. In general, is just not ashamed of pooping, BEcause pooping is fun. One of the most relieving feelings is right before you poop.. that feeling that.... oooo yup, it's coming. a nice big poo. I will soon feel relief, and weigh aproximately 2 pounds lighter. YEEesssssssssss.
7. Hot. Hopefully in high school people nicknamed them, 'the hot.'
8. will do things outside with me and go exercise
9. will avidly make fun of other people
10. Drives a car/owns a car.
11. Has a job, and or, is working towards having a job. A real job. Not mcdonalds jobs. Although I would take that too.. discounts on ice cream cones? Holllllaaaa!!!!
12. Likes dogs
13. Washes their hands and showers at least every 3 days. (He shouldnt' be cleaner than me.. right? :) )
14. Eats tomatoes, and other vegetables. (Hey! guess who's calling right now. Guess who's not answering. ..! )
15.I should have made this like number one or two, but i'll just add it now cause i got distracted, they have to like God.

That's a long enough list. No one will ever fill all of these qualities. Ever. Maybe I'm better off being a lesbian. I'm already halfway there. Look at what car I drive! sweet. Except that 's gross. Okay. Back to learning now. Have a lovely day everyone.

I heart lattes with extra shots.

2008-11-03T17:51:00.000-08:00

I have had a terrible headache all day. I realized why at noon when I hadn't had any caffeine yet. So I had 2 excedrins with caffeine. Did nothing. Then I had a diet coke. Did nothing. For a second I thought to myself, 'is this the worst headache of your life?' It wasn't, but whenever I get a headache I think of people having strokes. Or brain tumors. You know, anything that raises your ICP. Anyways, I just had a latte finally at 5:00. Best choice ever. Headache gone. Schweeeeet!! now I'm super hyper. Too hyper to do homework and too hyper to do anything. I really want to have a dance party but now that I live with other people, aka, my parents I can't do that because they'll judge my dancing skills. dag yo.

What do I want to write about.. hmmm... I know. Mark. i have been dating this one kid for like.. mm. i don't know. 2ish months ish. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a bitch and I find everyone's flaws and magnitude..ize them.. magnetize... magnify!!! that's the word. I magnify them. Maybe I don't magnify his though. He does a lot of ridiculous things. Maybe just plain stupid things. Or annoying things. Here are all the things that annoy me. By the way, I hope he never finds this blog. He would probably come into the house while I'm sleeping and kill me. So, instead of saying these things are directly bad about mark, I will say that these characteristics of a person, you know. ANY person, would be really annoying and or weird.

Thing #1 that is annoying. I don't think he tries very hard at life. Sometimes I try to give him credit and say he's trying, but I don't think he really is. He is one of those peopel that you want to just wring their necks because they are so smart that they don't have to try. So smart, that he won't study at all and because he didnt' study at all he will get a C because he didnt' spend an hour memorizing some facts. That annoys me. Why don't you use your brain to the fullest potential ? I use mine to the fullest potential and then I get a C. But at least my c is well deserved. (by the way, I have a B+ in organic right now... holllllaa back)

Thing #2 annoying: He readily admits to NOT washign hands after 'just peeing' in the bathroom.
ok... really... NOT a good thing to just admit that you don't do. Especially if you are dating a nurse. Then he tries to hold my hands and I get out my hands sanitizer and wipe it between ours. It's pretty romantic. Idiot.
this is his reasoning for NOT washing his hands. and I quote:
'there isn't a point to washing your hands, you don't touch anything.'

okay dumbass, here is a list of things you touch:
1. Your Wang. PRobably not the cleanest thing ever. It's like 3 inches from your butthole. NOT sanitary.

2. The door handle. If there are other idiots like you, which there are, they poop and don't wash their hands and then touch the door handle and get poop particles on the door handle. Then you open the door and get poop on your hands. Then you touch me and I kill you. And don't give me that crap about if people or you pooop and use the toilet paper you aren't actually touching the poop, the paper is. I don't even want to hear it. So gross.

3.) While you are peeing into the trough, some really small particles probably splash back and hit your hands and clothes. Disgusting. Wash your f'ing hands.

4.) Anything that you touch after not washing your hands, door handles, computer keyboards ( they are the grossest, especially after you touch them and you can feel a residue on you rhands.... ish...) Gets full of your urine pee dirtyness. So gross. I am so grossed out. Ish.

Number 3 annoying thing: We don't do anything except lay around. Granted we both work a lot, he claimes he 'doesn't have enough money to go do anything. ' Okay, we did 2 things. We went to amovie and he payed. Then the other week we went to dinner and I payed. That's it. But then he will go and buy a new videogame every week. Literally. EVERY week. Then he puts it on a credit card that he never fully payes off and it just keeps r ackign up interest payments for stupid killing videogames. I kind of want to wring his neck. Incase nobody has noticed there are only 3 types of videogames. Killing, CArs, sports. That really covers all the bases. I don't know why you can't just have 3-5 games of killing. You just walk around with your gun in different scenery in every game. ooOOOoo. you had better make sure you buy 500 different types of killing games because one might have a scene in a buddhist worship place where you can kill people, or inside a forest in vietnam. Or maybe in a submarine. Wow. So many different environments for killing. It's orgasmic. Or... REALLY DUMB.

Number 4 really annoying thing: He is worse at decision making than I am. Like when we went out to dinner I called him and asked him where he wanted to go. He was like. I don't care. Then I said I dont' care. Then after 5 minutes of this I was like, FIne, how bout applebees? THIS IS WHAT HE SAID, ' NO, I dont' like applebees.'
OKAY. IF YOU DON'T LIKE A PLACE THEN YOU SHOULD PICK BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY CARE THAT WE DON:T GO TO APPLEBEES. WHEREAS I REALLY DON'T CARE.

Then we went through the 'i don't care where we go thing... ' again. Then after 5 minutes I said,' ' How about a mexican place. Want to go to mexican village?'
this is what he said,' Gross, no, I hate mexican food.'

OKAY ASSHOLE. YOU FLIPPING CARE WHERE WE EAT, SO YOU SHOULD JUST SAY WHERE YOU WANT TO GO AND EAT.

Then once AGAIN we went through the whole ' i don't care thing.' I was getting pretty angry at this point and said. Okay, you're the one who has all these food aversions... like you don't like mexican food, or fish, or tomatoes.... so why don't you JUST PICK WHERE WE GO. By the way, who the hell doesn't like tomatoes? He better get his head on straight, because tomatoes are f'ing delicious. Idiot. Finally i just said, Okay I know you eat 3 things. Bacon, Hamburger and bread./potatoes. So why don't we just go to a pl ace where you can get a burger, that isn't applebees. He still wouldn't say a place. MOTHER Of god. pick a damned place. Sorry god.

UGGGggghhhhghghghhghg. I am irate. These are probably small things to be angry about compared to jesse. Like , i'm not mad at mark for stealing 3,000 dollars from my checking account and using it for online gambling. That is a big problem. These are small problems... but can I really continue to date someone who doesn't wash their hands ???? I don't think so. But I don't know what to do because we will have class togethor... every day. Whatever. hopefully we'll just turn into friends and these things might not annoy me as much. mmm.. that was wishful thinking. They will. OH MY GOSH.. I FORGOT ONE.

HE will Not go poop in a public restroom. Like when we were eating dinner he had to poo and wouldn't go in the restaurant, so we left early so he could go home and poo. ... DUMB. REALLY DUMB. So angry right now. So angry.

Ahh. That felt good to get that out. Otherwise he's pretty nice. Well, I am going to go back and work on o chem now. WeeeEEEEEeee!!!! okay bye!

weeeEEEE!!!

2008-10-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

So life is pretty dumb right now. I basically am either at the hospital, sleeping, or learning chem. Work is almost worse than chem. We have all these tests we have to take on topics like, cardiovascular, pulmonary, hemodynamics, etc.. I took a couple and have been passing them okay- we have to get 85% to pass them. The questions are mostly pretty much ridiculous. One example question would be:

What blood pressure would cause encephalopathy?

a 250/150

b.230/135

c. 215/110

etc. Stupid question. Um... the answer is, it depends. All of the tests just remind me of nursing school all over again. Well, med surgical nursing. The question would be:

A 57 year old man came into the ER, complaining of chest pain and left arm weakness. Coincidently, he was having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time. Oh yeah, and he is also bleeding profusely from a laceration in his stomach. You are the only nurse in the world right now. What would you do first?

a.) get vitals

b.) stop the bleeding

c.) Place 2L 02 via nasal cannula

d.) murder whoever wrote this damned test

Then, you think in your mind, if I were the dumbest person on earth, what woudl I do first? Place the 02. Ding ding ding!! correct!!! Love it. Needless to say, I got 84% on my cardiovascular test and had to re-take it. One of the questions I got wrong was, Which person would be unable to undergo a CABG?

a.) A 55 year old with a 50% blockage of the LAD.
b.) A 70 year old with a 65% blockage of the RCA.
c.) A 91 year old with cardiac cell death
d.) A 75 year old with 90% blockage of the LAD.

I picked the one with cell death, because .. you know.. the heart is dead. You wouldn't want a bypass done if your heart isnt' going to pump because it's dead. The answer was b. Maybe that was a test mistake.....

Whatever. I eventually passed it and I'm on to pulmonary. AWesome. Sweet. Love not being on that topic anymore.

Gosh, I love petting my dog. She is so soft. It's like a minxy marshmallowy softness. mmm. amazing. I wish my bedsheets were made out of her, but that would be creepy I guess. My sister is going to be mad at me for writing this, but she should have stuffed Gabi's carcass into a scared peeing position with wide eyes and left it in the kitchen.

On a really different note again, I work with a really weird girl. I thought she was normal, until she told me this story when we worked our night shifts togethor. I guess it's not that weird, but I thought it was. No, it is weird. I'm just tired and underestimating the real weirdness potential.

She told me she met this guy that used to know her ex boyfriend. She has known him for 6 days and now he is moving in with her. In those 6 days there was no break. He was at her house constantly. Apparently she has, 'never met anyone like him and they get along really well. He thinks she's ' a catch.' But he's leaving for Iraq in February possibly. But you know, maybe they'll be engaged by then.
Right.

isntead of saying, 'congratulations! Glad you met someone nice!' I was a 'glass half empty' commenter and said, ' Are you sure he doesn't have anti-social personality disorder and is just using you and going to steal all your money and kill your dog and try to live off of you for as long as possible, and you'll do nice things for him like not make him pay rent because he 'plans on moving out soon' and is just staying until he finds a place.' and then you'll use up all your food making him cheese sandwiches and toast...and he might be lying about the army because it makes him look better and maybe your ex boyfriend didnt' want to give you his number because he's a giant dick head?...And maybe he's been staying at your house and complimenting you because he has nowhere else to go? I mean, not that you arent' a catch... you are... I would date you... '
She just looked at me like... what the hell? But I bet he is. I guess she'll just have to learn the hard way. Maybe I'm over analyzing. But I bet not. She'll see. She'll see. Maybe I just lost all trust in mankind. And I do mean man kind, not so much woman kind. I'll go on a date with someone and they'll try to hold my hand and I'll be like, 'back off bitch!! are you sure you dont' have psoriasis? Yeah.. that's what I thought. Hands to yourself.'

This blog is boring. I can only think of things to write when I have spare time to let my mind wander, which I haven't had much time to do. I do think about things I dislike doing. Like I actually like organic chemistry more than going to work I think. I hope I like being a doctor better than nursing. Not that I hate nursing, but it's so much random dumb things to remember. Actually taking care of the patient is nice but I have to remember that every 30 minutes I have to do these 4 tasks, which are different than the tasks I have to do 30 minutues later. It's like you just base your practice off what you won't get in trouble for. You have to chart on these 5 million things or you will get in trouble with lawyers. Dumb. Why do lawyers breathe so hard down our backs and not every other profession? I'm sure construction workers or business owners are like, oh yeah, I have to do this every 20 minutes and write it down or I'll get my license taken away. I think it would be different for a doctor because you just write one big note for each person you see. Not a note every half an hour for 12 hours. Maybe that's not all I think of though. I see all these really sick people that should just be dead. Like this one guy I cardioverted... it was his 11th time being cardioverted and he was a DNR. He had a gazillion problems, was on a vent, all of his skin was breaking down, every time you touched him he would squirm in pain, he had a liver drianage bag, a piss bag, and a couple poo bags, and a couple healing incisions.. which weren't healing. His groin was like a maceration. He could never get out of bed again. REally... what is the point of this? Why are we doingall of this?. I think by now his quality of life was so shitty we should have just let him go. Ridiculous. That's the other reason I dislike the medical profession. I am doing all of this pointless tasky work when someone's life is the shits anyways. I feel like my work is pointless. Which, maybe isn't the case sometimes, but a lot of the times it is. Maybe I wasn't made for the ICU. It's fun to know all of the information and understand it, but when you apply it it is for no reason because you are just prolonging someone's circling of the drain. I should probably just change my point of view to glass half full and become a compassionate mcgee. But it won't happen. Unless I have a TBI and my personality changes. We can only hope. Ass.

i am not good at organizing life

2008-10-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I try to make my life as hard as possible. I have no memory. I would say 95% of the time I leave the house, or at least like 19/20 times, I make it up the hill in my car then I swear and turn around because I forgot something of importance. Like the other day, I drove to my lab because I didnt' have work that day. I left early at like 1 so I could read the lab over before class at 2. I get there, park 8 blocks away, walk in, and start reading the lab. Then at 1:40 I have some sort of revelation. I left the combination to my lab drawer in my backpack, which I left at home. I decided just to take my lab manual because the teacher doesn't like you to have extra crap in lab. So now I have 20 minutes to run back to my car a mile away, drive to my house, run in, get my combination, drive back, part another mile away, and run into the science building up onto the 4th floor where my lab is. Wang.... Better run. Fastly. That isn't a word, but it is now. It's an adverb.

Anyways, It was like a swearfest in my car and while I was running.. like all out sprint running across campus. You kind of get some funny looks. Then, when I got back to the house I realized I had locked myself out so I was looking around in the woodchips for the spare key which I finally found after a larger swear fest. Then I couldnt' get teh stupid door open because you have to wiggle it and push a certain way. Then I got in and got my piece of crap combination... WHICH by the way, is 18 0 14. Never going to forget that. Then I drove back while swearing and listening to heavy hard core rock. It's really fun to drive angrily and swear at everything. Like people that are going 31 miles an hour. Move your ass you @ )(#*&!%@*#&$@*#%!!!!! )0000. that was a website. I dont' want to click on it though.. It was a Good release though, the car swearing speeding. Then I got to school and sprinted.. really sprinted back up to my lab, which I was only about 30 seconds late for. I don't really know how I did that, but it was amazing. Except later I realized when I was running with my purse, since I was sprinting around my little pouch with all my credit cards and ID's fell out. ASss. ASSSSSSSS. So then I had to re-track all my steps like a million bo gazillion times. I finally found it. Right next to the car in the gutter. Then I drove back home. Eventful fun times.
What else. Work and school are totally fan-tastic. What else happened that is funny. Mostly everything that happens is funny because I'm so over tired. Except I can only think of things that made me angry. Such as- get this, 'inebriation houses.' For those who are drunk, want to stay drunk, and have everyone else pay for it. Great idea. GREAT!!!! It's basically a house where people can live and be drunk and drink legally. All the time. For free. Just put my social security and other taxes into buying someone their taaka, or silver wolf. I bet they buy expensive liquor with that. Like, I dont' know.. I dont' even know an expensive liquor. .... jack daniels? Crap. oh yeah, while I'm paying for their liquor, I might as well pay for their food and medical insurance. Cool. high five goverment. That was random.
I went to gold's gym today to get a membership. I'm pretty sure I will never have a membership at the ymca again. Ever. IT's unbelievable. They have a TRAck inside the gym!!!! A TRACK!!!!!!!! And a pool. and a special .' women's ' work out area. I dont' really know why they have that. Are people really that self conscious? Do they just think other people are looking at them and thinking,' woah, they really suck at ellipticalling... i mean. wow. that' s awful.' I mean, if anything, women are the most critical of eachother. So, it's like putting the bitchiest most critical people in a room togethor to analyze eachother without interruption. Maybe it's a secret plan to make us lose weight. Like, I'm totally self conscious about what my thighs look like while I'm on the stair climber.... I know Susie Q is looking at me. Look at her buns of steel. What a bitch. I bet she has an eating disorder. Whereas, if you work out with a bunch of guys, they probably dont' even notice that you're there if there is a sporting event on the TV.
The other thing I noticed about gold's gym is that everyone is way more yuppy there compared to the ymca. At the ymca, my competition was like 65 year old women with a ton of lipstick and folded over socks. Now they are like stay at home mom's with matching work out clothes and botox. That's intimidating. I wish my job was a stay at home mom. Then I was a hot stay at home mom. I guess all the milf's work out at gold's. Maybe I should make that my life goal. To someday, with lots of toil and trouble, to become a milf. Toil and trouble? Did i just say that? Sorry. I apologize.
what else? my life is pathetic. More so than usual. I am kind of dating this guy. Mark is his name. He helps me learn, so that's basically when we date. He's like, when do you want to study? and then we study. Sometimes when we are done studying we watch a movie. I know, I know. It's amazing. It's really convenient. He also works at target, so I can use his 10% discount. HE also acts like napoleon dynamite. A really nerdy napoleon dynamite. Maybe just a smarter version. Like I asked him what he did for fun when he was little. We usually just make fun of eachother, and he just makes it way too easy. This was his response. (just picture in your mind a kid that's blind without his thick glasses and a comb-0ver.. (yes... that bad..) ....)

ahem, 'mark, what did you do for fun besides you know, super cool stuff like marching band?

Mark: 'umm.... promise not to laugh..
Me: That bad?

Mark: Okay,, so I used to sit in my room.

..And?

and I did puzzles.

Puzzles?

Yes. Puzzles. While listening to N'sync.

Wow. That is amazing. If I ever want to picture the nerdiest weirdest person on earth I have the perfect picture in my mind. A really skinny kid with a comb over and thick glasses... by himself, in his room, doing a really complicated puzzle.. while listening to nsync. That should get a prize of some sort. I don't think anyone is creative enough to just think that up on their own, so he had to be telling the truth. Maybe we were just meant to be. Duh. I mean, we're getting pretty serious, but I'm getting kind of p-oed ....he hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet. Ugggggghhhhhhhh.......

Napoleon dynamite. Hollllaaaa. this was a dumb boring blog. I will rest and then I will write something that might actually be itneresting. bop.

mrrrraaw

2008-09-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

I am tired. So tired. My eyes are burning out of my face. I try to study or read something and it's like all I'm doing is reading it. There is no cognition. Maybe I should just to bed now and wake up at 4 am and study. Today is long. Every day will be long until november... oh ... 15th or so. this is my schedule monday -friday until then

monday: wake up 5:50am

walk to hospital 6:50 am

try to make up some of the time that I will be missing during the time I leave for class.

1:30 leave hospital on bike to make it to class ontime

2-3 class

3:30 get back to hospital.

330-5:30/6 Orientation stuff with the education lady.

(whom I feel sorry for. I'm sure she's on salary and isn't getting paid extra for all this extra time she has to spend with me. I take stuff home, but some stuff I can't. like the Iv poles with stuff...)

6:30 get home. Eat dinner.

7pm-try to gather thoughts. Remember when you sat in the same chair in that orientation room without windows and only getting up to pee and then eat lunch? Remember how your brain is fried when you go to class, and paying attention is 5 million times harder? Remember how you didnt' understand anythign in class but you don't have much time to study if because when you get done with class you will have to go back to work, and then when you leave work you will have more hours of modules to do at home that will take 2-3 hours.

Oh devil. ooohhhh devil. I don't know what we are doing in chemistry now. Somethign about acids and bronstead thingies. I don't know if I spelled that right. But I am really nervous abotu missing class tomorrow. However, this other kid in my lab class... he's nice .. and nerdy. Helps me study. He told me he would take good notes and pay extra attention the days that I can't make it. Apparently his dad is a teacher... so maybe he'll be a good person to study with. So far so good. We got through the assignment and 2 pages of the lab manual.
This is a straight up boring blog. Really boring. I also think think that maybe I just dont' like the whole medical profession. I keep thinking of everything we do that is pointless... and how there are so many protocols for everything. Like, just incase you weren't sure. you could probably look up the protocol for 'how to take a shit.' at the st cloud hospital, and they would have one. Thousands upon thousands of protocols. Maybe I just have a bad attitude. (ding ding ding!!!)
But my bad attitude reveals the truth about the situation. Like today we talked about how to waste all the different drugs and where to put the empty vials or bags etc. Three of the stupid things I learned:

If you have a bag of Morphine, you dump the morphine down the drain, and you can throw away the bag.
However, if the morphine is in a vial, you have to dump the morphine down the drain (witnessed in both cases of course) but then you have to ziplock baggie the morphine vials and put it in the pharmaceutical waste bin.

Makes a lot of sense. IT also makes sense that we pour the morphine down the drain first. If it's pharmaceutical waste... wouldnt' you leave the morphine in the vial and then baggie it and put it in the bin? You do that will all the other meds, like you can't pour insulin or dopamine down the drain.... so why can we dump all our narcotics down the drain? Makes no sense.
Then there is charting about everything. Anything and everything. It's like the nurses just get pooped on. Especially in the ICU. You have to do everything. The doctors have their couple jobs.. see the patient, write orders. The pharmacy bring the drugs. The nurses do EVERYTHING ELSE. (and I mean everything) Like in brainerd if one of the meds werent' correct on the record, the pharmacy would just put a note on it like circle it in red, and write, 'incorrect dosage.' They wouldnt' actually call the doctor themselves. They just circle it and then make you do the actual work. Then nurses have to worry about which tubing and needles to use, and in the new 'needle-less system' which things poke holes in which vials which you can only use certain syringes for. you have to know how to program all the pumps, deal with the family for 12 hours at a time, chart everything that you do.. in 19 different places, get blood sugars, (in the ICU) every 15 minutes, check the md orders online every 30 minutes because physicians can write them from home.. or the office, order all the needed labs, check all the labs, notify the appropriate people for these if they are off, start all the protocols for different things dependign on what your patient is dying of, know how to use the vent, the bed, the tube systems, the med dispensers, give meds like every 20 minutes, bring people to their MRI's.... it never ends. I want to just come to work and use my brain as to what is going on with them, write what I want to do with them, and not have to do all the extra crap. I don't care if I know how to use an IV pump, or do other various tasks. You have to be very organized to be a nurse. I don't know how I do it, because Im not organized at all. People have these neat little pieces of paper they use with graphs and columns labeled with the correct things, like intake/output, vitals etc...
I usually just scatter anything I need to know anywhere on a corner of a sheet of paper or a post it note, which I usually lose halfway through the shift. Which in brainerd, I usually didnt' even need this sheet if I worked in ICU, because I could print out all the vitals from the computer. Which will be in st cloud ICU as well. (good to go)

Lately, intsead of thinking about the actual patient I will be using this tubing on and what they are going through, I am thinking of all of the plastic and meds I am wasting. It kind of makes me sick. Like this person just produced 40 pounds of garbage and waste, adn they aren't even conscious. They really should be dead. They're 92 and in a coma... on a vent.. wasting our medicare dollars. (huge surprise there... probably 70 percent of medicare dollars are wasted dollars) I obviously have no compassion. But really, if you think about it, there is a time and place to die. Dragging out someone's death when they will be brain-dead when you take them off the vent .. I don't see the purpose of the10,000 a day fee of staying in the ICU. Instead you could be buried in like .... a golden casket. Or have somebody make you a sweet diamond grill. (the kind for your mouth)
I guess if you dotn' give a rats ass about the earth you wouldnt' mind being a nurse. When she was talking about where you throw all the crap in orientation I asked if there was a recycling bin. I was actually kind of serious, but everybody thought it was super funny.

Wow, I just re-read that last paragraph. I am a huge jerk. I will have to make sure when I am dying, I have a hilarious advanced directive.
Such as:

If I stop breathing, make sure you keep me on a vent. Forever. Until my heart stops on it's own. I would like all the drips possible to keep my heart going. Whatever it takes. During this period, I would like to have MCHammer playing in the background. Also possibly some backstreet boys. I'll just give you my I tunes library and you can hit the 'shuffle' button. I would also like to be smothered in lotion every 4 hours. Make sure to lube in any areas of friction. Please high-five me QD. I would also like to go horsebackriding. Hopefully by this time vents will be smaller and more portable. I realize if I'm unconscious this will be difficult, but you will have to duct tape me to the horse. (Please prevent any skin breakdown though... I dont' want a rash .. that shit's ugly..) I would also like to watch indiana jones. If my eyelids wont' stay open you'll have to hold them open. .. but blink me at least 3 times a minute. During my long stay at your hospital or long term care facility of vented patients, I would like to have a big pile of puppies come visit me at least once a month. Just throw them on my bed and let them crawl around. I would also like for you to pour chocolate into my mouth. Maybe just swab it in so I don't aspirate. If for some reason, my heat starts giving out, make sure you put me on a emergent transplant list. Thanks.
Sincerely, Annie wyman

everybody is a big pile of poop with mold

2008-09-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

Hello.

So I was supposed to study with T-man the other night right? right. WRONG. He called on sunday and said he works till 9 and probably won't make it to the library until after that. I was already at the library learning stuff when he called to say that. I basically live on campus and the hospital and am only home for a few hours to sleep.. or shower. (Not a lot of either of those happening...) Anywho, at 10 pm I was at the library and Tim still hadn't called so I just went home. He never did call back. Good bye Tim. You are no longer on the crush list.
Except for then I went back to class today and he actually had a valid excuse. Kind of valid. He's probably lying. Everyone from now on is probably lying unless proven otherwise. Opposite of our current judicial system. He said in class that somebody stepped on his phone and broke it. I immediately thought he was lying but he looked really embarrassed and even pulled my chair out for me when I got there. ... so he might be telling the truth. It was kind of funny. I walked in (the last one in because I had to bike superfast from orientation to get there... ) I just looked at him, smiled, and he smiled back and pulled my chair out to sit. Then I was just getting my stuff out and I didn't say anything. I could have said,' SO, You're an asshole eh? But I didn't. He just kind of said,.... so.... I was going to call you to study.. and sombody stepped on my phone and broke it..... I was going to say, what phone breaks when you step on it? Surely you don't have a sprint sanyo, because those things are the shit. I have one. My dog even chewed it up and it still works. Every time I drop it I just pop the battery back in and we're good to go. But I didnt' say that either. Sometimes, when you're me for example, saying things is a bad idea. That's why being a nurse in the ICU is so nice. Most of my patients are delirious or unconscious. I don't have to talk to them, well I can, but it doesn't matter what I say at all. I could be like, wow, you sure have got a lot of loose skin terry! And his response is. ____________. Mouth open. Eyes closed. Druely. aka, sweet.
Then when they become concsious or healthy I send them away to someone else. I just roll their bodies around and give them meds. Hollllaaaa. Back to the current story. I was going to bash his face in, but his face looked all distraught and red and like he was about to cry. Maybe it was allergies. I should have just handed him and allegra and been like, suck it up baby. You missed out on a world of knowlegde. My knowledge. That you will never have... unless of course you re-schedule a study time. ... but maybe I won't show up. Maybe someone will steal all my shoes and then I can't leave the house. Maybe I'll just be really hungry and .. not able to make it. Maybe I have a wide set vagina and a heavy flow and I just can't make it.
This is way off the topic, but I'm in the library right now, and there is this chineese kid sitting across from me, but on a different table. And every time I look up, he looks up. But he doesn't look at me, he looks off into the distance with no expression. Super serious face. It makes me want to laugh when he does it, or wave my hand in his line of vision like what the devil are you staring at. I bet he teaches karate and sword..ing. I bet I'm racist.

AFter Tim didnt' show up, I was thinking off all of these funny ideas I had in my head. Like weird pick up lines I could say to him... or anybody who is ridiculously good looking.

I could wrap up a big box and give it to him, and when he opens it there would be a fire extinguisher inside and I'd be like, ' here, put yourself out. HOttie...'

Or I could just stand up and start doing the fire dance around him . For those who dont' know the fire dance it's basically squatting and warming your hands around in a circle. Even I can do it.

Oh my GOD!@!! China just smiled!!!!!!! He is on the phone. I can't hear him . Of course I can't hear him. that wouldnt' make sense. He is about as personable as a wall, a wall that reacts to phone calls, and moves his mouth but is still silent. Nobody probably thinks this is funny. I guess you have to be here. Oh, oh, that was it. It's back to stern stoic face stare into space pondering mcgee. Well. I'm going to go home now. I might just get some ice cream on the way. that would be fan-tastic. Bop.

his name is Tim!

2008-09-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

His name is Tim.

I didn't get to sit by him yesterday because a girl I knew from marching band sat by me. Which was cool too, because it was fun to talk to her about when we twirled flags. I am a nerd.
Then we took our quiz, which I surprisingly understood and was the second person to finish. But then I wanted to borrow the teachers book ( he has the most recent textbook and gives up practice questions...) So I was waiting outside the room for the class to get done so I could go up to his office with him. While I was waiting in the hallway, cute face walked out. It's like I can't look at his face and talk at the same time. It's too distracting. So when he asks me questions I'm like. hubbbllhhaaa juuhahnaaa. That must be asian and spanish mixed togethor. Maybe some arab. (arabian?) This was the conversation: (it was a long one!... as in like at least 40 seconds)

Him: How was that for ya?
me: (thumbs up) I think it went okay, but I kind of panic and do everything really fast, so I guess we'll see.
him: Yeah, I know what you mean. Did you do your homework already?
me: nope. Do you still want to to it togethor?
him: that would be great. What time works for you?
me: ummm....... ... . ? Sunday?
him: okay. Where shoudl we go? The library?
me: sure. Would you rather do it a different day? Is Sunday okay? (Thank god he said a building that I know where it is... I know 3 buildings on campus. library, admission, science building)
him: No, no, Sunday is great. Except I don't even know your name. What's your name?
me: oh yeah, sorry! Annie. (this is where the awkward part was I was really distraught that we were actually going to study togethor and my brain was melting out of my face... and I said,)
What are you?
(then I looked away and said) WHat are you? Did I really just say that?
Him: (laughing) Tim. Nice to meet you. (then we shook hands.. but it was more like a limp embarrased shake on my part because at this point in time I must have been looking at his face, and as I have mentioned before, I cannot do two important things at one time. Like look at a face and talk.)

Then he put my number in his cell phone to call later about when /where we would go, etc...
Then he said to havea good weekend. Then I shit my pants and threw up in the hallway when he left. Not really, but I could have. I probably will now re-thinking the moment in my head. That's all . Bye!

On october 14th, he asked me what day it was....

2008-09-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my official last day of Just school. I start work and school on monday. pooper pants. I have a quiz today in my class as well. We also got this like 6 page assignment yesterday. I'm not used to this kind of school.. where you actually have to think. I'm used to nursing school, where everyone just asks stupid questions and makes comments about things that matter about as much as, shit, i don't know, a banana peel. So what I did in those classes were make extremely detailed schedules about what I should do when I get out of the class. I mean extremely detailed as in by the second/minute. Like, Class gets out 3:50. 3:50:30 pick up backpack and leave class. 3:51:00 walk out door. 3:52:15 walk in the direction of car....

( think you get the point..) I'm not used to coming to class and not being bored out of my mind. I didn't even buy half the books for my nursing career. You just didn't need them. I think I took like 7 different classes on, 'how to talk to people.' What's funny is that most of the kids thought those classes were really hard. Everyone in nursing is super anal and would argue their answers to the death. For example, this is what they would arguein a question:

1.) Mr jones has just died, his wife is crying at the side of the bed. What would you say to her?
(there was usually a funny answer so I would randomly laugh when we took tests.... nobody else must have thought these were funny....)

a.) Did he leave you the house?
b.) I'm so sorry for your loss.
c.) I know EXactly how you feel.

The answer would be b. because you never say you know how they feel. I didnt' buy the book but the teacher said that every 4 seconds in the class. So even when I was doodling and not paying attention, I'd get the right answer. At least 15 questions on each test would have the choice of 'I know how you feel.' And you dont' choose those answers. It's a pretty simple concept. Don't pick the joke answers, and don't pick I know how you feel. Automatic A in the class. However, say there were 130 questions on the test. The people in my class would argue at least half of these. Even if their answer was out of the question. It was like, maybe if I complain enough and try to convince her that my ridiculous answer is the right one, or that part of the question was worded in a weird way, I'll get my one point back. There were so many times I just wanted to stand up and say, ' suck it up bitches, lets move on.' She probably would have docked a point from my test then,,.. and you know, i'd have to argue it.
There were a few hard classes, the more fun classes like fluids and electrolyte balancing... but everyone didnt' get it. So we'd go at snails pace and she'd spend 2 weeks talking about the same concept. So even the hard classes got dummed down. Then I'd get bored with what we were doing in that class as well. So in summary, it's nice to have a class where I dont' get bored because we go at a normal pace and he assumes we aren't all idiots. People don't argue their questions, they just get them wrong and accept it. IT's pretty much amazing. What else is amazing is there is a really cute boy in my class that I just happen to sit next to. Except he's normal, so he probably won't like me back, however the first week of class I couldn't 'remember' how to find out how many valence electrons were in things. So I asked him. Then he said, 'umm... yeah.. I think I remember that. hold on.' Then he was searcing through his notes. Like 2 minutes later he said, ' Okay, I remember now, you do it like this,' And then he showed me how to do it. In 2 different examples. (hollllaaa)
Then the next day I dropped myp en on the floor.... and he picked it up for me. Then I said thanks. He was like,' It's no problem.'

Then the next day I asked him how to do something else and he was pointing at something in my notes and he touched my arm. Then I moved my arm and said, 'sorry' and he said, 'it's okay.'

Then the next day he asked me if I understood the shapes of the molecules and I said,' do you know who you're talking to?' then we both laughed.

then the next day, (yesterday) we got out assignments that were super long. He asked,' Did you do good on the last assignment? you seem to know what you're doing.' and I said, ' I don't know.. we didnt' get them back yet..' Then I said, 'Do you want to work on this one togethor?' And he said,' yeah, that'd be great.'
Yay!!!!!!!! I have a new friend!!!!!! ( a new hot friend) I'll have to ask today when he wants to do the assignment.
All of this reminds me on the stuff from mean girls, (if anyone has ever seen that movie.) I hope he invites me to his halloween party. I don't know any of the 'plastics' so they can't sabotage my plan. schweeeeet. That's all for now. Gonna go learn stuff.

really?

2008-09-04T09:12:00.001-07:00

So we all remember weird face McGee, 'meet me at Kohls in your snow gear.' Right. He's back. Again. Wouldn't you think after that awkward experience, you would just give up and say, maybe she doesn't want to date me... or maybe I shouldn't be so creepy. Nope. His head is an empty room. No wheels turning. The light's out. Knock on his door, but nobody's home. How many more analogies should I use? In summary, he is not smart. If you cannot write a full sentence using correct grammar and spelling... please don't ask to date me. If you have your sister in law call me 50 times ..... please don't ask to date me. I don't care if you're a nice idiot. You're an idiot. A creepy idiot.
I am bringing this all back because I signed on to myspace the other day. I shouldn't have. I never will again. Ever. There was a comment on my wall -from 'jason' the creeper with the stuffed chickens, that said this, 'So, are you moved back to st cloud yet? I think we should go meet up for drinks.' Or something to that extent.

um..... No. I just quick signed off when I saw that. I didn't even respond. I don't know if I should acknowledge that he wrote that, or just pretend like it never happened. Should I sign back on and be like,' ' um.... i would meet you for drinks, except I am really seriously dating someone else seriously. For serious. ' or I could just write something ridiculous on his wall that had nothing to do with anything, like, 'mer-man... mer MAN!!!'
That would be pretty funny. Or I could write back, 'only if we meet at wal-mart in halloween costumes.'
It is truly a physical impossibility that a NORMal... human person could be attracted to me. It's impossible.

That's I guess all for now.

true talents

2008-09-01T20:54:00.000-07:00

so my life has been pretty.. mmmm.. Not fun the last few weeks. Moving... moving.. putting away.... chemistry... moving... putting things away very anal retentively thanks to my mother... For example. I bought a chocolate bar... one of those ridiculously good dark chocolate ones that are like 4 dollars and have raspberries and stuff in them. Anyways, I put the thing in the cupboard unopened. The next day my mom came in the living room and yelled at me for putting it away ' incorrectly,' because you see, even though it hadn't been opened yet it needs to be inside a plastic ziplock bag. I dont know why. you can ask her if you want.

What else happened. My mom asked me to go to Penney's for her. She had bought this dress. ( a denim dress... god only knows why.) Anyways, they had forgotten to take the ink tag off. So she called and they said to just bring it in, even though she didn't have the receipt with. They looked up her credit card number or something to prove she bought it, i don' tknow. Anyways, I went in to the young mens department, where I was supposed to ask for april to take the ink tag off. April is the manager. (still... I worked there like 7 years ago..) Anyways, I was at the stupid counter for 20 minutes because they were like. 'what proof do you have that this came from here? What are we supposed to do?'
I just blatently said. ' Seriously, this is a denim dress... a DENIM dress...maybe it's a jumper.. i don't know. Do I look like i would wear a denim dress? Do I look like I would want to steal this denim dress from the clearance rack? I didnt' think so. My mom bought it and got home and the ink tag is still on. She talked to april who said to bring it in and get the ink tag off. ... ..'
finally someone talked to april and april said that my mom had called and to take the tag off.
Unbelievable. The funniest part was that they could actually think that I was sneakily trying to steal the denim jumper. I try to hide my true love for denim jumpers, every time I pass them I have to hold myself back. Most stores know my face by now and have someone follow me around just so I won't steal the denim jumpers and or dresses.

So when I got back from jcpenney's I decided to watch some trash Tv for a little while. I forgot what show I had been watching, some family lifetime movie and the girl made some comment like, 'we a ll have our own talents that god gave us, and we need to share them with everyone.'

Then I started to think. What the hell is my true talent? It sure as hell isn't being compassionate and or organic chemistry. Which means my life is really sucky right now. Because I am a nurse and in organic chemistry. So what if I try to do things my whole life that aren't my true talents? Am I wasting my life? Are you wasting your life? Like how my sister says she would have made a really good HUC/ aka ward clerk, aka, secretary type person for the nurses/doctors. Is she wasting her true talent by being a doctor? I don't think so. But if that is her true talent does that mean she is wasting her true talent by being a doctor?
Then I started thinking, why should I force myself to have a talent that I suck at? Such as organic chemistry. BUt, if I don't take organic chem I will be a nurse forever... and that will be really crappy. Nursing is not my true talent. It's one of those things you are kind of good at and just do because it's easy. Like how some people think math is really easy and are good at it, but they don't like it. Is God going to be mad at me because I'm just doing something random instead of the actual talent that he gave me? (whatever the hell that is....) So, Then I started making a list of things I like to do, and or could have a talent at. That way I won't be wasting my life and my purpose of sharing my talent. Here are some lists of things I am good at:

typing
holding puppies
drinking diet soda
giving high fives
being dirty
knowing the exact amount of calories and serving size of most foods
breaking things/accident prone
being unorganized
being not on time ever
b.s -ing papers/talking/explanations.
and last but not least, attracting weird disgusting foreign nigerian /jamaican men. Probably my only true talent.

Things I like to do: Exercise, any outside activity, thinking about random things, playing piano, writing blogs to make fun of things and people.

Ultimately, everyone should make a list like this for themselves, and then combine the things from the lists to make a job they enjoy, while using their particular talents. So, my jobs could be:

Go outside and break things. I would be REAlly good at that job. I could attract a weird jamaican man and then BS to him that I love him back and then blog about it later. Or I could make appointments to give people high fives, then I could run or bike to meet then, but then I would probably be late/get injured somehow, and miss the high five. damn.

So you see, these are the things I think about instead of organic chemistry. Today a couple of organically chemical things happened. I put a tupperware in the microwave. I was making brownies and there was some dark chocolate in a little tupperware and I decided I would warm it up a little so I coudl more easily dump it on. I put it in for 25 seconds. That was a poor choice. On the 18th second it suddenly exploded. Like actual flames, and a whole lot of smoke and burning smell. My hair actually smells a lot like it when i waft it in front of my face. It's like I went to a campfire where we burned plastic to a smoldering crisp. I wonder what compound I made in that microwave. Sweet.

oh yeah, and while I was at the mall returning a denim jumper, the dog ate a whole cake I had made the day before. Tisk tisk sofenheimer.

I have an organic chemistry lab tomorrow. = Death. We are supposed to get prepared for the lab so we know what we're doing. There are all these terms for devices.... I don't know what the device look like, or how they work, or what it's name is. It's basically like throwing you in a different country and telling you to make something that will take 3 or 4 hours that will take at least 50 different steps. Oh yes, and you also have no idea how to use anything you have .. or what its' called. (basically, like a different language.) REady... MAke some aspirin!!!
I'm pretty tempted to just go buy some aspirin and crush up a little bit and put in in a baggy to bring to lab so when I F it all up I can just pull out my little baggy and be like.. . voila!!! Aspirin!!! Then I will weigh it to approximately the same weight as other people's yields. Hollllaaa.. Except with my luck I'll probably get pulled over and the cop will be like, what's that crushed up white substance in the baggy? Aspirin? Right..
These are the lab instructions in my language
Take one gram of salicylic acid and stir it with your 2.5 mls of acetic anhydride in a mcdoodle bob, using a dippley moodle. Stir for 15 minutes over a flippy mcflapper with the thingy. Then do the vaccum procedure. (I don't know what the vaccum procedure is... so I looked it up)

These are the instructions: (i pretty much started laughing)

Clamp your filatration flask to a ring stand. Connect the filtration flask with a piece of thick tubing to the water trap. Place the filter adapter on the filtration flask. Set the hirsch funnel on teh filter adapter. Turn on the aspirator water faucet. Open the water valve completely to create the best vacuum. Pout your organic solution into the hirsch funnel. Do not overflow the filtration flask. IF you need to empty the filtration flask, go to step 7, 'emptry the filtrate.' and restart.

I will never overflow the filtration flask because I will never be able to start over. Ever.

Tomorrow should be fun.

Shit.

last day!!

2008-08-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have just completed my last day of work at the brainerd medical center. Schweeet!!!

Except it was also kind of sad. I'm going to miss all of the people there. One lady who had viral meningitis even came to work today to say goodbye to me. amazing. I gave her a high five. (Then I washed my hands. ) They set up a little party for me at this coffee/pizza/bagel place on wednesday .. where I ate pizza. And drank coffee. hollllaaaa. I will miss them.. .well.. most of them . Except this one creepy ass disgusting doctor. On this last sunday he came into my patient's room. I had an alcohol withdrawal pt. (weird...) So I'm trying to help this guy eat dinner and the doctor keeps talking to me. This doctor will remain nameless. We had what I thought was a normal conversation.. then he gave me his card with his office number and he wrote his cell phone on it and such and said if I ever needed a reference he would be glad to do it. I just thought he was being nice. That is because I am a nieve idiot. At 10pm, I went over to Tele to help with this one lady who needed to get transferred to the ICU and had sepsis etc. At 1015/10:30ish I'm in her room putting some IV's in her when Kassandra pages me from the desk and says. ( we have little speakers in each room so you can talk back and forth from the desk..) Anyways, Kass pagesme and says, ' Annie did you page Dr. ___ ? ' I said... no.... wasn't he off at 8? Kass: Yes... but he's on the phone for you out here. Me: Great. ..... .

That's when I got the weird horrible nausea heavy feeling in my stomach. So I tell this lady who is vomiting all over the place to just hold on a sec and I'll be right back. Little did she know when I said right back I apparently meant 20 minutes.. because I could not get off the damn phone. Pretty sure the phone conversation went something like this:

Hello Annie! How are you?

-um. Fine. You know, just at work. WORKING.

-How long are you there until?

-you know.. the usual... 11:30. The usual 3-11 shift...

So what day are you done again?

thursday

Tuesday?

THURSDAY.

This thursday?

yes.

Then what are you doing? Are you going on vacation for a week?

No. I'm babysitting my sister's kids.

Is this your sister in residency?

yes.

How old are her kids?

baby and 2.

(At this point all my co -workers are looking at me like... Wtf? What is going on? Being you know. this doctor calls me... AT work, and is having a conversation that has nothing to do with anything medical or anyp atients.. and he is off of work. Could this get more awkward? Yes. Because this doctor is 40 something I believe. And from a different country so the whole time, basically every other sentence I'm like.. ' what? what did you say?' So that makes the conversation drag out even longer. Pretty sure I was so angry and confused my whole face was burning and all I wanted to do was go and cry in the bathroom. What crazy asshole (who may be married.. I don't know.. nor do I care..) Calls someone half their age at work to ask them .. well. I'll finish the conversation.

Oh okay. That will be an interesting time.

Yes. Well, I should go back to...

So you are going to her house to babysit?

YES.

So you are going back to school and going to work in st cloud.

YES.

What other plans do you have? Are you dating someone?

(I should have said yes but I was so embarrassed by this point in time that I was seriously still on the phone I just wanted to puke all over the place so I could be excused from the conversation)

No.

So you are going to school and going to work in st cloud.

YES ('m pretty sure we already got this straightened out...)

And maybe someday you will get married.

Yes. Maybe someday. But I doubt it.

(he laughs. Yes. It's hilarious. goodbye. I hope you fall in a hole and can't get out.)

You will get married, and then have babies.

... yup..... well.. I gotta get back to my patient now..

So you have my number.

YEs. (holy shit yes, that I will never use and I'll probably burn it when I get home so I can forget you exist.)

(this is when the conversation got the most awkward.. because we each repeated the same thing .... 3 or 4 times in a row.

Dr asshole shit head: How will I reach you though?

-Yeah, well, I'll let you know how everything goes...

But I dont' have your number? How will I reach you?

-I'll let you know how everything goes with school and such...

How will I get a hold of you? I need your number. How will we ever meet up if I dont' have your number?

- I'LL CALL YOU. . AND LET YOU KNOW HOW I'M DOING.. . O K...

Okay annie you call me. you have a good night.

Yup. you too... bye.

okay, goodbye now.

BYE.

Make sure to call me, because I don't have your number.

HOly F-ing shit.. I think We all know you don't have that... and that the lord for small favors such as this.

( i didnt' want to make it really obvious to everyone else that this doctor was asking me for my phone number and or on a date... so I just kept trying to end the conversation... I failed. )

So that was awkward. I was really distraught after that. Looking back I guess it wasn't that big of a deal but I had to go to the bathroom for a while and cry and straighten myself out before returning to work. The whole time I thought he just thought I was a good nurse and was offering me a recommendation, when really, all he wanted was a piece of ass. Piece of shit. I'll kill him,... with a thousand arrows of poison death. What's up now? mm?

Other random funny things that happened...

I found out where I get my judgemental personality. My mother. We were watching this show on TV where this kid had a bunch of ginormous tumors in his face. Like his face didnt' even look real. It looked like a plastic cartoon face. I wish I coudl draw pictures on this blog. I just attatched the image.. somehow it's at the top of the page.. and its' really small. I drew it myself on paint about 15 seconds ago. Pretty accurate i would say. It is a picture of giant tumor face compared to someone else. It was kind of funny that they had this special on him. They made it seem like these tumors were going to kill him, and that he was already blind in one eye from the pressure of the tumor, and now he may go blind in his other eye. Also, that his airway was being conpromised from his chin tumor. I just kind of thought to myself.... why didnt' they take care of these tumors when his face was only twice the size it should be.. instead of 5 times the normal size. (to each his own I guess...) Anyways, My mom started watching this with me about 3/4 of the way through. Of course, this is all in chinese, and there are english translations of what they are saying written on the tv. I can't remember what that's called.. that 's why I had the long explanation. mraw. When they did talk english it was like... horrible chinese accent trying to talk english with very bad grammar. hilarious. They would say a sentence in 'english' and my mom would yell back at the TV. . ' There's no S in later!!!!' 'It's so sad, they are such smart people and they can't talk.' Hilarious. She kept doing this. She would correct the bad chinese accent. She would yell the correct way to say it back to the TV, and emphasize the pronunciation/enunciation. 'it's FRAG-MENt. FRAGMENT!!!!' I couldn't stop laughing. She didn't understand why. It's still funny when I think about it. Amazing. She didnt' think it was funny though. (weird.)

More examples of her being herself is when she sees someone walking down the street. They will be within hearing distance and she will loudly proclaim. ' ANNIe. Annie, look at that man over there. Do you see his gait? He has parkinson's disease. Isn't that sad?' Then the guy will look over at us and my mom will just keep talking.

Her biggest insult to me is that I 'leave my bobby pins everywhere.' Which I probably do, but that isn't bad. At least I'm not leaving like.. i don't know.. used condoms everywhere... or stuff from my meth lab. Whenver she asks me what to do with a part of the house she always throws in there... ' Or, we could put your bobby pins on there.'

For example, Annie, what should we do with this space if I take the fishtank down? What could we put in this hallway?'

' why dont you just not have anything in the nook of the hallway?

-should we put an exercise machine there.??

um... no.. that would be really awkward. People would only have about 2 feet to walk around you.

-you're right. that is a bad idea. What should I do ... We could just put a table there. Then we could just put all your bobby pins on it. '

Funny mom.

I don't know why I'm writing all this stuff about my mom. I guess i'm really nervous about living with her again. She is pretty live-able with... for about 70 percent of the time. the other 30 percent is pure hell. Like when she calls me on the phone in brainerd to tell me I left a sock on my bedroom floor and that I am a lazy, lazy, person, and I can just never remember to pick up aftermyself... it's pathetic etc. she can'tjust say one insult. It's like 500 insults later until she is satisfied. I learned the last tiem I was home to never touch her computer. I had to check my email for a email from my organic chem professor. I was literally on her computer for 4 minutes.. or less. Then when she got on it 4 hours later, and the computer had to re-start she got really angry at me. Her rave went something like this.'

' dammit annie! you used this computer didnt 'you? I'm so behind on everything and I am just sitting here waiting for this damn computer to restart. It can't take it when you use it. It gets all of these viruses and the security on the computer goes crazy, and then I have to wait for it to restart. I just don't have this time. It told me as soon as I got on that there was a security update and it was completed and now it turned itself off.

'mom, it's a security update. your c omputer updates itself automatically, and then for the updates to download or work correctly the computer has to shut down and restart. I don't know why, but it does that on it's own.'

'WHAT!?!?! What did you do to it!?!? I don't have time to sit here and wait for this. ''' etc.. etc.. etc..

Then she'll yell about random crap for 5 minutes until I feel like my face is going to explode and I just have to walk away. I don't even say anything for her 5 minute rant. You just have to let her get it out otherwise you're just prolonging the yelling.

When really, she has been doing random things like reading magazines, looking over papers for her court that she's already looked over 500 times and faxed to every single person that would have to do anything to do with anything of the case. I don't really know what she did until 4pm when she decided to go and chart on her computer program. It took her computer about 4-6 minutes to re-boot and get her back to her charting program. BUt that was a 4-6 minutes of hell. I don't really know how I'm going to live at home. yes, it will be cheaper, But I think sanity is worth the extra 6-7000 dollars a year in rent. don't you?

2008-08-05T23:44:00.001-07:00

remember how that last post I wrote has a really bad reading flow to it? mostly because I'm real tired and forget what I had just said.. so the next thing I type has nothing to do with that last sentence. Sorry about that. Fix it later. -wyman

the last month..

2008-08-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

oops. Remember how I have actually been busy and forgot to write on this ? amazing.
I've been slowly moving out of my house. (which is totally a good time... wait... nope. ) I hate moving in summary. I hate organizing things and categorizing things and putting things away, and then taking them out and doing the same thing again when I get home. uggghhhh. . rat terds.

What else.. I have 5 shifts left at the b-nerd! woop woop. So far, every shift has been horrible, you know, not staffed well... my patient should be a DNR but instead is on every drip possible, a vent, other tubes.. etc... and then I usually have some O.O.C etoh withdrawl patient. I hate those. REally hate em. St cloud gets those too... which is a downer. They should just take all the nurses that suck at being nurses and put them in a hospital called A.V.H.P.P. Standing for, ativan haldol valium and possibly propofol hospital. Where everyone is in restraints and all you do is push meds and get hit and beaten up by patients that swear at you and have no idea what the hell is going on. Such as the guy I took care of today. (he has been to rehab 17 times.... ) wouldn't you think after the 10th time.. maybe even the 15th time... that you would just be like... screw this. Obviously I have a drinking problem. He was only 40 too. Rehab centers are usually for 2-3 months at a time depending on which you go to.... so thats like over 3 years of your life in a rehab center. unbelievable. bop.

I don't know why the computer made that a paragraph with a 1. in front of it. who knows....

I also did a traithlon in duluth besides the one in st cloud. It was... mmm.. interesting. I think I am only going to do shorter triathlons from now on. Only because people do those that arent' elite athletes, so I feel like I'm a better athlete when I compare myself to other people that somewhat suck at exercise more than I do. does that make sense? Such as the triathlon I did in duluth. (1 mile swim, 20.. something mile bike, 5.5 mile run..) There was also a half of that distance triathlon. Those people went first. they only had to swim a half mile, bike 10-12 miles and run 2 . something miles. Luckies. It would have gone okay... except for in the first 3 seconds of the swim, some girl kicked me in the eye and broke my goggles. I had to stand up in the water and try to fix them. I could tighten them enough so that the left eye goggle could stay in place. So i was one-eye goggle swim. I think I finished the swim in some pretty good timing anyways, like a half hour or so. It was all downhill from there. I got to the biking part and that's when the shit hit the fan.

A couple days before the traithlon I went to the bike store in st cloud to get some shoe thingies, and or 'toe clips' to put on your bike. That was your shoe fits into this cage thingy and you can have more momentum all the way through the pedal stroke instead of just 1/3-1/4 of the rotation. I ended up spending like 2 hours at the bike store talking to this guy. This is the same guy I have seen every single time I have been to the bike store... sadly.. I don't remember his name. I do know most of his life story though. Anywho, the first thing he did was make fun of me for asking for toe clips. His exact words were, ' Did somebody old tell you to get toe-clips?'

Maybe. What's your point? Then he showed me these new versions of 'toe clips' which arent' toe clips at all . They are actual shoes with thingies on the bottoms of them that attatch to the pedals of the bike. First I tried on the shoes. Which are hilarious. They are like tap shoes but more awkward. emphasis on the more awkward part. They are so awkward that you cant' even really walk normally in them. Maybe most people can, but I couldn't. I had to tippy toe in them. When I walked in the shoes it looked like I was trying to be really sneaky... Or at least that's what was going through my mind. Especially during the triathlon during the transition parts when I was running my bike back to it's spot. I was having a hard time not laughing. Anyways, the guy at the bike store said that I could make my transitions faster if I hooked the shoes into the pedals ahead of time, and then all I would have to do is just leave them un-velcroed and loose and then just stick my feet into the shoes and velcro them as I started the bike part. Sounded simple enough. Sounded liek a pretty damn good idea. Except for when I actually tried it. At the race, after I finished the one eye swim, I got to my bike and quick put shorts and a shirt on, socks, helmet etc.. then ran my bike up 100 yards or so to the part where you could get onto your bike. Meanwhile, this is the part where there are runners leaving from the long course, bikers coming in from the short course, and there are about 150 people watchign the 3-4 different lanes. I try to get onto my bike and I was on for about 4 seconds, then I got all wobbly and couldn't get my foot in the shoe and I fell. Falling with a bike is weird. You are holding onto the bike so you cant' really block your fall. Good thing I have a really cushiony side-ass. So when I fall I hear all these screams and old women yelling,' somebody help her!!' Then I tried to stand up with the bike,also hard to do by the way. So I then decide, maybe I should take one shoe off now and put it on my foot so all I will have to do is put one shoe on while I'm on the bike. So I'm fuddling around trying to un-hook the shoe while a million people are watching. I can also hear all their comments. 'what is she doing' or 'this is taking a long time.' or 'she's going to bleed all over the timing mat.' Eventually I un-hooked the one shoe and put it on my foot un-velcroed. then I got back onto the bike to try to quick stick my left foot in the shoe on the pedal and fell again. This time to the other side. Once again all the screaming and weird comments. The best was this one lady who was shaking her head, ' I saw that coming.' Good god. So finally this girl who had done the swimming part but was a part of a triathlon team, (one person does each leg of the traithlon..) came over and actually had to help me take the other shoe off and help me velcro the shoes. It was awful. To make it worse, who is standing 5 feet in front of me directing the people where to go? None other than the druely weird Cathedral high school graduate Clayton Keim. What a weird 5-7 minutes. He was literally standing less than 5 feet in front of me and every time I got onto the bike and looked forward, claytom keim was staring at me. So my whole 3 second fall to the ground each time I was looking into the eyes of claytom keim. I remember when we were on the ski team togethor and he would ski by and there would just be a huge lob of snotty druel hanging out of his mouth/chin area. Obviously he was much more concentrated on skiing than swallowing his spit.

AFter the falls I finished the biking part and got back and tip-toed/sneaky mcgee'd back to put my bike away. Then I got lost trying to put my bike away because there are so many flippin racks for the bikes and you are so disoriented you can't remember your number or which lane you were in. so I kept turning around and tip toe running. Remember that half of the people are done now. (either the ridiculously fast guy-long course triathletes, or all of the short course people.) so they are within the bike racks as well watching you run all around and be weird and not knowing where the hell you're going. Then I wanted to pee before I started the run and this bitch girl goes into the only biffy in the whole bike area ... TO CHANGE CLOTHES. WHAT!?!?! So I had to go searchign through the thorny side brush area and pee in the bushes. Hope nobody else was back there. Then I started running. Which was fine for the first 1-1.5 miles, until my knee cap started sliding around. Then I had to walk for a mile to give it time to get used to staying in the same place. But that time all of the people that I had been in front of.. (not that many.. probably like 15...) all passed me. Hopefully on that part of the run people just looked at my bleeding scrapey knees and bruised sides and just though, ' ohh,... look at that clumsy girl trying to run... lets all cheer!! ' I did at one point start running again after a little while. I think I ended up finishing in 3 hours. I thought I had beaten one old man. Probably like a 65 year old man.... but he dropped out. So I got last. haha. dammit. oh well. next year, right?

oh yeah, one other funny random thing. I was taking care of this guy at work, he had a bunch of cancer and was pretty sick.. etc. Apparently he liked me, not in a weird way, in the ' I think you're nice and a good nurse' way. He was probably the only patient that ever like me. He would even ask people on day shift if I was on for evenings and had him. Long story short, I had to come into his room every half hour or so to empty his urinal. one time around 10pm he accidentally missed the little table thing and spilled his urine all over the floor. He put his call light on and I went in to find out he had done that. So I go get the stuff to clean it up and while I'm cleaning it he says, 'you're going to make a good wife someday.' What? So when my husband pees all over the floor and rings the bell by the side of the bed and is all like. hey slave, clean up my urine pile..' I'll do a good job of it. A k A. I'll make a good wife. I thought that was funny.

okay. that's all. Bye!

Triathlon!!!!!!

2008-07-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

The traithlon is in 2 days.. 3 days? What day is it? All I know is that my co-worker, Jan Skogen, is amazing. She was on vacation and picked up my day for me. I had originally planned on switching with this other lady but her stupid brother in law died and she changed her mind. (actually I do have some pity for her... ) So I called about 500 people after she decided she actually couldnt' work, and I think I had tried 70% of my coworkers... except for the people who were already working on that day, which are basically the only people I didnt' call. Anyways, she was on vacation and I called her just to see.. She didn't even ask me why I needed it off. She just said, this sunday? Days? yeah, I can do that for you annie. ( I did offer her my first born child though.. maybe that did it.) Who knows. She is amazing. Straight up amazing. I'm going to buy her some more coffee. I just bought her some last month after she stayed a extra 2.5 hours to help me put in a temporary pacemaker. I love jan skogen. Love her.
I was also swimming last night at the YMCA, and there was this boy I was swimming with who had a Triathlon water bottle. I was going to talk to him about triathlons, but I accidentally swam into him.. or he swam into me. It was hilarious. I guess you don't really watch where you're going when you're swimming, you just look at the floor. So it was kind of a surprise reaching out to do a stroke and feeling someone's face. Then we both looked up and were like.. woah shit! Sorry! He thought we were swimming in each half of the lane, and I thought we were swimming in circles. We probably should have cleared this up earlier, but whatever. So after that awkward happening, ( we were at the end of the lane fixing our goggles. I usually 'fix' my goggles when I get tired. This old man told me to try it once. He was like, 'if you're tired just pretend like you're goggles are broken. .. works like a charm!' He was a funny old man. ) Anyways, I just blurted out,

So, Do you do triathlons?
-yeah, what made you think that?
Your waterbottle. (I wanted to say, 'you're amazing physique.' But probably only i would have thought that was funny.
'Oh yeah, that was from the one a couple weeks ago in alexandria.'
'I see. I signed up for one on sunday in st cloud. I'm kind of nervous.'
'oh, you mean the graniteman tri?'
'um. yeah. I actually think that's the name of it. ARe you in thatone too?'
'Yeah, I'm also doing the timberman triathlon -in grandrapids.'
'isnt' that the day before the other one?'
'yes.'
'you're amazing.'
'mmm.. not really. I just wanted to all of the mn 'tri-harder' ones. '
(this is weird because I actually knew what he was talking about from looking at so many online.)
Then I said, well.. I'll see you on sunday. If I can get off work.'
Then he started laughing really hard.. ' you mean you signed up for it and you don't even know if you can go? Nice work. Nice.'

(this was obviously before I had talked to the amazing loveable jan skogen.)

We talked for a while, and found out we were both doing the brewhouse tri in duluth as well.
Then he asked probably the dumbest question ever.
'So, you have been training?
-yeah
'Biking?'
yup
and running too?
yup.

I just wanted to be like, 'Oh shit!! There's biking in this?! Crap. I am SO screwed. Is the biking a big part of it? '

Seriously.
Then he asked another dumb question. 'Do you swim here often?'
I felt like I was in a bar. However, he was a nice person in general. Nice to swim with, except for when I crashed into him. Or vice versa. I'm sure I'll see him again. At least 2 times.

Then I just said,' good luck!! you should cheer for me when I come in last. I'm sure by that time you will have finished the race, eaten a sandwich, drank some water, gotten a massage, gone to the bathroom.. you know. The usual. See ya later!'

Also, off the topic. I totally cleaned my house today. for 4 hours. And it's STILL dirty. I can't get anything organized to move. I basically just moved stuff around for 4 hours trying to figure out what to do with it. Oh well. If anyone has a pickup truck they want to just bring to my house, and then to the dumpster a couple times that woudl be great. I find I just throw stuff away without caring. I'm giving away probably 1/3 of my wardrobe to goodwill. Some of the stuff still has the tags on it from when I bought it. Then i'll see a spoon that was under the couch and is dirty with something, and I'll just throw it away instead of washing it. Thsi happens a lot. With many different things. Like with scrubs, instead of doing wash, I'll just go to the scrub store and buy some more. That way I can put off doign laundry for at least one more day. Also, I didnt' feel like washing the tablecloth, there were some crumbs and random pieces of things. Instead of just wiping off the tablecloth and then folding it up .. I just rolled it up as to not let anything fall onto my dirty carpet and just threw it all away.
Well, I'm going to leave for st cloud now. Just thought I'd waste some time so I didnt' have to drive during rush hour. Hollllaaa. Sorry about the boring blog. Nothing to write about. bye!

Yes, I do realize I have already written on this at a different time this same day.

2008-07-08T19:22:00.001-07:00

I went to work today. Then, 2 hours later, I came home. It was pretty cool. I only had one alzheimers patient with some PE's in the ICU. Then the other nurses each discharged one of their patients so we were way overstaffed. Being I'm such a kind person, I decided to take one for the team and go home on call. This was at like 5:40... and now it's 9:25... so I'm thinking I'm in the clear until 11. Hopefully. Now that I've said this they'll probably call me in 3 seconds.
So I went grocery shopping, and filled out an application for St. Cloud Hospital. I also found out that I don't have to work on the 15-16-17 Of August.. so I can sign up for another traithy! Yay!!!! That means I am also done in Brainerd on the 14th of August. Which would make me there for a year and 15 days. Long enough.
AFter I got off, I went grocery shopping. I think there were some eggs in my refrigerator. Also some random sauces. So I bought 50 dollars worth of groceries. (aka, 2 bags.) I made some really good limey salsa chicken thingy. And ate some raspberries. Amazing.
I don't know what's gotten into me. I have always been a synical bitch, but lately it's been out of control. Like when I'm sitting at a stop sign and there is a guy there that stopped before me, but doesnt' go right away, I swear at him. And most of the time I am not in a hurry to be anywhere...You think I could just sit there patiently and wait for him to go. If he doesn't go after 3 seconds it's basically this.
' GO. okay go. Seriously go. IF you don't go, I'm going to go. Okay asshole, I'm going. Alright, so now right when I decide to go you decide to go so I have to re- put on my brakes because you are indecisive and have a low IQ. Thanks, thanks a lot. I have just wasted 5 seconds of my life waiting for you to go when you should have already started going before I had even fully stopped. '
It also annoys me when people don't make right turns. Like when the traffic coming from the opposite direction is making their left turns on their left turn green light and the person is still sitting there with their turn signal on looking to the left. .. hmm... pretty sure no cars are going to jump over those cars making their left turns, so it is A O K that you go and make your right turn right now. Go.

I straight up need more patience. Maybe I need a vacation. England would be fun. Maybe I should just live there, drink tea and eat toast all day and listen to people with cool accents that don't litter as much and speed all the time. That would be a dream come true. Maybe I'll look for flights right now that are ridiculously cheap. If that is even a possibility. Maybe I won't look. Actually, nope, I'm going to. Even if I can't go for 8-10 years. It'll be sweet when I finally can. Anybody else want to come? I promise I won't get impatient with you, well, if I like you.

angry. i am angry.

2008-07-08T11:20:00.001-07:00

I guesss I usually am angry whenever I write on this. I did not enjoy work the other day. I guess I can't really say to my patients, 'What the @#*&! is wrong with you?!?!' Well, I could, but that would be a poor choice. Nursing is a sucky business to be in. It's not like in a store that someone walks in, and then 5 minutes later is gone. Or in a restaurant, a person is only there for an hour or two. Hospital hell lasts for days. Sometimes weeks. Usually you only get one patient at a time that is .. what is the word I'm looking for.... Insane. Attention seeking... crazy... impatient, ungrateful.. I think you get the point.
I worked evening on the 4th. It was double pay that day.. but it didnt' matter. One of the worst shifts I have ever worked. It started off with an admit, which is not a surprise. Usually evening shift gets the shaft. Crappy staffing plus 6-7 admits. For some reason, they think the day shift should have 9 nurses, but evenings... evenings only needs 5. Maybe 6. The night shift most times gets more staff than we do.
Anywho, I had this lady. She was 80-something. ANd annoying as all hell. My patience usually lasts for quite a while, but with this lady, it was approximately 7 minutes. Mayben not even that. I walked into her room, 'Hello! My name is annie and I'll be your nurse! How are you FEeling?'
Silence. Then she just started crying. There was obviously nothing apparently wrong with her. And her crying noise was unbelievably annoying. It sounded like someone trying to fake cry for an extended period of time. Like, ' mmrrrraaaaaaaaooouuuuuuwwwwwwwww.' REally whiny sounding, and it almost sounded like a cat that was unhappy or a ghost in a movie. Then after that there would be a whining noise, .ugghhh... even recreating it makes me want to slit my wrists. At first, I just thought, okay, she obviously wants attention so I stood by her bedside and held her hand for 30 seconds to see if she would just shut up. BUt then when I picked her hand up she screamed. Good god. Shut the hell up. Straight up now. Or I will kill you instead of whatever the hell you are here for.
'JAnice, what is wrong?'
Annoying fake crying noise.
'Janice?'
..........
'Janice, what hurts?'
...whining.....
'Janice, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong. What can I do to help you?'
Then she just cried louder.

To make it worse, her husband is sitting in the room and he is just sitting there doing nothing. Saying nothing. So I said, Are you uncomfortable? Would you like to be boosted up in bed? (she had slid considerably down in the bed and looked like she was bent at a weird angle. Maybe this was the problem.)
So I got another nurse and we gently took her draw sheet and said, 'janice can you lift up your neck a little bit? We are going to boost you up on the count of 3. Are you ready? (she nodded.) So we boosted her up. She isnt' a very big lady, about 100 pounds so it didnt' take very much effort and she just slid up a little bit.
Then she screamed. Then she screamed again. And again. Then she cried.

Holy god. SHUT UP.
Then her husband stands up and says, 'you guys sure are handling her roughly.'

Gosh, I'm sorry, she looked uncomfortable so we just tried to help her. Apparently, that was a poor choice.
Once again, i wanted to say..
Okay, Then you take care of her. annoying sag face.

So I looked at janice and said, 'JAnice I know you are in pain. WHat would you like me to do for you? Would you like some pain meds? .'
She obviously wouldn't answer me. Only cry. so I brought her some morphine.
Every time I was in her room, I would just stand there silently for 5-10 minutes until she stopped whimpering enough to tell me what she wanted.
aka, :
whimper whimper, 'I need another pillow.' 'no not that way.' (crying) (whimper) I only like vanilla boost. (crying) I want a warm blanket. (crying) 'I need more morphine.. etc.. etc.. etc.. Then her husband would make comments, like if she was crying, he would mention how horrible this hospital was because we couldn't get her pain under control, and we didnt' give her enough attention.

to make it worse, I had another lady that I was admitting. Another 350 pounder. With an infected leg. She had had 7 different surgeries on this leg. Probably because she was a billion pounds and had diabetes and didnt' take care of herself. When your blood is full of sugar, it makes things a whole lot easier for bacteria. Also if you're ginormous. So she had an infection between each surgery on this leg. She came in and I got her settled. I looked at her leg. It was red and swollen and hot. (real big surprise.) Then I did the rest of the assessment and was logging into the computer. Then her husband is over in the corner, and he is ridiculously angry and anxious. ' you need to look at that leg! It's getting worse by the MINute! '
'Um, yes, I just looked at it. It is very red and swollen. the doctor will be here in a minute and we'll get started on the orders.'
'NO. You need to look at it again. It's getting WORSE. Something needs to be done NOw!'
So I went over and looked at her leg. Again. It looked the same.. . ..
Keep in mind, her husband is just sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Then they randomly yell at eachother.
300 pounds woman: 'AAAAHHHHH OOOWWWW. GOD DAMMIT!!!!!! AAAAAA'
husband: 'WHAT!?!? WHAT IS IT!?!? WHAT HURTS!?!?
300 pound woman: 'AHHH ( moving around in bed violently... (at least as much as she could move.. ) )
Husband: (even more aggravated that she didnt' answer him immediately.)
WHAT!?!?! WHAT HURTS?! IS IT YOUR LEG!?!? WHERE DOES IT HURT?

At this point in time I just wanted to say, ' could you guys please be quiet? I'm sure it's her NON-infected leg that hurts, and All of this yelling is going to make her infected leg even worse.. by the second!!!!'

Then he would continue to make me check her leg. Then he would yell at me and ask me why the surgeon wasn't here to see her yet.

Maybe because she's only been here for 11 minutes. I'm sure it took longer than 11 minutes for her leg to get like this, so maybe you should just chill the f out.
The doctor saw her about 20 minutes later, and ordered antibiotics, a ortho consult, etc. So I went in and tried to tell him the plan ( that he was so anxious to know.'
This was exactly what I said,' Well the doctor has ordered two different antibiotics, one being vancomycin, which is one of the strongest antibiotics. These should hopefully help her fight the infection. I asked him for some pain meds for her and we have both morphine and dilaudid to control her pain, and if those don't work, I can call and get something else. We are also going to be checking her blood sugar more often and covering her with insuling to help the healing process.. in addition to this we will be...
(INTERRUPTED)

'husband, ' Yes YES, I KNOW. (still angry and an asshole.) THey DO THE SAME THING EVERY TIME SHE COMES IN FOR THIS. SHE HAD THIS ALL BEFORE. I KNOW WHATS GOING ON. DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'm AN IDIOT'

me: 'Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you already knew all of this. I just thought I would inform you of the plan for now. I have called the on-call orthopedic surgeon and he will be contacting me as to when he can come.

husband. WELL, I NEED TO GO EAT DINNER AT OUR DAUGHTERS CABIN. WHEN IS THE SURGEON COMING TO FIX THIS?

me. ' I will let you know when he calls me back.'

Then his wife is sleeping in bed. She is very hard to awaken. He is yelling at me to get her pain meds... and I can't even wake her up from sleeping. I had to sternal rub her to wake her up. Then when she woke up she would say her pain is a 10/10. At first she said it was a one. Then I said, well, 10 is the worst and 1 is the least. So you're pain is a one right now? ' no no, It's the worst. It's a 10.'
except she was really hard to understand. She was only half there. She kept closing her eyes as I was talking to her. Then her husband would get irate. ' WAKE UP> WWWAAKKEE UP!! TELL THE NURSE WHAT YOUR PAIN IS.
So anyways, he made me give her some dilaudid. HE threatened that if I did not cover her pain that he would move her to st cloud. Good. GREAT! Move her there. This leg is getting worse by the second you know...

In another room down the hall, I had a 380 pound man. Very large. WIth yes, you guessed it, AN infected leg!!!! WOOHOO! It might have even been the right leg again. This guy wasn't really needy... or that needy. Just very ungrateful. I would basically come into his room, and I would have to do 3-5 things for him. Right then. 'I want my table here, move my phone here, this cord is in my way, I need some orange juice. ' etc. etc. etc. So this guy is fairly large, and cannot do much for himself. Anyways, he says he needs to go to the bathroom. He is too tired to make it to the bathroom, so I have to go to second floor to get a bariatric commode for him to sit on. I help him onto the commode. Then he starts urinating. All over the floor. I just kind of said, 'um, I don't think you're urinating into the bucket.'
He just looked at me and said,' Yes I am.' When You can clearly hear the urine falling onto the floor. Beign almost 400 pounds, he had a whole lot of urine. It went under the bed, all around the commode, under the sofa. about a 5x7 foot puddle. THen he pooped. Which also, did not make the bucket. He was too tired to reposition himself on the giant commode. I offered to help several times, and get more help, but he said he was fine. Even after I told him he was urinating on the floor, he refused. So I am wiping up the floor with a hundred towels, and moving all of his terds to the toilet. (which at least I'm good at that from having a puppy..) And he won't even lift up his feet so I can wipe under them. I had to hold them up with one hand and try to clean them off and the floor at the same time. Also while I'm trying to get under the commode to soak up the urine he farts. Wouldn't you think... out of common courtesy... you would not fart when someone's face is 6 inches away? I was already cleaning up all of his droppings. I didn't need to feel the wind of his stinky ass fart into my face. I almost took the wipes that kill everything- mrsa, influenza.. etc... and used them on my face. Then I read the insert that said do not handle without gloves.. and I changed my mind.
The doctor had written that he needed a compression stocking. All of our compression stockings would not fit him, so I had to ask the wound care nurse, which happened to be on our floor looking at the other infected lady. I asked her if I could take some tubi -grip from her cart for another patient. She wouldn't let me. I had to call the doctor and get an order for the amount of compression for the leg. Hmm... let me see... um... moderate compression? Who the hell cares!? So I called the doctor. He laughed and said,' seriously? I have to tell you the amount of compression?' I knew this doctor and I said,' yes, the obsessive compulsive wound care nurse will not give me a stocking without an exact order for 10-15mmHg pressure... unless you want 15-25... That's a whole 10 mm Hg difference in pressure. He just said,' I don't care, .. moderate pressure? Do whatever you want annie.'
oOOoo... Whatever I want!?!? Gosh, I totally pick 10-15mmHg of pressure. So I wrote the order. She would not give it to me . I had to go measure his calf to make sure that the sock she gaveme would fit so it is exactly 10-15mmHg. Holy mother of god. His calf is the size of my waist. We will need the biggest size. So I waited until she went to go chart on a computer and I stole the damn tubi grips off her cart. Jerk.

It was a bad day. A very bad day. A whole bunch of other crap happened... but I am too angry to write about it now. Especially because on this computer sometimes.. I don't know why, I will hit a button while I'm typing and the last 3 paragraphs will erase. Then I will have to re-write them and I get even angrier.
I need a management class. Or maybe just some cereal. mmmm.. Okay. bye!

random..

2008-06-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure everything I write on here is random, I was just too uncreative to think of any title.

Not much to write about. I put my official quit notice in at work. I am officially done with work on Aug. 17th. Well.. work at brainerd. Maybe I would enjoy my work if I continually just kept moving. Like, I only have to work at 45 more places for exactly one year before I can maybe retire. This year went fast. Just think , I only have to do this year 45 more times. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I signed up for some classes at SCSU. Hopefully I can think of something else I would rather do than go to medical school. I'm having trouble thinking of something. I guess if I can't think of something I'll just do it.

hmmm.. what else. I took care of a guy at work the other week who was 82... and had 16 year old daughter. Amazing. He was also a complete asshole. That when my co-worker and I were discussing the situation and came to the realization that hey, even mean people have sex. Even mean old people with retracted wangs and huge ball sacks that swear and are dimented have sex.
Keep in mind this guy used to live in the south.. alabama.. mississippi... who knows. All I know is that I went to get him some coffee and I said, 'Do you like your coffee black?' and he said, 'Just how I like my women.' Then he would continually swear about stuff. At least he made it funnier because of his southern accent. It's always nice to walk into the ICU as a visitor and hear, 'Well this @#*($&%)(@#*!@)(#%& thing hurt my @#(*$&%$(# arm, and there are so many of these worthless @#*($*#(, @#*($)*)!(&%"*#$$**#@@#(#*@* cords. (In an accent)
Lovely.

This is off the topic, but ever notice how some people it is particularily gross imagining them having sex? Like some of my co-workers, it's like.. mmm.. yeah, that would be okay if they had sex. But then, you look at some others.... and even the thought of them doing that is horribly disgusting. It's usually someone that you hate, or even subtly dislike, possibly your superviser. Think of some people for yourself. Then you can laugh about it in your own mind.. with yourself. Cool.

I also saw a really large bug in the parking lot at work. I see lots of large bugs there. Bugs so large they are probably from outer space. I already am super paranoid of june bugs so I watch for flying ones, ones on the ground that I may step on.. etc. I also try to park as far away from any lights as possible so the bugs are not attracted to the heat. There are usually 3-4 different huge-ass bug varieties I see on the way to my car.

1.) The June Bug. Extremely gross. Cruncy. creepy crawly. I imagine them flying into my mouth.. or getting stuck in my hair... (then I would have to try to take them out with my hands and I would probably crunch their crunchy shells and they would be all creepy crawling thick little legs....uggghhh). sometimes i imagine them quick sneakily sneaking into my car before I shut the door. Then I don't know what I would do. I'd probably just get out and walk home. Or go get the security guard. In summary, I hate june bugs. They ruin 1.5 months of summer becuase they are here staring june and usually aren't obliterated until mid july (to be on the safe side...).

2.) This huge ass fly looking thing. It's huge. It's like taking a fly and putting some sort of genetically processed hormone into it and making it into mega fly. I usually see them crawling around, but I saw one flying once. It's mesmerizing. Also scary. Not as scary as when a june bug flies... because they make that awful loud noise. they are so large and fat they were not meant to fly. God was smart. He knew that if there had to be june bugs, he had better make them really noisy so that people can hear them coming in advance and can watch the shit out.

Gosh .. what if you were blind? You would just hear some horribly awful noise. Especially if there was more than one. If I was blind I don't think I would leave my house in the month of june though mid july. GEtting back to the huge fly thing. It's probably .. well, the wing length is about three inches, but it's probably only 1/2 inch thick. The point is it's really scary and disgusting, and makes your whole body shudder. Not as much as the june bug crunch shudder.. but still ... shuddery just the same.

3. Last but not least, the mother of all beetles. REally. I have only seen this beetle in the parking lot of st joseph's hospital. It is the size of 8-11 june bugs molded togethor. To make it worse it is like a greeny-purpley color. awful. and HUGE. I have seen several sizes. the largest was about 41/2 inches long. At least. It looks like it has a bunch of different sections on it's body. AWful. Just horrible. I do not think these can fly though. I have never seen one fly. Plus, if they flew they would probably have to make an even louder noise than a june bug because they would have to try to lift their ginormously heavy bodies through the air. God I hope they don't fly. Although still, it is not as concerning as a june bug because something that big could not fit into my mouth to crunch . I also don't know if their shell is crunchy. It could really be mushy for all I know. The creepy ginorously huge obese purple-y green 4 inch long several sectioned body beetle/questionable anthropod bug. Or is it Arthropod? Who cares. The point it, once again, disgusting. Scary. Awful.
People try to have conversations with me on the way to my car and I'm just like... SHhhhhh!!!!! Listen for the june bugs. If we both listen, and I watch the ground hopefully none of them will end up touching us, or even relatively close to our body. When I'm walking to my car in the dark I am more concentrated than what I ever was at work. I hope there aren't june bugs still during my triathlon on july 12th.... I'll have to get a screen to put across my mouth so I don't eat them. ish. ish ish ish ish ish ish . yuck yucky yuck.
I was trying to figure out what would be worse. Being stuck in a room filled with june bugs or a pool of muskies. I really can't decide. Either way I'd probably just faint and get eaten. At least when the muskies ate me it would be rather quickly. The bugs would be slow and creepy disgusting. ish.

Well, time for bed!

stressed

2008-06-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am stressed. I haven't been stressed in forever. I just decided to kind of you know, change my life plan. (weird..) I have decided I would much rather go to med school than be a nurse forever. I have thought long and hard about nurse practitioner/ nurse specialist, and they just dont' sound quite as fun. I wish they did sound as fun, because it would be a whole shit ton easier to do that instead of medschool. I want to intubate people, and do thoracentesis..es, and lumbar punctures, and you know, actually think for myself instead of just do something somebody else told me to do. The best job would be if you could just do it all yourself. Like a patient comes in, you diagnose them yourself, figure out what you want to do, and then do it. Too bad the world doesn't work like that. I will miss things about nursing, but if I stay with it forever I will have extreme regret for not at least trying to get into medschool. That's probably why I'm stressed. i keep thinking of other things I would maybe like to do versus that, but I am having difficulty with it. Wangular.
so I have been applying to different schools, mostly in st cloud. That way I can go back and live with my parents, which is free. Yes, I am a loser. and also, Yes it will suck to live with my OCD mom again. But hopefully I will be dying from studying and live at school and not really be at home for anything. Except to hang out with my dog. My dog will keep me sane. She is so much better than a boyfriend. We like the same stuff.... outside, walks, eating, laying, sleeping. Excellent.
For the schools I am applying at it's really hard to get into the classes I want to get into... aka biochem, organic chem, physics, advanced stats, and some sort of advanced bio. class for a review. At scsu there are 4-5 different sections of each class I want to take, and I keep trying to make different combinations, but they keep crashing into eachother's times. I think they just figure that no person is capable of being so stupid that they want to do all of those classes simultaneously. Well, i am that idiot, and I want in!!! I am not going to go to school an extra year because I couldn't get the stupid timing right on my classes. Ridiculous.
I am also really tired right now because I work day shifts for the next 5 days, and before that I worked evening shifts. It shouldnt' be that hard to rotate shifts that are mostly during day hours. But I think it is. My evening schedule is go to bed at 1:30/2AM, get up 9:30 ish Am. The other schedule is go to bed as soon as possible, wake up at 5:45 am. I think I am actually less tired when I work night shifts. Or just as tired. It's the same amount of hours off schedule. I also completely forgot that I had registered the dog for obedience classes, and I have to reschedule those because I keep having to work at the time of the class.
I am also trying to exercise for the triathlons... and I am slow and chubby.. and my quads are burning. booooo.
What else can I complain about?
I hate medicare.
I hate june bugs.
I hate muskies. Plus I heard on the radio today that this year is supposed to be the 'record breaking muskie' year. There are some in lake millacs, milax? milacs... (whatever.) that are over 65 inches long. Mother of god. That is almost the length of my body. I am never swimming in that lake. Ever. (unless of course I felt like commiting suicide.)
I also have to tell my manager that i'm quitting my job. which I'm sure she isn't going to be happy about. (well, maybe she is. .. who knows..)
I also need to clean my house again. I should also go shower. I hate showering.

okay that's all the bitching I'll do for today!! bye!

gravestones

2008-06-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about funny things to put on gravestones, you know, because I don't do anything productive with my free time. First I was just thinking with generalized made up people, then I got to specific people, including famous people. amazing.

James mcsomebody
1900-1975
'I didn't see that coming!'

Pearl ruffinghouse
1870-1945
'I thought that drink tasted funny...'

George G. Goodman
1925-2007
'proudly circled the drain for 25 years'

Larry the pervert
1800-1881
'I'll see you in the shower..'

Osama b. Laden
1915-2006
'I hope they don't find me in this hole..'

Hilary Clinton
1945-2022
'It's finally a good idea to vote for me!'

Annie Wyman
1985-2040
'I'm still hungry.'

Michael Jackson
1968-2051
'Am I buried in the peds section?'

Forrest gump
1920-1990
'sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks.'

Chuckie
1990---..?
'I'm coming back to life.. AGAIN.'

Edward Scissorshands.
1940-2003
'I was just so damned itchy.'

pamela anderson

1970-2008

'I guess 7 boob jobs is the magic number.'

(probably only a select few will get this next one..)

Chris Dean
1984-2008
'fine, quality, affordable meat.'

Suicidal Susan
1955-1978
'I finally cut my wrists the right way.'

E.T.
1980-1999
'I was just following the reeses pieces...'

Roxanne.. from the show
1943-2003
'DARLENE!!!'

Billy Blanks
1943-2010
'I spilled the cup o' water.'

Arnold Schwartzenager
'it's not a tumor'

...okay.. this is getting really dumb. each one just gets dumber. I'm tired, and it's 3am. Except I can't publish this because the internet isn't working. wangs. hmm... that's all.

'

'You got skills in dem high heels'

2008-06-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to the radio right now and there is a rap song on. Probably from 50 cent. amazing. I don't pay attention to what they are saying because it's mostly stuff about sexual things.. nakedness.... apple-bottom jeans... shorties.. money..... etc... It's a really great song though because it sounds like there is a video game playing in the background. I could make a sweet rap song with nintendo in the background. Especially the noise it makes when you go down a sewer/tunnel thingy.

Quite a bit has happened since I wrote on this last. I've been really busy, you know... biking... and .. watching shows online. I don't remember if I said this yet, but I signed up for some triathlons this summer. Should be fun. Except you swim in lakes. I'm going to get a super good time in the swimming part because I'll have to swim through the water faster than everyone else, so someone else will get eaten by the muskie. All I have to do to do good is swim in muskie infested waters, have chuckie on a bicycle behind me, and magically lose 40 pounds, and get all new joints by the running part. Except I'd rather lose than see chuckie... ever. I don't even like saying his name. (It's a bad omen.) I'll probably turn around now and he'll be dancing to 50 cent in some baggy ass clothes with a knife in his mouth. Crazy little red haired mcgee.

What else, oh yes, something gross happened at work. (I know, you're all taken aback by this..)

This 400 pound guy had cellulitis in his testicles and had to have surgery done on them because they were so flippin infected. He should have been shipped out for the surgery, but our sweet urologist and surgeon were all, 'Nah, lets do it here!' Good choice guys. GREAT choice. In summary, he came to the ICU. Where I got to take care of him.. WeeeEE!!
His wound was probably one of the grossest things I have ever seen. really. Well, maybe not, but it's up there. I still think putting catheters in women with layers of 'cheese' is much worse. The smell is pretty much unbelievable. Anyways, I had to change this guys' dressing. nobody had changed it since the surgeon put the original dressing in. I had to take layers of roll gauze and soak them in this silvidine slurry. At first I thought it would be fun. Especially because I liked then name silvidine slurry. It sounds like something you'd get from mcdonald's... or dairy queen. Like, the silvidine mcslurry. Throw some oreo's in there, and you'd probably never even know the difference. Mostly because oreo's are amazing. So I take all my supplies and go into his room.
Now, taking care of him at this point really isn't that bad. Mostly because he is still unresponsive and on a respirator. I just slip him some morphine before I go to dig around in his groin. The patient wasn't much of a problem... his wife however.. was. She definitely had some mental problems. She showed me all of the medications she takes for her bipolar... schizo... depression.... everything under the sun basically. Then she would talk about 5 decibals louder than any normal person would. She was continous talking. I don't even remember her name. I just called her continously talking lady. She really never stopped. She would follow you out of the room and talk to you. About nothing. Then she started rapping.. like really rapping. She said,' My husband taught me this song... by snoop dogg. Then she rapped for over a minute.. word for word this song that I have never heard. But as I mentioned above, it mentioned a lot of sexual things, shorties, money, pole dancin' etc. The charge nurse doug just looked at me like.... WOah... did that just happen? Yes. Yes it did. Then she kept talking in her normally ridiculously loud voice. I didnt' really know how to react so I just kind of laughed and said... you're pretty good at that. ' Then she got even louder and said,
' I KNOW! My husband and everyone else tells me about all of these weird talents I have. I just say things and they just turn out SO funny! Like this one time my husband and I went to a halloween party and I got this big wig with dark long curly hair and put it on him and then me and my mom were searching for shoes for him but we couldnt' find anything wide enough for his feet so we had to use bedroom slippers and then ...etc..etc.. '
She talked about this halloween costume for the next 15 minutes. It's really hard to keep reacting to what people are saying when you just don't give a damn. You just kind of tune them out and then listen once every 5 minutes so you can make a comment that has something to do with what they just said. That way they think you're paying attention. Even worse, this guy happens to be on 7 different drips, levophed, insulin, TPN, Lipids, Antibiotics, maintenance.. etc. So While I'm tryign to titrate these drips and you know, think, she just keeps talking. It's like having a horrible radio station on that you can't turn off while you're studying something difficult.
Getting on with the point of this blog....
Before I changed hsi dressing I thought I'd wash him up a little bit. This is no small task. When you're 450 pounds there is a whole lot of surface area to cover. I started with the face. Which you know, orange and yellow stuff came off on the rag.. and some chunks. When I think about it, actually washing him up was much more disgusting than the dressing change. I actually am getting nauseated writing this. Like where you can feel the vomit coming up your throat and light headed. Ish.
Anyways, So then I'm moving down, going for the armpits, which are really hard to wash. You h ave to try to hold up a 45 pound arm while not stretching any of the IV cords or cvp cords, and trying to wash in all of the folds of the armpit. When I lifted his armpit up I found a quarter in one of the folds. Yes. A Quarter. Along with a Forest.. no wait a jungle of skin tags. There were so many skin tags in his armpit it was like looking into a cave with lots of bats dangling from the ceiling. I think that in itself was the grossest thign I've ever seen. I just wanted to take a scissors and cut them off. Just cut all of the hundreds of skin tags off. I didn't know I was so grossed out by skintags, but I actually want to vomit right now. uggghhh. So I was wiping the skin tags, aka his armpit and it was once again browny yellow thick crappy junkness and dangly skin tags. He was so dirty that I had to use a new rag each time I wiped him... and was just debating throwing the rags in the garbage instead of the laundry bag. He even had skin tags in his knee pits. SKIN TAGS... in the KNEE PIT. Mother of God. Then while I'm cleaning him crazy 'I talk a whole shit ton' wife is over in the corner continously talking about her and her husband having sex. 'He was so great, he never forced sex.' YEah... I believe it. first of all he has no wang. REally. No wang. I don't know how the urologist got that catheter in. I looks like he just picked a random spot on his stomach and stuck a hole there for the catheter. REally. There were a couple of balls... not in the right spot because of his surgery. (which I found out when I was changing the dressing. One ball was kind of where it was supposed to be... and another one was about 6-7 inches farther down. There was no wang. Nothing. Just the blue catheter sticking out of something that looked like at one point in time, centuries ago... COULd have been a penis. Who really knows. Another thing, you guys couldn't have had sex in years because you would still be dirty from it. All over your body dirty. Plus you would have such a bad yeast infection you probably would have died. If you wanted to have sex with your husband you might as well just have gone swimming in a holding pond outside of a dogfood factory, and then rubbed some poop and sand in your vagina. That's probably what it would have been like.
I remember the doctor walked in while I was washign him up, and when I saw him later he goes, ' if he survives this, IF, someone should convince him to shower more than once every couple of months. Then the best part, is his wife keeps saying stuff like, 'I'm going to sue the casino.' Because, in her deranged thinking, she thought the the 'dirtyness of the casino' is what caused him to have this infection. Then I mentioned something like, well, did he have a hard time washign himself up ? And she goes,' You know, that might have been it too, because his arms have shortened and he cant' reach in to wash himself up down there.' Then she made this awkward move like her elbows were attatched to her sides and she was trying to wash her privates.
His arms have shortened.?? Maybe it's those 200 extra pounds in just the abdomen area. It's like wearing a huge black floaty ring on your waist, and then trying to wipe your butt. Not happening. Not even just one black floaty ring.... maybe 2 or 3 of them.
So , after all of this, it's now time to change his dressing. They could not suture his incision because it would get so infected he would have probably died of sepsis. After I took out the rolls of gauze and abd pads, I had to re-pack his dressing with these gauze rolls and sylvidine slurry. :) While I'm changing the dressing I have 3 other people in the room, one to hold one leg, one to shine a flashlight into the wound, and another to go get things, like extra gauze, morphine, hold the garbage, pour the slurry.. etc.. (it's still funny.. slurry..) Anyways, inside his wound, was necrotic tissue, aka black chunks, pus, whitey yellow fluid, lots of tissue, and lots of other things that were buried and I couldn't see. Hopefully not quarters. So I'm packing this would... and it's so deep that I am putting my whole hand in, and my arm almost up to my elbow packing this with sylvidine gauze. I had to pack the gauze and then try to make a figure 8 around his spaced out balls. I had to use 5 different 6 foot long 4 inch wide gauzes to fill this hole. It started by about the top of his right hip and went around into the balls, then back by the butthole. I actually had to pack around his butthole with gauze. ... AND guess who is still Talking!?!?! STILL!!!! She wanted to see the incision, so I let her see it, and since there were so many people in the room I made her stand outside the sliding door. She was still talking.
After I had changed his dressing and his bed and everything, and 2 hours had passed, I had to keep coming in and out of the room to take care of the drips, vent, etc... She continuously talked the entire time. I would be in the room for 10 minutes, and then go grab something and come back a minute later and it was like I never left. She would restart the conversation exactly where she had left off. It was like I just hit a pause button when I left and then play again when I got back in.
To say the least... it was a really, really, really, really... Really long shift. I'm very glad I chose to be on call today. I hope they don't call me in. But now that I've said that, they will probably call in the next 5 minutes. yucky. This was a couple days ago though. The next morning they finally shipped him out. He deinitely needed a lot of help that little old brainerd could not help with. They wouldn't even accept him at mayo. Then had to send him to the U of M. One sick puppy.
This was a long blog, but since I have no friends in real life here, I have to write on this. Have a nice day everyone! Make sure you don't get so fat that you cant' wash yourself. .. that'd be great. Thanks.

hi

2008-05-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I hate thinking of titles to put on these blogs. I can't really fit 'more stupid not important information that I am writing down on the internet' onto the space. Well, maybe I could, but I was too lazy to type it out at the time.
A lot of things have happened since I last wrote on this. I just can't think of any inparticular. I went home to see the dog a couple of times. Pretty much the highlight of my life. EVery time I see her, even if it's only been 5 minutes since the last time, she's usually ridiculously excited about it. Like I'll go to the bathroom, and then come back out and she'll be all.
'OH MY GOD!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?!? I looked in the kitchen and you weren't there, then I looked outside. Then I drank some water. Then I was starting to get worried but then the door opened and there you WERE!!! I'm going to lick you a million times to make up for this 5 minutes of lost time. I am also going to wiggle my body around a whole bunch and make odd noises!!'
I love her. She's pretty much done with the going to the bathroom inside the house now. But if she makes the occassional accident, this is how it must be cleaned. (according to my o.c.d mom)
Steps to cleaning up dog urine
1.) soak it up with 3 paper towels, no more than that, because that is a waste.
2.) Get a bucket of soapy water
3.) wash the area with soapy water for at least one minute
4.) Dump out the soapy water and get rinse water.
5.) rinse the linoleum
6.) spray on one of the deoderizing animals spray .. sprays..
7.) get new rinse water and rinse the area.
8.) spray the second, and last of the deoderizing animal spray sprays onto the spot.
9.) Get new rinse water.
10.) Rinse the area for at least .. a long time, because if it's the least bit shiny when you are done then it must be sticky and you have done a shitty job of rinsing the pee area, because now whenever she steps on that spot her feet will stick to the floor so you had better rinse it for a long, long, long time, to cover your ass.
11.) leave the dog outside during all of this becaues the floor has to air-dry.
12.) let the dog in, and by this time she has gone in the river because she has been left outside for so long, so you have to go get a towel and a brush and clean her before she can come back in.

I really dont' know how my mom let me keep the puppy at her house. And it was her idea in the first place to do that. If that's what has to get done every time the dog pees on the floor, I kind of feel sorry for my dad. (because he's probably the one usually cleaning it up.) Anywho, if you are reading this Dad, becaues I know mom never does, sorry if you have to clean up the pee.

What else happened.. Oh yeah, Marnie, my co-worker, asked me once again, to date her creepy brother in law. I don't think they are getting the memo. I mean, I guess I am flattered that at least someone wants to date me... but when you're really weird and stalkerish it's kind of a turn off.
SPeaking of dating, I was taking care of this 350 pound, 'i'm on disability just because i chose not to do anything with my life except for let other people take care of me.' lady, and her sex offender husband was in the room with her along with one of his friends. I was getting her ready for her discharge, and her creepy sex offender husband's friend who is also homeless asked for my number, so we could you know, meet up sometime.

Sweet.

Well, I think I'm going to go walk outside... or sit outside.... maybe at starbucks, while I read this traithlon book. Bye!

nothing much....

2008-04-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hmm.... the last couple days. I cut my hair. A whole lot. At least 6 inches are now off of it. My mom saw it and said, 'It looks... interesting... I mean.. o kay.. ' Great. My hair looks interesting. Then she offered to pay for me to go in and get it evened out. Hells no mom. I cut my own hair to save the 30 dollars it would cost to fix it. It's good I thought I did an o-k job. I guess I couldnt' really see the back... and I just cut approximately the same length around my head... and I added a few 'layers'.. aka mistakes. There are a lot of layers. When I went to work today though a girl I work with was all, ' I really like your haircut!' REALLY!!?? I did it myself. So, you know, if you see some pieces that don't look quite right just get a scissors and cut them off, or give me a little fyi. Cutting hair is kind of fun. I originally just planned on giving myself a trim, which was almost complete until I made a ginormous mistake. Then I had to cut much more off. I can still however, get it into a ponytail. It's just a little nubbin, but my one hairstyle is complete. All I have to do is wake-up, and instead of spending that extra 5 seconds gathering my hair into a ponytail, I can quick slick it up into a nubbin. Then spend 7 seconds picking out which pair of scrubs.. which are all the same... to wear. Pretty good morning routine.
This blog is pointless.
Oh yeah, I got some piano books I ordered off amazon.com today. Cool..... right. okay bye!

zoolander

2008-04-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

Ever since I stepped on my zoolander dvd and broke it I've really been missing it. Even when I look at every day things I am reminded of random quotes from the movie. Like I was eating some cereal for breakfast a couple hours ago and the spoon was just lying there and I thought of:

'How did you know you wanted to be a male model?'
'Well, I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
-a career?
-'yeah, be professionally good looking.

or

Derek, are you worried about hansel?
-Not as much as I'm worried about Grettel.

or

'A male models life is a precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs, and stunning features, doesn't mean that we too, can't not die, in a freak, gasoline fight accident. '

or

'Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose ..or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way? '

Gosh. Love it.

I don't love however, all of the advertisements that pop onto my screen or are on my email. Like hoodia weight loss plan pills. Hoodia probably isn't a plant. It's probably a made up substance. I remember I read about it on this one website because I wanted to see if it was just ground up meth, and or crack. Their description was something like this, (except a whole lot better ...)

"Hoodia is from this one cactus we found and ground up. Tribesman used to use it to stave off hunger on long hunting trips. It's been used by the antiquagoodle.. tribe.. for several centuries, and is ridiculously effective. Now you can try it free for 6 weeks... except this one dollar payment. So it's only a dollar for 6 weeks. Yeah. "

I could make my own weight loss substance. I could go scoop up some ORange fuzz algae by the river, a couple chipmunks, and maybe some herbs, smash it up and bake it. Then put it in a dehydrating machine until it gets real dry, then crush it up some more and pour it into some caplets and be all, ' This is the rare algae which only grows on the remants of the nearly extinct bobble headed gopher. The bobble headed gopher only eats fish from chemical plants, which are filled with weight loss substances like ... chromium .. and Goolia. ( a similar substance to hoodia, but 100x stronger in weight loss effects.) AFter the gopher dies, the chromium and goolia, (which are released through the gopher's hair follicles and skin cells,) are exactly what the Orange Fuzz algae diet consists of. The Orange algae feeds on the chromium and goolia, and turns these substances into what we like to call, lorthub. What we do, is take the orange fuzz algae, and chemically treat it to extract it and amplify the lorthub, which we call, thuborrhea.
What you get, is our 4 week sample of fiborrhea. Thuborrhea speeds up your digestion, up to 7x the normal speed. What does this do to you? A faster metabolism! You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want. We also supply this 4 week sample of depends. If you are unsatisfied with this product, even after the 4 week trial period, just return your packaging for no extra charge.

Obviously, I am in a really weird mood right now. Maybe I'll take the dog for a walk.

why is it snowing? I'm pissed.

2008-04-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed. April this year is a giant wang. It's pretty cool that the weekends I have off, it blizzards.. both times. That's not correct grammar, but I think you get the point. Anywho, I have been looking at other jobs online. I will probably not leave mine until after the summer, but I'm pretty sure the Air-Force won't accept my ICU work at brainerd. They want real ICU experience. So now I'm thinking whether or not I should do the Air Force at all... because after I switch jobs and then work at that ICU for a year... it will be 2 years from now.. then I have a four year commitment if I join the Air Force. I'll have to give this some more thought.
I started looking at jobs online. North Memorial has I think 13 different ICU positions open... as well as ER positions.. and Trauma Team positions. That would be amazing. I just want to be a float nurse between them all. I was also thinking that if I go on to school I could be a wound care nurse. I enjoy pus and oozing disgusting things... and picking skin. That's mostly what wound care nurses do. Amazing. That would be ridiculously awesome. I was also thinking that I could bring some more money typing up dictations. I can type 103 wpm, and I know they have a lot of typists that just work at home. I could do part-time and just work from 8-12 a couple days a week, then go to my regular job. I could probably just go to caribou and type up a bunch of dictations real quick, then go work out and go to work. AMazing. I am a genius. It would be even cooler if I could type up the dictations for ICU and Tele, that way I would know what's going on with my patients before I even got to work. Holllaaaaa.
I'm going to go and see if there are any positions open online . Schweet.

my manager is a poop hole

2008-04-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

My manager keeps switching my schedule... you know.. only 2-3 days in advance. So basically if I don't check my schedule all of the time I will either be at work when I'm not supposed to be, or not be at work when I am supposed to be. (which is much more likely being I am currently working overtime..) She told me she changed my schedule around on wednesday... but I thought she meant the schedule that just came out, not the current one. She definitely meant the current one, And also the next one. Good thing I called staffing that following Friday, because they told me the lovely news that I had to be at work in 4 hours. Which was even more of a hassle because I was in Deer River at the time. Jerk manager. Maybe I should change her 8-4pm mon-thursday schedule around. What a dick.
Work wasn't very fun either. I sat with a one to one on the surgical floor, (2nd floor.) I have no idea when he was a one to one. Apparently he had woken up on nights and was confused. But he's 89 years old, and when you wake up in a dark room in a foreign place and don't know where you are for 5 minutes I would call that normal. I basically sat in his room with him while he slept. I had to give him a bunch of blood, and platelets, and plasma. Then respiratory therapy came in to give him a neb and they sat him up too fast and he projectile vomited all over. Everything. Me. The respiratory therapist, the bed, the equipment, his plasma... etc. you get the point. His projectile vomiting wasn't like a stream, it was like a fountain. It was really annoying because I gave him his blue vomiting bag as soon as he looked like he was going to throw up, and he holds it 10 inches from his face. That'll do a whole lot of good. I guess it did catch about 3 inches of the fountain spray. Then he was really angry the whole time. ' Leave me the hell alone!' Sorry asshole, I'm just trying to change your gown which is full of vomit. Would you rather have me just leave it? My bad. Then every time I hung a new blood product he would get really angry at me. DUde, you were the one that decided to crawl out of your wheel chair.. even though you dont' have legs, and you broke your hip. I'm just making it possible for you to go to surgery and get this fixed. It's cool though, you can yell and swear at me. It's not like he had to even do anything. He just lays there and lets it run through his IV. Apparently that's a ton of work and he's pissed about it. He either was sleeping, or angry. No nice medium.
Saturday however, was a little better. It was a busy crappy shift... I had to transfer a guy to st cloud, discharge a lady, one of my patients started circling the drain so I had to transfer him to ICu, then I got 2 admits. However... Admit boy brought them!!! Weeee! He's amazing. Brown hair smiley face mcgee. It doesn't matter if the patient he's bringing me is insane, because he's amazing. I actually talked to him. I said, Hi!. Then he said, Hi Annie. (he knows my name! WHat??? Hollaaaa) Then I took the patients stuff and while she was walking onto the scale I was all.... 'How's the ER?' and then he said, 'Busy.' WOah. I think that was probably one of our longest conversations yet. Seriously.
Then on Sunday, he brought up another patient. This really cute 90 year old lady. We put her in the bed and as soon as we both left the room she puts her call light on, so we walked back in thinking we would both need to bring her to the bathroom. Then she just says, ' Do you guys hear that beeping noise? What is that?' Ummm.... that's just your call light, you know, the one you turned on. haha. hilarious. I loved her. We explained it to her and she just goes... OOhhh! That was dumb of me.' Then he was gathering the stuff to leave, and I said, 'Thanks for the sweet patient!' He was like, ' No problem, there's more where that came from.'
Amazing. He is amazing. Except Jera this other girl that came on for night shift saw him leaving with the patient's cart to go back down to ER. After he left she said, ' Gosh, my sister met him the other day. She is convinced she is going to marry him.'
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'll kill her.
Then she continues on.
'He is just such a nice guy.'
I know. pbbbbbbb............. How depressing. There are probably 5,000 other people that like him too.. he could also have a girlfriend for all I know. As soon as I realize I have any competition I usually just give up. Which I planned on doing. (not that I had really tried.... I basically see him when he brings me patients...) Everyone I work with knows that I think he's cute and everyone always talks about it when I'm gone, and how they should 'hook us up.' Shannon, this lady I work with was like, 'LEts call ER and get his number!.' Then she picks up the phone like she's going to dial. It was funny. (She was obviously joking...) Then they all tell me they know all these people they can 'hook me up with.' Sorry guys, they aren't admit boy.
Nothing will ever happen of this, but oh well . At least sometimes I can see someone besides a middle aged woman when I get new patients. That's all for now.

getting fat

2008-04-17T15:34:00.001-07:00

I have decided that I was much skinnier during that time when someone stole my computer. Without my computer, I have no entertainment source. Aka, I have nothing to eat and look at. I don't use the tv, so that's not so much a problem. But what I basically use this computer for is, (get ready for this important info..)

1. facebook every other day.
2. watching movies
3. occassional email check. (very occassional... like once a month.)
4. .. hmm.. that's it. Oh wait no, this blog that I am writing on right now.

So usually before I go to bed I watch a movie or part of a movie. Then what do I do while I watch that movie? Eat a sandwich, or some chocolate, or... who the hell else knows. Whatever I have in my house. Which is usually something random. I don't even necessarily have to be hungry. I don't think I ever am hungry. I guess I really only have one true talent, and that is eating. People always say, ' I could never eat that.' or 'Gosh, I am so full.' I don't think I have ever said these words. Or if I say, Gosh, I am so full, it's after I've already eaten 3,000 calories and am STILL eating. I do however say, ' I should probably stop eating now.' But then I keep eating.
I am also much more tired after working day shift. I am not someone who likes waking up at 5:30 am. When you wake up then, you should go to bed by at least 10, and I am not good at doing that either. Even if I do go to bed at 10pm, I am still ridiculously tired the next day. When I worked evenings I had tons of energy. I went to bed around 1:30 and got up around 9/9:30. Then I would wake up and drink coffee and work out and then come back and do something random for an hour or 2, like go on the internet, or go read at caribou, or clean. Then I worked and came back and went to bed. Now I get home from day shifts and I have no energy to do anything. I just sit on the couch and tell myself to do stuff. I think I am actually more tired after working day shifts than I am working night shifts. More tired= less energy=more laying=more watching movies=more eating=getting fatter. So maybe, if I broke this computer or someone stole it again I could take out a step in that process. Then since I would have nothing to do I would have to go workout, or read, or play piano. All which of are hard to do while you are eating something.
I wish I had a best friend anorexic, and she wanted to hang out ALL of the time. I would be all, 'I'm hungry.!' then she'd be like.. no you're not.. lets drink water! 'Okay ! Good Idea anorexic best friend.' Or, I could eat an apple, then we could split it and each have only 25 calories instead of 50.

I shouldnt' have started talking about food. I would really like a taco right now. Did you know I went to taco bell the other day, and I couldn't find my credit card right away, and the girl was like, ' don't worry about it.. you can just have it.' WHAT!? HAve this burrito1!?!? for FREE!?!?!? She's amazing. I love her. I also love burritos. That was a great day. I also love Ice cream.. although I have never gotten that for free, mostly because it is so good that I will pay for it every time. However, everything is put into proportion when compared to mcdonalds ice cream cones. For example, you could be buying a shirt, and the shirt could cost $24. That's 24 Mcdonald's ice cream cones. Do you really want that shirt? I wouldn't buy it. Especially if I did buy those 24 ice cream cones I probably would not want to see myself in the shirt, unless the shirt was an xxxxL. I basically eat ice cream everyday. There is a frozen yogurt ice cream thingy at work and everyday I make myself a cone. Everyday. It usually rounds out to be about 46 cents. Which I would save over time a bunch of money if I didn't eat ice cream.. or anything else.
That really makes me want to be an anorexic. You would save so much on food. Sweet Jesus.

Well, I am going to go do some drug test for ICU. Should be good. Maybe I'll go eat some food while I'm taking the test. Even better.

my eyes are burning

2008-04-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

I am so tired my eyes are burning. My manager looked at me today and she goes...
' Annie.. you look tired.'

I am tired Kathy.

'I mean, you look really, REally, tired.'

I am really, really tired.

'I think I know what you need.'

what's that?

'Coffee!'

I think I got that covered.

Then there was some pharmacist guy sitting right next to me when she said this all and when she left he looks at me and says, ' you know, when people say you look really tired they are basically saying you look like crap.'
-hmm... yeah. I'm over it.
'well, I don't think you look like crap.'
Thanks. I don't think you look like crap either.

What a great day. What a great compliment. Probably one of the nicer things someone could say.
My patient was boring. His pH was altered so he wasn't really 'with it.' Which is another reason I enjoy ICU. People can't complain or make you get them stuff when they aren't conscious. It's actually pretty fun to talk to unconscious people. You can talk to them about anything, or just tell them random stuff. Like, ' I hope that they have chicken soup for lunch today.' or, 'Hey Fred, will you remind me to get your blood sugar around 11:30? .....? '
JUst KIDDING!! Maybe not that last one, but you get the point.

There was a meeting after work today, I was late, along with a couple other people that had to stay late to help with the transfers we were doing . Anyways, we got there and all of the important info about the vents and the bipaps was all done. ( we were only 15 minutes late..) When we got there, Kathy then stood up to say something to the extent of, : We aren't praying enough at meetings.' So, she read this really long prayer. Then she read this really long story about a guy who lived through a code blue. It was a really annoying story. It went something like this:
'Oh oh , the pain in my chest. Why isn't anybody helping with the pain in my chest!? All of you, stop talking, listen to me, the pain in my chest is unbearable. Don't put that on me, Ouch! Etc.. etc.. etc.. pain in his chest etc,.. etc.. etc.. annoying.
That took about 20 minutes, then she talked about how we should be reminded that when people are in a code situation to mind what we say, and that ' hearing is the last sense to go' when you are dying.
Okay crazy guy that wrote this story, obviously the people that were talking to eachother about what they were going to do to you next knew what they were doing, because you're alive now. So sit down and shut up. Of course your chest hurt. Maybe you should be so obese and smoke all of the time, then maybe you wouldn't have had this massive MI that put you into a code.
Apparently now we are all supposed to be calm and quiet, emphasis on the quiet part.
I was talking to one lady after the meeting and we were imitating what the new Code situations would be like.
'Ahem.... psst..... is everybody clear? Everybody clear? '

'mm hmm.... I'm charging the machine.'

'I'm clear your clear everybody's clear..'
-shocking-

Then there are 4 more people on the floor. Death by electrocution. Genius.
Maybe when the doctor asks them on admission if they want to be a full code he will also ask their favorite song. That way we can have it handy if they start dying and blast it on the stereo. I think if I were dying I'd try to pick a funny song in the background. Like something by the backstreet boys, or Raffi. ' A peanut butter sandwich made with jam, that's the best 'wich' that i've ever had is a peanut butter sandwich made with jam. yum yum yum yum yum!'
Or that one country song by montgomery gentry, 'gone like a freight train gone like yesterday gone like a soldier in the civil war bang bang.. etc.'

This blog is dumb. I'm real tired. Going to bed now. .. hopefully I will sleep this time.

sick

2008-04-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

Well, not too much has happened since I last wrote. I bought a bike on Saturday. My dad and I looked around at places for 5-6 hours before I actually decided on which one I wanted to get. But I did get one. It's red and grey. She's pretty good.
Other than that, I dropped a bazillion pound wooden chunk thing on my foot and my toe is purple, got pink eye, and the flu. Or something like the flu. Where you are really nauseated and throwing up and when you move your arm it takes a crap load of energy, and when you stand up the room spins and your ears ring, and then you have a temp of 102. It was pretty sweet.
That's really all. I go back to work tomorrow when I can function normally. Bye!

cleaning

2008-04-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

Today my mission is to clean the house. Which is why I'm writing on this blog. It's pretty dirty in here. I don't think I have vacumed for mmm... about 2 months and I'll be walking on the carpet and I'll step on something sharp, and then remind myself that I should vaccum. I also haven't done any laundry since..... this is hard to admit.. ( and also remember when exacly I last did laundry.)... I believe it was February 20th... And most of that stuff was stuff I wore on vacation. The sad thing is I have enough scrubs that I don't have to do laundry. Except Yesterday all of my scrubs were dirty so I just bought some old lady clearance ones at this scrub sale at work so I wouldn't have to do laundry. I also bought some socks so I wouldn't have to do laundry. Good thing I worked at JC Penney's in the lingerie section. I think I have enough underwear to go for half of the year without doing laundry. thank god for that. Anyways, with that explanation one can imagine how much laundry I really have to do at this point in time.
I really think that if someone walked into my apartment at this time, and I wasn't home, they would think someone tried to come in and kill me and we went through a large arduous struggle. Then the murderer won and took all of my clothes out of the closet and the drawers and threw it on the floor and just picked up the pieces he/ or she wanted. Then he would have had to eat a few bowls of oatmeal and leave the dirty dishes around the house.
See, when I eat, I usually eat in random places. Especially since I'm working day shift. I don't leave myself much time to eat. So I'll make some oatmeal, and eat it in the bathroom in between washing my face and brushing my teeth. Or I'll bring the oatmeal in while I'm getting dressed and find a bowl inside of my dresser drawer. At least I don' t have many dishes to do, because I mostly just eat oatmeal or sandwiches, and Sandwiches don't take dishes.
Well, now that you all think I'm the most un-sanitary person alive, maybe I should change the subject.
Work was not fun this past weekend. I worked evening shifts, and the earliest I left the hospital was 1:30. I am supposed to be done by 11:30. Good joke hospital. I was working on tele, and the only person I worked with that actually worked in that area was the charge nurse. Then there was 3 float nurses. Float nurses are nurses that work on the medical floors, surgical floor, or the telemetry unit. Granted, these float nurses had all been float nurses in the hospital for 20 years plus. By this point in time, you would think they would have worked on tele several hundreds of times before. You would think that, and I'm sure they have, but for some reason, they all have down syndrome. Here are the things I would have to do for them.
'Annie, my patient hasn't had a bm for a couple days and really wants an enema.'
- um.. okay. I guess I'll call the on call doctor and get one ordered.
Apparently, they had no idea how to do this. REally... an enema? You don't even have to explain anythign to the doctor on call about the patient. you just say the name, who their doctor normally is, why they are here and that they are a constipated mcgee and owuld like an enema.
8 seconds later, you have an order for a fleets. NOT difficult.

Then there was this one nurse who had had an actively dying patient on a pca pump. (patient controlled analgesia) They are basically hooked up to a morphine pump that gives them so much an hour, and they can hit a little handheld button every 10 minutes or so if they want another bump or morphine. Anywho, her patient kept complaining that he was having a terrible headache and pain. I had to keep calling the doctor FOr her to get the pump raised up. I had been in her room about 50 times to fix the pump for her, because she also didnt' know how to use it. I hadn't had pca pump training since orientation.. and this was a nurse who had worked on the surgical unit.. where people have these pumps ALL of the time. BUt it really isn't that difficult to figure out. The family even asked me, ' Annie, what is the name of our nurse again?' I had been in their room so much they had no idea who their nurse really was. Then I was fixing their pump and I noticed that the other nurse had not had his handheld device plugged into the pump. So that means every time he hit the button, nothing happened. Dear God.
What really made me mad, is when I was in his room helping him and explaining things to the family and one of my patients had put her call light on while I was in the room. Both of the float nurses that I had been helping all shift just sat there and charted so they could get out on time. I finally got out of his room and ran down to my patients room because her call light had been on for about 3 mintues by then. I opened the door and found her on the floor because she really had to go to the bathroom and nobody came to help her. Then I was at work until 2 am charting and filling out all these unusual occurence forms. The patient that had fallen was fine, had no pain. I told her I was in someone elses room and I was sorry that nobody else came to help her. She was fine with it and knew I had been busy all shift. I'm just glad she didn't pull out her central line when she fell.. because she was still attatched to the iv pole when she fell, in a little puddle of pee. The float nurses didnt' even help me get her off the floor.. the charge nurse had to interrupt her report and help me clean her up and change the sheets. ppbbbbb. Now I see how nurses get burned out so easily.
I work night shift tonight, which should be interesting. I am supposed to be the charge nurse... even though I havent' really been trained in to do that... nor have I even worked there for year yet. 8 months to be exact. It's going to be awkward, because the girls that I will be working over there with started a month or two before me. ... .. Cool. This should be a good time.
Well, I'm going to go to target and buy some cleaning supplies to make me more motivated to scrub stuff. bye!

2008-04-02T17:00:00.003-07:00

i was looking at that last blog and noticed i wrote med surg med surge. like a surge of medical. funny.

dying

2008-04-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

I've been orienting to the ICU for the past couple of days. It's pretty good. I actually get to think a little bit, instead of not thinking.. at all. I really don't understand how people can work on a med surge unit for 20-30 years... or even 2-3 years. Crazies. So boring.
Orientation is pretty fun, but it's like all orientations in St. Joe's. Mmm... we don't have enough staff on ever....and we aren't going to call someone in so they get payed time and a half.... so here are your ICU patients annie! My manager actually gave me the admits. She gave me some guy on a Bi-Pap with a new onset of atrial fibrillation. Sweet. She looks at me and says,' its just like an a -fib patient in tele.' Right kathy. Right. Except they're going to get cardioverted.. and I have no idea how to set that stuff up for the doctor.. nor do I know how to set the controls on the bi pap. (to those who don't know, cardioversion is when you put large conduction pads on a patient and shock them so they go back into a sinus rhythm.) Oh well. Breathing and heart function arent' that important, so if I screw up, it's fine. I guess actually doing it is one way of learning. It's just would be nice to have someone there the 1st time saying... ' this is how you do it.' Instead of me fumbling around with no clue what to do. It was also hilarious because I was putting the pads on the patient, and Dr. Dirks walks in and goes... ' you look really familiar... how do i know you? '
oh yeah, hi dr dirks, I came to see you one time in November or December for SVT.' (supra ventricular tachycardia.) aka, where your heart races for no apparent reason.

Dr dirks: Oh yeah! Hi! How's that goin for ya?

Oh you know.. good.
Then he remembered that my mom was a doctor in st cloud, and that I also liked to run.
amazing. What a good memory. He'll probably forget my name, but if he does I can just be like, 'Hey! Remember me? SVT? ' Then he'll know. Sweet. Good thing he wasn't a gynecologist. That would have been embarassing. Except I've never seen a gyno. It would have been funnier though if I had gone to see a gyno, and he or she walked into the room and said, 'you look familiar.. how do i know you?' then I could say something even more awkward, like, 'Yeah! I came to see you once with those huge pus filled vaginal sores!'
the Dr: 'Oh Yeah!! Vaginal sores!! How are those by the way? Still smelly?'

Amazing.

Today on Orentation I took care of a lady who had pneumonia, an amputation surgery, and lung cancer. She was hilarious. Loved her. We were looking at this card that her granddaughter gave her, and on the front of the card it said her name (spelled wrong of course..) The on the inside it said, (all spelled wrong)

'karen,
I am sorry you had another heart attack. I like you.

Probably the most hilarious card I have ever seen. Then there was a picture of two blobs standing between a bike and all these sticker hearts. Then the lady, (karen was her name,) says, It was a nice effort... but she knows I only have one leg.. how am I supposed to ride that bike?' Hilarious.
Except it's really sad because she's dying. Everytime the doctor comes he tells her she is dying. It's so sad. Plus with me there it makes everything 1000 times more awkward. What the hell do you say to someone who is dying? I remember when I did clinicals on the cancer unit and people were always crying telling me they were dying. that was also horrible, and is also why I don't work on a cancer unit. I like it when people die and are unconcious, and don't know in advance when they are dying. It's real nice that way. This is usually how the conversation goes with a dying person.

Pt: ' I will never be able to leave this hospital.'
Me: 'you wouldn't want to leave right now anyways, it's snowing.'

Yeah. I'm a genius. This dying lady however, is very different from all other dying people that I have seen before. She is hilarious. We pretty much have the same sense of humor so I spent most of the shift in her room with her laughing about stuff, such as the card. Then it took us 15 minutes to get her sitting at the edge of the bed comfortably to eat breakfast and as soon as she takes her first bite x-ray comes in because they needed a chest x-ray. She just looks at them and says,' good timing guys!!' Then we both just started laughing. I would try to titrate her levophed drip to control her blood pressure, and it kept drastically changing, like 60/40 - 120/80.. within 3 minutes. Then she'd look at me and just be like, 'don't worry about it, I'm an extremist!' It was an exceptionally good day, until about 1:30. Then her stupid ass jerk son called her on the phone. I was hanging her potassium drip so I got to listen in for a few minutes. He let her tell him what was going on for about 30 seconds. All she got to say was..'
'yeah.. the doctors told me I have less than 20 percent of my heart function left. '
Then she stopped and listened to her son say something, then she said, ' do you need money?'
Then she started clarifying something like, 'you didnt' get the 5,000 dollars when everyone got it, so you would be getting 20,000 instead of 15,000.'
then there was more silence.
'yeah, I can send you the money. It's not like I'll be able to use it for much longer.'

Horrible. I just wanted to take the phone from her and just be like, would you like anything else you @)*(!)#$&^!)@(#$*!@)*#$%&!*#@($@#)($%!. ooo i guess that last part is a website. What an asshole. His dying amazing hilariously funny nice one leg 80 pound mom is at the hospital and he wont' come visit her, or even let her talk to him and tell him what's going on and get some of her emotions out that she is dying. He just calls to make sure that he will get his money before she dies. Piece of shit asshole dickhead. I hope I see him walking across the road while I'm driving ayesha.She'd take him down. I wouldn't kill him, I'd just do enough to him to paralyze him so he has to lay in bed for years and get bed sores, and think about how much of a wang he is. I guess I don't really know who he is... I hope he wears a shirt that says in really large print.' my mom's name is ___ _____ and I am her asshole son. I want my money.' Maybe also some blinking lights. That'd be good for distance vision.
Well, love to write more, but I gotta go read about concsious sedation. I think I spelled that wrong.. but i'm too lazy to fix it. bye!

2008-03-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Today is shift #9 in a row. I guess I shouldn't complain. My sister is on call like every other day. Nothing that interesting happened yesterday. Diarrhea stream was still there. (weird.) Except he was getting supposedly confused. When I went into his room he was oriented and fine. I was like.. what are they talking about disoriented? Then I asked him.. did you get any visitors today? He told me his wife came (which she did...) and they went and sat outside to watch the golf tournament. Damn . You were so close JAmes. You had to say that last sentence. It's funny because whatever he watches on TV he thinks happened. Golf was on at the time. He also sleeps really poorly. I thought he was awake one time because he was moving his arm and his eyes were open... but he was sleeping. Creepy. The lights were all dim and it was like a weird horror movie watching his eyes flutter around and him makign all these grunty noises. I felt like I should start reading bible verses, you know, to exorcise the demon.
hmm... what else. Oh yes, I called JEsse's phone. I couldn't help it. I had to know if he was in jail or not. I went to the liquor store and bought some wine just for the occassion. He answered his phone. Damn. What a let down. Apparently I was right before, he really is just sitting in his mom's basement until he can pay the fines . When I mean, him pay the fines, I mean his mom or grandpa give him the money to pay the fines. Hilarious. Sad, but still hilarious. By the time she gets the money, if he would have just gone to jail, his stay would have probably been over halfway done. Oh well. There's still a chance he can go. The cops just have to find him. Nevermind. They probably are just looking around the office for him. I can just imagine it. 'Jesse...? Are you under this desk? (looking..) mmm.. nope. Guess I'll eat this sandwich. '

I'll find him myself when I go to duluth and turn his ass in. woop woop!

2008-03-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

what the hell. it's still not turning out right. damn graphs. no wonder I hated stats. I even made one on the graph thing on microsoft.. but it wouldnt' transfer as an image onto this page. STupid. wangs.

new graph

2008-03-22T23:02:00.001-07:00

the graph below did not turn out right.. I don't know why. I'll try again

TASK........................ NORMAL PERSON .....................BECKY's
turning a patient................. one........................................... 7
flushing a toilet.................... one................................... .......14
giving meds......................... one ..........................................39
Talking super slowly........ Annoyed................................... one

happy easter

2008-03-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

Summary of work today:
-disoriented lady with steam of same 9 questions. Where am I ? Who are you? In the hospital!?! etc...

Which is kind of funny becuase you explain it and 5 minutes later.... So.. who are you? And usually all the information is a surprise.. Again!! Sometimes I just make it up and say things like we're in a train station or some shit. Because 5 minutes later I can change it back to the hospital when she asks again. Pretty cool. AFter 6 hours of questioning I got a little sick of it, so I just gave her some risperdal. That did the trick. Good night dimented mcgee. I am basically a jerk. BAsically what went through my mind was this, ' mmm.... I don't really want to talk to her anymore. Guess I'll just give her this pill so she passes out. She's confused either way anyways.'
Kindness flows through my veins.
Then I had mississippi flowing poo butthole guy, and Urinal man.. AGAIN. BAck for the 3rd time in 2 months. Unreal. He took his temperature at home and it was 101.5 So he came to the hospital. (I guess nobody has ever heard of tylenol..) Then when he got to the hospital his temp was 99.0. With still.. no tylenol.. so they admitted him to tele. Makes total sense. I guess he does have a heart in his body that we can monitor.
Then it was me and the charge nurse, who is really nice, and most importantly.. competent.
There is another lady That I worked with. BEcky. I used to like the name becky.. now it is a terrible name. Every time I think of her I think of on forrest gump, when forrest's mom is talking to the principal, and the principal is showing her a graph of normal IQ's... and the principal says, 'the state requires a minimum IQ of 85 to attend public schools.. (shows the line of 85.) Now FOrrest, (aka becky..) is Riigght here. (Points below that line.)
It's like when you look into her eyes she isnt' thinking anything. She is just there. Alive. Every 5 seconds she comes and asks me a question about something. It's not like she's only been a nurse for ashort amount of time.... she's 56. That's like.. 30 years of nursing. I guess the only way to put it is everything about her is slow. EVERYTHINg. Even the speed of her talking. So basically, I took care of all her patients as well, because she couldnt' do anything. she spent 40 minutes in one room trying to hook up an iv pole. Not put the iv in... just put the tubing into the machine part.. So she came and found me and kept telling me in a ridiculously slow voice what was wrong with the pu mp.. and instead of listening to her finish her 5 minute long sentence I just walked down the hallway set up her pump and came back. 2 minutes later. Done. Then she made me walk her back and show her what I did. While we were in there she says, ' how many blondes does it take to start an IV pump?' And I wanted to say.. 'how many becky's does it take .. compared to a normal person.. to do aNY task?'

I'll make a graph to display this more easily.

TASK NORMAL PERSON BECKY's
turning a patient one 7

flushing a toilet one 14

giving meds one 39

Talking super slowly Annoyed one

The other girl working was, (excuse my language.) bitch float girl. She is always angry. ALWAYS. Probably every 5 seconds she is thinking.. 'this is the angriest i've ever been in my whole LIFE!' She never helps with anything. Someone could be on fire and she could be sitting next to a bucket of water and sand, but you know, reading a sentence. the person could just be 'um.., would you please help me?' She'd look up and be like. ' CHRIST! hold on.!!! 'Then finish her sentence, then like lotion her hands, fix her hair.. etc.. by that time the person is either dead or the fire is already out. For example. My dimented lady was falling out of bed and I asked if she could help me get her back in. She looked up at me all annoyed and even more angered that I had asked for her help, then she said, 'Well, I am writing something down right now. Hold on.'

Um... Okay. This job is going to take wwaaaayyy to many becky's.. so I'll just lift her up myself and put her back in bed. Sweet. Sorry back. I'll probably only be able to be a nurse for 5 years until my back gives. Oh well. I'll have to cry myself to sleep the day that comes. Hopefully I'll be something else by then. Good deal.
Happy easter all!!!

pbbbbbbbbbbb

2008-03-19T23:24:00.001-07:00

So apparently Jesse isn't in Jail yet. I only know this because he called my phone 4-6 times in the past day or two. damn. Cell phones aren't allowed in jail. He's probably running from the cops. when I say running, I mean hanging out in his mom's basement while she smokes pot. pbbbbbbb. what a downer.
Then today at work there was this guy with literally the mississippi flowing out of his ass. He made me give him some prune juice at 5pm. That was a poor choice. He had been off and on the commode for 3 or 4 hours. Which was not a small task. When you're 300 pounds and your legs are so filled with fluid that you can't stand on them.. but refuse to use a bedpan... or wear a brief, aka diaper. ..and have to get up to the commode. Pretty sure the charge nurse and I were trying to lift him up and it was like he was too lazy to hold his own weight. He kept telling us 'LIFT!! LIFT!!!' um.. listen up crazy, both of us togethor dont' weigh you... pretty sure you're on your own. We'll cushion your fall. Actually, your ginormous fluidy legs will cushion your fall. Anyways, to make a long story short, the night was pretty dead up until this guy decided to have some steadily flowing BM. I was playing some hang man with doug the charge nurse, when fluid legs needed to use the commode. We got him up there and while he was standing, (aka us holding him up..) He started going. This wasnt' like just a normal poo. It was greeny brown thickily thin drippings. I shouldn't say drippings, it was a stream. So we pulled him onto the commode and we were cleaning up the floor. Then we got him cleaned up, which also took forever because he could only stand for 7 seconds at a time. So basically it was like, stand, wipe, sit back down on commode. Repeat process 14 times. Then we got him into bed, and all situated. To make it worse the whole time he is complaining about us, telling us we are slow, and this is just 'ridiculous' and he is 'damned cold.' Listen up poop stream- I can only wipe up diarrhea so fast , so you're just going to have to chill the f out. As soon as we got him back into bed he puts his call light on. He is going . In bed. Doug was the one to go in and he came out to tell me the news. It was hilarious. He just said. ' Um... I think he'll need both of us for this...' Then I said, ' what happened?' and he said ' I don't know, I didn't lift up the covers.'
Never a good sign.
So we go into the room and Doug rolls him on his side and I'm wiping. After I finally get it all clean, (thighs-mid back diarrhea), and get all the sheets and junk rolled underneath him.. the faucet of poo turned back on. Except it was hilarious because all of a sudden a submarine shot out of his ass onto the bed.. a huge solid poo. HUge. Like the size of a large guinea pig... or a miniature dachshund. Then with some more liquid stool. As Doug said, ' it was like poop.. with gravy. Lots and lots of gravy.' So I cleaned him again, and rewrapped everything to keep the poo off his clean butt and then he coughed.. and more shot out all over. Then 20 minutes later... it was a rewind of the process... starting off with the commode again, and the leakage... and the re-leakage. then finally, at shift change, he was done. He said he hadn't pooped in about 2 days. I guess that prune juice really shoots it out of him. It was like a boat of large chunky poo taking the river of slime out of the colon. slime gravy. Interesting day.
I wish jesse was in jail. pbbbbbb..

also hilarious

2008-03-18T10:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1I_ozVln3w&feature=related

he's back...

2008-03-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a weird day. So many ups and downs. Lets just say it started off okay, then there was a huge highlight at 2:30, right before I went to work. Ever since I got this new phone I haven't really put any numbers into it. I have about 10 memorized from the people I usually talk to, and I put those in. Otherwsie, nobody is in there. So I got this phone call from a number I recognized but couldnt' really put my finger on. I answered it. Jesse Dowell. This was the amazing, no, wait, ridiculously hilarious phone call that ensued:

A: Hello..?J:

J: Hey Annie.

A: Oh. Hi.

J: (all shaky voice and crying sounding.) Umm..... I feel really bad talking to you about this. I don't even know what to say...

A: Well, you have about 10 minutes before I go to work to say it, just so you know. (yes, I am a bitch, but he is a ginormous asshole.)

J: Maybe I should call back later.

A: I probably won't answer my phone later, so if you have something to say, do it now.

J: I just figured since we were on good terms, I'd call you, because you're the only one I have left.

(Good terms!? ummm... ? hmm? I missed that one. Maybe Good terms means since we haven't talked in 7+ months. I've been pretty good since then. Also, I'm the only one left? Did you kill everyone else? Not that anyone would want to be friends with you because you steal and lie and are evil.. and have anti-social personality disorder.)

A: What are you talking about.

J: (More crying, etc, other shit.)

A: Um, Hello?

J: Okay, so, I have to pay these 'gay ass' fines or I have to go to jail for 60 days.

At this point in time I think I was so happy I was actually peeing my pants. I was in such a good mood nothing could have wrecked it. Someone could have just broke into my house and be like , 'Hey- I'm stealing your computer Again!." I'd be all... 'OKAY!!! :):):):):)"

A: I have an idea.

J: yeah?

A: Pay the fines!!!

J: Shut up. Please don't make a joke out of this, it's seriously going to happen. The cop said he's coming by my house to get me tomorrow at 3:00 if I don't have this payed by then.

Then he went through this ridiculously long soliloquy about how his mom has no money because she doesn't work. ( Although I wonder how she gets the money for pot. Disability perhaps?) He can't ask his grandpa because he's out of town on a ski trip, and he doubt that he would help him anyways because his grandpa doesn't like 'getting involved with the law.' All his roommates are gone for spring break. blah blah blah.

In conclusion, this is what he said after all of that,;

J: I just feel really stupid doing this, but I have no other option......

I knew what he was going to say.. I just couldn't believe he was actually saying it.

J: ..... could I borrow some money?

A: To pay your fines?

J:Yeah.

A: How the hell long have you had these fines and what are they for?

J: Just like, 'gas ass shit.'

A: Right.

J: No they're for like driving without a license, and some other stuff.

A: Um... pretty sure you didnt' have a license that was valid when we dated.... it's still not valid?

J: No no, it is now, these tickets are really old.

A: I'm sure they are. (I am also sure that you are lying)

J: no , they're really old . I told you.

A: So how much are these tickets?

J: Like, $350.

A: So, instead of spending money on drinking, because I know you have, and making your grandpa buy you a computer and fix your car, etc, why didn't you ask him for money for this stuff over the past year and a half? Or just pay it off yourself? Do you even have a job anymore?

J: Yeah... but I can't get enough hours

(This translates into, I never go. HE usually lasts aout 3 weeks at a job but never really shows up on time, or at all, andleaves no warning that he's not coming. STraight up genius.)

A: you do realize you still owe me $1500 dollars..... and you are asking for more money... saying you will pay me back. Should I just give you the $350 dollars so I won't be expecting anything later on?

J Annie I would totally pay you back in 2 weeks when I get my paycheck.

A: I'm sure you would.

J (All crying and sobbing.) I cant' go to jail.

A: Actually, you can, I think it's a pretty good deal. They pay for all your meals there, plus, you never have to pay the $ 350 dollars back. It's like staying in a motel 6 with a bunch of other homies for free.

J: This isn't funny. Do you know what I'm going through right now?

A: Yeah. Probably what you put me through about 500 times over. Sucks doesn't it?

J: Do you even know how sorry I am for what I did to you? I love you so much. (crying etc...)

At this point in time it's just getting ridiculous. I was actually trying not to laugh on the phone. My god, you've had these tickets for over a year and you ignore all of the warnings to pay them until they finally threaten you with jail, then you come crying (to me of all people.) that you don't want to go to jail for 60 days. Eat shit, dickhead.

A: Look Jesse, even talking to you on the phone is making my angry because it reminds me of everything you did. Then you call to ask me for more money....... Really? is this REally happening? I will actually be surprised if you go to jail, because somehow you get out of it. You actually truly deserve jail for about 60 years counting all the crap you did to me and other people. So I hope you enjoy your 60-day stay. f' off asshole.

What a great day. My ex-boyfriend is going to jail today!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

The happiness was a quick let-down at work though, because around 5:30 urinal 'lotion my balls' man was back. Damn. Damn damn damn. I work the next 7 days, which means he'll probably be there for at least 5-6 of them, maybe all 7. Usually if patients make it to the weekends, they stay the entire weekend because nobody cares to let them go. pbbbbbbbbbb. Guess my calves will get in better shape squatting for hours on end. damn.

I am an evil person

2008-03-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

To make a long story short, I never ended up going on that date. I never called that lady back, partly because I didn't get her message until 9:45... and she told me to call her at 9:30. What if she went to sleep in those 15 minutes? I guess also because I didn't want to call her back.. but whatever. So all I really knew at this point was that sometime between 5 and 8pm the next day this kid wanted to meet me somewhere and hang out in snowpants. I kind of figured that there would be 10 calls from Marnie the next day and that I would never be able to get out of it. I also thought that he would end up calling my phone at least once to tell me what the devil was going on. So I just went to bed.
Next day: Woke up. Hung out with the dog. Ran some errands with my mom. I checked my phone at 5.. even though I really, really, ridiculously didn't want to. But there was not message. Then I thought... maybe Marnie told him I was having second thoughts about going and he called it off. So I got really excited and just left my phone sitting in the living room on silent. (Where it had been all day.. and usually is on most days.) I went to go call the Air Force lady at 7:30 because she had emailed me that day and had a few questions she needed answered. So I go to the phone... 4 missed calls. Please be from Teresa. Please God... No. None of them were. MArnie's number and then a call from a Random number. So I started off the messages. This was the first one.
Friday March 14th at 5:05 pm: " Umm... Hey Annie.. This is Jason, you know, Marnie's brother-in-law. I'm just letting you know that I'm in the black car outside of kohl's. Okay. Bye"

Cool.. I'm just letting you know that I'm in the maroon car parked in my driveway. Okay. Bye!
That's the message I should have left him. Instead I felt a huge surge of guilt. Oh shit. Was I supposed to meet him at Kohls? (In my snowsuit?) Talk about a weird meeting place (and outfit.) At that point in time I thought it would be funny if I also called him back and told him to meet me at caribou at 7:30, and make sure he wears his spandex pants... because I've got a lot planned.
The next message/s were all from Marnie.
"Annie.. where are you? Jason is waiting for you."

"Annie.. I don't remember if I told you or not, you're supposed to meet him at kohl's.. 20 minutes ago."

"Hey annie, I don't know where you are, but as soon as you get this call me back,"

It's sad, but also funny to imagine him waiting in the car calling Marnie over and over again. 'Nope she's not here... call her again and make her come.'
I imagine him sittign in the car listening to ace of base twiddling his thumbs. MAybe not ace of base, they're too good. Probably something crappy like papa roach. That fits him much better. Especially in the parking lot of kohls.
The other funny thing about his, (at least I think it's funny, because I'm a jerk,) is that his voice is much higher than expected. I do not picture someone in a mills fleet farm hat with a serious face talking like an 11 year old. BUt hey, to each his own.

So anywho, I called marnie back and told her that I was sorry and must had misunderstood her messages. I didn't know there was an exact plan. All I knew is that I was to wear a snowsuit, (Which by the way, I don't even have.) I also thought that he would call, or she would call before hand to make sure I knew what was going on. (Because nobody ever told me face to face as the what the hizell was happening... only through messages.)
Then I called back Papa Roach. Message machine. Thank God. I told him I was sorry that I didn't meet him because I had no idea that I was even supposed to. I had the general idea of 'sometime that day.. maybe... possibly..' I did tell him, however, that I knew I was supposed to wear snowpants. So I apologize if he was waiting outside of Kohls for 20 minutes.
Then I had the phone ON for the next 45 minutes but neither of them called back so I went to take the dogs for a walk and got home around 9:30/10. Then there were mesasges from both.
MArnies just said that I should call him back and just tell him what happened and he'd be 'cool with it.' Okay, Check. did that.

Then it was his message. Which was this:

:HEy-ya, This is Jason- You know, whatever. Shit happens. I told MArnie to tell you to meet me here at 5:00... but yeah- I guess there was a miscommunication. So yeah, you know, shit happens. Just give me a call back when you get this and we can figure something else out. '

To say the least, I did not give him a call back when I got it. Shit happens. Why didn't he himself just call and say, 'HI. THIS IS JASON. MEET ME AT KOHLS AT 5. '
I guess that's impossible. Obviously he had my number if he called after 5:00 to tell me he was at kohls waiting for me. Oh well. I guess God just had to make some idiots, that way we could all feel better about ourselves.

I hope MArnie isn't working today. Even though I know she is. MAybe she decided to quit her job and become a stay at home mom. Or a secretary for Jason, being she was already doing that.
I guess from now until the time I join the airforce I will be picking up every weekend to work , or make plans months in advance as to what I'm doing on every weekend. Good plan. Awesome. See everybody later. Probably a lot later.

oh devil

2008-03-14T14:47:00.001-07:00

Last night I was eating dinner with the rents, and that lady from work called my phone. I had left a message on her phone that said in a really nice round about way that I didnt' want to go on the date anymore. So she called back and left me a message, (kind of angry dissapointing sounding..) " Hey annie, No, I think you should still go. He knows about your situation and is o-k with it. (Cool.. guess she must have talked to him about that too without telling me... ? ) "Anyways, it's kind of too late to cancel now. You are supposed to get all your snow stuff ready tonight and then you guys are going out to dinner then for some drinks. I'm at work right now but I get done at 9:30. Call me back then. "

WHAT!? What do you mean it's too late to cancel!? I have never even met him! It's a day before. Did he like reserve some place outside that we are going to walk on in our snowclothes on. Maybe he reserved a hill that we would sled on and it cost 20 dollars to reserve, and now that i'm not goign he can't get his money back. This is ridiculous. I told my parents and they were like... mmmm.... he's crazy. She is also crazy for not understanding that you don't want to go. They kept telling me that I dont' owe her an explanation.. and I shouldnt' have to call her back and say AGAIN that I don't want to go. I am really afraid she's going to be pissed at me. Oh devil. I also work most every day with this lady (she works evening shifts.) so now it's just going to awkward as all hell at work. . pbbbbbbb.
Really excited for Monday now. I haven't looked at my phone all day. There are probably 7 different messages on there... really angry evil messages that I am not meeting her brother in law who is 30-something that I don't know and who has never made an effort to call my phone to actually talk to me. I don't know what his deal is... he wrote a bunch of messages on myspace a couple months ago... then there was nothing. I feel the urge to go check my phone... but a stronger urge to flush my phone down the toilet. oh botha.

yay for blogging

2008-03-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well, thanks to the stealing bitches, I had to get a new computer. Which I have now, so I can blog anytime I please. Amazing. After they stole my computer and I was at home. (Brainerd home..) I would come home from work and be like... sweet..... what should I do? There are only so many times you can water a cactus and feed a fish. I still haven't boughten a plug/cable for my tv so I can, you know, turn it on and stuff. Whatever. The computer I got is like whitey/slivery. I think I'll name it .... whitey. Mm... maybe more like ... JAmes. that's a good name. He looks like a James. Maybe I'm just tired. Anywho, a whole lot has happened since I last blogged. There were so many times I came home from work and was all, man, I totally wish I could blog right now about what just happened. Now I don't remember what that was I could blog about.
I remember this one guy that I took care of at work was ridiculous. You know you're pathetic when you can't hold up your own urinal. I mean really. How hard is it? He could feed himself, but could not hold up his own urinal. AFter I held it I realized why. His was was tiny shminy. It was actually difficult trying to find it. Plus he was kind of overweight so I had to try to smash the urinal between his legs. Men's fat is funny. It's like when men get fat their fat is really hard, and women fat is really squishy. It's too bad it's not the other way around, that way getting the urinal under this guy wouldn't have been such a challenge.
One time I came into the room. (I came in about every 15 minutes to hold his urinal because had a UTI and apparently needed to pee 3 tablespoons every 10-20 minutes.) Oh sorry, UTI is urinary tract infection. I came in and would try to spread his legs which wouldn't spread, then just try to wedge the urinal into place... which was incredibly difficult because I really couldn't even tell his balls from the wang. It was like his wang retracted into his body and hid. I would get kind of excited that I found it.. but then it would just be his balls. Maybe his was retracted into teh balls part. That would make sense, because usually old man balls are ginormous, and the wangs are almost inexistant. Then he would keep asking.. 'did you find it yet?' How embarassing. For both of us. Then I would be like.. I think I found it, but you're sitting on it. Then he would have to try to lift up his body weight so I could pull the wang out from underneath him. When I finally would get it in place it took him 5-10 minutes to actually start peeing. (you can imagine how much time I spent in his room...) He would be like... maybe if I sit on the edge of the bed I could go then. So I would help him get to the edge of the bed, which also took a considerable amount of time. Then I had to start all over again finding the wang. Then that wouldn't work, and he would have to try to stand to pee. (which he was also NOT good at.) So My legs would start shaking from having to squat so long in an uncomfortable position. Then to make it worse, the guy would just start burping in my face. Continuous burping. I could feel the air from his mouth blowing onto my face. Warm, moist stinkage. So I would try not to breathe right after he burped. But the burps were so thick. It's like they just hung in the air and then he added to the smell every time. Then after he burped 40 times he would be like. 'I think it's coming now.' SWEET. A WESome. I'm super excited for when you finally can pee 3 tablespoons. When he finally peed the pee would just kind of dribble all over the place.
That day stunk. Then the highlight of the day was when he said, 'could you put some lotion on my balls?'
Um. Yeah. I would love to. At least I can find those. Good God. I guess I can understand why his balls would be sore if he continuously was dribbling piss all over them. Too bad. However, I did lotion them up real good.. He even told me I did a good job. I was all like, thanks, I really pride myself in the good job I can do slathering someone's balls with lotion.

So besides that, the lady at work keeps bothering me to date her brother in law. It's even worse now, because he doesn't try to talk to me. She does. She called my phone 7 times in the past 4 days saying, ' Hey annie! You shoudl call me back so I can tell you when and where you're meeting Jason on Friday.'
Right. Before I left on Monday to come home/get a bunch of Air Force stuff done in teh cities and grand forks, she told me that I was supposed to go on a date with him on friday at some place that I had never heard of. Five of my co-workers were standing there looking at me like, 'what the hell is she talking about?' I really didn't know what do say so I just said, um.. okay. I'll see if that works. Then she kept talking but I couldn't really actually listen to anything she was saying because in my mind I was pretending like it wasn't happening. So anywho, while I was gone getting my air-force stuff done she has left all sorts of messages on my phone. They start off nice.. then they get impatient sounding. The last one was something like, ' Hey annie- You really need to call me back so I can tell you what you and Jason are going to do. I hope you're at work today so I can talk to you, because I can't seem to get a hold of you. '

Um.. wtf? If this crazy face 30 year old wants to date me.. why doesn't he call me and say, 'HI. Where do you want to go hang out?' Or you know.. just call my phone. It's like me telling my mom to call a guy that I've never met and leaving him messages like, ' HEy! Annie's really excited to meeet you. she planned something and you need to call me back so I can give you the details.!' Really, really, really, REALLY pathetic. If he didn't sound like a real winner before, he sure does now. I'm going to have to make a shirt for him when I see him next that says, ' Here comes a winner!' or, 'Shield your eyes, or be blinded by my beauty.' Either would be good. I actually don't know really what he looks like because oh, THAT's right.. I have never met him. Awkward. REally awkward. Apparently, our date is tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do. I called marnie back, (crazy work lady.) and left a message on her phone saying that I accidentally left my phone in my car while I was gone and I had just got all her messages now.... and also that maybe it wasn't a good idea because I would be leaving for the air force and I dont' really want to get involved with anyone. Hopefully that will work. But I know it wont. I know she will call back and say,' it's okay, you guys can just hang out as friends.'
No marnie, we can't be friends becaues obviously there is a communication problem. I guess we can be friends through you. I 'll just call you and ask you tell Jason hi from me, and ask him how he is, and you know, every other detail about his life. Then tell him to call you back for me. Thanks, really appreciate it.
Damn. Damn damn damn damn. poopy. Iwould rather get burped on and hold urinals and put catheters in smelly ladies than date him. Boooooo. Boo to dating crazy chicken bringing guy. Somebody call me and tell me what to do. Okay. cool bye!

Vacation... FROM HELL

2008-02-21T18:12:00.001-08:00

Most people go on vacation to have fun. Apparently, I go on vacation to get as stressed as possible. As most of you know, I went to the Cayman Islands with my sister and my mom. All was going fine and good until we left for the vacation. Since I had the flu the past couple days I had a really acidic stomach. Being I live in a family of doctors my mom hands me a protonix. Here, take this. Okay, good plan. Then I ate some yogurt. About 15 minutes later I was having some problems breathing and my eyelids were all swollen. Kind of like quasimodo. Aka, Hot. But after some benadryl and allegra D and inhalers, I was doing okay. Besides the skin rash and the quasimodo eyes. Everyone in the airport was all looking at me like, 'meth addict.' Then my sister took a picture to savor the moment.
While on the plane I was a ridiculously Gassy mcgee. Where did I sit? Oh, you know, the middle seat. The farts weren't really smelly, but I was so bloated it was like I was prego. Prego with gas. Ass.
Then we got to houston tx, where we had to wait about 5 hours until our next plane. We spent most of our time looking for a way out of the airport. It's like a maze in that a irport. IT's like once you get in, you can never get out. Once we found an exit, after being directed by 4 different people, we went outside. Which we thought would be refreshing and sunny, and it was actually just a parking ramp with smoking people. So we went back inside through all of security again.
When we got to the cayman islands it was all warm and amazing. We got there around 6:30 pm, so didn't have much time to do anything except get our car and go to the condo we were staying at.
So we got our car and when we opened the door we realized the steering wheel was on the other side. All of the driving was backwards. It was like being in England. My sister was the one driving so I just laughed and took a picture of her trying not to kill us. Pretty cool.
Well we got to the hotel, and basically just went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and stepped on that headband. AGAIN. You think I would have thrown it away in anger. BUt no, I kept it, only to step on it AGAIN, and puncture my foot. AGain. Wangs.
This is taking too long to write and I am sick and want to go to bed. SO here is the quick quick version of the rest of the vacation.

-met this guy snorkeling who was a scuba diving instructor. He asked me on a date. Mom thought it would be a good idea to date him. So I did. Went scuba diving. Was fun. Got back. Went to dinner, then danced. Except he kept saying we'll get a ride home at midnight... which turned out to keep getting later and later and later because everyone who is in the caribbean is all like... '' pfffffff.... we'll get it done when it gets done.. no worries.' So I didn't get home til 2:30. Sarah + Mom = pissed at me for good reason. Then at 3:30 that same night we got robbed. Purses, gone. My laptop gone. Sister's digital camera with most of our pictures, gone. And most importantly, my mom 's passport, gone. From then on vacation turned into vacation hell. The whole day was spent in different government offices, getting passport pictures, going to the airport, etc.
I also have to mention that losing your passport in the caribbean sucks because once again, everyone is like, 'you will be fine. You will just have to stay here another 5 days in the nice warm sunshine until the emergency passport is ready.' Well, Listen up assholes. F that idea. We don't want to stay on the stealing mcgee island. We don't want to be here another 5 days, and spend another 2,000 on a hotel to stay here. We want to go home. Straight up.
Turns out after we rushed around and made ourselves sick to get this emergency passport made, we didn't even need to get it. We just needed pictures of my mom's drivers license, birth certificate, and her old passport numer (stolen one) to get back into the US. That would have been nice to know. STupid cayman's.
Anyways, more happened after that. I have pneumonia now, and I will write abou t it later when I'm not a sick coughy snotty scratchy voice tired face.

vacation!!!!!

2008-02-09T08:59:00.000-08:00

TOday at 4am I leave with my mum and sister to go to the cayman islands!! YAY!!!! not here!!! yay!!!
I'm pretty excited for it. I had the flu for the past 5 days. Which was a pretty awesome time to be sick when it's your b-day. Ohh well.. THen while I was sick I was running to the BR to forcefully vomit, when I stepped on one of my headbands. THe headbands that are like the combs. SO, that impaled itself into my heel. I didn't realize I had stepped on anything and I heard a funny noise. Then I realized. Oh shit, I just punctured my headband/comb into my foot. IDiot. Then I was hobbling to the bathroom to throw up after that. Today I woke up with a really swollen eye. I looked in the mirror and thought I saw quazimodo on the other side. Hilarious. Then I hunched my back and walked up to my mom and was all, 'Master!' She didn't think it was that funny. She just said, 'what's wrong with your eye?' I thought it was funny. Well. I'm going to go workout for the first time in like 6 days. I can't remember the last time I took a 6 day work-out break. pretty cool. That's all. Nothin new. Leaving in 16 hours. HOlllllaaaa

STILL CREEPY

2008-01-31T23:32:00.000-08:00

"now thats sounds exciting, warm weather.. so jealious>>>:) i just got done with work, long day/night..im thinking i got 65 hrs this week.. arrr.. so your getting a dog, cool. what kind of dog are you getting? im kinda excited to go on our date, i never been on a date for awhile, i miss getting out and meeting new people. well i pose i will talk to you later. have fun on your trip... "

In case nobody noticed the last 3 blogs, .... this creepy 30-some year old guy just sent me this message. hmm..... There are a few things that are pretty disturbing about this.
1.) No grammar skills. I can see a few typing misakes, but I really have a pet peeve of people using the wrong you're/your 's. It's a pretty simple concept.
You're Is a contraction, meaning you are. For example you would write, I see that you're losing weight.' Meaning, you are losing weight.
Your Means it belongs to you. Like Is that your dog?
FOr some reason, 30 percent of the people on the planet just don't get it. In summary, if you want me to not like you, screw up the you're/your in a sentence.

2.) We are going on a date? I have never spoken to you before... I wrote you one message that said this:
Sorry... don't check this very often. How are you?
In 30 year-old man language that must mean. I'm super excited to date you!!!!

If I remember correctly, my co-worker just told you that you should meet me. Too bad I didn't get much input. poop stains.

3.) Are you a pirate? ARRR matee. I can just see you at your job with an eye patch and shit. ARrr... where's me meeting?

4.) The lady I work with basically gives this guy the 'down low' on what is happening in my life. So I hate it when she asks me questions about stuff while we're at work... because I know she will then tell him and he will then tell me the random facts he knows about my life.
Like this: HEY! I worked a whole lot today.
I hear you're 5'7 and have a love for oatmeal.
Today was pretty good. I went rollerskating.
Heard you're getting a dog. What kind of dog are you getting?

I should start telling her some non-true facts about myself. Like how much I love love love going deep sea... angling .. for marine fish. ALso, how I had a third nipple removed, the 'thurple' my last boyfriend called it. Or that I am a really good painter.. or.. I guess anything. That way it would be more fun reading the messages he sends.
Hey annie, how are you? Do you have a big scar from your surgery?

5.) I cant' tell if he's a pirate, or from the deep south. 'I never been on a date in a while.'
Just try saying that a couple times with a bubba gump shrimp accent.

6.) The only picture I have seen of him. (yes that's correct, I never actually have met him.), The only picture I have seen is with him wearing a hat from .. mm.. probably mills fleet farm. While he's trying to act like a gangsta. Super attractive.

Let me just re-write/translate the message as to what it really is.

Umm.. hey there shortee. I'm just chillin here in me mills fleet farm hat drinkin me rum. Wanna ride in the 'lac? Excited for your trip? And gettin yur dawg?I worked lots today, me other job is a shrimpin boat cap'n. We eat shrimp soup, shrimp gumbo, shrimp salad... Heard you went shoppin today are kohls, how are the new plates working out? I don't have any friends. I'm really super excited to date you for that reason. That reason, and the reason that nobody wants to date me because I bring them bags o' chickens. Also because I feel like I'm robbing the cradle. And bein a pimp. ;) ___((((( <<<,,,,,<<<< Shit, my eyepatch just fell off. Just incase you forgot, I know you're getting a dog. Where should we go out to eat on our date? I am desperate. Please talk to me. How many days is you're vacation? Hopefully not to many. Because our date is comign up. Oh, I gtg, my friend's's here and we're gonna watch two girls, one cup.
dreaming of ya-- J man

I hope the plane crashes on the way back from the islands.

Every day is weird when you're a nurse

2008-01-26T10:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work .. was very busy to say the least. It wouldn't be so bad but the charge nurse was Donna. Donna is a spaz. A very large spaz. Basically anything that happens, she makes it seem like the world is coming to and end, and there is lava dripping down from the ceiling or a couple tigers close by. WHen all that's really happening is two call lig hts are on... at the Same time!!

Anyways, yesterday was busy. I didn't even get to start charting until 11:15, so I didnt' leave the hospital until 1:30. Oh well. At least I get 2.5 hours overtime if I include no dinner break. woop woop.

I also eat the hospital's food. Not from the cafeteria. Like the graham crackers that are for the patients, and the pudding that I ate... those are all for patients. But at least half the people I work with eat them too, so I guess I really don't feel bad at all.

Around 4:00 this admit came in from the clinic. SHe was there for fluid overload/CHF junk. I think 1/2 the people are. So I got her IV in, and all her admit forms done.... but then.. there was the catheter. I saved it for last mostly because I really wasn't looking forward to it, because she was pretty overweight. I'd say a deuce and a half.. to be exact, 287.4lb. She also had stated that she hates getting them in because she's so sore down there. I asked her if she gets help cleaning down there at the nursing home and she said she does it herself.

Uh oh. No good. Uh oh. that is never a good thing. USually people get a pretty poor job of getting cleaned up at nursing homes, but when they do it themselves... (piss poor job.) when they can hardly move and are in a wheelchair. I don't even really know if she could reach, but I didnt' ask. Anywho, I got the catheter stuff ready. While I was doing so, another nurse came in to help me spread legs, etc. Then the patient is all like, yeah, this girl's been having trouble, it took her a while to find my vein.

Um, whatever bitch, it took 3 seconds. I put the tourniquet on and then put the IV in. I would say a maximum of 35 seconds. But I did look at both of her hands first to try to find a good one.

If it isn't apparent, I get mad when people get mad at me for only helping them. Like when I have 6 patients, (about 2 too many..) like I did yesterday, and one guy that I h adn't been in his room for about and hour and a half was like. Where the hell have you been? Sleeping? I need another blanket for my feet! (this was also a guy who was only there because he needed his INR to go up.. he could walk around, do whatever. could haev easily gotten the blanket himself...)

RIght. Yeah, I just decided to go into room 12 down there, the only room without a patient and take a little snooze. I am pretty tired.... BUt hey, here's your blanket. Asshole. I can see it was a very pressing need.

Back to the catheter story, we asked her to try to spread her legs, which she must have thought was a joke, because she couldn't spred them past shoulder width. so basically, I could see her thighs pretty well. Awesome. SO we were pulling her legs apart, which proved exceedingly difficult. It was like her legs were only used to being in one position, and when you pulled them away from that position they sprang back. When we could spread her far enough to actually see the giner, then came the hard part. She would not let me open up her labias. I could not touch them because apparently they were ridiculously sore. THey looked pink on the inside... but doesn't everybody's? She did smell very bad though. Very very very bad. Like the fungus smell. So basically I tried to put her catheter in blindly because when I tried to see what I was doing she would scream and shut her legs togethor, with me on the inner half of them. So I decided to blindly put it in while her legs were spread. I couldn't really do that either because een the tiny lubed up plastic catheter touching her giner was apparently too much to handle, because she would scream again and smash her legs togethor. (If she had that much strength.. I really don' tunderstand how she didnt' walk...) Anyways, after 10 minutes of havign my face in fairly close range of one of the worst fungus fish smelling giner's in the world I was kind of running out of ideas... and time. Being there were 5 other people that also needed crap done. So I juststuck my finger up her giner. Then there's only one hole that the catheter could possibly go in. I then pushed the catheter up until pee started coming out. Success. A disgusting success. I didn't know I was going to stick my fingers up an old lady's gina that day. Nursing is just full of surprises.
The smell was awful. After we opened up her door it seeped out into the hallway, then every time you were 30 feet outside of her room you could smell what was coming.
I tried to wash her up down there... wasn't a huge success being she wouldn't let me do very much. But there is only a few thing's that gross me out. Fungus giners and pus in the pee. That's about it. She I think, had both. Or at least some sort of white-yellow stuff growing around her .. area.

In summary, I'm really excited to go back to work in an hour . awesome.

Real bad day.

2008-01-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a real bad day.
I woke up at the usual time, which is you know, whenever. Then I went to go work out. So far, so good. Then I locked my keys in my car, with all the spares inside.
At least it was only 20 dollars to get the door open. In duluth, it's 37$.
By that time I didnt' feel like working out, so I ate food instead. I was going to make some toast. I had exactly one piece of bread left, but I burned it in the toaster.
poop stain.
THen, I went to go tanning. I don't really go tanning, but everybody at work said I should most definitely go.. being I probably wouldnt' be able to walk outside for more than 15 minutes without getting burned when I go on vacation. So I took their advice. I went tanning on the lowest grade possible, for 6 minutes. Then I came home and showered and went to work.
When I got to work I was all.. gosh, my face feels really hot. Then I looked in the mirror. (you think I would have done this before going to work. I guess my appearance doesn't matter too much.? ) Anyways, it was real red. None of the rest of my body had even appeared to have gone tanning. No pinkness, except my pink face. With nicely outlined eye protector thingies. Good look for me that day.
Then all my patients would look at me reallly funny when I came into their room. Then I would have to explain that I went tanning. For 6 m inutes. Pathetic.
Then we got 7 admits at work. 7. super ass shit pile. Especially when you already have 4 patients. It would have been fine if they were normal patients. And could, you know, take care of themselves. But they weren't. I spent 45 minutes in one guys room looking for a 'spider.' that apparently moved so fast I could never catch it. I had to look through 6 of his bags, and the garbage, which was had his old diapers in it. I had to go into his room several thousand times looking for this 'spider.' Luckily, also, on day shift, there was a nurse that had all of the patients I had for e vening shift. Luckily, she didnt' know how to do anything. With anything.
She gave one guy his lantus that was scheduled for 7am at 2:45. Maybe she can't read. That would be a good possibility. She also did nothing to the guy who had a 'spider' in his room somewhere. Including the blood draws she was supposed to do. So I had to do them all for her when I came on to shift. Then change his central line dressing, and heparinize all of them. In that amount of time 2 different admits came to the floor, and I was supposed to do both of them. Which takes about 40 minutes per person. Hope nobody dies while I'm in here doing the work that the day shift labor lady didnt' do. Why do they have ob nurses float to telemetry? We dont' float there...... crazies.
Then this lady that I was admitting. ( She was only 36, and had about 50 billion problems. ) Mostly because this is what she does for her life
Sits at home and eats all day while watchign TV and letting her type two diabetes that she 'doesnt' know about' get out of control. She is on disability, for what I dont' know. Maybe lazyness. Then she acts really helpless and is like, I'm going to need help wiping myself in the bathroom because I can't reach.
At this point in time I don't even want to think about what's growing down there. Then she started complaining the she was goign to leave to go smoke. Which I explained she could not do. Then she started swearing at me and yelling at me for keepign her 'trapped in here.' I told her she could leave against medical advice, but that might be a bad idea if she's having these chest pains. Which I'm sure were real.... super painful. She sits there in bed saying her pain is a 9/10. Which most people would think is unbearable. Except she's just sitting there talking on the phone about one of her drunk friends while eating chips. (she had these in her purse.)
In case anyone is wondering, she is the reason that I am republican. It really pisses me off that I am paying for her .. everything I guess, which she chooses to use her disability and welfare to live at home and do nothing to help other people. Then she comes to the hospital because she doesn't to shit to take care of herself, and I have to pay for all of the pointless tests we do to her, the morphine we give her, basically the 70,000 dollars it costs to keep her in the hospital for 4 days feeding her morphine for her 'unbearable 10/10 chest pain. Even though all of her tests come back negative, and her cardiac enzymes are negative, and she is in sinus rhythym, echo's are negative, chest x-rays are negative. you know, Her pain never changes. She later asked if she could have a foley to go to the bathroom because she was 'too weak.' The charge nurse later came in and talked to her that foley's were for people who were unable to get up, or that it would be dangerous for them to do so. She replied with, 'nobody can make me get out of this bed.'

Awesome. Then she asked for some coffee, Which I brought her, But apparently it was too hot and she spit it all over me. bizzatch. Except you cant' get mad at her, you know, lawsuits and shit. So, you just say, oh I'm sorry. I didnt' think it was that hot. MEanwhile, crazy 'ithink there's a spider in my room' is constantly putting his light on.
So it's 8:30 and I go to grab an orange from my purse cause i havent' had dinner yet. But as soon as i sit down to chart for 5 minutes and eat my orange crazy puts his lights on.
I come back and there's another admit. So I do that one, and I come back and the float nurse was in the process of eating my orange.
This is the evil float nurse. The one that always looks likee she's pissed off. Mostly because she always is. She has done nothign all night. When one of her patients lights goes off she just stays in the chair and looks at the computer and just pretends like nothing is happening. So I have to do it for her. She is evil. An Evil orange eating devil face ass dick.
I wasn't even coming back to sit down. I was coming back because I had to get zofran out of teh pyxis because the admit lady felt nauseated. So I just watched her eat my orange as I ran around to different rooms. Mraw. :(
So I left at 12:45, which is an hour and 15 minutes later than I should have. Which I probably won't get payed for, because st joe's payroll is a dick. So I get home and I'm real hungry but all I have is an eggo waffle... and some mushrooms. So I decided to eat the waffle. I put it in the toaster and reach for the syrrup when I realize the bottom of the syrrup is wet.. and slippery. I stand on a chair to look at the rest of teh cupboard. (this is the very rop cupboard that you can't really see...) and the vegetable oil that I used to make this lady's birthday cake with had leaked all over the cupboard.
How the hell do you clean an oil spill? Call the EPA. ? Anyways, I decided to just kind of slide it into a cardboard box I found in the recycling bag. So I'm trying to slide all this oil into the cardboard box. It's quite a lot of oil.. I remember tightening the oil cap before I put it up there. Thinking that I would be preventing anythign from happning. Wrong. Then the cardboard breaks out on the bottom and the oil goes all over the stove into all of the burner compartments, and on the eggo w affle.
I didnt' even know what to do. I just stood there and looked at everything. Then I ate the waffle. I tried to brush some of the oil off with a paper towel. Whatever. Eat shit oil . So then an hour later when I finished cleaning up that mess. Which is really hard. You use a rag and a towel and it just soaks up the oil. You can't really wash the oil out of the towel. ( tried about 10 times before I just decided to throw the towels and rags away. )
Then I just wanted to go to bed even though I was still hungry. Except the people above me were having a party and I had to listen to the drunk girls scream and the bass pounding through the floor. The stopped around 3 though. So it wasn't so bad.

Today however was much better. Iwent to lunch with michelle. Got some coffee. then I got coffee again at a different place. Then I called this air force lady and she told me a bunch of good things. Then I called my mom and talked to her about the puppies.. Always good. Then I went tanning for 6 minutes and didn't get burned at all. Then I worked out for an hour, and went to this kickboxing class that was really fun. Then I went to the grocery store and bought some more tea because all of mine had been soaked in oil. Then while I was getting the tea I saw that m yfavorite low sugar apple c innamon oatmeal was on sale 5 for $10. (Which is a savings of 6.79 if anyone is concerned.) Then I went to target and I got this really warm blanket that is brown on clearance, and ALSO grumpy/grumpier old men dvd combo for only 6.50. Amazing. Then I went to starbucks and read a book about nutrition food stuff. ( very interesting..) Now I am at home watching grumpier old men and eating apple cinnamon oatmeal. Very very good day. amazing in fact. Couldnt' ask for anythign better really. Thanks God. I owe ya.

That's all.

still creeped out

2008-01-19T11:14:00.000-08:00

I decided to check my myspace page the other day. Which I usually do about once every week or two. Creepy face mcgee 33 year old had apparently asked to be my friend, and had messaged me. 5 times. ..
Umm...
You think that you would wait until the other person messaged back instead of just keep messaging more and more. The messages went something like this:

Hey Annie..... This is Jason...... Just dropping you a line....

That was the first one. Interesting. That would have been okay... but then it followed by these 4 messages. (some even on the same day)

2,) MArnie said you were going on vacation? Where are you going? Anywhere interesting?

3.) How's being a nurse? Do you like being a nurse? I could never do that job.. too much blood and guts.

4.) Hey, if you don't like myspace very much you can email me, (puts his email address out there.) I check that a couple times a day, so I should be able to get back to you pretty quick.

5.) I was just wondering what kind of food you liked. I'm a big fan of olive garden myself. Marnie said you said you eat mostly anything.

um... WEIRD.
This was my response to all of the messages.
Hi. SOrry. Don't check this too often. Hows life?

I wanted to say how's being a creeper? but I didn't. I should have. I bet before I die I'll wish I would have said that. It doesn't really creep me out so much that he just said hi. I would have just said hi back. But it's like him and marnie (my co worker) must just text back and forth about me all day long. Every time I work with her she asks me questions, and I know she is asking me so she can tell jason. It's weird. Maybe I should move now. To alaska. Or Africa. That would be nice and warm. I could reply with ,
'yeah! i'm going on vacation! I'm super excited. I'm going to africa for the next few months!' Actually, when I said months, I meant years. Then I am going into my arranged marriage. See ya later!'

That's the bad thing. I can't lie and say I'm moving or dead, because I work with Marnie. She will see me at work and be all, 'you're not dead. Liar!!'

Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of this. Probably. It's just that I get a sick feeling like I'm going to throw up when I think about it, otherwise its' fine. I guess if we go on a date I'll have to bring a bunch of tums and zofran to keep the nausea at bay. I also need to gain about 40 pounds or lose 40 pounds to make myself extremely un-attractive. I don't know which is grosser, anorexic skinny or ginormous. But ginormous is much easier to achieve, so I'll go with that.
poop. ass. skid mark poopy underwear.
I am nervous .

meh

2008-01-11T22:24:00.001-08:00

I don't know why I'm writing this now. nothing really happened that I can write about. I was going to add to the list below. Especially adding on to the one about the paid cop to come in and arrest you...
AFter talking to Naylon and deciding we are going to write a book togethor called, 'How to meet a winner... or become one.' We decided that the cop meeting should go something more like this:

Cop: Are you annie wyman?
me- Yes..
cop: I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you.
Me: For such a fine piece of ass!? (me nodding to creeper date and pointing to ass)
Cop: Umm.... no... actually, it's about that dead 6 year old we found in the trunk of your car....
Me : (still looking at date while being pulled away) whisper: fine ass!!!!!

That would be much better. Also more awkward, which is key. It would also be more awkward to let more than one guinea pig out in the restaurant. Or better yet, buy 2 gerbils and wait until they have sex. (should be approximately 7 minutes..) Then wait until the girl gerbil starts birthing her children gerbils and put her and them in your purse and show him the small little ratlets . That would also be creepy. There's nothing weirder than a pile of freshly born gerbil's in your purse to scare away your date.... ? It's probably weirder though, MUch weirder, that I am even thinking of this.

I don't really have anything else to add because nothing happened. I signed up to take some online classes at scsu so I can try to take the m-cat and apply for medschool.
Nothing much happened at work. It was real busy. This one old 90 year old lady was really cute, and she kept trying to get up and walk to the bathroom, but every time she stood up the urine would just leak out of her. Then she'd just look up at me and say. 'uh oh..' It was so funny. I love it when patients have the same personality as me and we can make fun of eachother. Then I can say things like, 'you HAD to pee on the floor didn't you.' Then she'll be all, 'yeah, and I wanna see you get on your hands and knees and clean it!' Then we're all, Bye sunshine! Thanks for your help angel! She always calls me angel because I think she's too dimented to remember my name. Which is fine with me. Then when anyone else walks in She'll be all, ' this girl is an angel!' Then the other person is like, 'cool' I don't really know what they say. It's usually something dumb, like, 'I've never met an angel!' Creative. Really creative girl from lab. I see you're just here to draw blood. Better do that so we don't have to listen to your crappy conversation.
I have also noticed that the lab people always come in at a very bad time. Like when someone's IV is hemmorhaging all over the bed, or they have just explosive diarrhea'd all over, or in this case, dribbled pee all over their floor. I don't think they seem to care what you are in the middle of. The patient's arm could be dangling off on one side and they'd just be all. 'Looks like I'll have to draw the blood from your other arm' then just draw their blood and say some plain jane comment about something dumb and leave.
I guess something did happen that was funny when I think about it. This lady I had was throwing up and she put on her call light. I just walked into her room and saw her throwing up in the little pink spit thing and said, 'be right back.' Then I walked out.
I was leaving to get her some iv zofran for the nausea, but I just didnt' feel like explaining it to her. And she looked pretty busy anyways. I guess if anyone else was in the room at the time they would have been like... what the hell just happened?

oh my gosh! The MOST important thing ever!!! I am going to go look at puppies by the cities on tuesday!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet jesus!

awkward things

2008-01-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Shit. That's all I have to say about today. Shit. Shit shit double shit. However, I did get a new phone, which was nice, being my other one was three years old and broken in half. But dont' let that good news fool you..
So, After I got my little pink phone, I was sitting and reading a book minding my own business. Then my phone rang. Instead of letting the message machine get it, which is what i SHOULD have done, I answered it. It was the ward clerk from the hospital. However, she had nothing to say about work. She was at work yesterday, as was I, and she thought it would be cool if I met her brother in law. 'Sure, whatever.' Is what I said. Thinking you know, nothing would ever happen. Poor choice. She calls my phone.. while he is sitting next to her. Her just calling would have been weird enough. Especially because she's 38, and the reason she was calling me is because she couldnt' find me on myspace. Is this happening? Are you serious?
'Yeah, we wanted to find you on myspace, that way you would know what Jason looks like.'

-Umm.... yeah.. Who's jason?
'He's my brother in law, remember? I told you about him? '
-Oh yes. Him.

At this point all I could remember were these things
1. he's 33.
2. He brought this girl a bag of chickens. Not edible chickens.. stuffed chickens.
3. Marney, (this lady I work withs' name) asked me 'If I liked the huskier build.'

Okay. These are not attractive things. People take note of this. But what the hell are you supposed to do when you are on the phone with the person at the time, and they ask if you want to go out to dinner with them? I wanted to Say, actually, I think meeting your brother in law would be a very poor choice, and he sounds extremely un-attractive, and right now, I think I might throw up. Right here on my living room floor. It's sliding up my throat. Excuse me..

that probably wouldnt' work.

Second of all, since when is this 3rd grade? If someone wants to date you, THEY ask you. They dont' go up to one of their friends and say, hey, you should call up this girl and ask her out for me.'

That also goes onto the list of things that are NOT attractive.
Not so much. Instead I think I said something like, ' ... okay...! ... .. cool...! '

The rest of the conversation was a blur. All I remember is she kept asking me when I had off, because he would drive up from st cloud. Otherwise, Since i'm from st cloud, when I go home for the month I could meet him somewhere. Thank god I was working all of the rest of the weekends this month. I also only had 4 actual days to work with. Most mondays and tuesdays. Thank god I was crazy and picked up a billion shifts.
Hopefully, My life will go like this: work every day until february 8th. See emily naylon. Go on vacation. Die. That would be optimal. Or get engaged to someone else in that amount of time. I supposed I could pay someone to pretend that they are interested in dating me? ..? Right. If anybody knows anybody you know.. NORMAL, or just not more than a decade older than me, I'd be glad to take them up on it.

After I talked to her and hung up the phone, I felt like I was going to throw up. So I called naylon. 'Naylon, what do I do if I'm supposed to date a 33 year old guy who gives girls bags of stuffed chickens?' -laughing.
After a thorough conversation I realized the best thing to do is just to go on the date and make it as awkward and horrible as possible. For him, that is. This may sound bitchy, but actually, it's much nicer than the other choices. (Which are, if you are interested in knowing, )
-tellign the girl that I changed my mind and it's just not going to work out. Doing this will result in him thinking, 'my god, she didn't even want to MEET me' Plus, it will be really awkward at work because the girl will not like me because I wouldnt' date her brother in law.
-Going on the date and acting normal. Then when/if he asks to go on a second date, I will have to say no, and that will also make him feel like shit.
-dying.

These three are obviously not the best choices. After he meets me he's going to wish the last 3 hours of his life hadn't happened. Or, the date will end, and we'll both go our seperate ways, and he will laugh. A lot. and be able to tell his friends, ( granted he has any) about the weird crazy disgusting girl he went on a blind date with.

So, below, you will find a list of ideas of things to say and or do to either disgust, scare, weird-out, creep-out, (etc.) they guy.
(Just imagine you're sitting eating dinner, watching a movie, etc..)

Sweet Jesus List

1. If you have to fart, make it as obvious as possible. If it makes a noise, all the better. You don't even necessarily have to actually fart. It could just as well be a silent fart. Anyways, just kind of look into your pants, make a concerned face, and them excuse yourself to the bathroom.

2. Talk about how easy childbirth is going to be, ( for his kids.) because of your wide set vagina. (thank you mean girls.)

3. Anything about periods. Just make it in incredible detail. 'First it starts out kind of brown-ish, then goes to all of these chunks, kind of like jello with fruit in it..' I don't think anyone's period is like that, but it really does sound gross.

4. Talk about how hard it is to find the right clothes to hide the psoriasis outbreaks.

5. After that comment, just say, 'Speaking of outbreaks, it's definitely not a safe time to move our relationship into the bedroom.'

6. Throw up in his lap.

7. Refer to your pubic hair as the 'chia pet.'

8. Eat a stick of butter without chewing. (even chewing would still be gross, especially if you let some drip down your chin.)

9. Tell him that you cant' eat anything on the menu because y ou have to lose 40 pounds if you really want to be a JCPenney lingerie model.

10. Or, that you can't eat anything on the menu because you are a fruit-i-tarian, and you only eat things that were already dead. Like for example, fruit that had already fallen off the tree. Then cry when he eats his food. Because he's a murderer.

11. Find out what he looks like before the date and have a fake tattoo of his face put on your stomach, and then show it to him within the first 5 seconds of meeting him.

12. Pretend you cant' understand anything he is saying. Even if it's a question like, 'what's your favorite color?' just kind of tilt your head and look puzzled.

13. Only order alcohol for your meal. That way you wont' give a rats ass what happens anyways. That's probably what I'll do.

14. Bring him a bag of stuffed chickens. (SURPRISE!!)

15. pick your nose like you have nothing to be ashamed of.

16. Work out at least 11 times in the clothes you plan on wearing on the date.

17. Side ponytail.

18. Draw eyebrows on ... and do a VERY poor job.

19. Pay a cop to come and arrest you during dinner, then be like, 'It's for having such a dangerously fine ass.'

20. Buy a guinea pig before you go to dinner and hide it in your purse. Then let it out on the restaurant floor.

21. Ask for 10 different glasses, then pour different amounts of water in each and do that thing where you cling different ones to make a song.

22. Just say, 'HEy! GUESS WHAT! I know you may feel a little awkward, but don't. Next month I turn 23, and then, we'll only be 10 years apart!

23. Bring craig lahti to savers and have him pick out your outfit beforehand.

24. Ask,' Do you like to cut yourself?' (thanks for that one naylon)

25.Talk only of ashlee simpson.

26.Order enough food for 7 people and eat it like there's no problem

27. Act totally normal for the whole date, then be like, 'It was nice to meet you ____(insert wrong name here___'

28. Or vice versa, say his name in every sentence.

29. I know I already had a make up one, but i think it would be equally funny to buy a shade of make-up that a black person would use and slather it all over your face. Or, if you are black, buy a pale white person shade, such as my skin color.

30. Speaking of races, act extremely racist towards any particular group of people. Like, shit, I don't know, mexicans? And just bring up thoughts about them all the time. Like, 'Damn mexicans... f'ing spanish...' Except better than that.

31. Start to get all shaky and look like you're having stomach pains. When he asks what's wrong, you're going through meth withdrawals.

32. Say you think older men are really attractive. Then show him some pictures of your past boyfriends. Aka, nursing home men pictures. Then make a sexual comment about one of them. That should do it pretty well.

Well. I really can't believe it's 10:00. So much for cleaning my house. Guess I'll just watch a movie and go to bed. Sweet.
By the way, if anyone has any other really good ideas, you should tell them to me. I would greatly appreciate it.

vacation

2007-12-29T11:35:00.001-08:00

So I'm really excited to go on vacation. I cant' remember the last time I went on vacation. I guess I went to nisswa (20 min. from brainerd.) and stayed with my mom and my sister and smalls once. It was good. Other than that... really can't remember anything. I think my last vacation was in high school when I went to california with my mom, maybe it was florida. Obviously I have a good memory of these things. Oh , i'm an idiot. The last vacation I went on was with my friends on spring break junior year of college. We drove to texas through 'outdoor pursuit.' Then we went to student senate and they funded most of our trip. I believe the total for each person ended up being something like $43.
In summary, I am excited to go to the cayman islands with me mum and sister in february. It should be pretty much amazing. I am bringing 3 outfits. Which are all going to be swimmingsuits followed by some sort of swimmingsuit coverup. Then some running clothes. I could probably fit everything I want to bring in a shopping bag, but that probably wouldnt' look too good at the airport. There are a few things I am concerned about though...
Like they have snorkeling outside the hotel. Which is awesome. PRobably spend most of my time doing that, but.... online at their website, they have pictures of things you can see underwater. It was all good and fine, you know, fish, yellow fish, big fish, squiggly fish, sea turtles.. Then there was a ginormous picture of a barracuda. A barracuda? Um.. isn't the point of this website to try to make people want to come visit your hotel? There wasn't even a warning underneath the picture. Under that picture there was a picture of some coral. Then it said, 'beware of the coral' Apparently the coral can scrape you....
apparently barracudas don't do shit to you ? I'm sorry, but the coral is not going to actively try to take me down and eat my body parts. If I hit the coral it's going to be my own stupid fault. Basically, they are talking about giant muskies, with larger teeth, with bodies of pure muscle and agility. But hey, if you're going to go swimming, watch out for the coral!!
I bet they have to have some foreign guy going around in his boat picking out the dead mangled bodies from the barracudas. Then they can serve us cheaper dinner by using the freshly dead bodies as meat. scary...

ON a different note, I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamed I was at some highschool graduation thing. we were all dressed up in long dresses and or tuxedos and walking up in order to this desk thing where we had to pick up something. Maybe our diplomas. For some reason in this dream, I could not keep my shoes on. I was wearing white socks with my dress heels. Then I couldnt' get the socks off in time for when I was walking up in front of everyone. I finally did and followed the line of people to the desk and then I found out that everyone was paying for something. Not a diploma. I don't remember what it was, but I didn't have any money. Then kathleen ozbun was in front of me and I asked her if we needed it. She said no, but if you wanted it you had to stand in line and pay for it. So then I just walked off onto the side where everyone was done was standing. Afterwards we all went outside. Then I was wearign some shoes that were giving me really bad blisters. Then Brett Mulawka was there... really weird. This kid I was in piano with in 4th grade. Apparently he was now in a wheelchair because he had a tumor in his left tibia, and his dad ( who was an orthopedic surgeon.) found it and had it removed. BUt now he couldnt' walk...? (who knows.) Anyways, we ended up talking for a long time and all of his friends were making fun of us because they thought I had a crush on the kid in the wheelchair. But I did have a crush on the kid in the wheelchair, so I didnt' have any comebacks. Then these puppies got lost and everyone was looking for them, but wheely mcwheelchair and I didn't look for the puppies. We layed in the grass instead, even though I was secretly worried about the puppies, and knew I wsa going to get yelled at for not looking for the puppies. I apparently liked wheelchair mcgee and was going to spend my time with him and his wheelchair.
That's really all that happened in the past 15 hours of my life. Being I slept for the past 13 of them, I didn't really expect much to happen, except for some sweet dreams. Well, gotta get ready for work now, and go buy some chicken noodle soup that I can eat the broth out of. Better keep myself to a tea water broth saltine cracker diet until I'm sure whatever this was is gone. byyee

sick

2007-12-28T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sweet day at work today. Wait.. nope. Being it's 8:50 and I've been home for 2 hours. I got to work and got transferred up to 6th floor, (boring ass medical floor...) I didn't even get my own patients. I was the 'help all.' aka, everyone's bitch. This is what I did : answered all the call lights, as in took 5 billion people to the bathroom and wiped them, got everyone fresh ice water,... took blood sugars. I was basically an over-qualified CNA. The whole time I was there I was so tired I felt like I was in an alternate universe. I didn't know why I felt so tired. I found out a bit later. At 6:15 I went to go down to dinner. I was going into the elevator and that's when cute ER boy appeared. Sweet! He was bringing a patient up to the floor, so I help him get the patient settled while everyone else was busy. Then I went back to the elevator with him because I had to go down to 1st floor to go to the cafeteria. Anyways, in the elevator I suddenly felt acutely nauseated. Very acutely. All of the sudden I just said. I think I'm going to throw up. Then the cute Er boy was like, yeah, she did smell kind of funny. (lol.) But then I said, no no, really, I am going to throw up... right now. Good thing I had my tupperware of food with me so I could vomit into it. It was hilarious. I think he thought I was on crack because about 5seconds after I said I feel like i'm going to vomit I vomited. then I just pushed the cover down on the tupperware. He was all, 'um... are you okay? you can lay on the stretcher if you want and i'll bring you to the er...!' once again, hardy har har, hilarious. Except as soon as I was done vomiting I felt very sick again... but not the throw up sick. The other kind of sick. The kind of sick where shit flies out your ass. I obviously didnt' say this. I just said I had to vomit again. (which I also did that.. so it wasn't a total lie..) While the elevator was going down we were both frantically hitting the door open button and different floors, but the elevator door was stuck. nothing was happening. He just kept saying, are you sure you're okay?
Yes. I'm fine. Are you okay? Are you going to throw up from smelling my throw up? At least I'm on my dinner break now so I can so sit in the bathroom and do what I need to do without feeling guilty about not helping people. Maybe I have food poisoning... ?

Then the elevator door finally opened on 1st floor and I ran into the bathroom. Funny. I still dont' even know his name, but he got in pretty close contact with my bodily fluids.
Then I went into the bathroom by the hospital entrance and sat on the toilet while holding the garbage can to vomit into. After about 20 minutes I took the elevator back upstairs and told the charge nurse.
'hey.. sweet news. Just spent the last half an hour forcefully vomiting and diarrhea-ing at the same time. She's like me, so she just looks back at me and goes, awesome. Bet that was a good time. then I said, I think I'm going to go home. And she said she also thinks that is a good idea. So then I came home and until about 15 minutes ago I felt reeeaaalll crappy. Assuming it was food poisoning of some sort. It must have been because i ate cheese last night. ( you know, antibiotic hormone filled cheese... thanks skinny bitches. for making me afraid of meat and dairy products...)
now, I am very tired though. I was going to go to bed early last night but never got around to it because I was too busy watching this amazing movie called 'death proof.' So amazing. I watched teh whole thing 2-3 times, and then the last 1/3 of the movie 5 more times. Mostly because in the last half of the movie these 3 girls that the crazy guy tried to kill go to kill the crazy guy. The best part is when this one girl is like, 'lets go kill this crazy mother f'r' Then she goes and picks up a pipe from the side of the road and gets in the car. Then they find the guy down this dirt road somewhere and they slam their car into him and she runs up and starts beating him with the pipe. Then he drives off, then they chase him down until they crash into his car enough times to knock it over. then they pull him out and punch him a bunch of times saying 'asshole' and 'mother f'er' bitch' etc. until he falls to the ground. hilarious. Most therapeutic movie I have ever seen in my life. You all probably think it sounds sadistic... let me tell you... it's more like amazing. great. sweet. holllllllaaaaaa. I believe my favorite quote from the movie goes somethign like this:

'I don't know what kind of futuristic eutopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.'
'There are other things you can carry other than a gun... pepper spray.'
'Mother f'r try to rape me I don't wanna give him a skin rash, I wanna shut that nigga down!'

Anyways, I recommend the movie. real good. Especially if you have had a bad experience with an evil person before. A+++. Well, gonna go to bed now I think.bye!

......

2007-12-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

I guess if a chinese person came here they'd probably think we were all wide eyed freaks. This is a really mean and horrible thing to say, but when I was little I didn't think that their eyes were just like that. I thought that they were trying to see something far away, ( you know.. squinty..) then I realized that I was an idiot. I also remember thinking that the priest in our church was God himself, and one day he shook my hand during the peace and I peed my pants a little. Speaking of peeing, I remember one time in pre-school. This is one of my first memories I think, she was reading us a story on the carpet, our teacher that is, and I raised my hand because i had to pee... REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY BAD. Like to the point of where you are swaying to hold the pee in. And she wouldn't let me go. So I peed on the floor just to spite her. I don't think they even knew it was pee though. Because Everyone was drinking milk and when someone spills milk on the floor they just poured that white powdery stuff on it so it wouldn't mold. (really sanitary. ) she just poured that white stuff on my pee. To this day all those kids are probably sitting on that same rug filled with old milk and pee. Poor little guys. No wonder kids get sick so much. When someone pees on the floor in the hospital I don't just throw some white powder on it and let it chill.
I also remember we did this one test thing, and we were writing out the numbers and letters. It was one of those standardized test things where we all had to go in a corner and fill out our own answers while the teacher read us questions. All I remember from that is that when I was writing the numbers out I got to number 6 and was all... what the hell... that's not right. I kept making it look like a G and confusing myself. I kept erasing and re-writing the stupid 6 until there was a giant hole in the paper. Then I was basically lost for the rest of the test because I didnt' keep going and answering her questions ( you also can't read very well when you're 4) . I spent my time trying to re-write the 6. So my numbers mostly went 1,2,3,4,5, giant hole, 7,8,9,10. Good call wyman. you got 9 right, plus the rest of the test wrong that you didn't answer the questions for. excellent work. I wonder why I wasn't sent to a special school for kids like forrest gump, or down syndromes that pee their pants all the time. Ill have to check with the rents on that one.

races

2007-12-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

As I was in st cloud today, you know a real 'diverse' area. Well, compared to brainerd I guess most everything is. Anyways, I noticed today that I can't tell a difference in how other races look. Especially chinese people. If I ever went to china, and talked to 5 people, I would never be able to pick those people out of a crowd... ever. Everyone would be my friend, because I may have met them and just not recognize them. Also the other way around. The chinese/japanese are especially hard because their hair color and eye color is usually all the same too. And their eyes all look the same. Wow, I really am making myself sound like a bitch right now, but it's true. I have nothing against any other race, I just can't tell anyone apart for the life of me. Even black people. Some guy could come up to me and be all like, 'Hi!' then I could be like, 'hi.' He could even say something like, don't you recognize me? I'm Jay z! or Chris brown, or whoever the hell else is a rapper. Then I'd just be all, ' sWEett! I totally recognize you now....'
I supposed after I knew someone for months at a time I would recognize them better... but its' really hard. I think I either need to live in africa or china so I can get used to what other people look like. At first I'm sure it would be basically like every guy was jackie chan, and every girl was the lady from that movie 'crouching tiger hidden dragon.' except they wouldnt' be able to fly around and take huge ginormous leaps over trees and fight people with swords at 5x the normal speed. Well.. maybe they could. Then they would at least be easier to tell apart.
I have more to say but my fingers are moving faster than this keyboard can register them into the computer. So it's really annoying to want to see what I've typed, and then watch the words come up on to the computer seconds later. Kind of makes you feel like you're in an alternate universe. That's all for now. Short blog compared to below. Just can't sleep, and am bored and tired at the same time. Byye!

continuations of s-b's

2007-12-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

I've decided today that i'm going to write a letter to the skinny bitches. I'd like to talk to them about animal tested make-up. At least when we tortue our animals in slaughter houses we eat the meat. When we torture animals for makeup/hair product testing, what really is the good in that? Animals get horrible rashes and die from anaphylactic reactions so we can figure out which make-up works best. Real productive great ideas. I'll just make a deal with the models, if they stop using hair products and make-up, I'll become vegan. Also, they have to start shopping at good will, or worse yet... Target. So poor starving children won't be making their clothes. Or have them read this:
A Look at the Dangers of Soy to the Health of Your Thyroid
Health and nutrition magazines tout the benefits of soy as a cure-all for women's health, hormonal problems, cancer prevention, weight loss, and many other problems. The reality, however, is that promotion of soy may be more a matter of business and marketing, rather than recommendations based on sound scientific evidence. Isoflavones, the key components of soy that make them so potent as a posible substitute for hormone replacement, mean that soy products, while touted as foods and nutritional products -- often are used and act as like a hormonal drug. If you have a diagnosed or undiagnosed thyroid problem, or a history of autoimmune disease, overconsumption of soy isoflavones can potentially trigger a thyroid condition. Soy foods can worsen an existing diagnosed thyroid problem in many people. In both cases the symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain, and depression or moodiness are often overlooked and hard to diagnose. A recent study found that as millions of Americans -- perhaps as many as more than 10 million -- have an undiagnosed thyroid condition. The vast majority of thyroid patients are women over 40. This is the same group that, responding to marketing claims that promote soy as helping to prevent breast cancer, reducing the risk of high cholesterol or heart disease, or as a treatment for symptoms of menopause, are turning to soy foods and isoflavone supplements in vast numbers.Here is more information regarding soy and its relationship to the thyroid. FDA's Soy Experts Speak Out Against Soy "there is abundant evidence that some of the isoflavones found in soy, including genistein and equol, a metabolize of daidzen, demonstrate toxicity in estrogen sensitive tissues and in the thyroid. This is true for a number of species, including humans. Additionally, isoflavones are inhibitors of the thyroid peroxidase which makes T3 and T4. Inhibition can be expected to generate thyroid abnormalities, including goiter and autoimmune thyroiditis. There exists a significant body of animal data that demonstrates goitrogenic and even carcinogenic effects of soy products. Moreover, there are significant reports of goitrogenic effects from soy consumption in human infants and adults."
or this:
And, of course, vegetarians are a good market for soy products, because proponents claim it to be an excellent non-meat protein source. Unfortunately, the proponents don’t publicize research like that conducted more than 30 years ago, which found that processing soybeans renders the fragile protein content largely ineffective. A 1971 study published as “Studies on the Processing and Properties of Soymilk” in the J Sci Food Agri, found that in order to neutralize the protease inhibitors (enzymes that inhibit the digestion of protein) in soy, processors of products like soy protein isolate and textured vegetable protein must heat it to very high temperatures under pressure and for considerable time, a process that denatures the protein content. It is also known that these inhibitors may cause pancreatic disorders.
The Gerson Institute, a 30-year-old non-profit organization dedicated to healing and preventing chronic and degenerative diseases through natural therapy involving cleansing and immune system boosting, says that the positive aspects of the soybean are overshadowed by their potential for harm. In his classic book, A Cancer Therapy - Results of 50 Cases, Dr. Max Gerson put soy and soy products on the forbidden list of foods for Gerson Therapy patients. At the time, his greatest concerns were two items: the high oil content of soy and soy products (they can add as much as nine grams of fat per serving) and the rather high rate of allergic reactions to soy.
Soy is thought by some vegans to be a source of Vitamin B12. But there is research to indicate that Vitamin B12 analogs in soy are not absorbed and may actually increase the body’s requirement for the vitamin. Soy also apparently increases the body’s requirement for vitamin D.
Other research has found that high levels of phytic acid in soy reduce assimilation of calcium, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc. The phytic acid is not neutralized by ordinary preparation methods such as soaking, sprouting and long, slow cooking.
You have evidently heard about the research that suggests a link between soy and cancer, especially breast cancer. The cause of this potential problem are isoflavones, also called phytoestrogens because they mimic estrogen. Some studies suggest that high isoflavone levels might increase the risk of cancer, particularly breast cancer, in postmeno- pausal women. Research data, however, are not conclusive, and some studies show just the opposite – under some conditions, soy may help prevent breast cancer.
Recent research at Belfast’s Royal Maternity Hospital indicates that isoflavones decrease the ability of a man’s sperm to fertilize eggs.
Children are at especially great danger from the phytoestrogen in soy-based formula. According to the Washington DC-based Weston A. Price Foundation, there are many adverse effects reported in the scientific literature, including thyroid disorders, asthma, digestive disorders, calcium deficiencies leading to rickets, high manganese levels leading to brain damage and endocrine disruption. A 1986 study in Puerto Rico found that use of soy formula was strongly correlated with premature maturation in girls. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics admits that early exposure to soy through commercial infant formulas may be a leading cause of soy allergies among older children and adults. The Weston A. Price Foundation is investigating instances of serious physical or medical consequences as a result of eating soy and is contemplating providing assistance to those who want to pursue legal action.
John Henkel, a member of FDA’s public affairs staff, says that although the research community has varying degrees of concern about a possible “dark side” to soy consumption, one thread runs consistently through its messages: the need for more research. A number of studies are underway, like a long-term, multi- generational study in rats by FDA’s National Center for Toxicological Research and a long-term follow-up study on the safety of soy infant formula at the National Institutes of Health.
In the meantime, you can save yourself and your family some potential problems by limiting soy use to fermented products like tempeh or miso. (An estimated 70 percent of supermarket products contain soy and it is a component of animal feed.) Fermentation reduces the phytate and antinutrient levels of soybeans, making their nourishment available to the human digestive system. However, make sure you are using products that originate with organic soy beans, since most of the North American soy crop is genetically modified and treated with dangerous chemicals.

So really, in summary everything is poison. Even water. Even bottled water. The air too. All filled with shitty chemicals. We'll all die of cancer from all of these chemicals from whatever it is that we eat, so in summary, Eat whatever you want and try not to be obese, because that just magnifies your risk about 10,000 times of getting disease. sweeeeeeeettt.

skinny bitches

2007-12-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

I had my acls course today, (which I passed.. woop woop.) then I went running outside, but made it like 3 miles out and my knee hurt so I had to walk back really slow.. and I got reaaaalllyy cold. I came home and layed in my bed with the hairdryer on and listened to my ipod for 15 minutes. Then I made this banana smoothie thingy. Delicious. Take some milk and like 4 bananas and I found some vanilla frozen yogurt- blue bunny. actually very good. Like it better than real ice cream. probably because so much extra crap is in it. Couple scoops of that, some cinnamon and I added some fiber with these fiber packets I stole from mom's clinic. I am however very gassy right now. I hope that stuff wasn't miralax. crap. These packets were just sitting there in this bag. I couldn't waste them. There are old people e verywhere constipated. I'm not going to sit back and watch these perfectly good fiberous non-thickening powder substances go to waste. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few hours. Then I ate a ginormous bowl of chicken soup that I made. ( I know, look at all this cooking i'm doing!) Then I went to target to buy a really large warm robe being i dont' heat my house past 58 degrees, it gets real chilly after you get out of the shower. If I would have just spent the money heating my house, I could have saved the money on the robe, but I'm an idiot that way. Anyways, back to what I ate today. i just ate a bunch of dark chocolate with mint. frickin delicious. I also ate some more chicken soup a while ago, and for lunch i had a hamburger from the cafeteria and work and I ate 2 apples and this yogurt smoothie thing. Then before that I ate some oatmeal. The reason I am telling you everything I ate is because I just read this book I bought from target that basically says all food that is beef pork chicken fish milk cheese yogurt or eggs is poison. Now I really dont' know what to do. When I saw the book in the store, it's called 'skinny bitch' by the way. It caught my eye as I was searching for something to read, being brainerd doesn't have a barnes and noble that I can sit in and read books for free in, I have to scrounge the shelves of target. PAthetic. Anyways, I read a couple of pages in it, and I read the back and it seemed like it would be a hilarious book. There are these two models that wrote the book, that must have been hypoglycemic when they wrote the book.... because it's ridiculous. But actually, I'm starting to buy into it. Well, now at least I am more aware of what actually goes on in slaughter houses. the book really isn't much about anything except eating slaughtered animals. The first like 15 pages say stuff like, don't drink soda, don't use artificial sweeteners, don't smoke, don't drink, don't use cocaine, don't eat chips, etc. then from then on they started talking about getting rid of meat from the diet. I don't really think meat is disgusting, or at least I didn't really think twice about it until I read this book. I had no idea of all of the antibiotics and steroids and poisons are in meat. If they even are. Maybe these people are on crack, which is entirely possible. I mean, they probably just payed a bunch of nerds to get all this research done, which they would have done. Because lets face it, if you're a model and ask some guy to do something for you, you can consider it done. After readign this book and looking back at my day of eating the only thing I ate that wasn't poison was the apples and oatmeal. Also water. That's it. And possibly the vegetables in the soup, but you know, they were contaminated by the chicken I had put in there.
Basically the book is about 200 pages, 15 pages of dietning advice, and the other 185 are about why you shouldn't eat meat eggs milk etc. Also how the USDA is a caniving horrible system that you can't trust because the people in it are there to get money, which they get by authorizing foods/ promoting them. Even if they are unhealthy. Here are some direct quotes, which are all really disturbing.

'udders, under normal conditions, would supply about ten pounds of milk a day. farmers have their cows producing up to a hundred gallons a day. there is no gentle farmer milking the cow with a bucket between his feet. Cows are milked by machine, metal clamps are attached to the cows' sensitive udders. The udders become sore and infected. pus forms. but the machines keep on milking, sucking the dead white blood cells into the milk. How freaking gross is that? to get rid of all the bacteria and other shit, milk must be pasteurized, but pasteurization destroys beneficials enzymes and makes calcium less available without even killing all the viruses or bacteria, hell, even radioactive particlles are found in milk!'

'stunned or not, cows and hogs are 'strung up' from the ceiling by a chain attatched to their leg(s). In theory, while they dangle there they are supp[osed to be unconscious. But often they are fully conscious, struggling, screaming and fearfully staring at the workers while they have their throats stabbed open. Next they travel along a bleed rail where they should bleed to death. But again, these large, frightened , struggling conscious animals are difficult targets and the 'stickers' (workers who cut their throats) dont' always get a good cut. before cows can bleed to death they are sent on their way to the 'head skinners' where the skin is sliced from their heads while they are still conscious. of course, this is excruciatingly painful, and the cows kick and struggle. To avoid getting injured by the strugglying animals, workers will sometimes sever the spinal cord with a knife blow to the back of the head. This paralyzes the animal below the neck so that the workers are safe. but the cow can still feel their skin being sliced away from their faces. Next their legs and head are shopped off, their entrails removed from their bodies, and then fimally they are split in half. '

'In the book slaughterhouse, gail einsitz, chief investigator for the humane farming association interviewed dozenns of slaughter house workers throughout the country. EVery singly one admitted to abusing animals or neglecting to report those who did. '

this is where it gets gross. There are all of these quotes from slaugherhouse workers.

'I seen them take those stunners, they're about as long as a yard stick-and shove it up the hog's ass...They do it with cows, too...and in their ears, their eyes, down their throat, They'll be squealing and they'll just shot it right down there.'

'If you have one ( a hog) that refuses to move you take a meathole and hook it into his bunghole (anus). You're dragging these hogs alive, and a lot of times the meat hook rips out of the bunghole. i've seen hams, thighs completely ripped open, intestines coming out. If the hog collapses at the beginning of the chute you shove the hook through their cheek, or in their mouth, or the roof of their mouth, and they're still alive.'

'pigs will come up and nuzzle you like a puppy. Two minutes later you have to kill them, beat them to death with a pipe.'

'sometimes I grab a hog by the ear and stick it right through the eye. I'm not just taking it's eye out, i'll go al the way up through the hilt, right up through the brain and wiggle the knife.'

'you go in hard, push hard, blow the windpipe, make it drown in it's own blood. split it's nose. A live hog would be running around in the pit, it would look up at me and i'd be sticking, id just cut it's eye out while it was sitting there, and the hog would just scream.'

'i've seen live animals shackled, hoisted, suck and skinned . too many to count. too many to remember. its' just a process that's continually there. i've seen shackled beef looking around before they've been stuck. I've seen hogs that are supposedly dead and gleeding get up after they've been stuck, then they are in the scalding tubs trying to swim.They hit the scalding tank and then start screaming and kicking. sometimes they thrash so much they kick water out of the tank. sooner or later they drown. There's a rotating arm that pushes them under, no chance for them to get out. I'm not sure if they burn to death before they drown, but it takes them a couple of minutes to stop thrashing. '

'i've drug cows till their bones start breaking ,while they were still alive. bringin them around the corner and they get stuck up in teh doorway, just pull them till their hide be ripped, till the blood just drip on the steel and concrete, breaking their legs, and the cow will be crying with it's tongue stuck out. They just pull him till his neck pop.

Then they talk about how all of these slaughter houses are in such crappy conditions and they animals have to all be on antibiotics so they won't die, and all the chemicals and crap they have to use to kill the viruses and other stuff that is living in the meat. There's also this other disgusting quote.

'accordign to the congressional testimony of one former perdue worker, the poultry plants are filthy. She said there were flies, rats and 5 inch long cockroaches covering the walls and floors. Believe it or not, it gets worse, "after they are hung, sometimes the chickens fall off into the drain that runs down the middle of the line. This is where roaches, intestines, diseased parts, fecal contamination and blood are washed down. Workers vomit in to the drain, emplyees are constantly chewing and spitting snuff and tobacco on the floor , sometimes they have to relieve themselves on the floor. The perdue supervisors told us to take the fallen chickens out of the drain and send them down the line.'A usda inspector said 'one time we shined a flashlight into a hole they were crawling in and out, and they were so thick it was like maggots, you couldn't even see the surface.'

another worker said, 'I personally have seen rotten met, you can tell by the odor. Thsi rotten meat is mixed with the fresh meat and is sold for baby food. we are asked to mix it with the fresh food, food and this is the way it is sold. you can see the worms inside the meat.

Then they talk about more depressing things. Like how pigs are much smarter than dogs and three year old humans. Then they talk about all the lawsuits and crap the usda has gotten out of, and how they are conspiring with the farmers to make money. (how do I know the skinny bitches aren't conspiring with the tofu and soy companies? they mention several VERy specific products in their book, and specifically say that Only this product of teh version of fake egg cheese omlet pork loaf is the best. ... ?) They Also let some more depressing knowledge out on how the animals are transported. No water or anything. Then when its' cold their skin sticks to the metal so when they are supposed to come out of the truck they pull the pig and their leg will just stick to the wall because the skin is frozen there, and usually half are dead by the time they get there. If it's hot half the pigs are dead and are rotting in the heat when they open the truck. The book is basically not at all about 'skinny bitches.' I thought it would be a funny book about like ridiculous things. Instead it was a horrible depressing vegan inspiring book. I was so very wrong.

Then I started thinking. not just animal products are contaminated. Everything is contaminated. Vegetables and fruits are not necessarily safe. People use maneur to grow their crops, and often e-coli is found in juice. There are factories and crap that release chemicals into the air and the rain clouds and all of those chemicals fall down in the rain that waters our crops. Animals pee and poop all over the ground that we grow our stuff in. The public water system is filled with antibiotics and other drugs. ( you know, from when nurses pour them down the sink. i don't do that. I throw it in the garbage. Especially if it's like a half a vicodin or something.) I know, don't tell anybody. I'm a bad nurse, but a good environmental friendly nurse. I remember one of my co-workers was trying to put a vicodin down the sink but it wouldn't fit because the sink had holes. I was just like.. umm.. why dont' you just throw that away..
This was her response. " you can't do that!! Someone could just come and eat it out of the garbage.'

Right.

I mean, if I was addicted to morphine, I would definitely go digging through the hospital garbage filled with poop diapers and blood and needles to try to find a vicodin, or possibly some IV morphine someone might have squirted into the garbage. i'll just have to lick ALL of the wet bags to find out which one is the morphine. People are idiots. The problem is not the meat. The problem is that america is filled with obese people who eat waaayy more food than they need to eat. If they didn't need to eat all of this meat and crap all the time, and we didnt' have mcdonalds's to serve them contamined slabs of steroid antibiotics on bread, farmers wouldnt' have to try to mass produce things and keep their animals in such crappy crap conditions. We should just not have farmers at all. Shit. Lets just tear everything down and eat berries and twigs. No body has any more jobs. Nobody watches tv. There is no more type two diabetes. In fact, type one diabetes and other genetic diseases that were fatal would probably just get eliminated. Just because of the simple reason that someone that is dead can't give their genetics to their child. So only genetically healthy people would re-create. then when they died it would be from something that would kill them. There woudl be no medicine and other stuff. We wouldn't be prolonging people's death's until they are 95 , on 35 medications to survive,and can't remember where their left hand is. When you think about it we ar e actually killing ourselves, destroying the earth, making more and more complicated diseases.
It's sad to think about all the crap in slaughterhouses, but it's hard to believe people care more about that than starvign people in africa. They would rather be 'skinny bitches' and buy designer clothing made from starving children in africa who's mother's have aids because their stinky ass crap worthless man whore fathers gave it to them. Now everyone in africa will have to die because the guys just can't keep it in their pants. Stupid assholes. Once again off the topic.
If these two models are so adamant about not eating meat, and feel so bad for these animals, and think that the antibiotics steroids and poisons are contaming society... why did they just write a book about it...? I hate that when people write books about things and do nothing to change it. Maybe they say they're changing things because they're creating awareness. Awareness does nothing. Sweet. I'm totally aware that animals are treated poorly. not only for eating but for testing stupid cosmetics. Once again, if we lived in the stone age, people wouldn't even know what make up was. I mean, shit, nobody would even know if they were ugly because there woudl be no mirrors. I don't know about any of you, I but I could have definitely been perfectly happy without ever looking in a mirror my whole life. Everyone would be so dirty that you couldn't see any faces anyways. With this long 'over one hour it took me to post this blog' I'm going to go to bed. it's not 1am and i planned on going to bed two hours ago. Stupid book. Stupid skinny bitches. why aren't I a dirty meat eating caveman?

clarification

2007-12-04T21:01:00.001-08:00

just to clarify, I never re-read anything, so at the end when I said 'he peed the bed.' I'm talking about the patient, not the cute boy. I believe i made it sound like the cute boy had peed the bed and has braces on his legs. (usually the way I like em.) Just kidding. So , when you read the below entry, I am talking about the patient who peed the bed and has braces.

nothing inparticular

2007-12-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

It snowed a bunch today. Another 8 inches here. Super awesome. Snow isn't so bad, but the parts that suck about it are the parking lots. Not just any particular parking.lot, all of them . I don't know why, but when it snows people just become ridiculously terrible at parking. It's o-k to part 2 feet next to a car in the snow.. just like it is without the snow. The best is looking around for a spot and you find one that's not quite wide enough, because some asshole took up 10 feet to park in. Just because you can't see the lines doesn't mean you can park anywhere. If that was the case I would park directly in front of the door, and if I got towed I would just say I couldn't see the lines.
I also hate it when people are ridiculously cautious in the snow. For example, this morning when I left my apartment for acls training, it had just started snowing. There was maybe a half an inch of snow covering the roads. I was behind this lady driving a van. The only thing worse is driving behind some really old lady who isn't e ven tall enough to see out the windows and is just kind of veering around in the lane/s. That's cool too. But hey, she's 95 and a raisin, she has an excuse. 35 year old women driving vans dont' have an excuse to suck at driving. This lady was going 21 mph on a paved road. Um... what's wrong with you? The road is still black. You could easily double your speed right now. Then she stopped for a stop sign a block in advance. Then when I wanted to turn right in the right lane, she took up both lanes. Once again, no brains. Because there are no lines means you can drive wherever the hell you want to. It's funny how I remember what happened with the van lady and I can't remember the difference between adenosine and atropine. Let me tell you.. it's a BIG difference. It's things like that that I need to remember, especially when someone's dying. That's key.
Some exciting news, Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than red wine and green tea! Amazing. What I dont' understand is how massive amounts of these aren't good for y ou.. well, excluding tea. But even tea stains your teeth. If massive amounts were good I'd get trashed with red wine everynight and eat a pound of dark chocolate. If a little is good... why not lots? How come it doesn't get even better with more..?
What else happened the past couple days. Oh yes, work was kind of interesting... and awkward. I don't really like working weekends because there are no tests that can really get done because nobody else works on the weekends except doctors, nurses and the lab. So basically, if someone has a heart attack on friday after 5pm, they just chill until they can get all their tests done on monday morning. So, in summary, any patient you have for the weekends stays for the weekend. So if you have crappy annoying patients you know you will see them the next day... and the day after that... and the day after that too until they go home. This one particular 96 year old raisin lady got on my nerves. At first she was cute.... that faded away rather quickly. She never really opened her eyes, except for when I asked her to, then she opened one, halfway, for about 3 seconds. Anyways, this was our conversation, ever 5-7 minutes, for 8.5 hours. for three days in a row.

Her: 'uggh what is this box?'
Thats your heart monitor. you can just let that sit in your pocket there.. where it is.'
'ugghh.. I think i'm choking.'
hmmm... nope. That's your oxygen cord, I'll loosen it more for you.'
'I just can't seem to get comfortable here.' (squirming around aimlessly.) What is this box?
That's your heart monitor.
'What is this.. It's choking me.'
That's your oxygen. it helps you breathe.
(this same conversation x5.)

Then, after she squirmed around so much she would make herself short of breath.
her: 'I just cant' seem to catch my breath.'
I would then check her o2 sats.
'Well, you're 97%, why dont' you try breathing through your nose. The oxygen is in your nose, and when you breathe through your mouth it doesn't help as much.'
(Then she would continue breathing through her mouth and squirming around.This scenario would then happen 5-7 times.)

her: 'I just can't seem to get comfortable. Something is choking me. '

OH MY GOD. IT's YOUR OXYGEN. THAT BOX IS YOUR TELEMETRY. BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE.

Then she would not understand anything that you said to her.
'what am i eating here?
-it looks like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.'
'i dont' remember ordering this.
-you did.
'oh okay. I remember I got a menu, but I thought it was for tomorrow.'
-you did. That was yesterday.
'but I dont' know what I'm eating. What is this?'
'meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Do you like that?
'yes, but i'm not very hungry.'
-there is a menu here. this is for tomorrow's meals. I'll help you fill it out.
'Why did they bring me this if I haven't even ordered on the menu yet?'
-this menu is for TOMORROW. the food you will get TOMORROW.

several conversations like this. Several. She had a bed alarm on because she was too crazy to use the call light. She knew she was supposed to, but wouldnt' do it. So every 5 seconds her alarm would be beeping because she would be worried about something.

'What am I doing here? '
'You had some shortness of breath at home and they brought you in.''
'Well how come a doctor isn't seeign me?'
they are. They just saw you an h our ago and will see you tomorrow morning.
'well what am i supposed to do until then?' (this was at 2 am.)
'Rest.'
'you mean i'm just supposed to lay here?'
'Yes. Unless you would like to sit up in the chair for a while.'
'Well, what is the plan here?

etc. etc. etc. Usually I think it's funny, and I did for the first couple hours of friday... but then saturday sunday and monday just got old. Really old.
There was also a lady with schizophrenia in for respiratory failure. That was also interesting. She kept asking for stuff from the psych unit like color crayons and stuff, and she was 55. She had a huge breakdown at 10 pm, and I sat in her room with her and she talked to me for an hour and 40 minutes about her childhood. Which was all really sad and depressing. No wonder she had schizo. She had like 4 different dads, which 3 of them sexually assaulted her, her mom was crazy, and also knew about the sexual assaulting and was glad it was happening to her ( the daughter) instead of herself. Mostly because her dad/s were drunken asshole mcgees. her brother set her room on fire twice then burnt the house down, she ran away from home to stay at this one family's house but the family she was staying with the son there assaulted her too. Then she had a brigade of shitty boyfriends, much like my previous one. I never really know what to say to people, except I could relate to some of the crap she was talking about. So there was some comic relief, like when we decided we were going to take a plyers and rip off our boyfriends wangs. That was cool. It kind of just makes you think about why people go crazy and or are crazy.

What else. I made some soup today. Chicken soup. It's pretty... good./ok. There really is nothign else. I take my acls test tomorrow. Hopefully I'll pass that stuff. I also have a new motivation to go to work. There is a cute boy that works in the ER. He also works evenings and brings up admits to the floors. I don't know what he is.. probably an emt. They usually get stuck doing things like that. the nice thing about living in smalls towns is that everyone knows eachother. AFter he brings my patients up, they usually tell me some random fact about him. So far I know that his dad is a doctor at the hospital, his brother is a priest, he graduated high school with one of my co -workers, (whom I went to college with), his name is matt, his family has a dog, he has another brother and an older sister, and lives in a house next to denise, one of the nurses on 2nd floor. Sweet. Maybe the next time I see him I'll ask him how his priest brother is. That should creep him out. Until then, at least when I get admits I have something forward to look forward too. I don't really care if I talk to him that much, I could just sit there and look at his face for a couple minutes. that's good enough. Last time an admit came up, he peed the bed and he helped me get his pants and braces and shoes off, and he handed me gloves so I wouldnt' get pee all over my hands. How thoughtful. That's all I got. Bye!

angry

2007-11-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! I happened to be particularily angry today. The only thing that really makes me angry in fact is my old boyfriend. He makes me so angry I have to try to think of things that are funny to try to counteract the angryness. And lets face it, nothing is funnier than a fat person who carries all of their fat in one certain spot.
For example, what M. Boom just reminded me of, the fupa. Camel toe. The ginormous giner. I think it's hilarious when the person is slightly overweight, but for some reason the main storage area of their fat is their vagina. not even the vagina, the labias. Huge labias. hahaha. So funny. Sometimes I wonder, Is it just a fat lob over the gina? (Pronounced like va -'gina') by the way, never name your kid gina. She 's doomed for failure if you do. kind of like if you name your boy Larry he will probably end up with schizophrenia. Anyways, is it a fat lob over the vagina? Like just a roll? Or are some people's labias really THAT big? I wonder if there is a guiness book of world records for the biggest labias. If so, I bet that lady smells really bad. Especially between the labias. When really fat people come to the hospital, they can't reach to wipe themselves. So, Really fat people with huge gina's probably smell like a tuna factory on an especially hot humid day in alabama. Okay, that's gross. Changing the subject.
I got a bunch of phone calls today. Really random ones, and a bunch of messages. I thought I was really popular until I realized the only people that called me were:
-the cardiologist (2x)
-crazy old boyfriend leaving a threat message
-the blood bank lady

pbbbbbbbbb....... I also saw this girl I haven't seen from high school. which was also really really awkward and long.
Then I went to work because I thought I was supposed to work, but when I got there I realized I looked at the wrong day on the schedule and was actually off. That's the 2nd time that's happened. Idiot. So I went to starbucks to study some ACLS. Which I desperately needed to do. After studying that I went to target to pick up some cards for people. I would tell you what the cards said, but the people that are getting them are probably reading this, and then it would spoil the surprise. I did, however, get one for the cardiologist. He went to a lot of extra work calling this place a bunch of times to get my heart readings and crap, and spent about half an hour in the room with me, and then called my phone to update me on what was going on. In summary, he just did a bunch of nice things.
I was going to get him a thank you card, but I hate getting thank you cards. As this one guy says, What the hell do you write on the inside? (see front?) So I ended up getting a holiday greetings card thing and just writing thank you in that. I thought it would be funny to put some jokes on the card like , 'the worst time to have a heart attack is probably during a game of charades.. or a game of fake heart attack, followed by naps' I didn't do that though. I thought he would get creeped out.
The point of all this is that today I realized my true calling in life. I need to write greeting cards. That would be amazing. There should be greeting cards for every occassion. Wouldn't it be cool if you needed to break up with someone and all you had to do was go to the store and pick up a 'we need to break up ' card. It could be funny too. It could have a picture of a really fat guy and a little coat and just say, 'we just don't fit together.' Then there could be hate cards. Like a card that on the front says. 'I hate you.' and on the inside it just says, 'seriously. '
Or cards for a new haircut, ' The front could have some attractive person on it and the inside could say. 'Nice haircut. You look like a new person. I mean, not that you were ugly before. ...'
Or just cards that are just weird. You could put a mirror on the front of the card, and on the inside it could say. here comes a winner. I'm looking forward to my new career. Awesome

mr. moe

2007-11-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

so much for confidentiality. REally screwed that up right away, you know, with the title. I also had a patient today. Mr Wiener. Not kidding. It was his real name. His first name was terrible too, something like cyril or cyvil. Worse yet, his name matched his personality pretty well. But back to mr moe. He had come in the night before with CHF exacerbation. Which basically means there is a bunch of fluid in your lungs that needs to come out. This guy is a little bit inappropriate. For a reason unbeknown to me, when people come into the hospital, they no longer have to:
1. Do anything for themselves. The patient no longer can change the channel on the tv with the remote, or even hold a glass up to drink out of. ( This includes everyone, family members etc. Such as, if the patient states they are 'too warm' and there is family in the room, the family will come and get you and tell you they are too warm. That way you can walk down the hallway and take one of their blankets off. )

2. Have any social tact. Whatsoever. If you feel like talking to me about how your daughter's husband is a worthless terd and his parents' should have raised a pig instead of him, because at least they could have had something to eat out of it.' Or, about how stretched out your 2nd wife's vagina was. Anything goes at St. Joes.

The patient I had, Mr moe, wasn't so bad with number one.... so you can guess what kind of a person he was. Usually the social tact somehow ends up getting into sexual conversation. This guy was 87, and used to be a trucker. Every time I came into the room he had a new comment about someone, or some joke that I didn't understand and laughed about anyways, a comment about his own wang, someone else's wang, and usually threw the same 4 jokes around casually. Of course, he didnt' remember that he had already told me these jokes. When people get that old it's kind of like their brain decides they can only say 40 different sentences. So they just randomly choose from their sentence bank and say whatever that sentence is. Even if it has no relevance to the situation at all. Such as this comment.
'Did that tylenol help your back pain?"
'No. That didn't do shit."
'Well, would you like to try something else for it?"
"You know what would really help my back right now... sex"

Right.... did you seriously just say that? Because it's hilarious. I dont' even care to tell you that it's inappropriate because it's hilarious. Who says that? I can just imagine some business people at work.
'Gosh dave, you really look tired today."
'yeah, I am, I just really need some sex right now.'

Or, some people at dinner.

"Do you like peas Jean? Or would you rather have some broccoli?"
"You know what I need right now.. SEx."

I mean, it's a pretty common thing to say ... to someone you dont' know at all.. but hey. It's the hospital, so its' now a.o.k. that you said that.

I came into his room about a half hour later and that's when he was asking me if i've ever heard of 'flavored tampons' Um.. no. I haven't. I really can't think of a use for flavored tampons. Did you mean flavored condoms.?
'no. I'm Mr. Kotex. I'm talking about flavored tampons.'

Okay. so when are you supposed to taste them? After you bleed all over them.. or before? Because really, I'm confused and would like to know. I mean, all these years have gone by, and I've just been wasting them by using regular tampons.

He said a bunch of other stuff, but I only remembered those two. It's funny how I remember that stuff, but I don't remember what their lungs sounded like. Whatever. Probably crackles.
I also had another patient who was insane, but this guy had alzheimers. People with alzheimers are pretty cool... unless they have what I like to call 'angry alzheimers.' The people who aren't pleasently confused. The are pissed and confused. I was lucky enough to have an angry alzheimers. Which wouldn't be so bad if I could just let him wander around and do whatever the hell he wanted to do. But he wasn't just angry, he also was very unstable. Which is a bad combination. So every time he leans to the side or falls, (which happened once.. i'm a bad nurse. ) he swears a whole bunch. Then bangs his walker into the ground. This guy has a pretty ridiculous face. If Jack frost was an old man, and could have a face, it would have been his. His hair was all fluffly/curly but shorter, and he was half bald. and also had a beard and a mustashe and the rest of his face was slightly hairly anyways. His eyebrows were also large and his eyes seemed too small for his face and were really light blue. He was also really pale. So basically it looked like he was really cold, angry, and had grown a large beard to shield his from the north wind. Even though he lives in a home and is never outside. That's just what I thought of him.
there were only 2 things that made him content enough not to swear or hit anyone. Those two things are walking and eating ice cream. So what do I do? i walk him 5 times. (loonng walks) and feed him 6 different things of ice cream. Everyone kept asking what the heck I did to him because he was being so quiet. It's because he's eating. Whatever, if he dies of a heart attack before the alzheimers get him, it'll probably be good. Or just throw a lipitor into his pile of pills to lower his cholesterol. I'm a super compassionate nurse. and person.

After working with so many alzheimers patients I thought of a sweet home where they could live. So many people like to just wander around, they could hook them up to vests and put them on tie outs. either outside, or in the hallways. the tie-outs could have special sensors so when they start falling the cord stays tight so they just are standing and swinging around being held up by the tie out. Then people could have bed alarms that dont' ring, they talk and say. Hello ____, you are in the hospital, or whatever nursing home because you have an infection. etc.. Please stay seated and a nurse will be with you shortly. I should probably stop writing this down and start building my own nursing home. And it won't have a stupid name like, sunset ridge, or whispering pines, or some other tree/nature name. It will be called something cool like 'You Wish you lived here" Or "This place is tight" Either would be prime. Bye!

I suck

2007-11-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

That's exactly what my dishwasher should be saying right now. Because it does. You know, I never have in my life ever seen a good dishwasher. I used mine for the first time today, I put a good amount of soap in and put it on the heavy duty setting. An hour later I went to go take the dishes out and half of them weren't clean. what a pile. The only way the dishes do get clean, is if first, you wash them off yourself and them put them in. By the time you actually put them in the dishwasher they are pretty much clean. If you just spent the extra 7 seconds washing the dish, there would be no reason to load or unload the dishwasher.
At first, I thought dishwashers would work pretty well. I thought they worked like washing machines. Put the dishes in, shut it, and it fills with water and soap and swirls it around till they're clean, then empties the dirty water, then re-fills with nice rinsing water to rinse. Then last year, my roomate Becca opened the dishwasher in the middle of the cycle. I was all like, 'STOPP!!' but then after she opened it and took out the bowl she wanted and shut the door ( and stopped laughing..) I realized the dishwasher does not actually fill with water. Becca informed me it just sprays the dishes with water.
That's it? It sprays the dishes with water? Where's the friction? How do they get clean? is this a joke!?
In other words, the dishwasher does nothing. People just think it does something because it squirts around really hot water and when they open the door all this steam comes out, so by default they must think the dishes are clean. Wrong. I was real pissed when I emptied mine, then re-washed half of the dishes because the looked exactly the same as when I put them in.
If people bought plastic dishes, they could just put them in the tub and fill the tub with soapy water and then just get a stick and stir them around for a while. Then turn the shower part on and rinse them off. Genius. that is much more effective. Or, if you had plastic dishes you could put them in the washing machine. That would also work much better. What if washing machines were like dish washers? You put your clothes in, and they just get sprayed with hot water? We'd all be walking around with crap dried to our clothes.
Worse yet, what if car washes worked like dishwashers? You pay 8 dollars to have some hot water sprayed on your car. Then streaks are left on the windows when you're done. (Unless you pay the extra money for the whatever it is you pay for to make your glass have no streaks..) We all know what that would be. Shitty. Which is exactly what dishwashers are.
Just thought I'd write about this particular topic, being I was pretty pissed when I opened mine and saw the results. It doesn't even get a satisfactory rating. Boooo.

two days till sarah's birthday, oops i mean three.

2007-11-08T09:46:00.001-08:00

what day is it? Anyways, it is in a couple of days, just so you all know. I'm sure she'd appreciate some sweet gifts, like a stethoscope.. or some doctor equipment, or you know, some food. All good ideas. i'd pat myself on the back but then i'd have to lean forward off the couch and try to do it. bad plan.

Anywho, I've been going to this fitness center, it's basically a pile. There are 3 ellipticals, and they aren't even Real ellipticals. they are like the cheap crap imitation ellipticals. then there were 4 treadmills, now there are three because one is 'out of order'. They left a long note on the out of order one. Something like this: "This machine is out of order. It is not a possibility to buy a new one at this time. It is proven that a 'full body' workout is the most effective way to lose weight and stay in shape. Maybe this is a good time for you to change your routine!'

um... what? I'm pretty sure 'out of order' would have done just fine. Then I just got angry. Full body workout? What are you talking about? All you have is these three ellipticals. Change my routine? You change your routine, asshole. Out of order would have worked much better. Or they could just have slipped the machine out the door overnight. Then someone would ask, 'wasn't there another treadmill here? " -um, no... I think you were imagining that.

oh yes, I forgot, there are a bunch of lifting/weight equipment crap in there too. Which is really distracting, because I'll be trying to run, or 'elliptical' and there will be some guy who lifts a weight 8 inches and makes this ridiculously loud groaning noise. Is that really necessary? If it's that heavy that you have to groan, why don't you just switch to a smaller weight? Here, let me just take that large one and give you this 5 pound one. Much easier. When I was in there last night there was just one other guy there... groany mc groanerson. He was around my age I guess, Which when I say that I mean somewhere between 18 and 35, because I can't tell ages.

I don't know why guys have to be so loud to get attention. Like when I'm running and they drive past in their car they rev their engine. I guess in their mind this is what i should think: oooooo.... you have a sweet engine, it's really loud, can i date you? Because that would be amazing, then we could drive around in your car and eat cheetos and rev the engine. Yeessssss.

That I don't mind so much, as long as they have a muffler. It's much worse in the gym. I was on the elliptical. I had made a poor choice, choosing the elliptical right next to the drinking fountain. So this guy would go and lift a weight and make a ridiculously loud groaning noise then make a trip to the drinking fountain. I mean, I can understand, people get thirsty, probably want some water.. but really... after every time you lift a weight? Then he stands 5 feet in front of me and takes his sweatshirt off to reveal... a ginormous blue jersey!! Then he stretches his arms out and turns around and gives me this little nod. Cool. . .Please don't talk to me. But he left to go lift up something else. golden.

The gym is a pile.. until I went downstairs to find.. A DANCING ROOM!!! amazing. no one is ever in it, you know, except from now on it will be me . all the time. Dancing. It will be awkward when people look in and think... mmm. what is that girl doing in there by herself? but hey, it's okay, it's brainerd. People can think i'm weird because i'll move away in 9 months and never see them again. well, hopefully.

i also noticed something really weird today. I think I have too much time to think about things, but the latest random thing I've noticed is how my poop smells. I'm not realizing for the first time that my shit stinks, I'm saying that I notice the particular different smells of the poo that i poo. It could be because I smell several different kinds of peoples poo weekly and have gotten to know the different smells fairly well. Today when I poo'd i thought, wow, that really smells like that one guys poo that used to be in room 3020 with the pacemaker. Or, woah, that is strikingly similar to the poo smell of what's her face who had the amputated leg. I don't think I ever really payed much attention to the smell of poo until I started smelling more often. Sometimes you can even smell a trace of what you ate in your poo. For example, I have noticed that when I eat pizza.. my poo smells faintly of pizza.
One of my coworkers says that when she drinks a lot of coffee her coffee smells like pee. i don't think that's true at all. I have never noticed a difference. Possibly because I drink coffee all the time, so my pee continuously smells like coffee. So many things to think about. Well, I better get back to watching my latest movie. (dodgeball.... amazing.) One of my most favorite parts is when he says: 'we should date, you know, like go out'
(gagging noise..)
-was that a yes?
no actually, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
-you know, in some cultures they only eat vomit. I mean, I've never been there, but i've read about it.. .. in a book!

or when he says. ' here at globo gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness, or necrophiliacs.'

or: hello kate, I didn't realize I was paying you to socialize
- you aren't, i'm off the clock
Well, isn't that convenient for you. and the clock.

I mean, that's just a few things that are said, basically every other sentence is hilarious. Otherwise it wouldnt' keep my attention. Okkaaayy.. that's all bye!